Attrochilles @flamboyant-and-powerful - Tumblr Blog

☆ Hi! I'm Atticus! Welcome to my blog :3 ☆

Here's a little bit about me:

I'm an 18 yr old neurodiverse, queer & trans writer, artist & activist living in the maritimes of canada.

I'm also a drag creature & really love drag performance, as well as makeup and fashion, and aspire to be a fashion designer, and/or an actor :3

My personal tag is #atti speaks

Main Blog: @atticollateral (If you see this liking your post that's me! hi!) Music Blog: @therealstarboy ☆

#intro post #introduction #blog intro #atti speaks #trans #queer #artists on tumblr #writers on tumblr #poets on tumblr #writer #poet #artist #queer artist #nonbinary #xenogender #neopronouns #lgbtq

pokushalusnul

you go too fast for me!!

atticollateral

I am a fat, big-chested AFAB trans person. I'm not a man tho. But I want top surgery. I want to lose weight as well, so surgery recovery is easier + I need to be below BMI 40 to receive the surgery. That's just a choice.

But.

I see skinny transmasc & nonbinary people getting top surgery, and their results, and I can't help but feel left wanting. I see their flat chest and flat stomach and I can't help but feel disgusting and terrible. I should feel happy and it's so hard to be happy for them when I'm frustrated with myself.

I don't mind having boobs. But they're not me, you know? I'm so upset. Because I want to be skinny. And I want to have a flat chest. But sometimes I don't. And it's infuriating. And I don't like all body types, but I feel hypocritical, because I don't really feel attraction towards big people, but I'm a big person. I think bigger people are beautiful. I think I'm beautiful. But it's just not me. I'm happy for and proud of those who are secure in their own body. But I'm allowed to have preferences and make choices about who I like and what I want to look like.

I'm also a person with a fragmented personality. It's different to DID/OSDD & "systems", so I don't really have "alters", but I still have names for my different states/faces and experience dissociative amnesia & heavy time blindness. It sucks a lot, and it really messes with how I view myself some days. It's difficult to cope with and it's hard to feel singular and secure in myself and my environment. It's a big thing. And I've never been taken seriously or been given support.

I want to feel whole and safe and assured with myself. I've known I was different for a very long time. But it's hard to land on just one thing. Just "be me". Because I can't discern who's me and who's a mask. What and who I am feels like a forever moving picture made up of only smear frames. There is no solid thing. And it's not the regular movie where you can pull solid discernable things. Everything is indistinct. I am far away with blurry vision looking at the forever shifting shapes and colors of my person from the outside in and I ache for the person I am and the person I don't know how to be. I don't even know if I am a person any longer. It has always been so foreign and indescribable, the being that I am and that of which I am meant to embody. I wish I knew anything about me. I have always depended on the viewpoints of others to tell me who I am to a point where looking in the mirror is an arduous task. I am vain but I am terrified. I am confident but I am small. I am strong but I feel so weak. Between praise and ridicule I am pulled in all directions by unseen expectations and invisible tests. People do not look at me and see the insecurity I harbor. They will never hear about it from me. For if I am weak in their eyes then I know I have truly failed. I know not myself nor the person that others want. I do not even know what the person I want to be is like.

But I'd like to.

I'd really like to.

atticollateral

I love you isn't some kind of trophy you keep in a case and reserve to bring out for special occasions.

I love you isn't meant to be used sparingly, or only used at the "right" moment. You should say I love you whenever you can, to everyone that you care about. You never know when that I love you can be your last.

That being said; I love you. Yeah, you. 💕 :> get loved, little freaks in my phone. You deserve it.

By the by, make sure you're taken care of! Hydrate💧, Nourish🥪, Photosynthesize☀️, Medicate💊. You know the drill. 💕

normalwomansstuff-deactivated20

i think im just not worth getting close to

normalwomansstuff-deactivated20

took my meds today and became reconnected to the river of souls

panoptijohn

if you are seeing these words you are now free from the shame spiral. hope that helps, love u 🫶

ladychlo

- The grandfather who lost his beloved granddaughter Reem, the soul of his soul, to the Israeli airstrikes.

yyaasmine

The occupation just killed him too

fifthnormani

His name was Sheikh Khaled Nabhan and he was known affectionally among Palestinians as "Abu Diyaa" or "the grandfather of orphans" (link to one source among many I've seen today).

#god wtf man

beelzeebub

EMERGENCY COMMISSIONS

Hi everyone! I’m opening emergency art commissions due to an unexpected bill. If you’ve been thinking about getting some art, now’s a great time to support! Feel free to message me for details.

Reblogs much appreciated <3

asdfghjklallalalldewlcnewkcnwcd

One last cry for help #Hi Tumblr I make #Websites and they are cool And you should pay me to make you one because my web design and coding skills are awesome I have 3 slots free Im open to negotiating prices

Im at risk of homelessness!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😍 ->-> https://00010010.org/commissions/ <-<-

relaying this from bsky

At the very least, when all is said and done I can look you in your detestable face and tell you I hate you. There's nothing on this planet I've ever wanted gone, nothing I have wished painful agony and suffering upon with the very fibers of my being, each atom knit into my bones and blood and flesh, plaguing my mind with the thoughts of you screaming in anguish as your life is ripped from your very grasp but you're still painstakingly alive. Air fills your lungs but you are devoid of feeling as this heavy ash the burning of your bridge that sits in my lungs, and stuck in my heart has left.

Look upon the framework, charred, glistening in black of the house of love I held for you. Know that it was glorious, fully stocked for you to come home to. Know that it was your hands that set it ablaze. Know in your heart, soul and mind that the flames were your doing; for each moment you forced your vendetta upon me, for every choice you forced me to make, for every second you made me feel worthless when I had all this care for you. Know that I had never once felt your support, I've known not your compassion, nor your sympathy, nor empathy from your weeping bones. All I ever tried to be was kind to you, and you tread upon my gift like the very dirt beneath your feet. Know that even then I believed I loved you. Know that I no longer hold you in such high esteem. Know that through the thick and thin and everything you put me through I still wanted to be your friend. I still wanted to remedy what was left of a home too far gone when I believed the flames were not of blame but of coincidence. I now know the flames were of consequences not mine to hold.

As the new moon shows it's face I see that now you're much too conceited, selfish and absorbed, a true colloquial narcissist and apathetic wretch, for you never cared, and you are manipulative, and you always have been. You're never going to change. And I know you'll pay for it.

You've dug your grave. Now die in it.

#vent post

atticollateral

Is anyone looking for another player for an online D&D campaign? I'm SOOO bored and wanna play w/ people. I'm so willing to make new friends online if it means I get to participate in my favorite game >^< If u wanna PM me w/ game setting & platform (IE. Game Setting: Faerun, Sword Coast & Platform: Discord) I can get back to you with my details & availability ^^ (If you're doing a game and taking new players I will hop in there if you ask, I don't have a to join a fresh campaign!)

#i gotta rb on my alt bc I need the sweet sweet reach of reblogs

hg-aneh

LET'S NOT DO IT (please!!!)

#don't try suicide!#you're just gonna hate it~#cough #anyway #gomens #back on my gomens bullshit #but on the right account this time #good omens #victorian crowley #laudanum crowley

atticollateral

I always thought that Spencer from iCarly was really cool and I wanted to be called Spencer for the longest time bc my last name was already Spencer n I watched a lot of movies and shows where a character was referred to by a nickname or last name exclusively as an in group thing and... maybe I should've realized I was transgender sooner.

story-kat

Art by chii_lu_na

Posted with Permission (reprint/edit and/or commercial use prohibited)

evildilf2

Hey guys, my friend Ayiko recently got diagnosed with colon cancer and needs help paying for his cancer treatments.

*grey freeze frame* i’m sure you’re wondering how i got here—and for those of yo… Ayiko Fendru needs your support for Help Ayiko(Easton)

“*grey freeze frame* i’m sure you’re wondering how i got here—and for those of you who don’t know, i’m Ayiko, a 22 year old queer artist and musician. I’ve always been a creative, from theatre to a film major. My dream is to keep creating, to keep telling stories, to keep sharing my art with the world and with your help i’ll be able to continue with what i love, with my passions. On the night of February the 6th, what was thought to be a routine doctor visit for severe stomach pain turned into an in-patient hospital stay. A CT-Scan revealed the source of the pain was from a rare telescoping and entanglement of the intestines, known as Intussusception. After a successful colonoscopy relieved the pain, it also revealed a lump that was removed during the procedure. Further testing by the pathology department discovered that not only was the lump cancerous but there were additional tumors that were inaccessible without open surgery. The cancer had grown into 5cm tumors and had spread to some lymph nodes. On February the 17th i went under the knife(or in this case a laser) for a robotic colectomy to remove the remaining cancer. There was very little risk in it spreading and it was one of the least aggressive cancer of its type(Neuroendocrine Tumor of the Gastrointestinal Tract). After the surgery, i will be unable to lift more than 10 lbs or walk for long periods of time, which has left me unemployed. Now in post-recovery, i gently ask the community to rally behind my family and i as we face the financial burdens of hospital bills. As a first generation immigrant i am also aware of the family back home that my parents have to look after too(in fact my father is going to visit Uganda in less than a week). That’s why we would greatly appreciate donations of any amount, as i continue my recovery and face the possibility of chemotherapy. Just sharing the link can go a long way. Thanks for reading!” -Ayiko @pretty-roach

Currently donations are at 1.2k out of a 20k goal- any & all help is appreciated, please reblog to circulate.

evildilf2

6.6k/20k 2/19/2024

evildilf2

11.5/20k 7/30/2024

bite-my-grimy-fleshy-ass

Hi! I’m Eris, and as uncomfortable as this makes me, I’d like to ask for your help with a couple simple things,… Eris Bethlem needs your sup

Hey, sharing this here, would appreciate donations and reblogs, this is a friend not me. She's just not on Tumblr.

sagasolejma

If this post gets 80085 notes I will finally stop boymoding in public

godless-of-the-hunt

uhhh 80085 notes

uhhhhh 250 reblogs per blog per day

that’s 320 tumblr blog days

math

hey anyone want to share the load with me :3

sagasolejma

Omg no don't actually do that

godless-of-the-hunt

then stop boymoding :3

do you doubt my will?

shakukon-to

Sweet dear Artemis. You didn’t even think to call me into this task? I’ll get the bot legion ready. Pump those numbers up and we can make it hit 90k in a couple weeks, easy~<3

godless-of-the-hunt

yes maam o7

you know the drill.

Saga, don’t make her do this. you know she will.

sagasolejma

I think Zara is very cool and very good with computers but I don't think she can conjure up 80000 bots out of nowhere

fluffytransfemkittykatwerewitch

i know the perfect gimmick blog. @mass-reblogger do your thang

i will also make my blog hit the post count for the day. yall understand right

zsam-the-xkelepunz

Summoning my followers

mun-urufu

We must summon our mutuals and friends @orca-detector @mass-reblogger @im-a-sentient-magic-carpet @hadoom @just--a--random--human--being @whydousernamesevenexist @enochianghost