Currently using the idea of "he will be proud of me" to study
i reposted this like two months ago and he fucking died this morning.
i guess not this morning because itās 1am the next day but like he was alive yesterday. he was alive in the morning. i was awake when he died in the morning.
i found out six hours ago and i have been crying on and off ever since. my friend called me immediately after she found outādidnāt even process her feelings just immediately was like āi have to call solā. we were on the phone four and half hours. iāve tried to fill the silence. i donāt want to be alone. or sober. but alas.
like what the fuck do you do when your favorite professor dies?
i will miss him forever. i am so beyond devastated.
this is the most pain i think ive ever been in.
he was fucking 47. he has a wife and three kids. he drove a stupid little blue car he was way too fucking big for and heās a fucking nerd. heās the professor the upper classmen tell you to never take a class with because āheās meanā or whatever but he gave me so much grace and patience and showed me so much kindness and i will never be able to tell him that he fucking saved my life this year. i will never see him again. i was supposed to have him again in the fall. i was supposed to see him in two months. i havenāt seen him in over a month. i will never see him again.
i will miss him for the rest of my life. i donāt know how im supposed to just fucking do college after this. he fucking carried me through my whole freshman year and now iām supposed to just do the rest of college without him. i feel like time has stopped moving.
















