@flowgiz-blog - Tumblr Blog

so here’s a fun story about this movie. guess who loves this movie? me! i do! i love this movie. i love this movie so much that when i was in the 7th grade and i saw “first wives club 2” on pay per view i was like: HELL YEAH!! FIRST WIVES CLUB TWO!! NO ONE TOLD ME THERE WAS A SEQUEL!!!

here’s the synopsis for first wives club 2:

disgruntled first wives take their ex-husbands’ new lovers under their wing.

sounds great, right? awesome viewing material for a precocious 11-year-old.

so i buy this movie, and like, three minutes into it i’m starting to feel suspicious?? like it’s really low quality and my girls are nowhere in sight?? how come none of the first wives are the same?? how come they’re alone in a bedroom with mood lighting?? why is she taking off her shirt?? why are they both taking off their shirts?? WHY ARE THEY—

here’s what i did not know about first wives club 2:

it is a lesbian porno of no relation to the beloved 1996 classic.

so of course i, horrified that i’ve accidentally bought porn on my family’s account (and in that state of panic that kids work themselves into whenever anything regarding sex is mentioned), quickly shut off the TV and go upstairs and watch an episode of veggie tales to like, cleanse my soul and apologize to jesus, and that’s that.

EXCEPT, OF COURSE:

you have to pay for pay per view.

so the end of the month comes and i have completely put this incident out of my mind, haha, i accidentally bought porn, how funny, TELL NO ONE. right? and i’m sitting at a nice dinner with my mother, my stepfather, and my very religious aunt deb, and we’re just talking about farm things, whatever, when suddenly my mother puts her fork down and says, “okay, there’s something we need to discuss. as a family.”

AS A FAMILY.

and i’m like, running through a list of people i know who could conceivably be dead, and fantasizing about my mother announcing that she’s going to buy me My Own Computer Just Because U Earned It Kiddo, and she pulls out a piece of paper that says DIRECTV across the top. and i’m like: OH NO.

“i received the tv bill today,” my mother said, and i was like, shoveling potatoes into my mouth as fast as i could because i knew that when i went to PORN PRISON they weren’t going to feed me this kind of quality starch. “does anybody want to tell me who purchased the pornography?”

as a reminder, a quick table survey:

my mother, surprised and disappointed by the porn bill (innocent)

my stepfather, a grumbly old cowboy who just wants to sing along to kenny chesney and watch the hunt for red october (innocent)

my aunt deb, a super religious catholic whose best friend is a nun named Sister Placid (innocent)

me, the 11-year-old with a mouthful of potatoes who definitely purchased the lesbian pornography

silence.

my mother said, “i’m not going to ask again.”

silence.

my aunt looked at my stepdad. my stepdad looked at my aunt. NOBODY LOOKED AT ME, THE 11-YEAR-OLD WITH A MOUTHFUL OF POTATOES WHO DEFINITELY PURCHASED THE LESBIAN PORNOGRAPHY.

my mother shook her head and put the bill down. “this was incredibly inappropriate,” she said. “skip, deb, whoever. buy that shit on your own time. i’m not paying for it. what if molly had seen it?”

WHAT IF MOLLY HAD SEEN IT?

“don’t expose my kid to that crap.”

DON’T

EXPOSE

MY KID

TO THAT CRAP

“if you want to watch porn, fine, but do it in private and don’t expect me to pay for it. i can’t believe one of you did that in the living room.”

I CAN’T BELIEVE ONE OF YOU DID THAT

IN THE LIVING ROOM

but molly, why didn’t you own up to it and explain that it was an accident?

are you fucking kidding

i did not want to go to porn prison

the fun conclusion to this story is that i never owned up to it, which means that there are 3 people in the world who have not solved the mystery of the lesbian porn. a quick survey:

my mother, who lives every day wondering whose porn she paid for

my stepfather, who probably wishes he knew less about his wife’s sister’s porn preferences

my aunt, who probably wishes she knew less about her sister’s husband’s porn preferences

but molly, why don’t you own up to it now, with the safety of time and distance and the knowledge that porn prison isn’t real?

are you fucking kidding

this is the best thing i’ve ever done

thetreeinennis

Who needs actual porn on tumblr when we have this story?

krxs100

YA’LL....

Mainstream Media Now Openly Reporting on the Elite Lining Up to Ingest the Blood of Children…. Seriously

Once the talk of conspiracy theorists — the rich ingesting the blood of the young to foster longevity — is now a reality and an actual business in the United States. Not only is it a business but billionaires are actually admitting their interest in it. Now, even the mainstream media is reporting it.

Peter Thiel, the billionaire co-founder of PayPal and adviser to Donald Trump told Inc. magazine:

“I’m looking into parabiosis stuff, which I think is really interesting. This is where they did the young blood into older mice and they found that had a massive rejuvenating effect. I think there are a lot of these things that have been strangely under-explored.”

As Vanity Fair reports, Ambrosia, which buys its blood from blood banks, now has about 100 paying customers. Some are Silicon Valley technologists, like Thiel, though Karmazin stressed that tech types aren’t Ambrosia’s only clients and that anyone over 35 is eligible for its transfusions.

Aside from the gruesome historical and occult background of such practices, there is literally NO DATA that suggests the process even works.

“There‘s just no clinical evidence [that the treatment will be beneficial], and you‘re basically abusing people‘s trust and the public excitement around this,” Stanford University neuroscientist Tony Wyss-Coray, who conducted a 2014 study of young blood plasma in mice, told Science magazinelast summer, as reported by Vanity Fair.

#STAYWOKE

nerdgasrnz

If there was a venn diagram of the old-ass homophobes who worsened the AIDS crisis and prevent gay people from donating blood; and the old-ass people who are looking at this shit as an actual anti-aging solution, I’m sure it’d be a circle.

siobhanblank-deactivated2019011

I remember some YouTuber tweeting like “TV shows are too political these days old shows like Fresh Prince didn’t have all this sjw bullshit” and like the first episode will and uncle phil talk very sternly about malcom x

mirukaiam

If anything, sitcom shows even from Disney esp if they're black were bold in your face political about societal issues

dont-at-m3

ima just leave these here

clupster

nghtcrlr

the most studio ghibli shit I’ve ever seen

turquoisespace35

webtoonmemecentral

Why aren’t y’all talking more about one of the newest webtoon stories, “Outrage”?

Like here you have a superhero that goes around popping out of people’s electronic devices and either beats the living crap out of people or at least give them a good scare. How is this heroic you may ask? Cause he typically beats up the worst kind of people you see on the internet

Racists

Predators

And he took a deuce on Trump’s desk

Did I mention that the creator of this is also the creator of Deadpool?

modern-politics111

About half of Trump's "somewhat" supporters said Trump has the right temperament to serve effectively as president or considered him honest and trustworthy.

corpsecaat

Thank you Jesus

flexingtyger99

Bridgette Goudz as Wonder Woman

klonpa

luc-iddreaming-deactivated20231

@staff Not exactly the “welcome back to the app store” you were expecting huh

xancredible27

THIS is the kind of protest that tumblr will care about sooner or later. Leave bad ratings and reviews on apple or in the google play store. Lower their rating so hard that it damages their userbase.

Logging off for a single day isn’t of interest to tumblr. I’m not saying y’all shouldn’t protest in any way you can or want, but logging off the site for just one day isn’t going to bother tumblr because tumblr doesn’t CARE about your symbolic protest. Tumblr has proven time and again that it doesn’t CARE about its userbase. We’re still using the site and we won’t stop using the site any time soon because there’s no alternative. But that’s what we’d have to do to hopefully force tumblr to change anything. And they still won’t do it because their policy change isn’t about family values or what the userbase allegedly wants. It’s about money.

So, unless you stop using the site and app permanently, or for a long period of time, this isn’t going to matter to tumblr. And when you do, you need to do it in big numbers.

Leaving them bad reviews in the apple app store or on google play (where it’ll be harder because the current average rating is 4.4 stars and you need to edit or leave a LOT of bad reviews to drastically lower that), is going to do more to damage their reputation and thus do more to compromise their profit.

maya-tl

Guess what I just did.

dorimei

guess what i’m doing

willowofthehearth

Putting this on my to do list for today

veitstanz

have at it people

alwaysbewoke

disgusting.

animalsandtrees

A new species is evolving before scientists’ eyes in the eastern United States.

Wolves faced with a diminishing number of potential mates are lowering their standards and mating with other, similar species, reported The Economist.

The interbreeding began up to 200 years ago, as European settlers pushed into southern Ontario and cleared the animal’s habitat for farming and killed a large number of the wolves that lived there.

That also allowed coyotes to spread from the prairies, and the white farmers brought dogs into the region.

Over time, wolves began mating with their new, genetically similar neighbors.

The resulting offspring — which has been called the eastern coyote or, to some, the “coywolf” — now number in the millions, according to researchers at North Carolina State University.

Interspecies-bred animals are typically less vigorous than their parents, The Economist reported — if the offspring survive at all.

That’s not the case at all with the wolf-coyote-dog hybrid, which has developed into a sum greater than the whole of its parts.

At about 55 pounds, the hybrid animal is about twice as heavy as a standard coyote, and her large jaws, faster legs and muscular body allow her to take down small deer and even hunt moose in packs, and the animal is skilled at hunting in both open terrain and dense woodland.

An analysis of 437 hybrid animals found that coyote DNA dominates her genetic makeup, with about one-tenth of its DNA from dogs, usually larger dogs such as Doberman pinschers and German shepherds, and a quarter from wolves.

The animal’s cry starts out as a deep-pitched wolf howl that morphs into higher-pitched yipping — like a coyote.

Her dog DNA may carry an additional advantage.

Some scientists think the hybrid animal is able to adapt to city life — which neither coyotes or wolves have managed to do on their own — because her dog ancestry allows her to tolerate people and noise.

The coywolves have spread into some of the nation’s largest cities — including New York, Boston and Washington — using railway corridors.

The interbreeding allows the animal to diversify her diet and eat discarded food, along with rodents and smaller mammals — including cats, which coywolves eat skull and all — and they have evolved to become nocturnal to avoid humans.

The animals are also smart enough to learn to look both ways before crossing roads.

Not all researchers agree the animal is a distinct species, arguing that one species does not interbreed with another — although the hybrid’s existence raises the question of whether wolves and coyotes are distinct species in the first place.

But scientists who have studied the animal say the mixing of genes has been much faster, extensive and transformational than anyone had noticed until fairly recently.

“(This) amazing contemporary evolution story (is) happening right underneath our nose,” said Roland Kays, a researcher at North Carolina State.

Watch this report on coywolves.

Raw Story

thewinterotter

THIS SHIT IS SO WILD AND IT’S ABSOLUTELY FASCINATING. If you’d like to watch the entire Nature documentary referenced in that “watch this report” link, you can find the whole thing on Youtube. It’s a terrific documentary and a really interesting look at an animal most people don’t even seem to realize exists. The extent to which coywolves have adapted to urban life and the ways in which they’re very distinct from the species they’ve sprung from is pretty incredible.

hoardofhyperfixations

Ultimate Doggo

gallusrostromegalus

H Y P E R C A N I D S

jmdurden-deactivated20211019

Touchy, feely, neighbor lady.

possumistic

If you see this

You were visited by the magic kitten of rest. Reblog to have a good night’s sleep.

wildlifewednesdays

A porcupine’s Halloween present (+ original sound effects)

docwithtardisfez

I had no idea giant porcupines made fucking precious sounds

11213372-deactivated20160412

nightonblogmountain

THAT’S THE SOUND IT MAKES!?!?!?

UN-BE-FUCKING-LIEVABLE

why-animals-do-the-thing

We got asked if this is cute and okay. I can very happily say yes, this is stupid cute and those are happy porcupine noises.

One of my favorite things about doing zoo work was all the noises you never realize the animals make when they’re excited or interested in a new thing. Coatimundis squeak and snuffle, and giant porcupines make that sound.