strawberries and cigarettes

she/her ☾︎☺︎︎ one lit cigarette away from catastrophe

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the rain will always remind me of him.

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“dk if well take fatima back yk” bulllllshiiiit. ya Allah, make him happy make him successful but i dont want to know. i dont want more of his lies and more of his deceit. namaste. clean life jiyungi ab.

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burnt my hand. dying a slow death right abt now. cant thpe. byebye

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absolute distaste i have for iba ppl now. aadmi marraha ho phir bhi na choro usay. bkl

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still haven't understood why but I'm accepting it. learning to not hate myself and learning to not find a way to let him in again. I've said yes to mama and the rishtas have been crazy. i really don't want to go thru all of them

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you made me feel crazy for wanting to be loved like it wasn't the thing you promised to do

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miss his voice. miss singing for him.

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i really really really want a burn it journal. so so bad. innate need

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I dream of cracking locks

Throwing my life to the wolves

Or the ocean rocks

Crashing into him tonight

He's a paradox

I'm seeing visions, am I bad?

Or mad? Or wise?

What if he's written 'mine' on my upper thigh

Only in my mind?

One slip and falling back into the hedge maze

Oh what a way to die

I keep recalling things we never did

Messy top lip kiss

How I long for our trysts

Without ever touching his skin

How can I be guilty as sin?

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never going to listen to guilty as sin ever again. reminds me of him so bad my chest hurts

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guys this is it. im finally getting a hold of who i was before i let him tell me who i should be. were breathing. first day without an anxiety attack!!

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goal in life: recreate the burari deaths🥰

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im not sleeping guys🫦🫦 this is my chronically online hour of the day

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goodnight everyone. the grief is immense but so is the joy. we’re all fragile as fuck, choose who can break you with care. amen

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my tumblr is smth i would not want my kids to go thru. fuck that bro if someone caught me on tumblr im killing mysefl. i aint explaining shit on here.

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im still reeling i think. i always always always thought eventually he would choose me. like i would choose him. i translated my beliefs into the person that he was and that was the biggest mistake i could make. i thought about the potential he had, what he could be for me and what i would do if i was in his position. i can’t believe that he didnt choose me. i dont say with an egotistical attitude, im sad. as sad as i can be ig because atleast its over. its like expecting a slap but it keeps on giving. atleast i wont be held to brighten the flame of another woman. or women. he didnt choose me. uzair didnt choose me. the man i loved above all else didnt choose me. heh. seems almost fake and fabricated. theres a part of me thats fighting against it still, but that part is so so quiet now. flailing about, because it knows how futile its purpose is. im accepting it and moving on with my life but it doesn’t make it any less profound.

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lowkey trashy day today but heyyyy alhumdulillah