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@firstlvght
𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐒𝐓𝐋𝐕𝐆𝐇𝐓 ; as written by bonnie . she/her & est & twenty4 !
albus severus potter ( christopher briney ) + intro & pinterest
lucas ren rosier ( griffin gluck ) + intro & pinterest
katie bell ( marisa tomei ) + intro & pinterest
dean thomas ( idris elba ) + intro & pinterest
zara macnair ( sujaya dasgupta ) + intro & pinterest
julieta crabbe ( maia reficco ) + intro & pinterest
feel free to send any memes for anyone here !
they were skin-to-skin, but worlds apart where it truly mattered. raised under two different hands : the very same pair that would never allow them to be more than just this, burning fast, yet fleeting… engulfing everything in its path until there would be nothing left but the memory of a million lifetimes that could never be truly theirs. in this one, luck was far from their side - and the idea of destiny proved to be rather cruel. why would the fates have them meet, just to for one to rise as morning comes, and, the other to fall as dawn settles ? missing each other by just a moment. “ i would be with her, and not you, if i feel even an ounce of what i do for you, “ he can feel albus pulling away from him : the shifting of weight in the mattress tugging at the proverbial string tying them, and only urges scorpius to rise with him. “ i’m happy with you. this is where i find my happiness. nothing else matters but us, baby - i swear that to you, “ he takes a hold of the other’s hand before they could truly part, and brushes over albus’ ring finger … empty, much like his own. “ it’s not my choice. marriage is a piece of paper meant to appease the masses. whatever happens out that door, doesn’t matter. none of it is real. none of it is this, “ bringing the hand to his lips, he kissed the back of it - an anchor, tugging albus back to shore … before he could float back into the realms of reality. “ come back with me, “ his voice soft, and devoid of its usual drawl. only truth. “ just for a few days. you can leave whenever you want. spend the entire time cursing me, icing me out, slap me for good measure - anything. just come home with me, “ cerulean still fixed on the other male, hand weaved in between one another’s. “ be mine again, love. from now, to always, “
it should be enough consolation for albus, scorpius’s verbal affirmation that he has feelings for him, strong ones at that, to help him through the turmoil inside. he wishes that the words and actions were enough, and he doesn’t know why it’s not. he wishes he could identify what causes him to view his relationships like this, that he feels the need to ruin it before it can even get started. the ache in his chest only intensifies as scorpius touches his hand, and he knows there’s no malice behind it, but it’s a cruel reminder of what they can never have, even if they wanted it, if they even got to that point of it all. there’s a magnetic force about scorpius malfoy, and it takes everything in albus to fight it, to not fall to the pull back into his arms. it’s already too late for al to take back what he said, too late to pretend that the reality settling for him isn’t at the back of his mind at all times. it’s just now albus feels like he has to voice it. a sadness that can only be described as profound is cast over his face, and he’s too much of a romantic to agree with scorpius. he thinks of those around him, the way his parents have been rocks for one another, no matter how dark the days were. it’s something that albus wants for himself, something that he had thought he had found, no matter how doomed this might have been. al shakes his head gently, and looking into scor’s blue eyes are almost enough to make him cave, but he doesn’t. “i can’t do that, scor,” he finally says, hand gently falling from the other’s. “my family is already worried about me,” and he thinks about how awful he was to james, and he can’t imagine being separated from his brother, his sister. “i don’t ... i don’t want to just have another wing in the estate that you will share with your wife.” even thinking about scor having a family of his own is enough to make him feel like he’s going to fall apart at any moment. “and i’m not going to ask you to leave your family,” he adds as a disclaimer because he wouldn’t ask him to do something he himself wouldn’t do. but it’s also not like albus can offer him anything better than a cramped safehouse. “so ... i think.” he pauses, has to look away from him. “i think i need to go home.”
Fingers drummed softly against the flat surface of the table of where she sat. Her eyes trained on the door waiting, for what she wasn't sure but she was waiting. It was as if deep within her she knew that something was going to happen but she couldn't figure out exactly what or to what length it would be. Her legs crossed and her foot bobbed in the air. It wasn't like her to feel so anxious but Ginny couldn't get rid of the feeling. She couldn't calm the nerves of worry while she sat there in the silence. Glancing towards the magical clock that hung on the room Ginny wished that time would go faster so that the feeling in the pit of her stomach would fade away. With a shake of her head she gave a swish of her wand and started up the kettle, perhaps a cup of tea or hot coco would help, when the sound of the nearby floo flared to life. @firstlvght
he’s still reeling, the conversation on repeat in his mind. al wishes that he could have said things differently, but he knows he’s never going to be able to take back the things that he’s said. no amount of distance will help him forget, and it’s something that he will have to get used to. the safe house welcomes him, and he tries his best to be quiet, but he jumps instantly, seeing his mother sat at the table. “hey, mum,” he says, weakly, lips pressed together as he stands across from her. he had hoped, selfishly, that no one would be around when he returned, a chance to quickly hide while he gathered himself. but it’s like ginny knows, and he has to keep himself together, at least for a little bit. he reaches for the chair across from her, arms resting on the table as he rushes his hands through his hair. “i think i fucked up,” albus admits, not wanting to look at her just yet, and he doesn’t even know where to begin.
Albus, I’m not good at writing these
I feel very far from you
Will you please meet me somewhere? Anywhere.
Albus, @firstlvght
When I began writing this letter, there was a lot that I wanted to say. But as the days past, I feel the eternity between us stretches for miles and I can’t make sense of what’s going on in my head anymore. When I recklessly and thoughtlessly divulged my feelings to you, I never really expected that you’d feel the same way but, foolishly, I had hope that you would. But it’s okay that you don’t. I…
I keep telling myself that this will pass, eventually, But I don’t think it will. You see, even when we’re separated by great distances, you’re still the only person I think of. Period. The only person I wish to tell all my secrets, the only person I wish to spend my afternoons with in the sun, the only person I wish to share a laugh with. My fondness for you only seems to grow in the heartache, which seems foolish and unfair. I know I am quite mad at myself for it but I don’t know how to stop.
This isn’t really about that though. I only wanted to let you know that you’re wanted and, well, I think I have done that in a way. Please know that, I would do anything to keep being your friend. If it meant never having to speak of my own feelings then so be it; I would selflessly put them away if it meant being in your favor. You’d only have to ignore the stares; those I can’t help, I’m sorry.
I never intended on being a nuisance to you and I hope, sincerely, completely, wholly, that I never am one. I know my feelings for you aren’t ideal, but they are the most genuine ones that I have ever had. I… I am sorry that I left so suddenly the other day. I just couldn’t take you looking at me… I just couldn’t take it, you know? I realize I probably left you in a state of confusion and I’m extending an olive branch - feel free to ask me anything, or nothing at all if it suits you.
I will always care for you. Even if we’re far, far away from one another.
Lysander
lys,
i want you to know that i’m convinced that there’s nothing you could ever do to me that would make me not want to be your friend anymore. you are my closest, oldest friend, and and i wish i could tell you the truth the past days without you have been confusing, definitely, but the hollowness left by your absence weighs more on me than i think you believed it would. that isn’t something i’m saying to make you feel guilty, but i want you to know just how much you mean to me since i’m obviously not very good at making it known. i’m the one who should be apologizing here. you confided something in me, and i had such a shitty reaction. i wish i could cast blame of my reaction on ... whatever magic they had been using to justify my response. but in all actuality, it had been because i was just so shocked and surprised by your words. i don’t look at you in any different way, and if you’d want, i can come by soon, whenever you’re ready. i meant it when i said i’d come see you. and maybe this is a conversation we should have in person. please don’t ever feel like you have to distance yourself from me like this again. it’s us, lys. we’ll be able to work through it together.
albus
“ it doesn't have to be, ” within the hollowed halls of one of the ancestral homes, lie a sacred defiance : limbs tangled within one another's, skin finding familiarity against the other's own … having grown a home across enemy lines is the last thing either of them thought would happen, alas — he returns the other's kisses with some of his own, hand snaked around albus' neck, never once leaving his side. stars absentmindedly drawn across the brunette's skin, a silent reminder of who he's with, and who has laid his claim on him : for whoever long their reverie will last, and well beyond the bounds of time. “ you can live with me, ” the offer is genuine, as many of his words to albus had been. “ it would be like … having a roommate, i suppose. one that just so happens to be your brother's ex-girlfriend, with whom i share a name with on a piece of paper. think of it as a lease. irony, and awkwardness aside — it's what lies in the cards for me, ” for us, rather … he almost continues. hues still locked on the other's own, a curl reminiscent to a sad smile carving through his features. there is no true, fairytale ending to any of this : especially not when their futures lie in two complete, diverging paths, with no end in sight. still, with no ring adorning his left finger, he took albus here … somewhere he's taken no one else before. a glimpse into what could have been. “ i need an heir, and, unfortunately, there are no miracles to be had between us on that front. to no fault of either of us, " and what is … the story of us ? if not a great, big tragedy.
his eyes betray him, shining with the slightest glimmer of hope as scorpius begins. maybe this ... tryst of theirs isn’t as doomed as he thought it was, reality slowly starting to set in with albus, even as he feels scor’s lips against his skin. it’s enough to become completely unraveled by the other, and he has to remind himself that this isn’t what their world will allow. “live with you?” al repeats, a laugh escaping as he studies the other ; he can’t be serious. the hopeful light slowly starts to fade from his eyes, biting the inside of his cheek. al lets himself be selfish once again, dreaming about the potential life he and scor could have. he thinks it wouldn’t be much of a life after all. scorpius is to have a wife, and he’s not naive nor selfish enough to believe that he and scor would have the potential to get that far, that official, but the option no longer being on the table causes a pain in his chest that he isn’t expecting. albus shakes his head, both at the idea from the other and to shake the thoughts from his mind. “i can’t ... we can’t do that, scor.” he says, the realization weighing heavily on him. he sits up, needing some distance between the two of them. he knows scor means it, that he would never mistreat him, but recent events come rushing over him, and why is he regretting running away to scor when his family was hurting just as much as him? “so ... that’s the only reason why you’re doing this?” he asks, and he hates that he feels sorry for scorpius in the moment, but he’s worried that he’s only doing it for his family’s happiness, not his own. “even if it means you might not be happy ... either of you?” albus isn’t assuming that he can give scorpius that happiness, but he wants him to have the chance to figure out who it may be.
𝙿𝚁𝙴𝚂𝙴𝙽𝚃𝙸𝙽𝙶 ... julieta crabbe, a study in ... lips pouted before you get your way, dark curls bouncing as you walk by, misty eyes hiding just how calculated you truly are, and cherry red, is it your favorite color or does it just remind you of the blood you’ve spilled? + more !
Al-Saddiq Al-Raddi, from "Theatre" (trans. Sarah Maguire & Sabry Hafez) [ID'd]
Conrad + Intense Looks
MAIA REFICCO as Noa Olivar in Pretty Little Liars: Summer School "Chapter Thirteen: Sweet Sixteen"
he shoulders sink, already knowing what albus will say before he even says it; its in the way that albus says lysander's name. he doesn't sigh and he doesn't smile. he does take a step away from the bedside of his friend only to reach out when albus nearly falls. he helps him back into bed, a furrow in his brow of worry, and still he doesn't say anything. 'sorry you had to go through that on your own.' nodding, he thinks he understands now; his feelings aren't reciprocated and he doesn't... he doesn't know how to go about things now that albus knows the truth. inside, everything is quiet and he can barely hear albus. there's a sinking pit in his stomach and he feels like he might vomit at any minute.
he needs to get out of here. get out of here before he makes a fool out of himself.
"i think i need to go home now," nodding, he knows that he'll find lorcan after this. his twin is the only one that really understood the depth of his feelings for albus. lys doesn't feel like laughing now and he knows that he won't feel like laughing for a long time about this - if ever. "i... i hope you do get to feeling better, albus." and he does - he would never, ever wish ill on albus.
albus wishes he can take it all back, and his breath stills as he takes in the disappointment on his friend’s face. he wishes he knew, or that maybe albus had been the one to say something to him before. he can’t get stuck in the what ifs or what could have been, but just thinking about being with lys being a possibility once causes an ache in his chest he hadn’t been expecting. he can see the turmoil behind lysander’s eyes, and he wants to tell him that the feelings were, maybe even are reciprocated, but he knows that will do more harm than good. so he settles with the fact that he’ll have to be someone that hurts lysander before it could even get started. he still doesn’t know what to say to his friend as he can see the heartbreak, and lips part but they say nothing. instead, albus presses his lips together, as a preventive measure to save both of them from anything that could be said as a mistake. albus nods his head, as much as it pains him, and he knows it’s for the better. he doesn’t know why he’s more comfortable with the idea of lys being upset with him before anything starts instead of them even trying, but he hopes that they can come back from this. “i ... ” he stumbles over his words still, and he wishes he knew how to help lys through this. “i understand.” merlin, he wishes he would stop talking. lysander starts walking away and there’s a weak smile, one that he hopes is a comfort because he wants him to know he still wants him, needs him in his life. “i’ll come ... i’ll come see you when i can.” which he knows lysander probably doesn’t want that to happen for awhile, but he can at least try.
NEW GIRL ( 2011 - 2018 ) ↳ season 1 episode 9
what is the price of freedom, if not, loss ? there can only be one, traue path that they both can take, and it’s one that diverges : following fate’s cruel hand as it ruptures, and takes … unforgiving even to the kindest of souls. unfortunately for them, only one of them possess such innocence. in another life, far unlike this one, perhaps things could have been different. maybe, just maybe, they wouldn’t have been so destined to miss each other by the flicker of dawn, and the setting of dusk. stars don’t belong in the morning light. “ you’re being dramatic. as if you have a villainous bone in your body. you’re all the best parts of everyone you’ve ever met, “ and he means it with all his heart - kisses every bone he could set his sights on, nipping at the open collarbone as his teeth even attempt to leave imprints, remnants of himself within its rigidity. if this is all we’re going to have, i shall will it to live within you forever. selfishly, tirelessly, wholly only me. “ how terribly cynical, and unpotter of you. what happened to the blind optimism of a family full of gryffindors ? “ the spark in his eyes glimmers, tease slipping off his tongue a silkened reprieve from the fate awaiting them beyond the guarded lands. ( but it’s not real, and you don’t exist - and i can’t recall the last time i was kissed. ) “ but you’re different, aren’t you, love ? you’re clever, and you expect the worst so you can guard your heart … lock it away from me ? “ he doesn’t see even a sliver of resemblance to the rest of albus’ family : not when there’s a beast beneath the boards that can be lured out if he wills it to. so far ? scorpius has never known failure, not when the game has been the only thing he’s ever truly known.
“ am i supposed to be some people ? “ brow quirking in response, faking offence through the scoff that leaves him. hips rolling in response, hand snaking behind albus’s head to grasp at darkened locks - grasping it between his fingers, tugging as a reminder of who he’s with, and who really is in control. “ i do love it when you try to pretend you don’t want me all to yourself. like you’re not just as selfish as i am. i’ll remind you again, hm ? “ not a promise, rather, a manifestation. whatever he wills, shall come to be. whatever he wants, shall be his. there is no god out there with a greater hunger for what isn’t his than the one burying his head in the crook of albus’ neck, and whispering prophecies of what is to be. “ there’s no one in this world, who will be able to touch you - “ he starts, leaving a slow, calculated kisses over every patch of unmarked flesh. ( you’re no good for me, baby, you’re no good for me - but i want you, i want you, i want - ). soon, there will be no place that hasn’t been touched by him “ - make you whine - “ canines sinking along a blossoming bruise …. a blazing red reminder of how easily salvation bleeds into sacrilege. lips parting from albus’ skin for a moment, only to hover over the other’s lips - almost, but not quite yet. “ - and have you begging for me to fuck you, ruin you from the inside out. no one but me. do you understand ? “
he can’t remember when he drifted off to sleep, but albus opens his eyes to see an unfamiliar room. he’s worried about where he is for a brief moment, but then he feels the warmth from the other, and any panic is instantly gone. albus shifts to be closer to him, memories of the two of them from earlier instantly replaying, and al struggles to believe it wasn’t just another dream, but the littering of bruises and marks over both chests are evidence enough that it isn’t. he turns into the other, lips finding his collarbone like it’s a ritual they have, and for a second, al wishes it doesn’t have to end. but he knows that he’s been gone for too long at this point, and the reality of their situation, no matter how far away it is, is always going to be in the back of al’s mind. he wishes that he could be like scorpius, thinking of just the moment and enjoying it, but he can’t find it in him. “can i ask you something?” al asks between kisses, blue eyes meeting the other’s finally. there’s tension in his stomach as he thinks about what he’s going to say next, and he doesn’t wait for scor to say anything else. “is this what it’s going to have to be like?” al finally says, and as much as he wants to continue just touching scorpius, he has to practice some self control. “you having to sneak me away to some estate so we don’t get caught?” as much as he hates it, there’s evidence of the hurt that he feels if that’s true in his voice, and part of him knows that it’s their only solution, but he’s hoping that scor will tell him different.
NIGHT DIRVE. ALL CRUISE. NO BREAKS
“Driving away”, by Le Castle Vania & Sunsun; // “Driving away from home (Jim’s Tune)”, by It’s Inmaterial; // “Drive”, by Halsey
The pressure in his chest hardly eased at what was so clearly an attempt to reassure him. Harry would have shook his head in protest, but then Albus was throwing himself forward, and Harry's hands reached out on instinct to hold on tightly in return. There was a voice in his head telling him to be careful, to be gentle, but he found he couldn't, needed to have Albus this close, the way Harry had held him when he was a child, swearing then and there that he would never let anything touch him, that he would always protect him. Perhaps if he held him tightly enough now, Harry could still convince himself, could still believe in that. "Don't say that," he said fiercely, pullling back only enough to lean his forehead againt his son's. "None of this is your fault. I should have made you go home. We should have had - a better way to get everyone out. But the what ifs, Al - I've spent a lifetime battling them. I don't want to see you doing it. I won't see you do it. This wasn't on you. Promise me, you'll remember that?" He waited, and watched to see Al had heard it, knew it. Because there was more to say. And it wasn't going to be easy, not for either of them. But if anyone was to bear responsibility, he would not let it be Albus. It had been on his orders. It was on his hands, on his head.
"We are, yes -James, Lily, your mother, all the cousins, but ..." Harry broke off. He had been determined to deliver the news himself, had allowed no one else to do so. Albus would hear it from him. But it was difficult, all the same, to look into his trusting eyes and say it. Harry had never sought hero worship, but he had to admit, the utter faith, the complete trust with which Albus had always looked at him was something he depended on. But it wasn't something he could spare himself. Harry owed this. He steeled himself, and continued, a stark grief behind the determination in his eyes. "Xue is dead. He was brave. As any of us who knew him would have expected. It looks like they... tortured him for information. He held out for a very long time." Harry hated himself for saying the words, an empty eulogy for a boy he had known almost his whole life, who had been so much more than clinical words about bravery, words Harry had recited so many times now, for so many fallen. A boy Albus' age, his friend. It could have been him. Harry was so terribly grateful that it wasn't, and so terribly guilty for the relief in his heart. He cradled Albus' face in his hands, unwilling to let go. "I know he meant a lot to you."
al doesn’t mean to, he really doesn’t, but at his father’s embrace, holding him tighter than he has in a long time, albus becomes undone, and he finally lets the tears flow as he cries into his father’s shoulder. he didn’t realize just how frightened he had been. the focus had only been on rescuing his sister and other family members, and for once, albus shared the same fearless courage as the ones most important to him, but after being so close to being one of the ones lost, al doesn’t know how he’s been in their family, always feeling misplaced. he blinks away some of the tears, some still falling as his father speaks to him. and he knows he’s only trying to comfort him, but there’s still that guilt, the one that makes him feel like he should have never gone to if it only ended in hurting his family this way. but albus nods his head anyways, sniffling as he finally reaches up to wipe away some of the tears. a soft “okay” is his only response, and he’ll work on it, he truly will, but it’s not just something that one conversation will be able to fix. he instantly knows by the change in his father’s demeanor and tone that there was loss at the manor. it’s something that he’s had to experience his entire life, experience loss of important people in the order that aren’t family by blood, but they might as well be. al is going through the ranks mentally, and he hates how he’s already listing in his head those they might have lost, but as harry speaks again, the name xue coming from his lips, and al starts shaking his head, the tears already beginning to fall again. his stomach turns at the mention of torture, and his face blanches, becoming pale again as if all the color he’s regained since healing is gone again. the idea of someone like xue, someone so good, having an ends that cruel. he’s speechless for a moment, having trouble believing it, and if it was anyone else besides his father, he would have called them a liar, telling them to get out. “it’s not fair,” albus says, his voice small and cracking as he leans into his father’s hands once more, a fist bunching the sheets as he tries to ground himself with the news. “do we ... do we know which ones did it?” he knows it’s too early for the order to have been investigating into it, but he wants to know, needs to know. albus isn’t a fighter, he doesn’t want to be, but he’s starting to think that maybe it’s becoming a time where he doesn’t have a choice.
"why?" lys asked, a sort of queer look on his face. it was almost a smile but far from pleased. "why?" he whispered to himself, casting a look at the candies in albus' hands before he sighed and, finally, finally admitted defeat. "i'm sure your siblings are a bit tedious but they're worried about you." but he wasn't here to give albus a lecture about his siblings. up until now, he had just been here for a simple visit, a friend to a friend visiting in hopes of lifting spirits. but now... well, he supposed that he had a point to prove now. "and i am not sure how to say this without revealing too much; because i worry so much that i might make myself a nuisance in your eyes." but despite this, he was content to carry on because albus' complete lack of trust and understanding was driving a nail into his heart each time his friend mentioned something of not understanding why lys was here to begin with.
"you're loved beyond measure, albus, and maybe you refuse to see it because it scares you; just how much you're wanted or loved. i can see how it might be scary for someone if... if someone harbored such feelings for them as i do you." he couldn't look at albus just then and his eyes lingered on the floor, the heat in his face unmeasured and the blush unmistakable. "and i have no notions that you harbor the same feelings that i do for you; that's not what this is about. rather, i'm so..." frustrated, he let out a groan and his face fell into his hands, the next words coming out muffled. "i'm so upset that you don't see the people around you clearly; that you don't see their feelings for you. that people would unwind themselves just to be in your presence, that people would go to incredible lengths just to look favorably in your eyes. i have gone to incredible lengths to do just the same, you see?" and he looked up at last to find albus' eyes, or try to at the very least. he felt like his heart was about to beat out of his chest at any minute and he felt, not for the first time in albus' presence, that he might shake from his skin and leave behind a mold of himself at any second. his nerves were so frazzled that the shaking was back in his hands and he worried he would be thrown out at any second by the injured man. "i know that perhaps i speak out of turn but you're my best friend and i've spent so many..." cutting himself off, he swallowed and shook his head, moving to stand. he began to pace then, a section of the floor from the door to albus' bed before he turned around again and did the same. "i've spent so much time trying to hide my feelings for you as your friend and your confidant. i've tried so many things, albus, in the hopes that you might see me for who i am when you're around.." but it was for naught as albus couldn't really get out of his own head to see what truly lie in front of him. "i'm not saying its all your fault; i was never honest about my feelings and that's on me. i'm not even being totally honest in the hopes that you might look at me the same way one day; i just hope that you know..." he stopped in the center of the room, his eyes taking in the different things in it before slowly, completely and utterly spent, he looked at albus. "i just hope you know now that you're loved beyond measure, without expectations."
light brows furrow together at the change in demeanor, and he starts an apology, one for not meaning to ... he isn’t sure what he would be apologizing for, so he doesn’t. instead, his eyes watch, struggling to remember a time where his friend looked like he was struggling with communicating something. normally, that’s him with lys is there to help him work through it. “lys, you can never be a nuisance to me,” he adds before lys is able to add anything, unsure where this is going, but he wants lysander to know that out of everyone in his life, he’s been one of the few where he’s never dreaded seeing them or having a conversation with them. but as he continues, albus stops. he’s sure that he’s frozen in place on his bed because there’s ... there’s no way this is happening. al is convinced this is brought on by all the medicine and potions because if it isn’t, it means that he has just waste ... so much time worrying about himself and the image he has of himself. he isn’t sure why he’s always been so scared of someone caring for him, why it’s always such a struggle for him to believe that someone would choose him out of everyone around them. it’s part of the reason that when albus felt anything beyond friendship towards lysander, he pushed it deep down, undoubtedly causing a rift between the two of them on accident. al can’t help but to think of everything lysander has done for him in the past and that moment, through a different lens, and even the thought of him at one time reciprocating al’s feelings makes his stomach fill with butterflies. but he knows it’s not the moment for that. he’s probably too late for anything to happen, there’s too much at stake. when their eyes meet, al feels his face heat, debating on coming clean as well, telling lys how he was always too scared to say anything. lysander is so good, he knows he can never hold a light to him. but al wonders what the point of it would be. he still believes that lysander is better off pining after him, or at least having pined after him. “lysander,” he says finally. after the spiraling of thoughts, that’s the best thing that he could come up with. al tries standing as lys moves away, and part of him gets up so quickly because he’s afraid that lysander would walk out without him having said anything. but he stumbles slightly, feeling dizzy from moving so quickly when he’s been bedridden. al instinctively reaches for lysander for steadiness, and he knows it’s not fair to him. al hates himself for now feeling comfortable with touch after knowing his friend’s feelings for him. “shit, sorry.” he blinks his vision clear before looking up at lys again, and he’s never been more afraid of talking to him. “i just ... i’m sorry you had to go through that on your own.” it’s the last thing he would have wanted for his friend. he pauses, blue eyes meeting lysander’s own once again. “maybe this will be something we can laugh about, later on.” his voice is shaky, but his grasp on lys’s forearm stays firm. “how dumb i am that i wasn’t able to see right in front of me.” he pauses, and for once he wishes he was as brave as the rest of his family members to actually say what he means and how he feels. but he isn’t, so he will rather stay silent to not cause any more heartbreak for either of them. “but ... thank you for telling me, and thank you for ... helping me see myself in a better light.”
THE FALL | 1.01
