Daphnis Cannot Stop Screaming

Just wait 25 He/him/Bun/Buns/It/Its

[warmfigure]

i am massively overdue for a very very good week where not a single bad thing happens and everything is easy

[unlettered-heathen]

reblog to give prev a very good week where not a single bad thing happens and everything is easy

[bunpoizonz]

reblog to give a trans woman a yummy burger

[bunpoizonz]

glad i reached my target audience of ppl showing love to their trans gfs/wives through the power of burger

[bunpoizonz]

okay so since making this post i've become the target audience

[teaboot]

I hate you Ozempic craze I hate you 'heroin chic' I hate you weight loss ads on public radio I hate Burn Fat Fast ads every thirty seconds I hate you I hate you I hate you

[teaboot]

I grew up before the term 'thigh gap' was invented I grew up before 'hip dip' was invented I was born before 'muffin top' was a thing before 'clean girl look' was a thing before 'glass skin' was a thing before razoring off peach fuzz was a thing and I'm so so so fucking tired of us inventing new concepts purely for the purpose of convincing people to hate their own bodies enough to buy products

[teaboot]

Last time Tuberculosis ran through the USA a small number of people got it on purpose to look skinny and waifish and delicate and used makeup to look flushed and bony and when the Victorians figured out tapeworms people would infect themselves on purpose to starve themselves smaller and women and now in the year of our lord 2026 there is a noticeable fraction of the USAmerican population genuinely thrilled about a treatment-resistant microbial parasite that makes you shit and vomit your brains out for a month because side effects include weight loss and STILL we talk about being skinny like it's the natural default setting for all healthy people as if it's a self-sustaining standard and not an imaginary goal that we are constantly constantly constantly beating ourselves with a whip to acheive

[what-even-is-thiss]

Must not pick that scab off. It will not in fact get rid of the scab and just create a different scab. The scab is not done cooking yet. I am completely normal about scabs. <-gripping the edges of his chair so tightly the wood is starting to crack

[bogleech]

It’s funny how science fiction universes so often treat humans as a boring, default everyman species or even the weakest and dumbest.

I want to see a sci fi universe where we’re actually considered one of the more hideous and terrifying species.

How do we know our saliva and skin oils wouldn’t be ultra-corrosive to most other sapient races? What if we actually have the strongest vocal chords and can paralyze or kill the inhabitants of other worlds just by screaming at them? What if most sentient life in the universe turns out to be vegetable-like and lives in fear of us rare “animal” races who can move so quickly and chew shit up with our teeth?

Like that old story “they’re made of meat,” only we’re scarier.

[drethelin]

HOLY SHIT THEY EAT CAPSAICIN FOR FUN

YOU GUYS I HEARD A HUMAN ONCE ATE AN AIRPLANE.

A HUMAN CAN KEEP FIGHTING FOR HOURS EVEN AFTER YOU SHOOT IT

humans are a proud warrior race with a pantheon of bloody gods: Ram-Bo, Schwarzenegger, etc.

REMOVING A LIMB WILL NOT FATALLY INCAPACITATE HUMANS: ALWAYS DESTROY THE HEAD.

WARNING: HUMANS CAN DETECT YOU EVEN AT NIGHT BY TRACKING VIBRATIONS THROUGH THE ATMOSPHERE

WARNING: HUMANS CAN REPRODUCE AT A RATE OF 1 PER SPACEYEAR. DESTROY INFESTATIONS IMMEDIATELY

THE HUMAN MOUTH HAS OVER THIRTY OUTCROPS OF BONE AND POWERFUL JAW MUSCLES.

HUMAN BITES CAN BE FATALLY INFECTIOUS EVEN TO OTHER HUMANS

WARNING: HUMANS CAN AND WILL USE IMPROVISED WEAPONS. SEE CLASSIFIED DATA LABELED J. CHAN.

HUMANS CAN PROJECT BIOWEAPONS FROM ALMOST EVERY ORIFICE ON THEIR BODY. DO NOT INHALE

OH GOD THE HUMANS FIGURED OUT DOOR HANDLES OH GOD OH GOD

[prokopetz]

More seriously, humans do have a number of advantages even among Terrestrial life. Our endurance, shock resistance, and ability to recover from injury is absurdly high compared to almost any other animal. We often use the phrase “healthy as a horse” to connote heartiness - but compared to a human, a horse is as fragile as spun glass. There’s mounting evidence that our primitive ancestors would hunt large prey simply by following it at a walking pace, without sleep or rest, until it died of exhaustion; it’s called pursuit predation. Basically, we’re the Terminator.

(The only other animal that can sort of keep up with us? Dogs. That’s why we use them for hunting. And even then, it’s only “sort of”.)

Now extrapolate that to a galaxy in which most sapient life did not evolve from hyper-specialised pursuit predators:

Our strength and speed is nothing to write home about, but we don’t need to overpower or outrun you. We just need to outlast you - and by any other species’ standards, we just plain don’t get tired.

Where a simple broken leg will cause most species to go into shock and die, we can recover from virtually any injury that’s not immediately fatal. Even traumatic dismemberment isn’t necessarily a career-ending injury for a human.

We heal from injuries with extreme rapidity, recovering in weeks from wounds that would take others months or years to heal. The results aren’t pretty - humans have hyperactive scar tissue, among our other survival-oriented traits - but they’re highly functional.

Speaking of scarring, look at our medical science. We developed surgery centuries before developing even the most rudimentary anesthetics or life support. In extermis, humans have been known to perform surgery on themselves - and survive. Thanks to our extreme heartiness, we regard as routine medical procedures what most other species would regard as inventive forms of murder. We even perform radical surgery on ourselves for purely cosmetic reasons.

In essence, we’d be Space Orcs.

[astrakiseki]

I do hope you realize I’m going to be picking up this stuff and running with it right? 

[friendlyfrankenstein]

Our jaws have too many TEETH in them, so we developed a way to WELD METAL TO OUR TEETH and FORCE THE BONES IN OUR JAW to restructure over the course of years to fit them back into shape, and then we continue to wear metal in out mouths to keep them in place. 

We formed cohabitative relationships with tiny mammals and insects we keep at bay from bothering us by death, often using little analouge traps. 

And by god, we will eat anything. 

[siderealsandman]

We use borderline toxic peppers to season our food. 

We expose ourselves to potentially lethal solar radiation in the pursuit of darkening our skin. 

We risk hearing loss for the opportunity to see our favorite musicians live. 

We have a game where two people get into an enclosed area and hit each other until time runs out/one of them pass out

We willingly jump out of planes with only a flimsy piece of cloth to prevent us from splattering against the ground. 

Our response to natural disasters is to just rebuild our buildings in the exact same places. 

We climb mountains and risk freezing to death for bragging rights

We invented dogs. We took our one time predators and completely domesticated them. 

On a planet full of lions, tigers and bears, we managed to advance further and faster than any other species on the planet. 

Klingons and Krogan and Orcs ain’t got shit on us

[moniquill]

We drink ethanol (in concentrations high enough to be used as an effective as microbicide or a solvent!) for the express purpose of achieving blood toxicity and disrupting normal brain function… AS A RECREATIONAL ACTIVITY!

On the same subject, we also deliberately incinerate assorted substances and then inhale the particulate-heavy smoke and vapor resulting for the same effect. EVEN IN THE FACE OF SAID SUBSTANCES BEING CARCINOGENIC, BECAUSE WE JUST DON’T GIVE A FUCK.

[therobotmonster]

Humans do not have biological castes. Kill their commander and another will take its place. Soldiers left alone on a planet will start farming and manufacturing to survive. Farmers and manufacturers will take up arms and kill you if pressed. Just because two humans look different doesn’t mean they cannot do each other’s jobs.

Breeding does not kill them. A single human can mate dozens or hundreds of times in a lifetime. They often do so as recreation. Xenobiology team six believes they do not have a mating season but this is too strange to be true.

Their appendages are not designed for hitting, so they developed special training to make them very good at hitting anyhow. 

The proteins making up their bodies are toxic and cause prion disease. Do not touch anything humans have touched. Do not consume earth foods. Fire does not adequately remove this contamination.

Humans perceive sixteen times the colors we do. Do not hide in bushes or vines from humans. They can distinguish your pelt from the foliage with ease.

We tried venting waste gas into the tunnels to kill the humans when they attacked. Turns out they breathe it. 

Everything on their planet came from a single biological strain. They developed comprehensive genetics BEFORE they developed space travel. 

They lack radio receptors and cannot be brought into compliance with right-thought simply by broadcasting to them. Even after we learned how to translate it into sound-waves one of their hatchlings drove the Great Authority mad by responding to every demand with a single question: “Why?” 

[siphersaysstuff]

That little asshole was me, age 4.

[thestray7]

The post that started an entire genre of “Humanity, Fuck Ya!” stories…

[bogleech]

Still wish it hadnt though, that’s gotta be my least favorite genre there is.

My original post said I thought it would be interesting if we were “one of” the “more” horrifying alien races.

This meant I would like it if we qualified as “MONSTER OF THE WEEK” fodder, not the “big bads” of a setting.

It would be cool if we were one of those rando creepy species an alien Star Trek features for like one episode. The special powers I named in the OP were suggestions for the *one* rare property that might make us one of those spooky monsters or troublesome secondary villains.

A setting where we’re the entire universes Supermen sounds terrible to me.

[therealbeachfox]

I’ve long had a “Humans as the Monster of the Week in Alien Star Trek” idea centered around the Earth’s first great mass-extinction.

I wrote too much under the cut. TL;DR - What if humanity is the only space-faring species that breathes oxygen. And the only species that lives on a planet with enough of the stuff that you can set shit on fire by -accident-? How much fun would -that- be for Space-Jellyfish Picard to have to deal with?

Keep reading

[daphnis-is-screaming]

I am teaching a class about zines and we are going to do a zine trade at the end of the class. I am doing mine on weird ass animals I like a lot. And I am drawing memes.

Animals featured (so far):

Black-Tailed Jackrabbit (Lepus californicus)

Indian Pangolin (Manis crassicaudata)

Pink Fairy Armadillo (Chlamyphorus truncatus)

Java Mouse Deer (Tragulus javanicus)

I am doing 6 more animals and will update this post with future additions in batches.

[daphnis-draws]

More freak animals!

Maned Wolf (Chrysocyon brachyurus)

Balearic Island Cave Goat (Myotragus balearicus) (Extinct)

Leaf Sheep (Costasiella kuroshimae)

[flowercrowncrip]

The first time I was told I was lucky to be a full time wheelchair user was mere months after losing the ability to stand. It was fucked up then and it’s fucked up now.

I don’t care what social justice language you wrap it up in, “you’re so lucky you can’t walk” is an awful thing to say to someone.

[torchwood-99]

"I love you but you're doing wrong in a way I cannot condone" and "I hate you but you're being wronged in a way I cannot stomach" are top tier and I need more of them.

[aqarititss]

[kuttithevangu]

OK I keep seeing people refer to the Michigan parasite outbreak and then others will chime in “it’s in my state too!” so to clarify this for everyone it is a NATIONWIDE outbreak reported in 31 US states as of today, July 12th 2026. There is no reason to assume it is not present in the rest of them

Cyclospora, the ‘Explosive Diarrhea’ Parasite, Cases Reported in at Least 31 States: See the Map

NBC News’ tally shows at least 26 states have reported cases of the parasitic stomach illness, as health authorities race to find the source

[kuttithevangu]

The CDC is tracking cases but they are significantly lagging behind the states on numbers (their data is weeks behind) so it’s probably going to be most effective to check your individual state’s infectious disease tracking.

This is a parasite that usually causes about 3000 cases of illness per year in the USA, Michigan currently has reported about 2900 (the confusion about “Michigan outbreak” is because Michigan is the first that caught an uptick in cases and has been very proactive about trying to trace them). Last official update from Massachusetts was 18 cases here centered in Greater Boston. The CDC recommends NOT assuming there are no sources of the parasite in your state even if no cases have been reported.

It isn’t an unknown illness but it is an unusual quantity of cases, and the fact that they haven’t been able to pin down the source after weeks of tracking is what makes it particularly concerning this year (harder to contain).

Wash your hands, wash your produce, cook it ideally, and advocate for farm workers to have access to safe and hygienic toilet facilities

[klapollo]

various tv, film, and theater producers for the last 50 years smacking themselves in the forehead like fuuuuck how can we make it easy to understand why carrie is alienated from her peers and callously bullied at school WITHOUT making her a hideous fatass like in the book

[yellow-cat]

has anyone else noticed that its awesome to have an anthropomorphic animal representation of yourself that you can draw in situations

[yellow-cat]

sorry

[prokopetz]

You know, when I've remarked that a lot of the responses to my posts feel like people are just plucking out keywords they think they recognise based on the shape of them and replying to what they imagine the post says based on that, the possibility never occurred to me that this is actually how many American schools are currently teaching kids to read.

[prokopetz]

Like, my assumption this whole time has been that when folks go "I misunderstood this post that says [thing] as saying [unrelated thing] because I mistook [word] for [completely different word that happens to start with the same letter]", that was a bit. What do you mean they're teaching kids a reading method that's tailored to produce this exact error?

[buggyhuman]

Three cueing. Once you learn about it, a whole lot of very frustrating online discourse with US Americans makes so much sense 😭

How a flawed idea is teaching millions of kids to be poor readers

For decades, schools have taught children the strategies of struggling readers, using a theory about reading that cognitive scientists have

[woodsfae]

If you were taught to read with the three cueing method, and now struggle to read fluently, you can still learn to read properly!

-> Phonics For Adults <-

If you're a teenager, you can still use this resource.

[greelin]

you have to understand that my body does not work by default. “ohhh so many medications means so many chemicals inside you. i could never” well if i did not take these things i would not be able to function. i respect and have made peace with the chemical. Get out of my face

[moniquill]

This but also: dearest (Temporarily) Abled Person do you think that you don't have 'so many chemicals' inside you?? That yours are somehow 'less chemical' because your body made them?

Example: I take pills to change the chemicals in my brainmeats to have a serotonin and dopamine profile that's more like yours, Abled person.

[t4timekeeper]

people of colour deserve to be able to enjoy fluff and escapism and transformative media and silly fandom stuff the same way that everyone else is allowed to, i think. there’s a lot of unexamined hostility toward anyone who isn’t white; sometimes it’s subtle, and sometimes it’s not. there needs to be far more love and support for poc, and far less defensiveness and tolerance regarding racism in spaces like these.

[64mpg]

anon who seems to be under the impression that you have had extensive PR training because you have a post with more than 10k notes would like to ask you a bad faith question about the current state of the world

[theabigailthorn]

i HAVE had PR training and i'm still not answering half the shit that gets sent to me

[daphnis-is-screaming]

I am teaching a class about zines and we are going to do a zine trade at the end of the class. I am doing mine on weird ass animals I like a lot. And I am drawing memes.

Animals featured (so far):

Black-Tailed Jackrabbit (Lepus californicus)

Indian Pangolin (Manis crassicaudata)

Pink Fairy Armadillo (Chlamyphorus truncatus)

Java Mouse Deer (Tragulus javanicus)

I am doing 6 more animals and will update this post with future additions in batches.