Fidget Cubist

Autistic. ADHD. Trans. He/him. 29.

[thisisthinprivilege]

[femslashfantasies]

I always wonder, is Tumblr THAT gay or am I just following all the gay people?

[queen-haiz]

listen, i once had a straight friend over and she opened her tumblr and i didn’t even recognize the website i’m not kidding

[broduel]

I think about this a lot

[vampirezigzagoon]

“Everything the light touches is our kingdom.”

“What about that shadowy place?”

“That is straight Tumblr, Simba, you must never go there.”

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

WISE WORDS FROM MUFASA

[atomic-fireball-deactivated2018]

How do you know which tumblr you’re on?

[stonecoldkidding]

I assure you, you know if you’re on gay Tumblr

[fidgetcubist]

Today I learned there is a straight Tumblr.

[bbyinblu]

reblog if you think sign language should be taught as a language in schools.

[fidgetcubist]

Hi! I've been thinking I might have autism for awhile now - I stim, I've gone nonverbal, I have hyperfixations and special interests, I infodump, etc. I'm just worried about self diagnosing bc I feel that I'm being disrespectful to people that have been diagnosed. Plus, my psychiatrist just laughed at me when I brought it up (although i dont really like him). Basically, I don't feel "autistic enough" if that makes sense. Do you have any advice?

Hi! Thank you for your question. I don't think that self-diagnosing is disrespectful to the people who have been professionally diagnosed. The autistic community tends to be very accepting of self-diagnoses from what I've seen so far (although there are unfortunate exceptions to this rule...*cough* /r/aspergers *cough*). Fact is, getting a professional diagnosis is hard. It can take a lot of time, money and effort. It's not accessible to everyone. Not to mention women and minorities tend to be underdiagnosed. Getting a professional diagnosis is also a very personal decision and I don't think anyone is less valid or has less of a right to call themselves autistic for lack of it.I'm sorry your psychiatrist was so dismissive. That's unfortunately pretty common. One psychiatrist told me I wasn't autistic even though I had a report from a neuropsychologist that said that I was, which she knew about. I've heard similar stories from friends and people in autistic online groups.If you do want to go through with a professional diagnosis, I would either find a new psychiatrist, or be persistent with your current one. Show him the diagnosis criteria, explain how you fit. Don't be afraid to bring notes. If you've taken online self-assessment tests, you can also bring your results. You could also see a neuropsychologist to get an assessment. The process won't necessarily be the same depending on where you live, so I would do some research about getting a diagnosis in your country specifically. I hope this helps. 

[fidgetcubist]

You didn’t lose a child to autism. You lost a child because the child you waited for never came into existence. That isn’t the fault of the autistic child who does exist, and it shouldn’t be our burden. We need and deserve families who can see us and value us for ourselves, not families whose vision of us is obscured by the ghosts of children who never lived. Grieve if you must, for your own lost dreams. But don’t mourn for us. We are alive. We are real.

Jim Sinclair, “Don’t Mourn for Us,” Our Voice, Vol. 1, No. 3, 1993

[fidgetcubist]

Autistic Voices: A Masterpost

Here is a list of resources about autism, with a focus on actually autistic voices, divided by topic. You will find articles, websites, videos, Youtube channels, etc., most of them created by autistic people. If there are resources you would like to contribute to this post, or if you have other suggestions, don’t hesitate to let me know.

What is autism?

Nick Walker: What is autism?

Autistic Self Advocacy Network: About Autism

Autisticality: Inclusive autistic traits

Amythest Schaber: Ask an Autistic: What is Autism?

Neurodiversity

Identity-First Autistic: The Neurodiversity Paradigm

Nick Walker: Neurodiversity: some basic terms and definitions

Nick Walker: The Neurodiversity Paradigm and the Path of Self-Liberation

Nick Walker: Throw Away the Master’s Tools: Liberating Ourselves from the Pathology Paradigm

Elisabeth Wiklander: Neurodiversity — the key that unlocked my world

Amythest Schaber: Ask an Autistic: What is Neurodiversity

Identity-first language vs person-first language

Autistic Self Advocacy Network: Identity-First Language

Nathan Selove: Autism ACTUALLY Speaking: Person First Language

Autistic Hoya: The Significance of Semantics: Person-First Language: Why It Matters

Social model of disability vs medical model of disability

Identity-First Autistic: Understanding Disability Models

Autistic Hoya: You are not a burden.

Nathan Selove: Autism ACTUALLY Speaking: Models of Disability Discourse

Nathan Selove: Creating A Social Model of Autism Ari Ne’eman at Emory University: Autism and the Disability Community: The Politics of Neurodiversity, Causation and Cure

Amythest Schaber: Ask an Autistic #16: Is Autism a Disability?

Functioning labels

Identity-First Autistic: Identity-First Autistic’s stance on ‘functioning labels’

Amythest Schaber: Ask an Autistic: What about Functioning Labels? 

autisticliving: What’s Wrong with Functioning Labels? A Masterpost.

Nathan Selove: Autistic ACTUALLY Speaking: High Functioning versus Low Functioning

AUTISTIC WEREWOLF: WHY LABELS EXPECIALLY HIGH & LOW FUNCTIONING AUTISM IS ARE A LOAD OF CRAP! (cw: use of the R-word)

Thinking Person’s Guide to Autism: The Problems with Functioning Labels

Autistic women

Reese Piper: ‘I Thought I Was Lazy’: The Invisible Day-To-Day Struggle For Autistic Women

Fabienne Cazalis: The women who don’t know they’re autistic

Aspergers from the Inside: Female Diagnosis and Self-Advocacy with Geraldine Robertson

Purple Ella: DIFFERENCES AUTISTIC BOYS AND GIRLS

Seventh Voice: The Gas-lighting of Women and Girls on the Autism Spectrum

  Suicide

AutisticNomad: Speaking to Suicidal Autistics

Science Daily: Coventry University: People with Autism at Greater Risk of Attempting Suicide

Dan Jones: Autism: Diagnosis Saved My Life

Empathy

Rebecca Brewer and Jennifer Murphy for Spectrum News: People with autism can read emotions, feel empathy

Nathan Selove: Autism ACTUALLY Speaking: Empathy

Luna Lindsey: Double-Standards: The Irony of Empathy and Autism

Intersectional Neurodiversity: New Research Suggests Social Issues Are Down to Neurotypicals More than Autistics

Self-advocacy

Nathan Selove: Autism ACTUALLY Speaking: Self Advocacy

Amythest Schaber: Autistics Speaking: Self-Advocacy in a Culture of Cure

Autistic Hoya: What is Self-Advocacy?

Executive function

Thinking Person’s Guide to Autism: Executive Functioning Problems: A Frustrating Aspect of Being Autistic

Reese Piper: ‘I Thought I Was Lazy’: The Invisible Day-To-Day Struggle For Autistic Women

Amythest Schaber: Ask an Autistic #25: What is Executive Functioning?

Aspergers from the Inside: Executive Function (a response to Ask an Autistic)

Purple Ella: AUTISM AND EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONING

Special interests

Musings of an Aspie: What’s So Special About a Special Interest?

Amythest Schaber: Ask an Autistic #13 - What are Special Interests?

Thinking Person’s Guide to Autism: Autism and Intense Interests: Why We Love What We Love and Why It Should Matter to You

Stimming

Amythest Schaber: Ask an Autistic #1 - What is Stimming?

Amythest Schaber: Ask an Autistic: Living Atypically - Self-Injurious Stims

The Artism Spectrum: Stimming 101, or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Stim

The Artism Spectrum: The Dark Side of the Stim: Self-injury and Destructive Habits

Meltdowns

Amythest Schaber: Ask an Autistic #15 - What are Autistic Meltdowns?

Unstrange Mind: The Protective Gift of Meltdowns

Purple Ella: DEALING WITH MELTDOWNS

Shutdowns

Amythest Schaber: Ask an Autistic #20 - What are Autistic Shutdowns?

Unstrange Mind: Autistic Shutdown Alters Brain Function

Passing

AUTISTIC WEREWOLF: ANOTHER WAY AUTISTIC WEREWOLVES HIDE IN THIS NEUROTYPICAL WORLD!

Amythest Schaber: Ask an Autistic #2 - What is Passing?

Autistic burnout

Amythest Schaber: Ask an Autistic #3 - What is Autistic Burnout?

Musings of an Aspie: Autistic Regression and Fluid Adaptation

Autisticality: Burnout

Autism Information Library: “Help! I seem to be Getting More Autistic!”

Inertia

Autisticality: Inertia

Divergent Minds: A Look at Autistic Inertia

Alexithymia

Unstrange Mind: Alexithymia: I Don’t Know How I Feel

Amythest Schaber: Ask an Autistic #27: What is Alexithymia?

What not to say to an autistic person

Autistic Hoya: 15 Things You Should Never Say To An Autistic

Radical Neurodivergence Speaking: What to say, and not to say, to an autistic adult

Nathan Selove: Top 5 Well Meaning Things People Should Stop Saying to Autistics

Amythest Schaber: Ask an Autistic #12 - What Shouldn’t I Say to Autistic People?

StimNation: S#!T Ignorant People Say to Autistics

Actually Autistic: 10 Things Not To Say To Autistic People

BBC Three: Things Not To Say To An Autistic Person

Autism and people of color

The Autism Wars - Mrs. Kerima Çevik‘s blog

Thinking Person’s Guide to Autism: Black and Autistic – Is There Room at the Advocacy Table?

Thinking Person’s Guide to Autism: Autistic, Gifted, And Black: An Interview With Mike Buckholtz

Autistic Hoya: I, too, am racialized.

AUTISTIC WEREWOLF: AUTISM: Growing Up BLACK In A NEUROTYPICAL Legal System!

Nathan Selove: Autism ACTUALLY Speaking: Interview Anthony Adams

@nyarutheve - Twitter account

Autism and LGBT+

Maxfield Sparrow: Autism and Gender Variance: Is There a Cause for the Correlation?

Alex Forshaw: The Intersection of Autism and Gender

Evil Autie: Being Trans in Autistic Space

AutisticNomad - Maxfield Sparrow’s Youtube channel

Non-speaking autistic voices

Amy Sequenzia: Non-speaking, “low-functioning”

Amy Sequenzia: “Autism Awareness Month” Awareness

Non-Speaking Autistic Speaking - Amy Sequenzia’s blog

Mel Baggs: In My Language

Mel Baggs: Don’t ever assume autism researchers know what they’re doing

Mel Baggs: Captioned Reply to GRASP/Autism Speaks Articles

Lysik'an: You don’t speak for Low-functioning autistics

Deej - documentary film

Sue Rubin’s website

Autism $peaks/Light It Up Blue/Puzzle Piece

The Caffeinated Autistic: New Autism Speaks Masterpost (Updated 4/4/17)

The Caffeinated Autistic: Autism Speaks *still* does not speak for me

Autistic Anthro: Enough with the Puzzle Pieces

Autistic Anthro: Autism Awareness Month

Amythest Schaber: Ask an Autistic #6 - What’s Wrong With Autism Speaks

Nathan Selove: Autism ACTUALLY Speaking: Lighting Up Blue

John Elder Robinson: I Resign My Roles at Autism Speaks

Autistic Hoya: Co-Opting the Movement: Autism Speaks, John Elder Robinson, and Complicity in Oppression

Autistic Hoya: Responding to Autism Speaks

Mel Baggs: Captioned Reply to GRASP/Autism Speaks Articles

Amy Sequenzia: “Autism Awareness Month” Awareness

When autism parents don’t listen

Jim Sinclair: Don’t Mourn For Us

Autistic Hoya: They keep publishing these violent articles

Autistic Hoya: Why we must #BoycottToSiri / An open letter to Judith Newman

Amythest Schaber: #BoycottToSiri

Susie Rodarme: An Open Letter to HarperCollins about TO SIRI WITH LOVE

Kaelan Rhywiol: Why I Believe 'To Siri With Love' By Judith Newman Is A Book That Does Incredible Damage To The Autistic Community

Aaron Kappel: When You’re Autistic, Abuse Is Considered Love

Thinking Person’s Guide to Autism: Autism Uncensored: A Dangerous and Spirit-Crushing Book

Service dogs and autism

Nathan Selove: Service Dog Tales

In French

Super Pépette - Julie Dachez’s Youtube channel

La Fille Pas Sympa - Julia March’s blog

[fidgetcubist]

Growing up autistic often involves not being believed. Your experiences of being tired, stressed, and overwhelmed are constantly minimized. "How could you be tired? You haven’t done anything all day." "How could you be stressed? You’re eight." "Look at the other children, how much fun they’re having. If we go home now you’ll miss out on all the fun!" If you find certain tasks particularly challenging, you are told it really isn’t that hard, you just have to [brief and unhelpful description of task].

There are no upsides to denying or minimizing someone’s pain, except that it frees the person doing the minimizing from having to deal with it. Even if the child is "only doing it for attention", worst case scenario they give their child attention. What’s so terrible about that? Because the alternative is that they are teaching their child not to value and trust their own experience, and that is immensely damaging. It can mean the child might not recognize when they’re being emotionally abused. It can lead to mental health issues, burnout, and many other problems.

Not everyone responds to a given situation in the same way. If someone tells you something bothers them, just because you’re not bothered by it doesn’t mean they’re lying or exaggerating.

[fidgetcubist]

When we put extra effort into accommodating neurotypicals, they don't even notice we are doing so. To them, it's normal, expected. They don't see that we do all this work in part because we care about their feelings, because we don't want to hurt them. We accomodate them, even if it hurts us every day. Still, we are told that we are uncaring, weird, awkward. We don't get invited to parties, or included in conversations, and above all, our needs are rarely accommodated. Instead, we are regarded as fussy and oversensitive. Our needs are unusual, so in the eyes of neurotypicals, they don't deserve to be accommodated. Then they go on to act entitled and hurt when they feel that we are failing to meet their needs (like by not saying hello in the "right" way, or not making the "proper" amount of eye contact). Yet they benefit from living in a society that is built around their needs. We autistics are not so lucky.

[fidgetcubist]

I really wish people wouldn't take my autistic behaviours so personally.

If I look bored or uncomfortable at your social gathering, it's not because your social gathering is boring and uncomfortable. It's not because I don't like you. It's because I get overwhelmed easily and the environment is not one that is accessible for autistic people (for example, there is no designated quiet room).

If I don't say "good morning" with the appropriate tone of voice and facial expression, it's not because I dislike you. It's because sometimes faking a neurotypical demeanor takes more spoons than I currently have.

If I don't reply to your text message promptly, it's not because I don't care about you or dislike you. Maybe I don't have the spoons or the time to think about an appropriate reply, which takes more time for me than it would for a neurotypical person.

I could go on...

[fidgetcubist]

Why I believe in labels

Do you ever hear people say things like “I don’t believe in labels” or “Why put a label on yourself?”

The whole point of language is to communicate more effectively and efficiently than if we had to just point at stuff. Generally, the more precise the word, the more effective and efficient the communication. Instead of saying "the straight, hard, brown thing with green stuff around it", we say "tree". "Tree? I don’t believe in labels. Every straight, hard, brown thing with green stuff around it is different from the others. By calling it 'tree' you are erasing its individuality." Does that sounds like nonsense? Yes, it does. It might very well be that if one sees trees all the time, one might stop seeing the individual trees, and will simply replace every tree with a vague notion of tree-ness. "There is tree-ness over there". Thus the brain can focus on actual novelty, such as unusual sounds that might indicate a predator. Or it could be that one becomes so caught up in one’s concept of "tree-ness" than one refuses to acknowledge the specific characteristics of an individual tree. Still, these potential inconveniences do not arise out of labeling trees as such, but rather out of our brains' tendency toward efficiency.

Why should labels like "autism" be any different? Autism is another word, like "tree". Refusing someone the "autism" label — either out of ignorance, or the belief that labels are useless or harmful —  is to refuse them a community, a goldmine of information about their disability, a framework for understanding themselves, for communicating their needs, for finding people they can relate to. I will grant that it is a stigmatizing label. But so are labels such as "queer" and "gay", yet the LGBTQ community has been reclaiming them. After all, what is the alternative? For LGBTQ people to call themselves "straight", or to not call themselves anything at all, thus participating in their own erasure? Of course not. The same goes for autistic people. If the label "autistic" is stigmatizing, the solution is NOT to stop using it. The solution is to de-stigmatize the label. Autism is a disability. To let someone struggle through life with a disability without knowing they have one, leaving that person to figure out on their own what has taken the whole history of the human race for us to begin to understand, is cruel. It robs the person of agency, support, understanding, community, and more...

[fidgetcubist]

"I've known you your whole life. Don't you think I'd know if you were autistic?"

"I've been your therapist for a few years now. I think I know you pretty well. I don't think you are autistic."

Ok. So you know me. But do you know autism? Because you could know me better than I know myself, but if you don't know what autism is, there is no possible way you could provide a valuable opinion on whether or not I'm autistic. You might think you know what it is, but chances are pretty high that you don't. So how about you forget everything you think you know about it, and open yourself up to the possibility of learning something new?

(turns out the first person I quoted believes vaccines cause autism, and the second person believes that autistic people don't feel empathy, among other things. She also said things like "we're all on the spectrum anyway")

[myautisticpov]

The framing around autistic people not wanting to do things because their autism makes the things unpleasant is really fucking weird.

I don’t like going to nightclubs.

The main reason I don’t like it is that the noise causes me to meltdown.

And allistics see this as this huge, evil thing.

“Omg, poor Lucy, how will she ever live?”

And I’m just like,

Bitch, if you don’t like spicy food, because you were born with a low tolerance for spicy food, no one’s crying their fucking eyes out like

“Poor baby, how ever will she cope with only being able to order mild curries?”

People don’t like shit.

People don’t have to like shit.

And this weird thing where if the reason I don’t like something can be seen to be to do with my autism, I MUST BE FORCED TO ENJOY IT is fucking annoying and needs to stop.

[fidgetcubist]

[just-shower-thoughts]

If you don’t get a message back,that too is also a message.

[autism-newt-deactivated20180822]

AHHHHHH

[fidgetcubist]

But it's a pretty ambigous message. Is it "I'm too depressed to reply" or "I've been thinking and obsessing about the right way to reply and therefore I haven't replied" or "I don't want to be your friend so I'm ignoring you"?

[toadistic]

me: Okay, I really need to focus right now.

ADHD:

[pro-autistic]

Wanting not to be touched doesn’t make you a mean person. Wanting people to respect your personal boundaries doesn’t make you annoying. You shouldn’t have to put yourself through things that hurt or upset you just because other people think they are harmless.

[serotnin]

*doesn’t show affection* oh no, I’m making things awkward!!

*shows affection* oh no, I’m making things awkward!!

[fidgetcubist]

Hahaha this is me.