I learned to be a functional person via MMORPGs and online shenanigans:
I was addicted to MMORPGs for the longest time, starting in my late teenage years, because of how capable they made me feel compared to the real world.
IRL: family tired of me, constant anxiety dealing with people in person, no clear path upward, chaos in my personal life, feel useless
MMORPG: filthy rich from market manipulation + a monopoly on one particular NM (Boroka, horomusha kote), helpful to others and pretty well regarded (I'm sure there are a few who might say otherwise lol), doing high-skill game content with people who worked in the game industry, leading a group of 63 other people to do complicated content.
I was definitely not the best, but I learned enough through socializing in Final Fantasy XI to figure out how to earn people's trust, prove myself through actions, and turn that into learning experiences for securing future successes. Also some actual leadership skills.
In the real world, I was getting chided by my family and felt incapable of talking to strangers well enough to get even a crappy job. I was useless to myself, useless to capitalism, and useless to others.
That's how I started out in game, too. I tried to do everything on my own. I played solo and avoided people, but still I was invited by the person running the oldest NA linkshell (guild) to join their community of people. I did, but I didn't talk or participate for a while yet. I eventually got to know a few people privately who were able to yank me out of my shell a bit. Genuine friends and mentors. People who guided me when I'm too flustered to read a map, or explained simple things because I was too deep in performance anxiety to actually think.
Our ragtag, casual group tried our hand at advanced, endgame content. We were often getting mocked by top tier player groups when we would compete with them. The first time we beat everyone else and got the rare prize, I suddenly found myself richer than I had ever been. Following the advice of my linkshell leader, I learned a craft and turned that money into a currency stream I could dip into when I needed.
Eventually, we would end up dominating a challenging monster that drops a gear item that was worth millions. Three or four of us usually. We would take turns watching out for the monster (which only comes out every 24 hours, at a random time in a four hour window) and call each other at ungodly times at night to work together and kill it. We would then split the money from sales and become very, very rich. I decked myself out in luxuries, baby.
From the beginning, I liked helping people because I was a people pleaser. I went out of my way to help people (especially if they felt like they were burdensome or asking too much) because I wanted them to have a fond impression of me, and I wanted to be able to rely on their help in the future if I ever needed it or on behalf of my group's reputation. I guarded my reputation very closely. The community of that game held a grudge against people who wrong others. And news gets around like a small town filled with nosy neighbors.
I think I managed to curate a reputation where I was friendly, helpful, and non-judgmental. Because of that, I eventually was able to get to know people from around the world in all different stages of life. It was necessary to learn how to communicate and strategize despite language barriers and cultural differences.
The only thing I really struggled with in game was responding to personal advances. People wanted to see pictures or meet, and I just really didn't want to exist in that way. An avatar or a drawing of an animal with a voice attached to it was really all I wanted to be. The online persona was a winner. The IRL persona was damaged beyond repair and the thought of having to introduce that to people who respected me online was mortifying.
Choosing a female character in game really had its ups and downs. On one hand, I think more people were willing to approach me. But on the other hand, a lot of times it's because they're hoping for some kind of future romantic interest. And really, all I wanted to do was play a game, do strategies, and teamwork. Not live out a rom-com. I really wasn't looking for that kind of attention. I really didn't like letting people down or rejecting them, and sometimes this landed me into situations I felt I couldn't get out of gracefully. That, on top of the fear that once the person realizes I'm romantically out of bounds, they just have no more interest in me. Back then, "friend zoning" was considered a villainous act. People were often approaching me with some picture in their mind of their ideal partner without actually first getting to know me to see that I'm not even close to the kind of person they're projecting onto me. People would set a bar I 100% don't reach and then my self esteem would take a hit trying to live up to their expectations.
This was probably part of the reason social anxiety started to melt my ability to play social online games - my one last haven where I felt like I could be myself. The more I was motivated to try and meet people's expectations, the more I was snuffing out my actual self.
Treating the social anxiety has been making it so that I'm a lot more relaxed around other people, including online. But now I'm like 140 years old and never seem to have the time nor energy to dedicate to MMOs or competitive online games.
Addiction isn't good, and video game addiction can really have some severe consequences. But I'm proud to have been able to go from zero confidence in day to day life, to learning through gameplay and community, to using those skills to excel at real world career stuff and business things. I think more people should seriously consider gameplay as a tool to learn teamwork, economics, and navigating social situations. Because if it could help me when I was basically an empty husk, there's no doubt it could be miraculous for some other people.
(My family still thinks that people that you know exclusively online aren't real or want to murder me. Nothing has changed from the days of dial-up AOL with them.)
