freeform spoil-heavy tadc movie musings below the cut
I'll start off the actual movie discussion by saying that I'm proud of Gooseworx + Glitch, I love TADC, and I hope everyone enjoyed their viewing experience. Jax is my favorite character, so I'm struggling to decide on whether or not I enjoyed the ending. My memory of which scene came after another is very hazy, so my thoughts are all over the place. She/her pronouns for Jax. That's all. Anyways...
I watched the first showing of The Final Act on release day and it was a pretty good experience. The crowd was nice - lots of people with their merch and a couple cosplayers. The only real Meh moment was when someone in the back of the theatre started shouting responses ("YES" "YOU DESERVED IT" "IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT") at Caine during his soliloquy. If that was you at the Dole Cannery theatre, shame on you dude.
I was appalled when I heard the words "I should've pried more." When they cut to Jax mindlessly wandering around the circus my jaw dropped. I couldn't believe how fast they had killed him and how calm it was. Oh yeah, he's gone.
I'm mad that Pomni didn't reach out to Jax, it felt out of character. I DO NOT blame her for what happened to him, I'm just upset. What happened to the Pomni that consistently reached out to Jax just an episode ago? That included him when they thought there was an exit? That saw right through his facade and called him out on it? He was keeping his distance the entire time they were learning to rebuild the Circus and the moment he reaches out (or attempts to), she let's him go. And then he abstracts. I just can't.
Anyways, Ragatha is really torn up about it too, she and Jax were actually friends (though I don't quite see it). I'm very happy that Ragatha and Pomni are now Officially Friends™ but that scene and hug felt...forced. I don't exactly believe Pomni when she said that Ragatha was her first true friend in the Circus. She did indeed reach out to Pomni first, but she wasn't receptive to it. Jax was her first friend. Uh, outside of that, I really thought Ragatha was going to die next because of how long they lingered on them walking away/looking at each other.
I really like that they made it known that Gangle doesn't care* about Jax dying, but they move on too quickly from it, especially when they make the fort for him.
HUGE fan of the Jax doors scene. Him choking Pomni after Ragatha's abstraction is so sinster and awesome, but I think they should've saved that for last since it was so unsettling compared to the other more comical scenarios. The confirmation that he doesn't care about Gangle was also great - I'm not usually the kind of person that needs 'confirmation' from creators or canon, but it feels good to be validated. The idea that he'd willingly make an ass out of himself just to spite Gangle at her lowest (after Zooble's abstraction) is crazy to me. I wish we got to see how he'd act after Pomni abstracts.
When the episode comes out on Youtube I need to rewatch the multiple Jax room scene again. People in the theatre were reacting a lot (and they were allowed to) so I was having a hard time focusing on what was actually being said. I read somewhere that he was playing Daisy Bell on the piano, but I didn't quite catch it. What I DID catch though was Jax saying faggot, which cracked me up because I wasn't expecting it. 😭
I hated seeing how his life turned into this. What he did to himself and others. How he loved his friends in a way we've never seen before, and how truly seen he was by Ribbit. Name dropping Mormonism was (funny as fuck but) very shocking because of it's specificity. I despise how he let fear take over, how she soured such a beautiful moment the second she heard Kaufmo (shoutout Arin Hanson I love that mfer) outside their door. How he went through with his threat to her despite them not doing anything wrong, the hard 180 from friend to stranger. Intentionally doing the same to Pomni. I understand her. I can't forgive him. Ugh.
Then...the dark room scene. Jax saying that he isn't supposed to be loved. Pomni approaching him. Their hug. Him crying and admitting that he doesn't want to go. But he's already gone. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. So unfair.
They then had the audacity to have one of the most heartbreaking yet joyful sequences of the entire show. A montage of Jax and Pomni clips. Isn't She Lovely? But who is she?
It's both of them. Jax, the girl who never was, and Pomni, the girl that loved her. Isn't that lovely? Wasn't it lovely...
I don't know. I don't know. It hurt so much, I cried as the music swelled and she exploded, it was too much. I couldn't smile when they built the tent. I'm still not happy after everything, it feels so cruel, it feels like someone I care about just went away forever. Pomni only started knowing the true Jax after he had abstracted. Isn't that so fucked up? I'll be so real with you I was vehemently team transmasc!Jax since people first started talking about Daisy Bell. I'm bigender and have different thoughts on masculinity/femininity (+ I thought the idea of Jax being tortured by his own 'girly' room was compelling) so I came out with a different conclusion. I'm incredibly happy to have been proven wrong. I truly love that Jax is transfem.
I already knew they weren't 'real' people starting from episode 7. My hope for the ending was that they were all going to die (delete themselves, whatever), and in that they would finally be 'free'. Believe it or not, this was me being optimistic and cheerful - I thought it would be a perfect bittersweet ending! My prediction for a typical 'happy' ending that I was interested in seeing if it was done well would be that Caine would come back and they'd be able to live freely. The thing I so desperately did NOT want to happen under any circumstances (other than my personal bittersweet ending) was for Jax to die. So, I got my two least favorable outcomes in one go. Yippee.
To add insult to injury and to hurt me personally, Caine took Jax's spot in the group. Like?!? And I'm not a Caine hater in any capacity, I love that guy! His soliloquy in The Void was wonderful and I felt moved seeing him problem solve in real time since it's something he takes pride in. He learned that what he did was wrong and went on to find a solution to their situation. He learned who they are in real life, went out of his way to apologize, made amends, and delivered that information to them. ...Despite all of that and how much I enjoyed it, the groups acceptance of him and their new lives felt too easy. That on it's own. So to see Caine join them (which is good!) so easily and essentially take the spot that Jax left behind felt painful. Cruel. Hopeless.
My own take on the shows main message since episode 3 is pretty much what Kinger said:
"Cherish the people around you. You never know when they'll be gone. In this world, the worst thing you can do is make someone think they're not wanted or loved."
Cherish your loved ones before it's too late. I also agree with what Gooseworx said - that here's meaning to be found in a stagnant life. The circus members (including Caine) fates showcase that perfectly, which is why I find myself so upset and confused. It feels like I was given something I asked for but didn't truly want. Like a reality check I don't think I quite needed. What I wanted was for Pomni and Jax to be happy. I knew that wasn't going to happen specifically because of Jax himself, but I still had hope. Seeing them live out their digital existences separately feels...bad. I feel sad and hopeless. I miss Jax. The one Pomni knew and loved...even after she learned who she truly was.
Anyways. Thanks for reading if you did, feel free to cry with me in the comments or share your thoughts. I'm patiently waiting for my first paycheck to hit so that I can buy Jax's statue and a box of Jax-bubus. Ugh.