I Do Be Yappin.

Ryan, 27, they/them, agender, pan/aro(it’s equal, just not sure if it’s equally 0 attraction😂)-ace. 🇺🇸😞

[femme-enby]

Hi! I’m writing a FNAF fanfic!

Firstly- all my tumblr postings occur on mobile, so I seem unable to do a fun little “here’s the link” thing, or a “read more” so… bear with me. If you just wanna skip all the yada yada “me, this fic, more yapping, never written a fic before” the link is at the bottom!

Note: this is my personal blog. Yes, the DCA has those stupid spindly hands in a death grip on me, but I reblog other stuff, fandoms, and make rant/ramble posts about… everything. I got ADHD, I just be out here.

ANYWAY!

My FNAF fanfiction is an AU, haunt actor AU specifically.

Very indulgent- you move w no explanation as to why, I do my best to keep whether or not Reader has prior haunt experience unknown, (edit: nvm at some point I said we worked at a smaller haunt in the past. Who knows if I’ll remember that in future chapters. Indulgent w no beta is a terrible idea for an adhd person if y’all want strict continuity) you’re a haunt actor at a large amusement park that has an extended haunt season. The other appeal? They have five incredibly advanced animatronics working there. Chica, Roxy, Monty, and the attendant have their own zones. Freddy is the beloved wandering character.

Warnings- it’s a Halloween haunt, and I’m being incredibly accurate in as much as I can, so there will be drunk guests, people getting their nicotine fix before the shift, the attractions are gory & either touch on sensitive or taboo topics (mainly cannibalism… it’s a Halloween haunt. We’re gonna talk about eating someone’s toes or something.) as well as potential phobias (example: clowns. There are more ofc.)

It’s my first time writing a fanfic, let alone posting, if there’s ANYTHING I do wrong/need to do that I didn’t, etc. do not be scared to tell me! I want to learn how to do this right. I took a singular “creative writing” class back in HS, about a decade ago. I pound out ESSAYS like they’re nothin but actual world building and dialogue…? (I suck at dialogue irl w ADHD… let’s be so fr rn.)

Now, presenting my fanfic, “Swamp Monsters, DareDevils, Butchers, and… Jesters?”

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

[headspace-hotel]

My version of "doomscrolling" nowadays is just going to iNaturalist, browsing pictures of animals and fantasizing about where I would introduce them outside of their natural range if I was some kind of ecology-focused evil scientist. I do this when I'm depressed. I don't know if it helps.

[i-love-hyenas]

Bring hyena to Texas put Texas in hyena paws humans can trust Texas to hyena pack yesss

[headspace-hotel]

How could I disagree with such a trustworthy source

[chekhovs-raygun]

animals i really want to introduce to the USA:

-red pandas in Indiana, Kentucky, and Ohio. they can live in those you-pick orchards and delight tourists, and in the winter the big ones can be harvested by the farmers for food and fur. america also has native bamboo, as well as plenty of escaped invasives.

-koalas in southern california. we already have a lot of feral eucalpytus in the state and it makes our wildfires way worse. let's put koalas in there too. coyotes can hunt them like dingos do.

-cheetahs in colorodo, wyoming, nebraska, and oklahoma. we had cheetahs here once, that's why pronghorns are so fast. let's give them something to really haul ass about.

-spotted hyenas in texas and new mexico. did you know there's actually a shit ton of oryx already roaming around new mexico? they were brought in for a game preserve. oryx can fight off lions, but spotted hyenas are actually superior pack hunters with some of the highest kill rates of large cooperative predators in the world. we might have a problem with ranchers, but like: fuck ranchers. they already decimated the mexican wolf populations. they deserve hyenas.

-pangolins. i would drop these guys in arizona honestly. everyone in arizona hates and fears fire ants. i think entire neighborhoods would throw ecstatic parades for pangolins (which smell much better than giant anteaters) at least until a pangolin dug straight through their pasteboard condo.

-new zealand's little penguin in louisiana. they burrow into mud and sand banks during the day and tolerate quite hot temperatures! i think they'd do fine, and louisiana is sliding into the gulf anyway. let's have penguins there. i'd also try them out in new england in case lousiana is just too swampy for them. i feel like new yorkers would go insane with pride over having penguins around. they would act like they invented the whole concept of penguins. we should let them.

-water buffalo. georgia and the carolinas. i just think it would give everyone there some interesting new problems.

-i firmly believe that asiatic elephants would do great in the southeastern united states. it's a subtropical climate that's only going to get swampier as things heat up, and there's plenty of kudzu and tall grass species for them to munch on. they're also smart enough to learn to navigate and negotiate with people, and to follow set routes around human farms rather than tromp through them, so disruption to existing human infrastructure would be minimal but occasionally hilarious. i think it would be so cool to have an american subspecies of elephant. if i ever win the lottery this IS what i am going to be doing with my millions.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Animals I would introduce to each continent:

Europe: Wombat

We've had enough of your fucking rabbits and foxes. Here, have a huge badger type thing that can destroy cars with its arse. It'll outcompete your badgers and where will you be then. Haha.

Asia: Wombat

We've had enough of Indian camels ruining our deserts. Here's something to ruin your terrain for a change.

North America: Wombat

We've had enough of United States tourists with no manners. Here's some tourists with even less manners.

South America: Wombat

WE'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR FUCKING CANE TOADS. WOMBATS FOR YOU.

Africa: Wombat

The feral ostriches aren't actually all that much of a problem right now, but in revenge for the problem they will probably become in the future, have some fucking wombats.

Antarctica: Wombat

I'll take it right back home and warm it up I promise I. I just really want to see a wombat walk and dig in the snow.

Australia: Wombat

The populations of all three species of wombat are dangerously low.

[hollowedskin]

Let This Man Undermine Your House

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

#HOW FUCKING BIG ARE WOMBATS?????? I THOUGHT THEY WERE SMALL#They are so cute though

Nothing in Australia is the size you think it's going to be

[sroloc--elbisivni]

i am aware they are different marsupials but i DID think of this post when I found out there are roughly 500 wallabies loose on the Isle of Man.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

#i thought wombats were rabbit-sized? but they're actually hugelarge?? wow???

RABBIT-SIZED??

[the-great-void]

I mean it could be comparable to rabbit sized. Still bigger though

[the-haiku-bot]

I mean it could be

comparable to rabbit

sized. Still bigger though

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[femme-enby]

Red pandas would actually potentially do well in western NC iirc, bc the region is nearly identical to their own in terms of weather n such

[dcaficionado]

:))))))))) the guyyyyyss, the boys ever @vacantfields

[nerdalune]

not dead.. just busy with other projects…

[geomimetry]

funky jesters. or festers if u will. for how they fester on my min

[bamsara]

Having an awful night, got any funny doodles

this was sitting on my desktop but I couldn't think of any reason worth posting it. I bestow it to you.

[bamsara]

I failed resetting my sleep schedule yesterday but I'm locked in today

[bamsara]

FNAF AU INDEX: Solar Lunacy (DCA x Reader)

Solar Lunacy

This is a X-Reader story where the reader can self-insert themselves into the narrative.

Rated M | Wordcount:  225,814 + | Chapters 16/? (Ongoing)

You weren’t a technician, you weren’t a security guard, you weren’t a daycare assistant. You’re just an employee. Staff. The ‘jack-of-all-trades’ employee with mediocre at best skills and specialty in none, tasked with doing miscellaneous jobs that robots couldn’t do and human staff couldn’t care to. The job is unpredictable, but it pays good and it’s relatively easy.

Except for the part where all the animatronics are more sentient than you thought, and you’re roped into a mystery surrounding the Daycare Attendants, who are bit too curious about you for your liking.

You don’t think this was in your employee contact.

Artwork for this series.

Bytes of Lunacy

Rated M | Wordcount: 32,113+ | Chapter 24/? (Ongoing)

You return with a steeled one of your own. “You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

Red pupils against black eyes drfit to the bandage on your forehead, and you swallow as Moon’s gaze lingers in the silence too long to be comfortable.

“I can, though.” Moon’s form is unnaturally still, zeroed in on your expression, reading your face, reading your body language. “I can.” ——-

Several drabbles / One-shots for the Solar Lunacy universe that I’m dumping here for prompts requested to me on tumblr. No chronological order/Spoilers for Solar Lunacy.

Celestial Omens (That really like fishsticks)

(Mermay AU fic)

Rated M | Wordcount: 36,318+ | Chapter 3/? (Ongoing)

When you are ten years old, you find two creatures, bloodied and injured, trapped a net on the beach near your home. You save them, make friends with them, and return them to the sea, leaving you to wonder later if your friends with the Sun colored scales and fins that shone like the full Moon were real or imagined up by a childhood of loneliess.

Time passes. You hear stories of monsters, Sirens in the water, one that is a good omen if spotted, promising your safe voyage as long as you respect the rules of the ocean, and one that sinks ships and eats people for fun. Just folktales meant to scare children.

A decade later, they return the favor, though they don’t plan on leaving you so easily this time.

Simply, A Head Cold.

Rated T | Wordcount: 7,535 | One-shot (Complete)

You have a head cold; stuffed-up sinuses and a fever, and the jesters help a little bit throughout the day. Just a lazy day, with chicken broth, trips to the corner store, and inappropriate humor. A good bit of inappropriate humor. Laughter is the best medicine, you know.

Wireless Behavior

Rated: T | Wordcount: 6,237 | One-shot (Complete)

You are often reminded that your animatronic friend turned roommate by unspeakable circumstances is, indeed, a robot, and they are well aware that the world is a very different place outside the pizzaplex.

Sun jumps over a moving car, stops a burgaler from breaking into your apartment, Moon shields you from the cold, is recognized as the DCA outside, and your living room gets destoryed as Eclipse is sitting on your rooftop. Just domestic moments.

Three Days, Three Nights, One Eclipse

Rated M| Wordcount: 6,288 | One-shot (Complete)

6 times the Daycare Attendant almost kisses you, and 1 time where they do.

—- Set in the ‘Solar Lunacy’ universe and contains some Big Spoilers for the fic, but not all parts are completely canon. Can be read as spin-off or standalone.

Saturday Insomnia

Rated: M | Wordcount: 9,061 | One-shot (Complete)

The animatronic tuts at you. “No, silly, not for us. For you.”

You raise an eyebrow.

Sun places one hand on his chest. “The Sun and the Moon, and…” He points to the shirt’s design, and then to you. “-and the Earth!”

It takes you a moment to process, but when it dawns on you, you fight back a snort unless you want to make an ungodly noise in the middle of the quiet thrift store. “Oh god. That’s corny. Like, REALLY corny. That should be a crime.”

Sun just hums and nods as you revel in his ‘genius’, arms reaching out to take the bundle of clothing you’ve been holding and carrying it for you. “There’s nothing wrong with the clichés. You’re just jealous because we’re as clever as ever.” —— A comfort fic showing domestic life with the Daycare Attendants. Set somewhere in the future timeline for Solar Lunacy, but can be read stand-alone.

[petrichormuse]

YES, MAKE THEM KISS DRUNK!

cover them in love and appreciation!

Edit: I am v dumb, I forgot to tag my beautiful inspo @cherybeee (their big hand, big heart meme post). please follow them, they make amazing content :)

[petrichormuse]

heheheh im back

well i never really left, but they have made their way back onto my tablet instead of being stuck in my sketchbook

I FINALLY HAVE TO CONFIDENCE TO UPDATE A BUNCH OF AUS THAT HAVE BEEN RATTLING IN MY BRAIN (including the dca irl au ^^)

feel free to ask about this y/n tho, i will be answering much faster for a bit since i have more time after artfight

[sirnoblesquid]

Finally contributing to the bloodymary universe

[memeuplift]

[xiaohongshu-for-you]

[koi-jyu]

HOW IS MY SISTER STRAIGHT UP CARRYING A GUZHENG?????

[piracypiranha]

SIS IS FUCKING BUFF

[lalatongzi]

Cant fucking believe they nuked a blog just sharing videos from xhs. What possible community guidelines could they have broken?

[kayla-denker]

The issue of trans women being sent to men's prisons isn't brought up as being a monstrous thing because of the misgendering, it's monstrous because we're sent there to be legally sex trafficked.

That's what V-coding is. That is why they are so adamant about sending trans women to men's prisons, because sex trafficking trans women within the men's prison system is an essential part of that system. Being misgendered by this isn't even an issue that's on our radar!

[laceyembrace]

holy shit, to say it "keeps the violence rate down", when these women are being violently raped. aka they dont count it because they dont care when it happens to trans women.

[makingtrouble]

It's my cat's birthday (anniversary of me getting him) so I told him the story of his life while petting him real good

Highlights include:

For your first two years (when you were small) you lived in a foster home with people who raised you into a very polite young man. Two is like you plus me, that's what two is.

Some people adopted you before me and they called you Timmy (which is a stupid name) and they returned your ass almost immediately because you were so annoying at that age.

Like think about how annoying you are right now at seven years old, but way worse.

I'm better than them though, I don't call you Timmy and I wore earplugs to bed for three years because you love to scream at bedtime. Earplugs are like when I roll over and go back to sleep even when you are yelling so so so loud.

I got you at a time in my life when I was really sick (being sick is like when I'm up late because I'm throwing up and you are a very handsome good boy who sits with me) and they had to put me asleep for a procedure. A procedure is like what happened to you when they put you asleep and took your balls away.

Now you've lived with me for five years. Five is like the number of toe beans on one of your feet. When I clip your nails five is when we're halfway done. But we're hopefully not even halfway done with how long we get to be together. I'm gonna have to figure out new ways to help you count.

[makingtrouble]

Actually I've decided this is a poem

[homunculus-argument]

Besides the obvious like having financial security, being able to support your community and take care of friends and family, the whole "money doesn't bring happiness" bullshit is still bullshit because even if we only look at it from "buying frivolous trinkets" point of view, there's so many fun things I'd get myself commissioned just for shits and giggles.

For one, I'd get my dental layout scanned and then use the 3d model of my teeth to commission a giant pair of pincers where the cutters are replaced with a life-sized metal recreation of my teeth. I would use these to press bite marks on all sorts of things that a human being physically could not bite into, and emotionally would not want to.

For no other reason than to fuck with people. Just so they can see a very obviously human bite mark on something and wonder how the fuck did someone bite a goddamn brick wall, and why would anybody do that.

[agnes-nielsens]