Reality is a story the mind tells itself

I'm just a crazy, random 23 year old doofus from London, England, UK, Earth. I want more than anything to live in America, and I'm also fond of writing and RPing. I'm obsessed with Doctor Who, TVD, Glee, CSI: Vegas, and How I Met Your Mother. And that's just a few of my fandoms. XD Any fic requests? Send 'em my way. :D Gender neutral, male pronouns.

[oddly-romantic]

anxiety: OK BUT WHAT IF -

me: homie we went over this like 100 times yesterday and we totally resolved it

anxiety: yeah but i’ve looked at it from a new angle and there’s like 20 more reasons why u should be worried about it

me:

me: …..go on

[ficsandfangirling]

I know this feel all too well. It sucks. :(

[ficsandfangirling]

Always go with the fail safe. Lesson learned. I wonder if anyone’s seen through it. XD

[ficsandfangirling]

Meltdown of a Sandle Shipper

It's funny how people want the CSI writers to make Morganders canon already and before it's too late. Like, before the series gets cancelled. They've been waiting a good couples of years, I recognize that. But then there's the Sandle shippers sitting back and thinking "...really? You've been waiting so long? Try waiting 15 years (and counting) for a ship you're almost positive will never happen"

Ok, so, I'm in serious emotional breakdown here 'cause I've only seen up to season 13 and from what I've heard Sandle still hasn't happened and I'm sobbing hysterically 'cause 15 years guys 15 years can't we please just I mean Sandle and I've been waiting so lo-

...I did my waiting! 15 years of it! In shipper hell! XD

So to recap. I've gone insane from the lack of Sandle. Sorry for this random post.

Additional: I'm not hating on Morganders. I do think that ship is cute, and I'd be content if it happened. I just prefer Sandle is all. XD

[boyegas-deactivated20181222]

[ficsandfangirling]

Ok... I need to see this interview....

[kyousakura-remade-blog]

HORROR MOVIE ADS ON YOUTUBE THAT U CANT SKIP

[ficsandfangirling]

OMG YES! I had this once when it was, like, midnight and I was trying to watch Hank Green play Portal 2. I couldn't sleep for days! XD

[ficsandfangirling]

Once upon a time, many years ago, I started shipping Spike and Dawn from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I always thought they could be a cute couple post season 7! Whenever I pictured them together, a couple of years had always passed since the end of the show. You know, ‘cause morals.

Then I saw a...

[mirrorofmine891]

Ramblings of a Conflicted Fangirl

The song is not autobiographical but more loosely based on her. The song is not about her, but the concept of a younger girl flirting with a older guy. It is not ACTUALLY about her.He never thought of her as anything other than a little sister as he has stated many times. He has also written  songs about the Characters Faith and Buffy not the actual people.

If you want a funny story of how she flirted with Hugh Laurie on House two years after Buffy ended watch her interview on Conan.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9CXn8ApFtOM

Pete Wentz based an album on her when she was 19 or 20. This was written when she was 17  (the last year of Buffy).

http://www.wetpaint.com/gossip-girl/video/michelle-trachtenberg-my-ex-boyfriend-wrote-a-whole-album-about-me

http://perezhilton.com/2009-06-03-ashlee-simpson-attacks-pete-wentzs-ex

People are making a much bigger deal of this than it actually is trying to dissect the lyrics  and apply them to real life which doesn't work because it is not autobiographical.

As far as your shipping thing Buffy and Angel started making out in her bedroom in season one when she was 16. Dawn was 17 in season 7.

[ficsandfangirling]

Somehow feeling better about the whole thing now. Thanks! :D

And was Dawn 17 in season 7? I thought she was 16... 'Cause she was 14 in season 5...

[ficsandfangirling]

Competitions and Stuff

I've pretty much always been a creative person. For the majority of my childhood I expressed that through an interest in acting. I attended a youth theatre group and had 10 years of fun there. But in the last, say, 2 or 3 years at HM I began to grow bored of it. After I left, I found that I was more passionate about writing than I ever was about acting.

But I still felt like I was no good. It's a fear I've had hound me through my entire life. I never really wanted to show many people my writings because I always thought I was a fraud, writing stuff that only just passed as ok...ish. So you can imagine how I felt when, a few months back, I actually entered my first ever short story competition.

Today we found out the results and, sadly, I didn't even make it as a finalist. I'm in no way bitter about this. I feel like in order for me to be bitter I would have to think my writing is absolutely definitely good enough to win any competition I enter. And I don't. I never thought I was good enough.

Yet I still feel sad that I didn't make it. As stated above, I've never felt good enough and therefore have never entered things like this. But now I have and I've not made it as a finalist (I never expected to win)... I feel like that's some kind of confirmation that I'm not good and that my fears were right. Logically I know this is ridiculous, but I just can't shake the feeling off.

So how exactly does one cope with losing when one is a wildly insecure moron? :P

[ficsandfangirling]

A New Fandom

Remember 2 years ago when I said I was wondering what the big deal about Supernatural was, and then I tried to get into it but the first couple of episodes bored the heck out of me so I gave up? Remember how after that I said I'd never try to watch the show again?

I've now watched 8 seasons, I obsess over Destiel (and to a lesser extent Sam/Castiel*), I despise Megstiel with a fiery passion (pizza has been ruined for me XD), and I adore Gabriel probably a lot more than I should.

Um...

Oops? XD

*Does this ship have a name?

[ficsandfangirling]

Ramblings of a Conflicted Fangirl

Once upon a time, many years ago, I started shipping Spike and Dawn from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I always thought they could be a cute couple post season 7! Whenever I pictured them together, a couple of years had always passed since the end of the show. You know, 'cause morals.

Then I saw a certain confession on a Buffy confessions blog, and it made a good point. Buffy and Angel got together when Buffy was 16, and they were freaking canon. So, by the show's rules, it would be kind of ok for Spike and Dawn to potentially start something during season 7 rather than post season 7.

But then the worst thing ever happened.

I discovered Dangerous.

It made me mega conflicted. I wondered if I should still be shipping Dawn and Spike, I wondered if I should still be a fan of James Marsters, I wondered.. well, I wondered a lot of things. But the worst part of this whole thing is that I like the damn song, and I still like Marsters, and I ship Dawn and Spike more than ever, and I'm mostly ok with the whole thing.

Yes, I recognize that it's creepy. Yes, I recognize I shouldn't be ok with this. But I just am. And I hate myself for being ok with this. It sucks. Of all the things fandom and celebrities has ruined for me, I never thought my moral compass would be affected. But James Marsters just had to smash my moral compass to pieces, didn't he?! XD

And I just had the weirdest thought ever about this situation. Out of nowhere, Tom Hiddleston popped into my head and I had this thought: Tom would never confuse me like James has. I think being a fan of Tom's is the sanest place I can be. XD

[ficsandfangirling]

A Message For Lilah

Hey, Lilah. I know it's a long shot that this post will reach you. Maybe you're not even on tumblr anymore, but I'll be darned if I'm just gonna sit back and do nothing, so here we go.

My name is Michelle (though you may just remember me as Beth) and we knew each other through tumblr RP. You were River Song (justwaituntilmyhusbandgetshere) and I was - and to a degree still am - Lyra Sigma (theoldestcompanion).

Your River blog no longer exists and I never knew if you had any other blogs, RP or personal. But you were one of the greatest friends I made on tumblr and it sucks that we're no longer in contact. So, if by some freak chance you see this, please, please, please drop me an ask, reblog this post or tweet me at TheRPAddict. I value our friendship too much to just let this go, and I realize that I'm coming off as a crazy stalker but oh well. XD

I apologize to the Whovians and Alex Kingston fans who see this random post in your tag, but tagging this with Doctor Who, River Song and Alex Kingston will hopefully *fingers crossed* give me more chance of reaching Lilah. So... yeah... sorry...

If anyone here knows Lilah, nudge her gently in my direction? :P XD

[ficsandfangirling]

Anybody?

Is anyone's ask box open for some, like, ranting or whatever? 'Cause I feel like fucking crap right now and I just need someone to talk to. Please...?

[my-rainy-dayss]

[ficsandfangirling]

Uh... I did a thing!

Follow if you feel like it... or not... y'know... whatevs. XD

[ficsandfangirling]

10 Things I Hate About Me

1: I care too much about what others think of me.

2: I almost never smile or laugh in public.

3: When I do, I immediately stop 'cause I feel guilty.

4: I rarely leave my house (see point 1 for why).

5: I take any abuse that's thrown my way without sticking up for myself.

6: I let myself go 'cause I don't think I'm worth it.

7: I hold onto anger 'cause it's the only emotion I'm good at.

8: I don't talk to new people, 'cause I assume they've already made up their minds about me.

9: I reject any help that passes my way, 'cause I'm infuriatingly stubborn and believe I can deal with my problems myself.

10: I don't let people get close, 'cause I'm scared of getting hurt.

[carriehopefletcher-deactivated2]

I need to get me one of these…

[ficsandfangirling]

I so desperately need one of these... :(

[ficsandfangirling]

The Dead Fangirl (SPOILERS within)

I can't even... I just... I know I'm way late to the game but I've just seen episode one of season five of Glee. And... just... OH MY FU***NG GOD!!!!!!! I CAN'T EVEN! THE RIVAL (FELLOW) SHOW CHOIRS! SEBASTIAN! EVIL SEBASTIAN! IT'S ALL JUST... TOO MUCH! SBDGHSDKFBASJKHFDBFBHFKAVFKSBFBDKJFBSDJBFSDJ BLAINE PROPOSED AND JUST FHWEIUFHEWDHSJLADHJASDHUIASHFUIAHFI

Ok... I think I'm done fangirling... Sorry and all that jazz... XD

[ficsandfangirling]

Reality is a story the mind tells itself turned 2 today!