your friendly neighborhood canniboy

not a cannibal just a fannibal

[flesh-connoisseur]

you can call me forest. he/they. early 20s. transmasc, aroace and gay. (real) latino.

𐂂 this is my vent blog. I use it to decompress and be transparent about whatever’s currently gnawing at me. don’t like what you read here? block me. 

𐂂 I’m uncomfortable with flirting and minors following me. I block freely, I’m not here to start or follow any kind of drama. radqueers aren't welcome here, don't ask for my stance on endo discourse or paraphilias. I’m also not comfortable with sharing personal information, if you’d like to be friends you can ask for my main blog. also, since this is a side blog, I’m not active in here 24/7. so if we’re having some kind of combo or you sent me an ask, I’m not ignoring you.

𐂂 please interact with me as much as you like. answering to my posts, sending questions or even messaging me is more than welcome if you're looking for a friend.

𐂂 I struggle with pretty much every symptom from the following: (covert) NPD, AVPD, CPTSD, idk depression and anxiety. I don’t like to call these “self diagnosed”, but yeah, I highly suspect having all of those. it’s economically impossible for me to get treated and tested so don’t even start with that bullshit.

[flesh-connoisseur]

been thinking a little about how I was meant to stay away from them for the past few days. I wasn't meant to come back, my new life there might have been shitty too, but at least I had my own place and autonomy to do things when I wanted.

now I'm just a bum, I should've gotten a job at least seven months ago but I'm stuck being miserable all the time because that's what they want from me. I'm just their little wife, the real parent to my siblings, I'm not allowed to do whatever.

what pains me the most is that it's subtle, the kind of manipulation that makes you go crazy, overthinking your own desires and actions because they're making me put everything else first but me.

there's no way out, it's a small town and the economy couldn't be more awful. I can't escape again, even if I got a job and managed to save up 4x my pay to rent a minuscule place again I wouldn't make it to the end of the month with the bills and groceries, not to mention the trinkets to keep me sane.

I don't have friends, I don't have connections. I can't run away.

[flesh-connoisseur]

gotta turn these feelings into a dean winchester angst artwork, nobody be rocking the wife child groomed victim label as much as my homie

[flesh-connoisseur]

been thinking a little about how I was meant to stay away from them for the past few days. I wasn't meant to come back, my new life there might have been shitty too, but at least I had my own place and autonomy to do things when I wanted.

now I'm just a bum, I should've gotten a job at least seven months ago but I'm stuck being miserable all the time because that's what they want from me. I'm just their little wife, the real parent to my siblings, I'm not allowed to do whatever.

what pains me the most is that it's subtle, the kind of manipulation that makes you go crazy, overthinking your own desires and actions because they're making me put everything else first but me.

there's no way out, it's a small town and the economy couldn't be more awful. I can't escape again, even if I got a job and managed to save up 4x my pay to rent a minuscule place again I wouldn't make it to the end of the month with the bills and groceries, not to mention the trinkets to keep me sane.

I don't have friends, I don't have connections. I can't run away.

[flesh-connoisseur]

she puts a foot in the house and all she does is complain complain complain and takes the tv control away when I'm watching it with my sister fuck off

[flesh-connoisseur]

he came home and started pointing out undone housework too, I love my family, they greet me so well

[little-bnuuy]

I am useless and it's all my fault. I can't blame my disability forever because at some point it's a problem with me. I refuse to get my shit together and I blame everyone but myself, I have no job and no prospects, all I do is complain and cry and make everyone around me pity me. I'm draining resources and for what? I haven't made art in months, all I do is consume, I give nothing back

[littldaintyfawn]

"what's your type?" sam winchester.

[flesh-connoisseur]

she puts a foot in the house and all she does is complain complain complain and takes the tv control away when I'm watching it with my sister fuck off

[flesh-connoisseur]

today’s one of those days where depression eats my very essence. got out of bed when I was supposed to, but it lured me back in and got up again later than I should’ve. I wasn’t even resting/sleeping, just laid there while using my stupid phone. now every thing I haven’t done yet is making me feel miserable.

[flesh-connoisseur]

changed icons again, I love when the Winchesters are fucked up

the make up is insane though

[flesh-connoisseur]

just remembered that one time I made a family group chat (with my parents only since my sister didn't have a phone at the time) back in highschool because every single friend I had had one to communicate things with their parents (grades, how their day went, idk). and they just asked "why did you make this?", as if it didn't have a purpose, and left.

[flesh-connoisseur]

i want to change the way I'm living rn like the depression caused by not doing anything at all to get better is eating me alive, I really need to put effort into getting those papers done for uni, studying the language so I don't fail my exams, I need to try and get a job or at least sell some art to not depend on my controlling folks money

I'm manifesting HOPE atp bro

[deerjawz]

[flesh-connoisseur]

I've had two borrowed books from the small communal library space for MONTHS 😭😭😭 the poor owners must think someone stole them, I swear I'll give them back as soon as I can omg so embarrassing

[ives57]

[biocrafthero]

perceived skill

[solitairians]

many small purchases add up to a large amount of money

[flesh-connoisseur]

mom called me n my siblings larvae (derogatory) earlier, still doesn't top that one time she called me a bitch while yelling at my face a few years ago