eyes of clara bow

a lover-boy, a girl-lover, a day-dreamer, a self-described poet, a semi-practising artist, a non-practising musician and a present-day beatles enthusiast. “my desire is always to be here.”

[fleshlikesilk]

call me theda.

₊˚⊹ 21, she/they, sapphic, white

₊˚⊹ your resident paul girl

₊˚⊹ my interests include 50s/60s music, 50s to 80s fashion, the beatles, bob dylan and gay rpf

“...eyes of Clara Bow on man McCartney, round pupils tuned up listening to asa funky sweet note fade – gold round glasses sitting on Lennon’s grandfatherly nose, as he pursed his lips forward, leaning to sing...”

- Allen Ginsberg, Fall of America Journals

[ififeller]

early 60s johnpaul sketch page!!!

[thecoleopterawithana]

Omfg thank you for your precious answer you're my favorite tumblr !! I have so many things I'd like to ask you bc you explain so well lol, first of all what do you think of the story of Tony Manero ? Do you think he tells the truth with his story ? Again thank you for your answer love youuuu

Hey again, dear anon! (I’m assuming you’re the one from before) Thank you so much for your kind words! I’m truly happy you’re enjoying the blog, and that it is engaging enough to make you want to ask questions. I’m more than happy to try my best at answering them because I learn a lot in the research for these posts too!

For context, Tony Manero was a Brooklyn singer/dancer (who claims to be the inspiration for the main character in 1977′s Saturday Night Fever, though no movie-related source mentions it).

He comes up frequently in Beatles’ fandom circles as a “key witness” in the ongoing case of John Lennon’s sexuality. His testimony appears in Geoffrey Giuliano’s Glass Onion (1999), where he is interviewed on his encounter with John Lennon on the streets of New York City, on May 1974:

TONY MANERO*

Interview

New York, Summer 1992

Question: Tell me your story about meeting John Lennon.

Tony Manero: It was back in May of 1974. I saw three guys walking down the block. John was always my idol. I went up to him and said, “I know a lot of people hassle you, but I just want to thank you for your music. I’ve enjoyed you and you’ve helped me through a lot of emotional times.” Outside Jimmy’s Bar in Greenwich Village he said, “Why don’t you come inside for a drink?”

Question: Who else was with him?

Tony: Harry Nilsson was also there. After we ordered drinks, John switched seats to be next to me. He said to me, “Are you gay?” When I told him I wasn’t, he looked really disappointed. He could have been joking, but he wasn’t. My initial reaction was fear. And yet I wouldn’t leave because it was John Lennon. I said to him, “No, man. I don’t go that way.” “Are you sure?” he said, “Look, I’ll take you to Hollywood.” John was calling me “the pretty one.” He told me, “You’re the prettiest chick I’ve seen all day.” He said, “You look like a pretty little Indian or Arab chick,” because of my color skin. I remember Harry was borrowing one hundred bills from him.

Question: Then what happened?

Tony: At one stage I went out, and when I came back he was talking to this woman and he said “She said, ‘I thought he was Paul, meaning McCartney.’” So John turns around and says, “No, he’s prettier than Pauly. He’s got a nicer mouth than Pauly. Pauly’s got a small mouth.” Then he turned to me and said, “Let’s go get some chicks.” This man was giving me a dream to pay millions for. I hung out with him. John almost admitted his gay tendencies. He put his arm around me. He said, “It feels good to hold someone. You know what I mean?” Prior to that he said, “There’s nothing wrong with being gay. Two people exchanging feelings is not wrong. Did you ever try it?” People were following us. We were wasted and he put his arm around one girl and said “Suck my cock.” He stuck his tongue down her throat. We were loaded. Somebody stole the hat right off his head! He was so nice. I remember we had a hamburger. Later we went to his hotel rooms, 1608, -9, and -10. There was Harry’s bedroom, John’s, and a living room with a keyboard. He gave me a guitar, but it was later stolen. He propositioned me in the street. Hassled me if I’d ever made love to a male. “Will you give me head, man?” he asked. But I wouldn’t do it. “Come on, Tony, why won’t you give me head?” We went back to his hotel and he propositioned me again. After John died I wished I’d done it. He tried to kiss me. He put his arm around me. He was making moves on me like a guy would make on a woman. We were on the couch and we lay down. I said, “Wow, maybe I should have.” I never asked him if he’d had sex with a man, but it was obvious to me he had. I was at the hotel for a few days. But he never bothered me in the middle of the night. He never attempted it again. There were feelings and looks. He was very loving, like when a guy is very lonely. The man was bisexual - there is no two ways about it. He was feeling me out.

Question: What do you say to people who might not believe your story?

Tony: John did come on to me. He did try to make love to me. He asked me to perform a lewd act - that’s the truth. The man was bisexual - there’s no two ways about it. Any of his fans who can’t dig that, I’m sorry, because if you listen to his music, sensitivity and experiencing is what it’s all about.*Tony Manero was the inspiration behind the seventies film Saturday Night Fever and a successful New York businessman.

— in Geoffrey Giuliano’s Glass Onion: The Beatles In Their Own Words (1999), part Seven: Friends (pages 315-317).

Concerning Manero’s recollections, some familiar elements pop up.

There is “It feels good to hold someone. You know what I mean?” which seems to echo Paul’s recollections of his last hug with John, where the latter commented, “It’s good to touch.” It is a classical example of John craving physical affection.

“There’s nothing wrong with being gay. Two people exchanging feelings is not wrong. Did you ever try it?” reminded me immediately of the poem John submitted for Len Richmond and Gary Noguera’s Gay Liberation Handbook, on 30 May 1972.

Why make it sad to be gay?

Doing your thing is O.K.

Our bodies our own

So leave us alone

Go play with yourself - today.

Also, there are his comparisons to Paul, “No, he’s prettier than Pauly. He’s got a nicer mouth than Pauly. Pauly’s got a small mouth.” 

First, there’s the use of the adjective pretty, which he’s used for Paul before:

I remember we were going down to the studio […] and there was a great crowd pressing against the car. John was sitting in the back and he said, “Push Paul out first. He’s the prettiest.”

—Victor Spinetti, in the documentary You Can’t Do That! The Making of ‘A Hard Day’s Night’ (1995).

Also, there’s “that Paulie business” (note that’s it’s Paulie, not Pauly; and John will object if you use it, especially in a condescending way!).

Moreover, to me, the whole exchange strikes the same tongue-in-cheek tone as this late 1975 interview:

John: Yes, all your best friends let you know what’s going on. I was trying to put it ‘round that I was gay, you know– I thought that would throw them off… dancing at all the gay clubs in Los Angeles, flirting with the boys… but it never got off the ground.

Q: I think I’ve only heard that lately about Paul.

John: Oh, I’ve had him, he’s no good. [Laughter]

— John Lennon, interviewed by Lisa Robinson for Hit Parader: A conversation with John Lennon (December 1975).

John had already insinuated his relationship with Paul in a similar way in this humorous self-interview:

Q. Have you ever fucked a guy?

A. Not yet, I thought I’d save it til I was 40, life begins at 40 you know, tho I never noticed it.

Q. It is trendy to be bisexual and you’re usually ‘keeping up with the Jones’, haven’t you ever… there was talk about you and PAUL…

A. Oh, I thought it was about me and Brian Epstein… anyway, I’m saving all the juice for my own version of THE REAL FAB FOUR BEATLES STORY etc.. etc..

Q. It seems like you’re saving quite a lot for when you’re 40…

A. Yes, there might be nothing better to do, tho I don’t believe it.

— John Lennon, interview conducted by/on John Lennon, and/or Dr Winston O’boogie, for Andy Warhol’s Interview Magazine (November 1974).

I introduce all of this because if there’s one thing I at first found odd in Manero’s account, it was John’s forwardness. John doesn’t strike me as a guy to openly proposition another man. Was he really just super keen on it? Was he getting liquid courage from all the substances? Was he trying to get those rumours off the ground? A mix of all three? 

But perhaps it’s wrong to look at 1974 as just a normal year. 

Lennon’s Lost Weekend was the time of his life where we can see him be the most publicly vocal about his curiosity. He was open about being open. 

And striking friendships with gay musicians like Elton John probably gave him someone who he could talk to, or at least explore the world of gay bars with. Whatever gets you through the night, it’s alright, after all. 

One of those “dancing at all the gay clubs” episodes has been recounted by musician and music producer Mark Hudson. In a “weird but beautiful” moment, John urged the group to join him on the dancefloor, when The Three Degrees’ ‘When Will I See You Again’ came playing through the speakers and he exclaimed, “I love this song!” 

Because it’s always informative to pay close attention to the songs that were resonating with them at any particular time, I’ll provide the lyrics to ‘When Will I See You Again’ (released in the US on September 1974):

Precious moments

When will I see you again

When will we share precious moments

Will I have to wait forever

Will I have to suffer

And cry the whole night through?

When will I see you again

When will our hearts beat together?

Are we in love or just friends?

Is this my beginning

Or is this the end?

When will I see you again?

May Pang reports in her book, Loving John (1983), that after she and John left LA to go back to NY — where, after some time at The Pierre hotel, they moved to small penthouse apartment on East Fifty-second Street, around July 1974 —  the McCartney’s had paid them a visit.

John would spend the next two months recording Walls And Bridges, before releasing it on 26 September 1974. It included tracks such as the aforementioned ‘Whatever Gets You Through The Night’, ‘#9 Dream’ and also the beautiful ‘Bless You’:

Bless you wherever you are

Windswept child on a shootin’ star

Restless spirits depart

Still we’re deep in each other’s hearts

Some people say it’s over

Now that we spread our wings

But we know better, darlin’

The hollow ringIs only last year’s echo, oh-oh

Bless you whoever you are

Holding her now, be warm and kind-hearted

And remember though love is strange

Now and forever our love will remain

As a song, I think it’s the best piece of work on the album, although I worked harder on some of the other tracks. In retrospect, that seems to be the best track, to me.

— John Lennon, interviewed after the release of the album, cited in John Blaney’s John Lennon: Listen to This Book (2005).

(I’m sorry, I got sidetracked by their love for one another…)

But getting back to Manero’s story, you asked me if I think it is the truth or not. And honestly, there’s really no way to be completely certain of the veracity of these accounts. Having said that, I don’t really see this story as the scandalous, explosive news it is often made out to be. Not because I think it might be untrue, necessarily, but because I personally feel like John’s interests in homosexuality come through in his own words, as we’ve seen in the previous post.

For me, it seems clear that there was an attraction there. Now, an even more interesting question, I feel, is how much of that attraction was about the physicality of the male body; how much was about the contact with one’s softer, more sensitive side, not allowed in the classic moulds of toxic masculinity; and how much of it was seeking sexual contact as a way to epitomize emotional intimacy? 

And with the complexity of human beings, it is fair and likely that there were little bits of all three elements involved. But perhaps, it’s best to continue that line of thought in another post…

But what do you guys think? I’d really like to hear your thoughts on the subject!

[yellowmonday-deactivated2022120]

i could watch brokeback mountain a million times and never not cry because it’s about the passage of time which is probably the saddest scariest thing in the world. they could have built a life together but ennis was afraid and he pushed jack away and there was so much space and time between them and then it was too late. the regret and the guilt and the being forced to grieve quietly….wishing things had been different wishing you had known better wishing there was still time, more time, one last time, any time. and the last scene i mean how doesn’t it kill you. One shirt inside the other like two bodies pressed together. shirts not worn in years. lost their smell. lost their purpose. like the fabric of a memory. it was TOO LATE do you understand….he could never get back there….to the good times. To his love. time kept moving on but their love never could. do you understand

[yellowmonday-deactivated2022120]

speechless

[yellowmonday-deactivated2022120]

[arrowoffortune]

going on a lennon-mccartney coke rant because their 70s/1980 dynamic on john's end was so insane it makes me laugh. john trying his absolute hardest to act like he does Not care about paul whilst being simultaneously SO obsessed is possibly the funniest dynamic ever. laughing at paul getting arrested in his diary and then tweaking out at the idea he was being mistreated in prison. saying his music was shit but having worn down wings/mccartney records in his flat that yoko said they regularly listened to together. disconnecting himself from paul completely then asking his tarot reader how paul's marriage was going (not even going to touch this one). that one recording of him playing uncle albert/admiral halsey drunk at his 1971 birthday party and singing along.... bro we Know you're a fake idgafer!!!!

[fleshlikesilk]

the birthday boy 🥳✨

everyone say happy birthday to the one and only paul mccartney !! can't believe he turns 84 today... *sniff* they grow up so fast

[crypticbugs]

stuck in your orbit

[yangleeeh]

1980!

[oopshidaisyy]

Lindsey and Stevie are also aLibra and a Gemini, respectively

just looked up libra/gemini compatibility and wow. adding astrological compatibility to the list of things that are bullshit except as they pertain to the beatles

[ineffag-swag]

Thank god paul mccartney and john lennon can't get pregnant they both would have baby trapped each other in 1969

[epiphainie]

which one would baby trap the other quicker if they could get pregnant?

john would baby trap paul

paul would baby trap john

Voting ended onJun 4

[epiphainie]

...interesting

[sunbleachedbitch]

Beatles fans when you tell them your favourite song is hey jude and not a rehearsal tape with john’s voice calling out “paul… paul…’ in a strangely subservient, pleading way

[himeyu2000-deactivated20251222]

John in 1980

I don't think we talk enough about John's boat trip in 1980. I've only ever really seen it discussed as a crazy story or as what got John over his writer's block. But I think it probably had a much greater impact on his life and if he hadn't been murdered there's a good chance he'd be talking about it as a major turning point in his life. He was on a boat in the middle of the ocean during a storm and all of the crew got sick so John had to steer the boat all by himself, he thought for sure he was going to die but he managed to steer the boat though the storm safetly. Like this was a man who up until this trip was relying on Yoko and his tarot card reader to run his life and tell him what to do but, then he gets put in a situation all on his own where the only thing keeping him from dying is himself, and he manages to get through it and keep everyone alive.

Remember that quote from Yoko where she said John had told her he'd been riding on a boat called Paul and now he was riding on a boat called Yoko, John always counted on someone else to run his life and keep him alive, and safe but now he had proof that he could literally steer his own ship, and keep himself alive no matter how dire the situation was. He comes back from this trip and makes a lot of major life changes/ decisions, he says he's finally going to leave the US to go back to England for a visit, he writes 2 albums' worth of songs, he makes plans to divorce Yoko, he makes plans to work with Paul again, and he makes plans to go see Julian. It definitely seems like John was finally trying to take charge of his own life. Like, obviously, we don't know what would have happened going into 1981 he could have backpedalled or messed some of this stuff up, and I'm by no means saying that this one experience magically fixed all of John's mental health problems, but it definitely seemed to be transformative for him, but he just didn't get a chance to act on it.

Edit: Also, I just remembered the quote from when he was promoting Double Fantasy, where he brought up the 70s having been a drag and said, 'Let's make the 80s better.' He definitely seemed to have some hope for the future, and saying let's make the 80's better, definitely makes it seem like he's realised he can do things to make himself happy, and his life better, rather than relying on other people to do it for him.

[lesbianjohnlennon]

one of these days – paul mccartney // john lennon's last interview, 1980 // secret friend – paul mccartney // rabbi ben ezra, 1864 // the paul mccartney project "the mccartney interview (1980)" // (just like) starting over [take 3] - john lennon

[percy-thrills-thrillington]

I don’t “remember” facts and history about The Beatles, I’m haunted by them

[maclennon]

the way this is going to be me this summer

[silversunsailing]

you'll be my only one