wonder about your indifference (8,780 words) - anon
It had been a long time since he had been anything but a ghost, a long time since anyone had wanted him to beâ and as much as he trusted MacTavishâs judgement, Ghost knew he was better suited to it when there was a problem with a clear solution, one where he was only expected to switch off his mind and do anything it took to get to it.
It was busy. There wasnât a moment of quiet, not a moment where he could stop and thinkâ and worse than that was the way that people looked to him as he thought, waited for his opinion, staked their own on his.
Second-in-command. The words didnât even suit him, came out oddly on his lips as he sounded them out.
ghost is coping with the war, and the new position, and the distance, absolutely fine as far as anyone is concerned. he doesn't have the right to feel any different, anyway.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Fandom:
Call of Duty (Video Games)
Relationships:
Simon "Ghost" Riley & Gary "Roach" Sanderson, John "Soap" MacTavish/Simon "Ghost" Riley
Characters:
Simon "Ghost" Riley, John "Soap" MacTavish, Gary "Roach" Sanderson
Additional Tags:
Hurt/Comfor, tEmotional Hurt/Comfort, Game: Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 (2009), Captain John "Soap" MacTavish, Lieutenant Simon "Ghost" Riley, Gary "Roach" Sanderson & Simon "Ghost" Riley Friendship, Pining, Simon "Ghost" Riley Loves John "Soap" MacTavish, and he's coping about it great, Soft Simon "Ghost" Riley, Soft Gary "Roach" Sanderson, During Canon, Canon-Typical Violence, Blood and Violence, the complex feeling of finding your dead brother in someone else
(the song is leith rossâs weâll never have sex, and for some reason i made jt the title completely opposite to the actual song lol)
would it be weird to rb this with every update? iâll be honest i still donât get reblogging
etched in the surface - anon
âI know thatâ sir,â MacTavish tried, but Shepherd wasnât having itâ
âThereâs nothing Ghost can do for you that another one of your soldiers canât. I appreciate your concern, but Ghost has spent a lot longer working under me,â he told him firmly, at odds with the gentle way he placed the folder back on his desk and readjusted it out of his line of sight, âand Iâll make sure heâs utilised best.â
As if that was what he was concerned aboutâ but he didnât voice that, accepting the answer for what it was.
the international stage has finally settled to a point where mactavish feels confident enough to ask ghost out properly. ghost, on the other hand, is nowhere to be found, busy carrying out shepherd's orders
John "Soap" MacTavish, Simon "Ghost" Riley, Shepherd (Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2)Gary "Roach" Sanderson, Task Force 141 Ensemble
Additional Tags:
Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Whump, Game: Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 (2009), Captain John "Soap" MacTavish, Lieutenant Simon "Ghost" Riley, Abuse of Authority, Canon-Typical Violence, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Blood and Injury, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Hurt Simon "Ghost" Riley, John "Soap" MacTavish Loves Simon "Ghost" Riley, Shepherd Being an Asshole (Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2), Dogs, and dogtags i suppose
iâm not going to lie i apologise in advance incase its not very good but also 88k words is kind of hilarious bc we are not even done. apologies in case the next chapter is also a tiny bit late, the same chronic condition that i am afraid has messedup this chapter is unfortunately likely to affect the timeline on the next chapter. nevertheless, we persist!!! thank you for reading this far :) <3
i saw this really gorgeous piece of art by @scarebluetales and had to make a ghost version :,) additional versions under the cut
i made it with two versions of colouring and the other one had the poem in arabic (i couldnât actually find the original author also pls forgive my handwriting)
there was a version with tbe glasses but it made me angry to look at it. posting art is so scary so iâm going back to writing yay
would it be weird to rb this with every update? iâll be honest i still donât get reblogging
etched in the surface - anon
âI know thatâ sir,â MacTavish tried, but Shepherd wasnât having itâ
âThereâs nothing Ghost can do for you that another one of your soldiers canât. I appreciate your concern, but Ghost has spent a lot longer working under me,â he told him firmly, at odds with the gentle way he placed the folder back on his desk and readjusted it out of his line of sight, âand Iâll make sure heâs utilised best.â
As if that was what he was concerned aboutâ but he didnât voice that, accepting the answer for what it was.
the international stage has finally settled to a point where mactavish feels confident enough to ask ghost out properly. ghost, on the other hand, is nowhere to be found, busy carrying out shepherd's orders
John "Soap" MacTavish, Simon "Ghost" Riley, Shepherd (Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2)Gary "Roach" Sanderson, Task Force 141 Ensemble
Additional Tags:
Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Whump, Game: Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 (2009), Captain John "Soap" MacTavish, Lieutenant Simon "Ghost" Riley, Abuse of Authority, Canon-Typical Violence, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Blood and Injury, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Hurt Simon "Ghost" Riley, John "Soap" MacTavish Loves Simon "Ghost" Riley, Shepherd Being an Asshole (Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2), Dogs, and dogtags i suppose
hey manâŚ.. post the draftsâŚ.. (manipulatively) (it wont let me vote in ur poll)
i got self conscious and immediately deleted the poll which is why you couldnât vote in it. hereâs a draft i ended up not publishing (because i reworked it all into other works). i put my little annotations in blue if thatâs okay :)
draft no. whatever (i donât label these things), 2374 words.
(no content warnings)
In his life, MacTavish never thought heâd be in a position where his dreams were dangerous.
âMmâ mhm,â Ghost hummed into the kiss, unable to stop talking, even for a moment, âyeah, like that.â
The details of the dream changed each time; sometimes, in his peripheries, they swam and shifted, so that heâd start in one place and end in another. There were always constants, thoughâ the heat Ghost radiated, the scent of his shampoo, the way his lips would press against his, and occasionally, lowerâ in the present moment, though, he recognised the hot warmth of morning sunlight flooding through the dusty windows of his flat, the scent of cooking eggs, the countertops he had him pressed against as he wrapped steady hands around his waist to keep him closeâ
âYouâre gonna burn the eggs again,â Ghost reminded him, smiling against his lips. He was pressed against the countertop, nearly chest to chest so that he had to tilt his head up to kiss himâ
âTo hell with the eggs,â he grumbled, as Ghost pulled back again to smile wider, looking up at him.
âLadyâll eat âem out the rubbish,â Ghost replied, eyes dilated and catching the morning light, aglow. âSheâll get fat.â
âFatter, you mean,â MacTavish corrected, and when Ghost opened his mouth to reply again, kissed it to keep him quiet. âJesus, Simon, quit running your mouth.â
âYou like my mouth.â
He knew, by the silence outside, that it was a Sunday morningâ lazy, and slow, and quiet. He also knew that if he looked down, the fur slinking between their legs would glare reproachfully at the attention.
It was dangerous to be dreaming that way in the field. Dangerous to do it around his men, dangerous to do it at allâ but he was half awake, half asleep, and couldnât help the way he lifted a hand to the back of Ghostâs head to tangle his hair in golden blond strandsâ
âCâmon, Johnnyâ mmph,â Ghost huffed, as he pressed their lips together again, before putting a hand on his chest to push him back, âeggsâre gonna be well done by nowâ mmââ
âFuckinâ hell, Simon,â MacTavish complained, and dragged his tongue across the ridge of his teeth, âyouâre stuck on these eggs. Itâs always about the bloody food with you.â
âFastest way to a manâs heart,â Ghost hummed, shrugging carelessly as his tongue slid across hisâ the eggs sizzled and popped, and somewhere by his head, Sandmanâs foot kicked dangerously close.
âAye,â he agreed, and Simonâs hand drifted higher up his chest, nails raking soft paths up. âThrough the ribs is more efficient, though.â
The laugh bubbled up against his lips, and when Ghost smiled next, his teeth bumped up against his. It was swelteringly warm, warmth curling up the back of his neck, more so when Ghost threw an arm around his neck to followed the sunlight upâ vaguely, he knew he had fallen asleep on his stomach, the polyester of the sleeping back crunching under his cheek, but then the hand on his chest trailed up to feel around his collar, and Ghost was taking a fist of his tags around his collar.
âWhereâre you going, huh?â
âGot to go,â he replied, and he was almost sure the sound of eggs popping in oil wasnât entirely in his imagination, âyou know Iâve got to go.â
âYouâre always doing this,â Ghost grumbled, and the hand up the back of his neck reached up to the back of his head, tugging gently on the mohawkâ âcâmon, weâve not even had the eggs yet.â
âI know,â MacTavish agreed, and the ring of blue around Ghostâs pupils was outright dangerous, âI know.â
âNot even got time for a goodbye kiss?â Ghost asked, half teasing as he looked down at himâ the morning light only caught half his face, the freckles dotting across his cheeks and nose. His hair was falling into his eyes, eyelashes caught gold in the sunlight; flushed pink, his lips were the same colour as his cheeks, pressed pink and spit slick. MacTavish sighed, all too aware of the consciousness encroaching on the corners of his vision, and pulled backâ but the fist on his tags pulled tight, pulling him back, andâ
âYouâre so bleedinâ stubborn, Simon,â MacTavish laughed, lips inches from Ghostâs.
âYouâre so cruel,â Ghost shot back, pulling on the tags like a leash. âIâm going to have to eat these eggs alone, you know?â
âI know,â MacTavish nodded, and leaned closer, trying to keep the genuine pain out of his voice, âIâm sorry.â
Ghost laughed again, but didnât move any closer, as if he was savouring the moment.
There was nothing he wouldnât do to keep himself there. He knew it, Ghost knew it, but he couldnât stay there, and he knew that tooâ
âCome on, Johnny,â Simon whispered, [sentence i never finished], âone more? For good luck?â
Anything, anything he asked for, any time he asked for itâ but he didnât say that. His cupidâs bow caught the morning sunlight, and the ridges of the Glasgow smile, keloided over his skin, shone when he lifted his hands and dragged a thumb across them; Ghostâs cheeks folded with the smile as MacTavish leaned in, eyes closing as he hummed happily, andâ
The safehouse was small enough that even the sound of eggs cracking into a bowl in the kitchen was loud enough to wake MacTavish up.
âSky.â
âNo,â Ghost was saying from the kitchen of the safehouse, frown audible in his voice.
âSun.â
âNo.â
âIâ Jesus,â Roach sighed, and there was the sound of spitting eggs again, as MacTavish blinked gritty eyes, âI dunno, uhâ sandwich? Sandwiches?â
âBloody hellâ where the fuckâre you seeing a sandwich, Bug?â Ghost demanded incredulously, simultaneously quiet and annoyedâ there was another hiss, as if someone had flipped the eggs, and when Ghost spoke next, it was with the distinct tone of someone pinching the bridge of their noseâ
âLetâs justâ forget I Spy for a second, how many words starting with S do you actually know, Sanderson?â
âSanderson, for one.â
âJesus Christ,â Ghost mumbled, as MacTavish listened to the distinct sound of another egg crackingâ sunlight, hot and warm, sifted through the dirt on the window and onto the floor of the living room that the eight of them were sleeping on. Besides him, the empty spot Ghost had left when he must have woken up was steadily being encroached upon by Meat, an arm and leg thrown over the indent in the sleeping bags, and Roachâs pack had been rummaged through. The room was filled with the sound of heavy breaths and snores, and was distinctly warm in the way sleep seemed to make it; MacTavish turned over, blinking at the ceiling before scrubbing at his hair as he listened.
âGive me another egg.â
âCanât we make omelettes?â
âWith what, exactly? Weâre making âem scrambled. Thereâs an S wordâ scrambled.â
âOh. I mean, canât weââ
âScrambled, and thatâs an order, sergeant. Itâs sâposed to be morale boost, weâre not depressing everyone with limp omelettes.â
âHm,â Roach agreed, sounding disappointed, beforeâ âwait, is scrambled the word?â
âFor fuckâs sakeâ no.â
The safehouse was practically a cabin, and they were crammed in like sardines between the eight of them. The bedroom had a hole in it, and the last week of storms had meant it was off-limitsâ all eight of them, then, slept in the living room, with the exception of Ghost, who had fallen asleep half the nights on night sentry, and MacTavish, who had stayed up with him, watching the rolling farmland flood with the rain. Morale had been running low for several days, between the storm, dwindling meal rations, and the way they were crammed togetherâ the sunlight was a good sign, though, and he knew if he opened his eyes and glanced to the sky, it would be the clear blue that only followed storms. Yawning again, he turned over on his sleeping bag and kicked the blanket off of him, scrubbing his hand through the mohawk as he listened to the movement in the kitchen.
(there was supposed to be something connecting these parts that i never wrote :c)
âGo see if anyoneâs awake,â Ghost ordered, and there was the hiss of a pan as more eggs were poured into it. A moment later, Roach appeared around the doorway; the angle hid him from MacTavish, so he went to Decker first, sleeping closest to the kitchen door.
âHeyâ,â he listened to Roach lean down and whisper, âDecker. Wake up.â
There was no answer; MacTavish leant over, and shoved into Meat to try and get him up, who only rolled over.
âDecker,â Roach whispered again, âcome on, get up.â
âJesus,â Ghost appeared by his side a moment later, âthe fuckâre you being so gentle for? Oi! Decker!â
âMmâ whaâsit?â Decker replied blearily,
âEggs. Wake up and eat them or Iâll throw them out.â
âMâkay,â Decker nodded, ââll wake up the others.â
âEasy,â Ghost told Roach, before glancing over at him. âMorning, captain.â
âRiley,â MacTavish acknowledged, propping himself up on an elbow. He was wearing an older skull mask, design chipping off around his eyes, and MacTavish noted, with endearment that physically ached, the way the sun had made his cheeks pinker, exactly as in the dreamâ Ghost smiled, still holding a spatula, the hoodie rucked up to his elbows despite the fact his gloves were still on.
âWhere have you got eggs from, then?â He asked, scrubbing at his eyes againâ Ghost beamed wider, and clapped Roach on the back hard enough to make him stumble.
âOur resident infiltration expert stole from a farm!â
âI didnâtâ I didnât steal,â Roach corrected hurriedly, âthere was justâ a chicken farm, a mike west of hereâ I left some over for the farmers, itâs not likeâ!â
âThereâs another S word for you,â Ghost cut across him happily, âsteal. Shame thief doesnât start with S, huh?â
âIâm not a thief!â
âMmââ Sandman, from somewhere besides MacTavish, stirredâ âwhyâs Roach yelling about being a thief, sir?â
âIâm not a thief!â Roach bellowed defensivelyâ several people blinked themselves awake at the sudden volume, and Meat flopped over.
âYou kill people for a living,â Ghost pointed out, crossing his arms, âstealing is where you draw the line?â
âWhy am I smelling eggs?â Archer asked, wiping his hair out of his face. âOhâ for fuckâs sake, Adams, is that you?â
âWhy would it be me?â Adams grumbled, âRoyce is right there!â
âItâs never Royce,â Sandman told him. âRoyce smells like an English garden.â
âItâs my aftershave,â Royce agreed sagely, before blinking up at the ceiling. âOh, I smell eggs, too.â
âGhostâs making everyone scrambled eggs!â Roach declared, with all the indignation of a child tattling on another.
Meat finally snorted awake, to nine pairs of surprised looks, all at Ghost.
âYou want an S word, Bug?â Ghost glared venomously at Roach, rounding on him. âSuicidal. Because thatâs what you must be.â
âHeâs holding a spatula,â Roach added into the silence, despite the way his hands flew up in surrender and he took a step back over Decker, âIâm not lying.â
In the kitchen, the eggs kept spitting in the pan. MacTavish shot Ghost a look, which he returned with a glareâ apparently cautious, Roach took another little step back.
It was Meat who broke the silence, sitting up.
âYouâre making us breakfast, Ghost?â He asked, grinning.
âMaking myself breakfast,â Ghost snapped back. âThe rest of you get my leftovers.â
âNo, heâs not!â
âShut it.â
âHe got bread for toast,â Roach added, lifting his hands higher in surrender. âI didnât rob anyone!â
âYouâve only worked here for whatâ year, year and a half?â Sandman sat up too, scratching at his stubbleâ âand it only took that long for you to finally soften up on us?â
The spatula was thrown at his head with deadly accuracy, and only missed because of the speed at which Sandman ducked.
âOi!â
âIâm eating your breakfast,â Ghost snarled, ignoring the barely stifled laughter around the room.
âNo!â
âIâm eating your breakfast too,â he added, jabbing a finger towards Roach.
âYou canât eat six eggs in one sitting,â Roach replied, bewildered.
âTry me.â
âIâm smelling burning eggs now,â Archer provided, flopping back down on his sleeping bag. Ghost shot Roach a pointed glare, and with a little sigh, Roach stepped carefully over five sets of legs to take the spatula off Sandman, who snatched it from the ground to hand to him.
âAll of you need to wake up before theyâre done, or Iâm binning them all,â Ghost glowered at them all, before turning on his heel and stalking to the kitchen. He disappeared through the door, before sticking his head out to scowl at Roachâ
âAnd the kitchenâs off-limits for you now.â
âWhatâ I stole eggs for you!â
âYouâre getting the burned ones,â Ghost shot back, before disappearing back into the kitchen. MacTavish yawned again, and shot a sidelong look at Sandmanâ
âHeâs a sweetheart, really.â
âThrough and through,â Sandman agreed, rolling his eyes as he got up, Roach taking a defeated seat on the sofa. âCome on sir, ranks say you get the bathroom first. Maybe exfilâll take us out this shithole before Ghost has to start cooking us dinner, too.â
Getting the bathroom first meant that he was out of it first, and had to push past Roach, standing in the doorway, to get through to the kitchen.
âSpatula!â
âNo. Piss off.â
âSaucepan?â
âIâll lob it at your head, Roach, donât test me.â
âCome on,â Roach was beginning to sound a little desperate, and stepped to one side to let MacTavish throughâ âGhost, itâs got to be somethingâ give me a hint!â
âYou want the answer, Bug?â Ghost, standing over the stovetop, turned over his shoulder to glare. âStab wound.â
âWhatâ what?â Roach blinked, bewilderedâ âBut there arenât any stab wounds near us!â
âNot yet,â Ghost agreed, eyes narrowed. âYouâre on the right track, though.â
Half for Roachâs sake, and half because it was really too early for it, MacTavish closed the door on Roach before he could splutter out a reply.
âYou ever get worried that you threaten people too much, they wonât take you seriously?â
âRoach knows Iâm not kidding,â Ghost muttered, turning back to the stove to angrily poke at the eggs.
[i ended up abandoning this, half because i felt the dream thing was overused and half because i couldnât figure out how i wanted it to end - i think it was just more devastating pining. the dreams thing got worked into my most recent work, the cooking eggs w roach thing got put into âspilled all over meâ, and iâm still looking for an excuse to write more tf141 stuff cause i love them :3 but i donât think iâll finish it]