Shouting Into The Void

Anxiety is trash, but I won't let it drag me to the dump.

[fireandcake]

Back to shout into the void and ultimately talk to myself because I just can't talk to anyone else right now.

I feel so STUCK. Life is supposed to be enjoyable, right? Like you're supposed to WANT to keep living. Otherwise, what's the point? My greatest goal right now is to figure out how to live sustainably. It doesn't even have to be great, just tolerable. I just want to build a life that is tolerable. Why is that so far out of reach? Why can't I find a job that pays enough for a tiny apartment for myself and my small dog that doesn't burn me the fuck out? How is everyone else managing the suffering and making it work, but I can't seem to? Why is it taking me so LONG to get back on my feet after my divorce? Why did I ever let myself rely on my ex husband to that extent, and now I feel helpless? Why don't I have a plan yet? Why is nothing working out? What can I do differently to be different in a more successful way?

I just wish I wasn't afraid all the time. Then maybe I could build something for myself instead of destroying everything I touch.

[fireandcake]

If you get BV after sleeping with a guy, leave him.

He's not the one.

[fireandcake]

I'm stuck in this cycle of "everything I do is wrong." It feels like there is no right answer. I would like to be happy, but I don't see a pathway to happiness, per se.

I feel lost. I don't feel connected to my loved ones or even my own life. I don't feel like I belong to me. I don't feel like I can make the right choices for myself. I'm not talking about constantly trying to make choices that suit everyone, I struggle to even make decisions to suit me. How do I live my life when I feel like a fuck up adrift in a sea of fuck up landmines?

I want shit to make sense. Nothing makes sense. Nothing has made sense for years.

[fireandcake]

I live a life that doesn't belong to me. 🫠

[fireandcake]

I love when people try to match energy without fully understanding just how batshit crazy I really am.

[fireandcake]

If I could beat a man to death with words, I'd be a serial killer. ❤️

[fireandcake]

On the odd night once a month or so, I crave crawling into the crater of my old life- just to feel close to what used to be.

That life was obliterated, and I can't go back- but I can take a few moments to revisit the ashes and mourn the loss all over again.

It's as if that time wasn't so far away after all... Almost close enough to touch.

[fireandcake]

I will answer for my crimes in hell,

But the demons will have to drag me from the gates of Valhalla first.

[fireandcake]

[fireandcake]

Not all men, but probably you.

I find that people who are preoccupied with arguing their innocence of a crime they haven't even been specifically accused of committing usually have something to feel guilty about... 😒

[fireandcake]

I'm odd but not in a "quirky and fun" way...

It's more of a "Should we call someone for you?" way.

[fireandcake]

He who collects bitches Also collects itches. ✨

~😒

[fireandcake]

[fireandcake]

Once upon a time, I thought I knew what my life was and where I was headed. I was wrong.

Now I'm not sure what's true anymore.

[fireandcake]

The boxes I used to contort myself to fit inside look so small now.

[fireandcake]

The best lotion comes in the ugliest bottles. ✨

[fireandcake]