//feralein; I hope this is okay for you!
He feels so run down, so bad. No - he feels appalled with himself, he’s a disgusting boy who needs to be put ‘thoroughly in his place’, just as Giovanni had once said to him. He knows what’s brought him down so far, but he won’t tell the other no matter what he does, not even out of weakness. He’ll stay strong for all he’s worth just so he can contain himself, make sure that nothing slips out of his mouth while he’s in a state of impulse. Everything he did seemed to be a mistake now… all he had left was his Pokemon, and, at first, that’s all he thought he’d be needing, but recently, having human company felt so much more natural, even if the company of his Pokemon still did soothe him a little more than the average person. He sighs, shaking his head and hanging it shamefully, cap pulled over his eyes so she cannot see what he’s going through.
“How can I not be a monster?” He asks in a tone so dreary it could bring anyone down just by listening to the saddened, depressing tone of his usually deep voice; maybe she can hear it cracking and sticking to the inside of his throat. He hates being seen through, and he DOES NOT cry. He’s the strongest trainer in the world, or in Kanto, at least. He feels like slamming his fist down in blind rage, but he can’t find the strength to do it. “It’s just what I am…”
“What kind of achievements does a monster make?None - none at all, and I feel like my time as a traineris all a waste, it’s all it’s ever been, and now I’m relyingon my Pokemon for company… how selfish can I get?”
“I must be pretty low down to all of my friends if this is how I am all the time. Just a monster. A stupid, mindless monster…”
It’s plain to see that this isn’t just a silly little phase he’s trying to get through. He’s genuinely upset, and not even that - he may be fully depressed. Suicidal, if he’s not careful. He knows that the person opposite him is showing concern and care towards him, but he doesn’t know them… why does he care about a stranger’s care? He doesn’t, and that’s what makes him wish she’d just go away from a monster like him.
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