venty vent vent

bluhhh its like a diary but on my favorite app quick!!!!! externalize your feelings!!!!!

[fingerpistol]

some people don't fucking understand the finality of death and they're all "teehee lets do murder for fun!!!!!", you could never fucking kill someone and neither could I. it's a fucking harrowing disgusting hard awful painful destructive act and you, reading this, would not find it so easy to watch someone's life leave their fucking body, their whole body. it happens in an instant. FUCK i hate it here inhate everything everything is fucked i hate the world i hate online culture i hate america i hate existing and i wish i fucking didn't but im too much of a coward to fucking kill myself so here we are. everyone here who's not actively fighting for survival is as complicit as i am. we're all fucked.

[markets]

We all got that homie whose air of silliness doesnt hide the haunted look in their eyes😂👆

[fingerpistol]

i fucking hate myself so much. i hate myself so much. im so tired of this. i can barely leave my bed today. im not physically unwell. but i dont want to leave my room even to eat because i am afraid. of something nebulous and unspecified. people dont fucking get it. i didnt understand for a long time that wanting to stay in bed all day was not just me being depressed and im actively avoiding situations that make me anxious. i know that right now im experiencing a spike and i should be able to just stop it but i cant. because it's in my head whether i pay attention or not. and it will keep tumbling around whether i solve it or not. and it's so fucking discomforting.

[fingerpistol]

like. watch a bunch of triggering content because you want to help your brain adapt out of these behaviors, except it doesnt help and i justw ant to stay inside. i am so fucking afraid. i would cause so much physical harm to my body before i harmed someone else, someone more vulnerable than me, but if i leave my house it will happen. i feel stupid for saying it because i know it doesn't make sense but this is my reality. i want to die

[fingerpistol]

like im giving up job interviews, im not eating, i barely get out and see anyone. im never happy and i shut down the minute someone even breathes in the direction of my theme. and today it wasn't even someone else like it usually is!!!!! i just triggered myself!!!!! for nothing!!!!!

[fingerpistol]

i fucking hate myself so much. i hate myself so much. im so tired of this. i can barely leave my bed today. im not physically unwell. but i dont want to leave my room even to eat because i am afraid. of something nebulous and unspecified. people dont fucking get it. i didnt understand for a long time that wanting to stay in bed all day was not just me being depressed and im actively avoiding situations that make me anxious. i know that right now im experiencing a spike and i should be able to just stop it but i cant. because it's in my head whether i pay attention or not. and it will keep tumbling around whether i solve it or not. and it's so fucking discomforting.

[fingerpistol]

like. watch a bunch of triggering content because you want to help your brain adapt out of these behaviors, except it doesnt help and i justw ant to stay inside. i am so fucking afraid. i would cause so much physical harm to my body before i harmed someone else, someone more vulnerable than me, but if i leave my house it will happen. i feel stupid for saying it because i know it doesn't make sense but this is my reality. i want to die

[fingerpistol]

i fucking hate myself so much. i hate myself so much. im so tired of this. i can barely leave my bed today. im not physically unwell. but i dont want to leave my room even to eat because i am afraid. of something nebulous and unspecified. people dont fucking get it. i didnt understand for a long time that wanting to stay in bed all day was not just me being depressed and im actively avoiding situations that make me anxious. i know that right now im experiencing a spike and i should be able to just stop it but i cant. because it's in my head whether i pay attention or not. and it will keep tumbling around whether i solve it or not. and it's so fucking discomforting.

[fingerpistol]

suddenly something is catastrophically wrong

[fingerpistol]

this has continued to be the case for some time

[fingerpistol]

im so fucking miserable and i deserve it

[coolpixdump]

[fingerpistol]

the problems run so deep i just want to die. i cant keep having these thoughts i cant keep feeling like this. every day im burning alive. i want to die.

[fingerpistol]

it hurts so much and theres nothing i can do. i know it will go away, but i just dont know how to make it happen. i dont know how to get over you. how to move on after five years. its all too much.

[fingerpistol]

i know ill get over it eventually but it hurts so much i just want it to come back. i didnt want this and i was strong for a day or two but i want it to stop

[fingerpistol]

bluh nluh blih bluh bluh!!!!

[fingerpistol]

i am so. ungodly stressed. stressed to the nines. stressed to impress.

[fingerpistol]

my comfort is no one's priority

[fingerpistol]

feeling unloved and unlovable

[fingerpistol]

suddenly something is catastrophically wrong

[fingerpistol]

shes going to leave and then itll be over. i just have this sinking feeling that it will be the end. but whatever i guess life moves on. better to have loved and have lost than to have never loved at all