Forgive Me - Gundham Tanaka x Reader
! angst ! spoilers for chapter 4 of sdr2 !
cw: mentions of food, starvation, etc
Gundham's beloved is getting hit extra hard by the starvation motive, he can't handle watching them suffer. Takes place during chapter 4, so uh.. y'all know what to expect, right? (I'm sorry)
“My dearest one, why are you forgoing nutrients?” Gundham asked in concern as you turned down a plate at breakfast.
“I’m just not hungry is all. Don’t worry, I’ll be fine. If it makes you feel better, my dark lord, I’ll have a bit extra at dinner, alright?” You smiled at your not-so-secret boyfriend.
Gundham had panicked when you collapsed the first time. He refused to allow you to so much as stand unless it was necessary, saying that you needed to conserve your energy. "Guess I made a mistake this morning, huh?" You laughed nervously.
When you fully passed out after tai-chi the next morning, his heart sank, and he cradled your head for a moment before he carried you to your shared room, the others looking on, not quite knowing what to say or do. Looks of pity, and of concern, filled the faces of your friends.
After resting for awhile, you woke up in bed with Gundham laying beside you, propped on his elbow, his other hand lovingly stroking your cheek. His eyes held concern, and something that you couldn’t quite read. You smiled up at him regardless, weakly reaching up to mimic his actions on his own cheek.
He shut his eyes for a moment, and rested his forehead against yours. Your hand was so cold, so unlike the usual warmth of your skin.
“Forgive me, my dark queen.” His voice was barely above a whisper.
“Huh? What for?”
“…You will have your answers when we are free from this wretched place.” You swallowed hard, not knowing what he meant, but something in your heart was screaming that it wasn’t anything good. You figured it was something actually outside of the hell-house, and left it at that. Maybe he had been planning something, and due to being stuck in here, it would've gone awry by the time you're both released. What else could he have meant?
He moved to place a kiss to your forehead before going back to his original position. The two of you spent some time just gently caressing each other, and Gundham’s eyes continues roaming your body, seemingly trying to commit every last detail to memory. He’d been littering light kisses over your face, the back of your hand, anywhere he could reach really. This was odd.
“Are you feeling okay? You aren’t developing delayed despair disease, are you?” You half-joked, only to be met with furrowed brows and intense eyes.
“What makes you ask such a thing?”
“You’re just.. never this affectionate.” You said, a blush dusting your cheeks. “I’m not complaining, just an observation.” There was silence for a moment, his eyes searching yours, with such a far away sorrow in his own.
“You are just so weak, my beloved. To see you in a state such as this.. It pains me. If my affection will give you any comfort, then I shall happily give you all that I have to give.” He spoke softly, honestly. “You must understand, there is nothing that I would not do for you.” As he said this, he leaned down to kiss your lips. Something else that was rare. Gundham never kissed you without a reason. Though you weren’t going to question it, assuming he truly meant what he said. He just wanted to make you feel better, that's all this is.
“I love you, my dark one.” He whispered against your lips, before pressing his own back to them.
“I did not know that I could feel such things, not for another human.” He connected your lips once more, each kiss filled with a determined passion.
“Though you, my dearest, are so much more than a mere human.” Another kiss.
“You are radiant.” Kiss.
“Enchanting.” Kiss.
“You truly are an angel from the highest peaks of heaven.” Kiss.
“But for you to be so close to me? To love me - mankind’s most fearsome monster? Evil incarnate?” Kiss.
“Oh, your fall from the heavens into hell must have been excruciating.” Kiss.
“But you crawled your way to the surface, only to find me.” Kiss.
“A blessing that I truly never take for granted.” Kiss.
“I am so, very, deeply in love with you, my dearest fallen angel.” His voice wavered only slightly, as he kissed you one final time, lasting longer than the others. His lower lip trembled against yours, which you took note of. When he pulled away there were tears brimming his eyes, that he desperately tried to blink away.
He looked at you as if he would never see you again.
“Gundham, my love,” You weakly pulled him down into another short kiss, parting once again so that he could see the sincerity in your eyes, though your hand never left his cheek. “There is no force strong enough in all of the universe and those neighboring it to keep me away from you. From the highest peaks of heaven, to the darkest pits of hell, rest assured that I will always find my way back to you, my beloved. After all, I’m a servant sworn to serve under my dark overlord of ice for all of eternity.” You smiled weakly. He took your hand from his cheek to press a kiss to the palm.
“You are wrong. You are so much more than a servant under me - you are my dark queen, ruling by my side.”
“I adore you, Gundham. Nothing could ever stand in the way of my love for you. There simply is no force strong enough.” You spoke so earnestly, with so much love in your voice. Gundham returned your small smile, though he continued trying to keep his tears at bay as he rested his forehead against yours once more. Mostly so that you couldn’t see the wetness in his eyes.
It struck you then, that these sounded almost like vows. You suddenly found yourself picturing what your wedding might be like, after you get off of this island together.
It was getting late now, and he could tell that you were growing tired. But he didn't want this to end.
He knew what he had to do. It was for your sake, after all.
“There is something I wish to give you.” He said, sitting up enough to make use of both hands, removing the earring from his ear. The Hellhound Earring, one of his most prized possessions. Though the jewelry usually adorning your pierced lobes were small pearls, he entrusted you with the trinket.
“B-But-“
“I’d like you to have it.” There was an urgent intensity in his eyes that you couldn’t refuse. With a blush gracing your cheeks, you took hold of the earring with shaky hands. Smiling, you removed the earring on your right ear, and replaced it with the Hellhound Earring - knowing that was the side that he always wore it on.
“Could I offer you a trade?” You proposed, a lopsided grin on your face as your eyes shone. The sparkle in your eyes in this moment made Gundham smile, and he accepted your offer, fastening the small pearl earring in place of his own.
He returned beside you, resting on his elbow yet again. You couldn’t help but think how uncomfortable it must be. His eyes held too many swirling emotions for you to read, as he cupped your cheek once again and brought his lips to yours in one more passionate kiss. Pulling back afterwards to admire your beauty once again - the way your eyes shone brighter than the stars themselves, your kind smile, and the mismatched earrings adorning your ears. He couldn’t help but to place one last kiss on your lips.
“We should rest.” He stated, though he didn’t want to. He didn’t want these last moments alone with you to end. But you were so weak. So frail. And you looked so very tired.
“Can we still talk until I fall asleep?” You asked with your lower lip sticking out in a pleading pout. He chuckled softly, placing a quick kiss to your forehead.
“Of course, my beloved fallen angel.”
And so you did. He laid down fully, and you cuddled closely, talking about whatever topics came to mind. Eventually, you stopped responding, and Gundham knew that sleep had finally claimed you for the night. It had always brought him a sense of peace, for you to fall asleep first, in his arms like this. Though tonight, it only hurt, and he found himself having to hold his breath to stop a sob from forming, he couldn't risk waking you. As much as he'd like more time with you.
He didn’t have much time before he’d have to leave your side, to put his plan into motion. But the time he did have, he spent savoring every breath you took, and every small sound you made in your sleep. He savored everything that he could see of you, as well as your scent, the softness of your skin under his hands - he savored every last bit of you that he could. He drifted to sleep only briefly before he was awoken by the Devas as instructed.
As he carefully unwound himself from you, careful not to wake you, he placed one last, long kiss to your forehead, a few stray tears finally falling as he replayed your vows from the previous night.
“Forgive me, my love.”
a/n: idk if anyone caught this but this was meant to be a “marriage” of sorts, y’know? between them exchanging “vows” and swapping earrings? like you do at a wedding with actual rings after saying your vows? yeah.. anyways I cried while I wrote this and I hope y’all enjoy 😌
Coming back to this after his birthday 😭💙
Still the best fic I've read. 🥹
