Trigger Warning

Ed/depression blog

[findmedarling]

I am back and I gained 5 pounds so I am currently taking hit man applications :)

[findmedarling]

Do you wake up at 3:30 in the morning with the sudden urge to be skinny so you silently work out or are you normal?

[findmedarling]

30 hours into 72 hour liquid fast

Mood is I quit my job

[findmedarling]

Due to personal reasons I went on a 3 day binge so Im starting a 72 hour liquid fast to fix my mental health

[findmedarling]

The fact I have to take a physical form upsets me, like to be a computer like planktons wife is the dream

[findmedarling]

My sister said I was skinny so naturally I’m now binging

[findmedarling]

I can’t poop. I don’t want to take laxatives because the time varies wildly with my body and I have stuff to do. I just want to poop so I can check my weight!

[findmedarling]

I’m stressing out because I’m going to see family for the next two days and it’s always a feast and snacking, my grandparents house is a huge trigger and I’m scared because I’ve been binge free for 7 days.

[findmedarling]

You know you’ve released when you get out

The Journal

[findmedarling]

My family keeps eating my safe foods and I hate it

[findmedarling]

My mom low key has an eating disorder and she almost encourages me to lose weight, I know it’s toxic but at least it’s easier to stick to my habits while I live here

[findmedarling]

I want to start posting what I eat, my feelings, safe foods, and other mental illness things but I don’t want to hurt anyone

[findmedarling]

My mom said “you have the ideal body, it’s not too skinny” 🙃

[findmedarling]

Depression is so hard to explain to someone who doesn’t have it, they don’t understand that taking my meds, working out, eating right and getting out of the house still isn’t enough. Those things help but at the end of the day they are just aids, not a cure. The worst part too is I can feel the depression creeping in and there is nothing I can do to stop it. I feel it almost consume me slowly as I lose interest in my hobbies, skip a meal or too, procrastinate a shower or lie in bed for hours. The happyness fades and the smallest inconvenience makes my want to cry. I want to have fun, play video games with friends but my depression makes me irritable at the thought. I want to be normal and I want people to know I’m trying to get better but depression is nasty and takes over your life.

[findmedarling]

i’m the lowest i’ve been in a while so why do i feel the fattest i’ve been in a while

[findmedarling]

I may be unable to get out of bed but at least it keeps me from eating

[findmedarling]

Back on my antidepressants and my bullshit