Repeat @finding-lazarus - Tumblr Blog

jontronshat-deactivated20150806

4 word horror story

“I heard my wife knock on the bathroom door, but then I remembered…. our bathroom doesn’t have a door”

I’m sorry, but the confusion of why your bathroom doesn’t have a door far outweighs any feelings of horror this might evoke.

jontronshat-deactivated20150806

can’t afford door.. the horror here is the realities of life

pajamazam

So what fuck was your wife knocking on

jontronshat-deactivated20150806

this dick

mitochondrionion

It’s not even 4 words???

onlytwitterpics

historyandmemes

Marilyn Monroe: Haaaaappy biiiiiirthdaaaay Mr. President ;)

John F. Kennedy:

henryjgarrett

gif87a-com

acreaturecalledgreed

Orange Cat: [unfriendly/somewhat sharp meow]

Second cat slowly looks at the camera.

Man, filming, bashfully and sounding somewhat frightened: Sorry!

ocfos

I’ve never fuckin seen a cat move like that, and it feels so goddamn eerie.

zuge-deactivated20131228

i cant wait to be a piece of shit w/ a bachelors degree

tsunamiwavesurfing

@god turn the ac on

weavemama

WE ONLY HAVE ONE WEEK TO APPRECIATE THESE DATES

aclassilieutenant

And once again Americans get all the fun

ruinedchildhood

popcornfunction

lunnefisk

you can actually see him go through all five stages of grief

pr1nceshawn

alongfalltothetop-deactivated20

Oh I’m an asshole.

So today pulling into Stop and Shop, this lady cut me off and nearly drove into me, and then, when I tried to pass her, she swung to the right and nearly hit me again, and then flipped me off.

So somebody is having a bad day and taking it out on me. That’s fine. It’s harmless, and I don’t know what’s going on in this woman’s life. I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt she’s not just a piece of shit and is just having a bad day.

But then I park and she follows me, and gets out of the car and starts swearing at me and getting in my face.

Now I go from “indifferent” to “I’m gonna fuck with this woman’s head.” Now I would say I’m a gentleman of size, and in all black and bemohawked I probably look spookier than I actually am, so props to this lady for getting in my face. Now of course I’m not going to hit her, or even threaten violence. That’s shitty. Nobody should get threatened with violence.

Instead, I take a step back, narrowing my eyes like I’m studying her face really closely, and then I touch one of the several piece of “occulty” jewelry I’m wearing (none of which, by the way, are magicked in any way at all). Then I mumble some nonsense under my breath, and then make the fig gesture and the horns at her.

She stops, wide-eyed.

“WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST DO TO ME?”

I chuckled, and shake my head. “Nothing at all.” I say in a not-terrible convincing voice. “But every time something bad happens to you today, you’re gonna be thinking of me.”

Then I winked at her, and walked away.

curiowitch