Same Old Stories @findingikigai - Tumblr Blog

03:38

Years from now we would look back and think about the warmth of having company in a foreign country—the wine we drank, the food we shared, all the laughters. I will miss this. I am growing old and growing up which means going forward where sometimes we leave people we care about. Deep inside I know I want to move forward and explore a different route but I also know there’s sadness, a form of melancholy within it, knowing that things would change.

I am grateful but I feel regretful as well. Life is so good yet complicated at the same time. Hope I can keep for my own story

12.48

I feel too much. Im crying

1:56

Life update at D-40 I finally sent my notice. What an incredibly liberating and overwhelming feeling that I began crying. Until now, thinking about it makes me cry. I feel so sorry for myself for putting myself in that depressing situation for far way too long when i have so many people around me who are supportive of whatever decision I make.

I am going go miss this. I am going to miss this chapter, but I know in my heart it has ended and I need to go. I look at my friends and I see all these very nice people who made everything bearable in the past months. I hope I can spend more time with them. I wish I can keep the friendship thriving.

It feels surreal

02:03

I decided to give myself a deadline. I cannot continue with life always thinking about escaping it. I would love to have a plan b or some rest I just want to leave and get it done with

03:30

I had a rough day. I don’t know how people can do it—be able to complain or make a case without crying or feeling emotional. Im frustrated at the situation, but more frustrated with myself. I break under pressure that’s the reality. I dont think i can move past where i am know until i get over this.

I feel bad for forgetting about my friend. I don’t know why i feel too much, too often. Why i feel so affected by her loss when I’m clearly not as close to her already when she passed. I think im guilty for letting the friendship go. For being petty. For not reaching out when i could. For not visiting when i had the chance. I feel like i lost a very dear friend whom i thought would always be there. Idont know what i want to get out of it…for posting or grieving in public i feel like if i dont say it out loud then im not doing it justice.or if i do say it out loudly people would think it’s performative. I feel sad. Genuinely sad. I want to cry more. I feel like i can cry more. I feel so petty for crying about work or for breaking down over something superficial

If it’s really that bad why am i not trying hard enough to find a way out. It’s me, im the problem.

1:54

I hope this is will be the final time that I accept this kind of treatment. I’ve told people before you cannot stay in a place you’ve outgrown—and I guess I did not just outgrow this space, i’ve lost interest in it already.

I lost that sparkle. it’s a shame that I have put so much heart in it only to see it end like this

01:39

What you’re going through is not a phase that you just live by because people think that’s how it’s supposed to be. What you’re going through is real and it’s the happening now and you deal with it the way you want to deal with it. if you say you’re hurting, if you say it’s hard to breathe, if you say you feel your whole body trembling and you don’t know what to do, then

02:07

Another mood swing, another episode. I’m not sure if it’s post-holiday blues or just me being tired. I’m not sure why I’m still affected by it. Sometimes I feel like my presence is not wanted or appreciated and on normal days I’d say it’s fine because I enjoy my own company too but there are nights like this when it just hits, you know? Like what do you mean… you cant do it.do my plans not matter? I don’t even know what’s making me upset. I’m tired

1:39

Have you ever felt like yearning for something you’ve never had? Like longing for something you’ve never seen or know. I’m feeling this overflowing amount of emotions that I cant find the words for. If it’s something i cant explain then is it just one of those episodes? Is it birthday blues? Does this mean I’m lonely? Like maybe I’ve been lonely all along.

But isn’t it unfair to say that? I do genuinely feel happy with other people’s presence near me but why is it like this when I’m alone at night. I feel this overwhelming amount of feelings.

So much that I feel like I cant breathe

12.25

Sometimes I think about what could have been if I had been more honest about what I felt. I may not be sure about certain things but I wish I had been more vocal about things. Now I think i missed out on what could have been given to me. I’m lost and I’m tired

03:24

The past couple of weeks feel very exhausting. Am i going manic or am i spiraling. There’s this weird feeling in my heart that’s telling me im better off alone at home yet im forcing myself to go out and meet people because being alone just makes the voices in my head louder.

But im tired.

Im really tired.

Im tired of having to prove myself to other people. Im tired of feeling inadequate and incompetent. I cant sleep. Im tired but i cant sleep. I feel like my mind is just thinking of everything all at once. It’s frustrating to keep working on things without an end in sight. There has to be an end right. It has to end, i cant go on like this.

2:11

I’ll take this moment to reflect on the past few weeks. My heart is overflowing with emotions that it has filled my eyes with tears. What should I do if I know I have so much love to give but no one to give it too?

12:01

I know where this is going but i would like to hold on to that silver lining just in case

03:21

Why do we keep falling for the same trap

1:21

Do you think it’s complicated

I feel like it’s mismatched expectations

2.42

I just want to belong somewhere

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findingikigai

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