all my faces have alibis @flightinstinct - Tumblr Blog

kellen || 28 || he/they || endlessly going through it

dyslexic, allergic to proofreading my own posts, and I value my sanity enough to not fuck with tag misspellings. roll with it or roll away ✌️

ah. yeah, okay. I can really see why I got so hooked on short-acting ritalin. it basically functions as a dissociative for me and makes my emotions feel far away while my body keeps going without me having to slog through existing. that probably kept me alive through the empty years (2016-2020) when I was extremely suicidal and actively being abused at home.

#so. this isn't going to work for me.#I'll give it another try tomorrow and just take a half tablet but idk if there's going to be a sweet spot between #doing absolutely nothing for me and severing my attachment to myself and the world around me #either way. I think I just need a higher concerta dose. that's all.#and I am pretty fucking upset with my doctor for pulling this stunt #which may or may not mean that I can't get a concerta refill until fucking AUGUST.

idk why everything feels so awful lately and I really wish I did

#I know I am very stressed but only as like. cognitive awareness that there are many major stressors in my life atm #emotionally it is very difficult to label what I am feeling as stress because it doesn't feel like it usually does #idk. idk idk idk #I just want to stop feeling this way

y6s

yakichoufd

comic inspired by that tweet

I probably should have gone to the er last night but the post ictal symptoms were so fucking bad. the nausea and extreme light and sound sensitivity were insane and had us hunched over a bucket for most of the evening... and with the dizziness and exhaustion, I was in no condition to get myself there or even down the stairs unless I called an ambulance, because my partner was at work. and I didn't want to be stuck in the er all night when I had to start at 7:15 today.

#I'm paying for that now though tbh #ive been fucked up and off all day and my mood has been so low #and I hurt. but that's nothing new

lamb-slaughtered

via

librarycards

when it’s a cloth situation but only your wire alter is available ….

#yeah

today has just been bad and off.

#couldnt possibly be the 2 seizures from yesterday wrecking my brain #no. I must simply be cursed. or I was born under an evil star.

:^) hahah noooo dr [blank], don't dramatically change my prescription (without telling me) to the form that I have historically had substance abuse issues with

#I am going to kill myself and youre all coming with me #my heart is in my stomach and I am so fucking upset #the long acting is what I need!! not the fucking short acting!!!#all because. what. he doesn't want me on too high a dose? when I was only on 36. fucking 36mg. the max dose is double that.#so great. yeah. give me the stuff I used to take excessive amounts of on a regular basis. awesome. this sure won't have any consequences.#not even in terms of addiction issues but also he took me off my long acting concerta which had saved my life #I cant go back to the way things were before it. short acting wont do what I need. I know it won't. even the pharmacist was confused.

it's raining like crazy and I got soaked in the minute it took me to get from my bus stop to my apartment, and I feel more alive and real than I have in... a very long time, tbh

#my skin is itchy now for whatever reason but. worth it.#I'm gonna take a joint out I think

snototter

An American black bear (Ursus americanus) in Banff National Park, Alberta, Canada

by Markus Lilje

already exhausted and overwhelmed from today. possibly had a small seizure during my lunch break. and now I have to clean.

#I am so tired and my body hurts. you would think a desk job would be very stationary but I am CONSTANTLY up and down #my knees hurt. everything hurts.#I got conscripted for the 07:15 shift tomorrow.#everything sucks an everything is happening too much.

my dumb ass mentioned to one of the other admins that I've realized I prefer the busy days... I fucking jinxed it. it's been so obscenely busy for the last hour that I have had zero time to actually finish my tasks

#I only just got to take my first break 🫩#don't get me wrong though. this in infinitely better than having nothing to do #just. god damn.

ortut

Alva Gallagher - Lucent Pearl (bronze & solid crystal)

pngblog

iamheavymeta-lll

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all my faces have alibis