I can’t believe i’m here again…

[tiredandlonelymuse]

I mean. Yeah. being thrust into this insane world / business at 18 irrevocably altered my brain chemistry. but I gotta say, I wake up everyday and make a coffee and sit with my son while we have breakfast and I think to myself “you made it out relatively unscathed to this point, kid.” and for that I am grateful beyond measure. all it took was the exhaustion of waking up and self evaluating on a microscopic level for the past 5 years (which nearly killed me) BUT. I’m here. And I have kept it pretty much together (best as I can) as of recent. which is more than 18 year old me would have ever given herself the faith to bet on. Growth and pain and peace on the horizon. You got this.

[tiredandlonelymuse]

I’ve been on my knees since I was 5.

In the chapel,

in a bedroom,

in an alley late at night.

Always facing an inflated

godlike

version of some guy.

But as a girl you do what you need to survive.

You open wider, take the body.

Thank your father, you’ve been naughty.

2 Hail Marys, 20 lashings.

“I’ve been sent to punish you for daring to exist.

You will never know a love as meaningful as this.”

I’ve memorized

the lines

since I was 10.

From the Bible,

from the playbook,

from the magazines for men.

If you should mess it up, you’ll start again.

But, still, they only want

the women

they condemn.

I think that I’d have too much fun in hell.

With the pagans

and the hedonists

and sapphics there as well.

Purgatory seems the better fit

I can’t stand waiting in the corner,

but I do love being hit.

There’s not a torture you can prescribe

that I wouldn’t find

a way to like.

Every single second I’m alive

I’m sharpening an axe I’d like to grind.

“I was sent to punish you

for the way I was designed.

You will never know a love

that you fear more than mine.”

- “God Fear a Woman” 2023

[tiredandlonelymuse]

how is your health going lately? (hope u are doing great btw🧡)

ahhh u know what? honestly I’ve been just the worst ever the past few months. some new challenges and new things going on that rocked my world a little bit. nothing I really wanna talk about in detail or have wanted to share in any type of “announcement” way, to be honest.

But wanna say I’m grateful for everyone who has had the patience and grace to recognize that I’m taking a necessary rest and when I’m back, I’m gonna come as hard as I always do. The scale of the projects get bigger with every era, and they take a little more planning than they used to. Which means *time* ☺️

[tiredandlonelymuse]

what made you decide to come back to tumblr?

I miss talking to you guys and sharing things in a space that doesn’t have such potential to turn into tabloid-fare. Here I can write a poem about being a terrible evil murderous vampire, and people will be like “oh cool!”. On other platforms that would end up conspiracy or a psychological evaluation lol.

[tiredandlonelymuse]

If you were able to re-record any song from your discography in a new musical style, which one would you pick?

Girl is a Gun as the biggest pop smash ever.

or Drive as an 80s new wave banger haha.

[findingmysomewhere]

JUSTICE FOR DRIVE MUSIC VIDEO!!!

[tiredandlonelymuse]

happy 3rd birthday manic.

[tiredandlonelymuse]

He learned to make a fire in the woods, he says. As a child with awkward hands and fingernails bit down to the blood draw, he was a small intruder rustling through the brush. He shows me how he does it, in a cold house on a hill. An “X”, a tower, a steeple, open it up and see all the people. I watch solemnly from the collapsing couch and bend my bare toes forwards and backwards till they might break. The little flame isn’t taking. I watch it hard and I will it to grow. I first tense the arches of my feet, my calves, my thighs, my shoulders, my arms, and my teeth. I stare at the clumsy pile till my eyes salt-burn and beg me to blink. Grow little flame grow. It catches, and with it, his face. The satisfied smile tears across his cheeks in tandem with the center log toting new flames along its spine. He doesn’t know that it was me. I don’t say anything. He’s too proud. One day he will make a fire out of me. One sheet of my dry skin, crushed for kindling. 5 brittle bones for tinder. Poking and prodding in a brick cave, he will blow and give it life. I will glow, with orange meringue peaks along my back. He will smile. He doesn’t know that it was me.

-Date with an Alchemist, 2022

[tiredandlonelymuse]

I do not find peace in my melancholy.

My sadness is not serene.

I am bloodthirsty.

[gaypeopletwitter]

[n-haught]

the saga continues

[dust-in-my-eyes-deactivated2018]

[10knotes]

yet another unrealistic expectation for men

[adeles]

Disney Princesses in Wreck It Ralph 2: Ralph Breaks The Internet (2018)

[purplebuddhaproject]

“But don’t forget who you really are. And I’m not talking about your so-called real name. All names are made up by someone else, even the one your parents gave you. You know who you really are. When you’re alone at night, looking up at the stars, or maybe lying in your bed in total darkness, you know that nameless person inside you.”

— Louis Sachar (via purplebuddhaquotes)

[5tn]

[thequeeninthenorthsansa]

Stark hugs

[hotelhalsey]

iamhalsey: finding my way back to my roots. I’m growing older, but there’s still an angsty girl buried deep inside eager to get her hands on that mic. I wonder what the next album will bring….. thank you Manila. You’re a perfect crowd. 🖤 @donslens

[metalhearted]

[reblogable-memes]

PEEKABOOP