first time mommy

currently searching for my identity

[firsttimemommy-blog1]

Still fighting OCD, and growing really tired of it.

It feels like relief to finally stick a name to the monster that has been following me around every single day for the last nine months.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. AKA: Ugly, obsessive, intrusive thoughts.

Some days are better than others, but I just wish someone could wave a magic wand and I could finally SQUISH this nasty bug and wash my hands of this forever. I know it is not that easy.

I’ll have a great week, where I think things are getting back to normal, and then I’ll have a day (or some kind of trigger) that will make me ruminate over and over again.

Therapy is helping. I wish all mothers with postpartum problems would give therapy a real try. It may take a little time to find a therapist you trust, but believe me when I say they can HELP you. 

They can help you, specifically because they understand the psychological processes that are happening in your head. And they have scientifically proven methods to help you fight/overcome the problems you’re facing. It’s not just some person you’re paying to mull over your problems with each week. And I only say that because that was my perception of therapists before actually seeing one...

My OCD:

My OCD is almost completely focused on the fear that my husband will “grow tired of me” and lust after younger women. And every single story of (male) infidelity I hear about in the media, or any young attractive woman conveyed in a  sexual manner (TV, movies, magazines, art, etc.) my husband (or I) am exposed to, will trigger my ruminations. I can’t even enjoy music that includes lyrics about “hot”, “attractive” or “pretty” girls, because I feel like my identity as wife, mom, and being nearly 30, has made me unable to carry those same qualities. I am no longer in that circle. And my body has changed in ways that I no longer have the body I see on TV. I’ve literally been apprehensive about watching Game of Thrones with my husband, because there is so much female nudity and sexuality that I feel like I will burst into tears and just crumple up and die right there on the ground. 

So it sucks to say, that my OCD is triggered and fed by very real, traumatic events, that validate my fears. It sucks.  

Before I realized what I was experiencing, I allowed my mind to run rampant, and scour the internet for any source of information that supported or validated my fears. It was ugly. It made things 10000x worse. I learned to NOT do that anymore. Instead I research and read stories and studies that soothe, comfort, and debunk the thoughts I’m having. Way more helpful.

I still find myself ruminating over things multiple times each day, Usually when I’m driving (exposed to radio, alone, stuck in my head). I need to find a tool or distraction to combat it. 

I try calling my husband at work, but I know I will be disappointed because he has no solution for me. And he’s so busy and stressed with work that he barely has time to talk. 

At this point, I do worry about the impact my mental issues will have on our marriage. So I do believe that treatment will continue throughout my lifetime.

To any moms out there struggling, please get help-- for yourself, your spouse, and your children. Otherwise it is likely you will find yourself down a pretty dark hole. 

Good luck.

<3nicole

[firsttimemommy-blog1]

Dietary supplement that has the power to reduce OCD?

Hi hi...

Writing this after spending three full weeks in Florida. It was a wonderful time, but unfortunately I did have some pretty dark days...sort of “relapsed” and had a lot of obsessive/intrusive thoughts, feelings of extremely low self-worth, feelings of hopelessness...and some crying spells. Ugh. 

Immediately called and scheduled three more appointments with my therapist, and had the first one about a week ago. 

She recommended a dietary supplement, primarily used for liver and lung function. It’s called “N-Acetyl-L-Cysteine”, or, “NAC”. It cost me about $20 for 100 tablets at a local co-op. I only take two each day, but may increase to three or four, based on the studies I’ve been reading about.

I’ve been taking it for a few days, and feel it is too early to fully determine whether or not it’s helping. I’ve been very busy/productive the last few days, so I’m waiting for a particularly empty day/bad day to see if my obsessive/intrusive thoughts come back with a vengeance or not.

That being said, I do suspect they could be helping. I usually become very down and depressive on Sunday nights and most Mondays... today was my first Monday since starting NAC, and I practically sprung out of bed, in a wonderful mood. I still had some negative thoughts here and there, but more because my brain was traveling there every time I wondered if the NAC was working...so it’s like I’ve purposely been exposing myself to the same bad thoughts, to see if I get the same stomach-churning/anxious sensations, or if I spiral into awful thoughts/mindsets. And the good news is, I haven’t. I was able to brush the thoughts away for the most part. More importantly, the bad thoughts did not have a direct impact on my self-esteem, as they have in the past. 

Still, it’s too early to know for sure. And I am taking a very “holistic” approach to my recovery... which has included working out/dieting, seeing a therapist, and eventually returning to work part-time. I think work will be the most beneficial piece in my recovery.  My hopes, are that I will come out of this BETTER than before. Time and effort will tell.

More later.

<3nicole

[firsttimemommy-blog1]

Working Out and How it’s Working Out

So my last post about the gym was actually sitting in my drafts for EIGHT WEEKS. So it looks like I posted it today, but it is actually written over two months ago.

This post, however, is current. 

Since end of January, I started a workout program and returned to the gym...and I wanted to share a progress update! 

I am feeling stronger, and slowly seeing physical results. Friends and family have complimented me and noticed the changes, which feels wonderful. 

The number on the scale, has not really changed, but my body has! That tells me I am slowly replacing fat with muscle.

But more importantly than the physical changes, my mentality has shifted dramatically. My thinking has shifted from “I want to lose weight/look better” to “I want to be strong, and challenge myself.”. And the best part? “Looking better” just becomes a natural result/added perk to reaching my fitness goals each week! 

Postpartum has been a reeeaaaaal bitch. I’m doing so much better than I was a few months ago, but I still have 1-2 rough days throughout the week. Trying to be patient and telling myself I will fully heal, eventually. 

To help with my healing, and my very unhealthy postpartum mentality...I decided  to try and turn fitness into a large part of my identity, and because I am currently a SAHM, I have the greatest opportunity to do so. 

Postpartum sort of gives you this “it’s now or never” perception of working out. Before Bennet I would think, “yeah...I COULD get into better shape and lose about 15 pounds...but what’s the rush? I have time.”

Welp! Having Bennet changed all of that. Having a baby, for me, was a gentle reminder of my own mortality. A reminder that life does not go on forever. That aging inevitably happens, and our bodies capabilities are in a slow decline. 

So after Bennet I felt I had two choices:

1) Stay the same, and try to embrace my new body

2) Get moving, and create a better lifestyle

I chose the latter, obviously.

I’ll eventually post the details about my workouts and diet, but essentially I’ve been lifting weights and doing 30 seconds - 1 minute of cardio in between each set. I’ve also started to incorporate Bikini Body Guide (BBG) workouts. They’re intense, but they’re only 28 minutes! Not the biggest fan of the name, but they’re pretty effective workouts!

I watch what I eat, but I don’t punish myself. I still indulge (and overindulge on the weekends), but eat light and healthy whenever I can to make up for it. 

So now for some photo updates! Eight weeks goes quickly, all you need is consistency and patience!

This was from early January, before I started the workout program. I had technically lost all the “baby weight”...but it was largely because of terrible postpartum anxiety (affected my ability to eat). I was not active at this time.

The left is also from January, and the right is where I am currently at. Side-by-sides are so motivating to help you see your progress!

More to come!

<3 nicole

[firsttimemommy-blog1]

First day back at the gym: feeling inspired but very very lame

Hi folks, it has been awhile.

I have just returned from the gym, and the experience was much better than anticipated.

With the postpartum anxiety, I avoided going to the gym for months. My fear was that I would be surrounded by younger, fit, more beautiful women...and that I would stick out like a (frumpy) sore thumb. 

REALITY CHECK

The gym was as it always has been: a positive community of individuals who are working to better themselves. They come in all ages, shapes, sizes and colors. 

God it was refreshing.

I had a scary realization these last few months: Being isolated and holed-up in my house since becoming pregnant made me lose my grasp of reality. 

It sounds really dramatic but it is so so so so true. I promise you. I would warn any woman transitioning to stay-at-home mom that this can happen.

My main communication with the outside world was through an iPhone. Through Instagram. Facebook. Snapchat. I’m realizing social media and lack of REAL social experiences had a huge impact on my postpartum anxiety. It’s pretty nuts.

Humans are social creatures, and social media can not be a substitute for social interaction. It just can’t. 

And you all know why this is...because, DUH, social media allows us to control and manipulate how we are portrayed. Whether it’s our personalities, our appearance, our lives in general... it’s mostly a facade when we filter/re-word/edit/selectively post content. It’s not raw or real. It’s noise. 

I am scared for the younger generations. 

Anyways -and this won’t surprise anyone-- but the more I GET OUT, and SEE REAL, ACTUAL PEOPLE, the better I feel. I must remember this. And I must remember to tell this to every pregnant person I know. (lol)

SO, while I was in the gym, I still felt quite lame. Not lame because I’m out of shape. Lame because, I’ve held onto so much “false pride” being at my lowest weight. I’m “thinner” now. I feel lame for typing that.

 What the fuck does “thinner” even mean? And why does that matter if I can’t even do 10 push-ups? What the fuck have I accomplished? How does that make me a better person? How does that make me a better Mom? Because I “look” better? .......honestly, that makes me a worse person. A worse mom. And I can tell you this, an average-looking, confident person with extra pounds will ALWAYS outshine the beautiful/skinny/insanely-insecure person. And the people who can’t see that truth, are the people you probably don’t want to surround yourself with anyways...

So my dilemma, I’ve realized, is that I’ve attached a large part of my self-worth to my appearance/physical desirability. I think I’ve been doing it since age 16. And now in postpartum, I’ve been forced to come to terms with it, and try to UNDO all of the negative perceptions my crazy mind has created. I’m not exactly sure how to do that yet.

Maybe a combination of working out, better diet, vitamins, and therapy will do the trick. 

But all this thinking and reflecting on the person I allowed myself to become...there is a lot I want (NEED) to change. Especially as I take on role of mother, and lead by example for my children. 

Here’s a few things we should all strive to do:

I do NOT want to EVER body-shame or criticize my appearance (or anyone else’s appearance) in front of my husband, friends, family *and especially* my children. Unfortunately, this is something that was fairly prominent in my family growing up. I am swearing to  put an end to that. 

I DO want to appreciate my youth, and all the wonderful things my body is still capable of doing. Youth is wasted on the young. And as humans, we take our bodies and our health for granted just terribly. Every day we need to wake up and be happy for air in our lungs. Eyes that can see, legs that can walk, etc. 

I DO want to spread a message of body-positivity to the people around me. I want to convince my loved-ones that they do not need to be concerned with their appearance, but that they should be concerned with their health....as a form of self-love. 

Self-love is a daily practice, yes. And I think we all have to fight a daily battle against what some would call “human nature”...meaning our tendency to compare, criticize, and critique. As humans we are never satisfied, nothing is ever “Enough”. It’s actually a great thing in some ways, because it means we are constantly striving to improve and better ourselves. It’s the driving force that lead to advancements in technology and medicine. It’s the reason our culture is slowly striving for more equality. Better lives for all. It is ultimately a GOOD thing. 

BUT, this same aspect of our nature comes at a serious cost. A cost of feeling “Less”. A feeling of discontent. Insecurity. Hunger for more.

So you need to remind yourself DAILY that you are wonderful and “Enough” in your current state. And although you may have goals, or things you would like to change, or things you are insecure about...it is so so so important to appreciate what you ARE and what you HAVE. Meditate on it. Break it down and reflect on it. Because if you don’t, your brain will quickly disregard how far you’ve come, what you’ve accomplished, and the wonderful traits you have. 

Your brain can be your best friend, or your worst enemy given the day, so you need to equip yourself with the tools to combat that negative thinking. 

And remember, words are so powerful. So take more time to compliment, remind, and reinforce your loved ones of how special and wonderful you think they are. Acknowledge their strengths, raise them up. Tell them what you like about them, why you’re grateful for them. 

Let’s make the world better, let’s make our lives better, let’s be better. 

<3 nicole

[firsttimemommy-blog1]

How I Transformed My Hair

If you have fragile, thin, super-fine hair like me...this post is for YOU. 

I’m going to get right to the point, and keep this post short and sweet:

I spent the last ten years convincing myself that I needed to bleach my hair. That my natural color wasn’t pretty. I dyed it over and over. Ran through it with straighteners and curling irons. Almost every day. 

Why did I believe these were my only options? Why did I feel the need to manipulate my hair to make it into something it wasn’t? To burn and damage it? To drown it in chemicals?

It’s amazing how we are tricked and convinced that our natural hair is not good enough. That we need highlights, foils, all-over-color, bleach... Heating tools to curl and straighten. Products to control and maintain. I finally opened my eyes and realized how backwards it all was. 

Think of all the money we could save, if we simply loved ourselves for who we are. :-)

Shortly after becoming pregnant, I took a vow and made a promise: I was DONE damaging my hair.

I think the results speak for themselves.

So! Let me share how I got to this point. But before I do, I wanted to say that I DO realize these tips don’t apply to all hair types. I know there are hair products and routines that truly help people with unruly, difficult hair. 

But for women with super-fine, fragile hair like me...I can promise they will achieve the best results by simply LEAVING THEIR HAIR ALONE. And if that’s not clear enough, here is exactly what I have been doing to achieve beautiful/healthy/shiny hair:

1. STOP bleaching: Bleach basically sucks the life and moisture out of your hair, damages it, and makes it much more prone to damage if you’re using heat tools. Just. Stop. Bleaching. Embrace your natural color, I promise it is beautiful and it is the way God intended it to be. And if you don’t believe in God, then I promise it is the way Nature intended it to be. It is the perfect color for you, and only you.

2. AVOID heat: This included blow dryers, curling irons, crimping tools (do those still exist?) and the worst of the worst: HAIR STRAIGHTENERS. I only allow my hair to air dry OR blow dry using cold air. YES, I will still curl or straighten from time-to-time, but only if I am going out or attending a special occasion.

3. WASH less: Shampoos and water strip your hair of its natural oils, and will add to the dryness and breakage. I know I basically SHAT on buying expensive hair products at the beginning of this post, but I really would recommend investing in a loose powder dry shampoo to avoid washes. I use Oscar Blandi Pronto Dry Shampoo, but there’s a million options. For some reason I have better luck with loose powder versus a spray. 

4. Purchase a wet brush: Your hair is more susceptible to falling out when you get out of the shower and tear through it with a brush. I have fallen in love with the Wet Brush. Its bristles are much more bendable (and therefore gentle) on my hair. They’re cheap.

5. Trim every 10-12 weeks: This has been the hardest for me! The sucky truth about growing out your hair is you need to take about two steps forward, then one step back. Annoying, but it is 100% necessary to growing out your hair (if that is what you desire). Talk to your stylist about how often you should trim. On average, I think the rule is roughly once every three months. If you have finer hair, 6-8 weeks. This will remove broken ends while losing the least amount of length possible, which will allow your hair to grow longer and appear healthier and shinier!

6. BE PATIENT: It doesn’t happen over night, but I promise if you just follow-through with leaving your hair alone, you will wake up one day, look in the mirror, and be amazed.

This is what my hair currently looks like.

I started my hair growth journey September of 2015, so this is progress of 1.5 years. Imagine where my hair will be by next year! I can’t wait to see.

Other small tips: take a daily vitamin specific for hair/skin/nails. Use a natural hair masks once a week (I’ll cover my hair in coconut oil for 2 hours then wash it out). If you get that darn itch to color, try a temporary dye that washes out. 

That’s all for now! Good luck!

<3 nicole

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Postpartum Health: weight loss + fitness

I’m taking a diet and fitness approach today to talk about my postpartum body, and how I’ve managed to lose the baby weight and keep it off.

First: I am obviously not a fitness professional. I can only share my own personal methods, which may not be a great fit for everyone. But I do hope my advice is helpful!

So, I will start out by saying I am one of the lucky few who gained almost exactly 25 pounds during my pregnancy, and managed to lose it all (and more) within four months after baby was born.

I believe 50% of this success was simply a result of my genetics. However, I’m confident the other 50% was a direct result of my diet.

When I became pregnant, my diet was affected in two major ways:

1. Alcohol was completely cut out 2. Because I left my job, my opportunities to eat out were almost completely eliminated

These two factors have me convinced I actually “lost weight” in a sense, while I was gaining pregnancy weight. Now in postpartum, I’ve continued that pattern and it’s paid off.

Side note worth mentioning: Another contributor to my postpartum weight loss was two months of heavy postpartum anxiety. I could barely eat throughout the day because anxiety left a terrible pit in my stomach. Not an ideal way to lose weight, at all. But it happened. And I guess the weight loss was a small “silver lining” I didn’t have much control over. *shrug*

I waited too long before getting help, and I regret that. If you think you may have PPD or PPA, OR if you are pregnant and have had a history of depression or anxiety, you need to prepare yourself and get help early. Hindsight is 20/20, I should have seen PPA coming from a mile away, based on my own history with anxiety. Now I know for next time.

Moving on.

Now that I’m feeling more like myself, I’m eating better, but still mentally “calorie counting” to hold myself accountable. I don’t strongly encourage calorie counting. I think the best “diet” is balanced, and full of healthy calories…good fats, lean proteins, lots of fruits and veggies. And cheat meals! That being said, calorie counting has been the best method for me personally to lose weight.

I’ve used the MyFitnessPal app on and off for years, and I have had great success with it. It’s great, because you begin to learn what kinds of calories/nutrients you’re consuming in the foods you often eat. After a while, you won’t need the app, because you will have learned the content of what you are eating and can count in your head for the most part.

MyFitnessPal is also a great app because you can log your meals each day and visually see your progress in terms of weight loss. I would argue MyFitnessPal is also a great tool during pregnancy, too. If you want to make sure you’re hitting a calorie goal in the hopes of gaining weight at a healthy pace, and make sure you’re getting a balanced diet, this app makes it really easy. 👍🏻

Moving onto fitness!

Fitness is currently an area where I am lacking, but trying to improve. I currently use a weight scale to track my weight loss, although I hope to eliminate the need for it eventually. Losing fat is one thing, building and toning muscle is completely another, and that is my winter goal! I will happily put weight back on if it means burning fat and building lean muscle.

Postpartum is a long healing process physically, so I did not rush back into working out. I waited for the OK from my doctor during my six week postpartum checkup. Once I got the OK, I avoided anything that would cause too much strain on my joints and ligaments. Bringing Bennet on brisk stroller walks was a great way to get started. Since I live in snowy Minnesota and it is literally 1° outside, I now need alternative methods of working out inside the home.

We purchased a rowing machine which is great, because it’s full-body, but does not cause any strain on your joints. I also have weight sets and rubber bands that I use for arm exercises, squats, deadlifts, etc. And I use a medicine ball for ab workouts.

KEGELS/PELVIC FLOOR STRENGTHENING:

This is so important. You do not need to pee your pants every time you cough, laugh or sneeze!!!

Jumping jacks are the BOMB. And are fantastic for strengthening your pelvic floor. Incontinence was one of the outcomes of having a baby that was very discouraging for me. After doing a few sets of jumping jacks and (wall-sits) I noticed a difference right away. It’s important to be consistent and keep it up though…Also, you may need to wear a pantyliner in the beginning so you don’t pee your pants! 😆 But seriously, jam out to your favorite workout music and just do a million jumping jacks!! You will see results.

That’s all for now! Planning to follow up with diet tips and tricks for losing weight and keeping it off.

xo nicole

[firsttimemommy-blog1]

On the left I was 40 weeks pregnant and 163 lbs (25 lb. weight gain during pregnancy, with a pre-pregnancy weight of about 138 lbs.). On the right, I was 4+ months postpartum, weighing roughly 130 lbs. Although it feels good to be back to my "college weight", the journey of getting here was not healthy. Crippling anxiety affected my ability to eat much of anything for about 1-2 months. Now that my appetite is back, I am eating more but being more selective in my choices, so I do not put all the weight back on! I'm 5'2" with a medium frame, so even five pounds makes a considerable difference visually! 😆 I have a long way to go in the dieting and fitness realm in order to find balance...this winter will be my journey to get there.

[firsttimemommy-blog1]

Christmas: it’s not complete without TWINKLE LIGHTS! ! !

Sooo... I am absolutely in LOVE with these string lights my husband found on Amazon. They have tons of different options to choose from, but we selected the Kohree 100 Micro LED string lights. They use a pretty copper wire that you can easily manipulate with your hands. 

They arrived in a pack of three, and they are battery operated using three AA batteries per string. I got a 20-pack of batteries through Amazon Prime for less than $10. Winning.

Anyways, these lights totally serve a dual-purpose!! They are perfect for home decor, but they double as the most ADORABLE holiday photo prop! The proof is in the pictures. They are SAFE for kids & pets, and do not get hot. And (of course) being very careful not to allow Bennet to “eat” the lights, or get tangled in them, I was able to capture the most wonderful photos we are now using for our family Christmas card this year. 

Once the photoshoot was over, I mounted lights around a window, door, and across our buffet table. B-E-A-UTIFUL. Super happy with the end result. 

Rest assured I will be finding uses for these all year round...may string them up in the nursery as a sweet night light...and will definitely be using these for more photo opportunities, outdoor parties, etc. 

Amazon Prime by the way...is like CRACK. Everything is so cheap. And delivers so fast. And now that we have Prime, before we purchase ANYTHING at Target, we whip out our phones and search for the item on Amazon. And surprise! We can usually find the exact same item (or something similar) for less $$$.

FOR EXAMPLE...we wanted to get Bennet this awesome “Kick & Play Piano Gym”, which is regularly $50.00. Amazon Prime has it featured for $30.49. That’s almost half-off. Yep. It’s very dangerous to spend time on Amazon. Definitely going broke this holiday season!

xo 

nicole

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Postpartum: light at the end of the tunnel

I’m still here! I’m still alive!

I’m over four months postpartum, and I am slowly “going back to my old-self”...which doesn’t really make sense. Because, I can never be my “old self” again. So I guess I am more...discovering my new self. 

Advice for first-time moms who are experiencing PPD or PPA:

Get. 

Help. 

NOW. 

Do not wait. Suppressing and hoping the problem will go away does not work. And the longer you wait, the longer it could take to recover.

I thought all was “well and good” after I had Bennet...I felt good, and somehow avoided the “Baby Blues”...then at five weeks postpartum I hit a WALL. 

My head was filled with crazy negative thoughts/fears, irrational thinking, and paranoia. I felt like I couldn’t trust my husband. I felt like society had cast me aside as irrelevant, I had terrible body image issues. 

All of these thoughts stemmed from a negative perception I molded over the last few years (and especially the last few months)... and crazy hormonal imbalances basically stuck a magnifying glass over all my fears and insecurities, and blew them up into monsters.

I waited it out for a month or so when I realized this problem was not going to go away on its own. I finally sought help. I talked to a doctor, who started me on Zoloft and birth control, and referred me to a therapist.

Three weeks later, and I am sitting here, feeling about 85-90% normal. I still have a little evil voice pop up in my head from time to time...but I have much more control in telling that voice “YOU ARE WRONG. SHUT UP.” 

I still have a ways to go...but I’m here to say, postpartum is fucking hard. It can really fucking suck. But there is help. And YOU need to be the one to ask for hep if you are struggling. No one else can do it for you. Not your family, not your husband, not your closest friends. At the end of the day it is up to you.

Serious respect for all the moms out there who are silently battling this stuff. Women are reeeeeally fucking strong. 

xo

nicole

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[firsttimemommy-blog1]

Life Happened: Minh & Nicole + 1

Our sweet baby boy is here. He turns two weeks tomorrow.

Journal writing and blogging have taken a serious back seat, because when you have a baby…all you want to do is snuggle them, smell them, and watch them.

Baby Bennet was born a healthy baby boy. As his Momma, I am allowed to be completely biased and tell you he is PERFECT. Absolutely perfect!

Minh and I are in awe, and in love with this tiny fragile creature. Not too fragile though– Minh is convinced we have a prodigy child on our hands, with super strength! Minh is a strong enforcer of “Tummy Time”, and has already shown me Baby’s impressive hand grip. Later I will share our birth story…it’s a doozie!

xo nicole

[firsttimemommy-blog1]

An End in Sight: Induction

Well, folks, my first pregnancy is drawing to a close.

Tomorrow I will end my 40th week of pregnancy, and my doctor has scheduled an induction for Friday evening.

I’ve been doing a lot of reading about inductions, to quell my fears a bit. So far I am beginning to feel more at ease with the idea...but I still have some concerns:

1) Will my labor be longer, and potentially more painful?

2) Will I end up needing a c-section (I sure hope not)

3) Will I no longer be able to labor by walking or soaking in a tub?

Hoping to talk to a couple of nurse friends tomorrow, to get their take. In the meantime, it has been helpful visiting online forums addressing similar questions. Lots of Mamas have described positive experiences, but some c-section stories have been sprinkled in. 

Either way, I am trying to prepare and “cope” as best I can. Reminding myself that the most important thing will be delivering a healthy baby!

More to come, once Baby B is here!

xo

nicole

[firsttimemommy-blog1]

I look like a giant raindrop!

[firsttimemommy-blog1]

THE END IS NEAR

Week 39. Day 4.

Husband & I are running around the house like chickens with our heads cut-off.

We’ve been caught up in a whirlwind of last-minute house projects...which included installing brand new flooring, newly finished ceilings, new light fixtures, and adding more furniture! That, and a million other things.

Minh decided at midnight last night that the new nursery closet shelves MUST BE INSTALLED. I pleaded with him saying it could wait, but he said “NO, IT CAN’T”. I dozed off while he drilled and pounded walls past 1:30am. 

Today, I’ve been in nesting mode myself, putting things away, moving, throwing, organizing, storing. Heaps and heaps of laundry yet to be done, but I’m getting there! 

Physically, I am still feeling pretty good, but trying not to overdo. Wish I had an inkling as to when this will all go down, but honestly, I’m clueless!

My mind has wandered to a few different places, and I’ve gone from calm to anxious to calm again, as I anticipate labor and the birthing experience. 

Minh’s older sister gently asked if she could be present int he delivery room, which I had no problem with. Having her there may give us both peace of mind, since she’s delivered two little girls-- both naturally! 

We may just strap her with a GoPro, so she can get some (not too graphic) shots! 

Since she is an advocate for natural births, I just made it clear that I don’t want her talking me out of an epidural if I need one! I’m going into this process with an open mind, so if the pain becomes too much, rest assured I will be asking for one. 

We’ll see how it all goes, everyone is so different, and so is every experience! 

xoxo

nicole

[firsttimemommy-blog1]

Taken at 35 weeks (I'm now past week 37!)