You know you're fucked when getting a promotion just makes your preexisting feeling-stuck and this-is-a-sad-crying-day vibes so much worse đ
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@thetreeinennis
You know you're fucked when getting a promotion just makes your preexisting feeling-stuck and this-is-a-sad-crying-day vibes so much worse đ
The first NYE of my life where I didn't feel gut-wrenchingly lonely! đ So happy to have my special someone.
I'm happier in general lately, but I'm in my first relationship (!!!) and it's going so well and I'm just like.... I don't know how to deal with something feeling easy in my life.
anyone else get embarrassed when their self indulgent daydreams are like too self-indulgent? like oh jeez the telepaths are going to judge me
#ah so when youâre not Catholic you think itâs telepaths lol
Can you even imagine being the poor alien sod responsible for auditing an earthling spaceshipâs spending allowance? Like:Â
âI see, and why do you require many tubes of white plant flavoured paste?âÂ
âOh well, if we donât rub that on our teeth twice daily the bacteria living in my mouth will begin to devour me teeth.âÂ
ââŠNoted.âÂ
âI have also noticed several large shipments of specific medications, and a variety of individually packaged absorbent material - however injury records do not show sufficient numbers to justify these recurrent deliveries.âÂ
âAh, yeah, itâs not really an injury per say. As part of our natural reproductive cycle approximately half the population will shed the lining of one of their internal organs and expel it.â
ââŠthat is the most horrifying thing that I have ever heard.â
âYeah.â
âDoes such a process not hurt?â
âThatâl be what the medicationâs for. Pain killers for the cramps, birth control to stop the process.âÂ
ââŠand your reasoning behind the fully functional, high-tech entertainment system?âÂ
âOkay, that we could probably do without. But in our defence that was actually insisted on as a standard feature of all fleet-ships expected to encounter Terrans. Admiral PloâKaght insisted on it. Something about bored humans and a an illegal betting ring featuring a cleaning robot with a knife strapped to it going up against a human with a mop?âÂ
ââŠI believe I should speak with my superiors.âÂ
I love how Stabby the Roomba has become such a consistent in-joke among these sorts of blogs.
Galactic hero stabby the roomba: his legend continues
Ashamed to admit that I -just- realized, after many years and many many more viewings, that there's like.... no Asian characters in The Hunger Games. And then realized there's like no one Hispanic either. đŹ
sometimes I tweet about the funny/cute/utterly bizarre shit my 3rd graders do and say
the latest dispatches from room 156
happy monday folks
room 156 is BACK bitches and better than ever!!!!!!!!
a special room 156 update in honor of election 2020
2020 continues to be A Time but at least my 3rd graders continue to be the funniest people on the goddamn planet
have not updated this post in a while so here, enjoy some room 156 content in these trying times
sorry if you find updates to this post annoying but this is my tumblr and Iâll be as annoying as I want baybeeeeeeeeeeee
there are only 7 school days left and Iâm feeling Emoâąïž about it so here are some room 156 tweets
BISCUIT MODE
Daniel BrĂŒhl in Der ganz groĂe Traum (Lessons of a Dream) (2011)
declaring âthis is the bad placeâ every time you are even slightly inconvenienced is peak humor
Itâs what Eleanor Shellstrop would have wanted
Iâm blessing all of you Zemo simps...
Daniel BrĂŒhl smiling in a
very cosy
looking jumper. Youâre welcome ;)
admittedly I donât normally like modern shakespeare adaptations but once I went to see my cousin in a midsummer nightâs dream and it opened with a high schooler saying âI donât wanna read this playâ so he sits down and eats an entire chipotle burrito on stage and then immediately falls asleep and the play begins but instead of the forest the faeries all hang out in a rainforest cafe TM and at one point in the middle of a scene the guy from the beginning just slowly drifts across the back of the stage on a skateboard, staring at all the characters as the events of the play transpire in the form of some sort of chipotle-induced coma lucid dream
THAT is EXACTLY what Shakespeare would have wanted
I swear if this isnât floating around on the internet Iâm gonna cry
Oh buddy ITâS ABOUT TO BE. I am like, 98% sure this was my high schoolâs production and Iâve got photos and video clips like craaaazyâŠ
Here are some fun additions⊠the Mechanicals were also based on the characters of The Breakfast Club (here I am below, eating an actual Captain Crunch and Pixie Stix sandwich on stage.)
âŠand the one on the longboard was actually our Puck - he rode it through the whole play in the background. Please note his âForest Cafeâ shirt⊠which we also had logos for on the cups.
âŠand we had both a flash mob at the end AND an interlude where myself and one of the other Fairies danced to âSexy and I Know Itâ while we were cleaning up the tables at the cafe.
I will post more of this later. I have a DVD at my house and will endure cringing at myself to bring you some quality clips⊠thereâs probably one of K eating the burrito before the start of the play, too.
@hullaballoons Here is more Ktown Lore for youÂ
@cupcakelirryÂ
Here ya go kids⊠all 2h20m. if you make it through the whole thing once, thatâs probably more times than any of the cast watched this DVD. You can probably see why. Tbh if you watch this, I am sorry in advance.
Important notes:
- Chipotle burrito makes a cameo about 30 min in,
- the end has a flash mob and a âcommercialâ for the Forest Cafe,Â
- unfortunately, the lunch scene where all the mechanicals whistle like the Breakfast Club got mostly cut for some reason?
â
@vampireapologist in case you have any interest in reliving this⊠at the very least you can prove to any doubters that there was, in fact, a Chipotle burrito onstage.
I cannot even fully conceptualize, much less put into words, how wild this chain of events has been.
I have dozens of posts going around that have broken 50,000 notes, and plenty that have broken 100,000.
On every single one of these posts, there are hundreds, if not thousands, of comments and tags calling me a liar and the story fake, but none so much as this post.
This post was my most doubted of all.
And you came inâŠâŠâŠ
with a Two and a Half Hour Long video.
Iâll never forget this.
We have a bond forged in fire and spirit now.
My Child is Neurotypical
So I made a fewâŠdozenâŠposts on twitter about my experiences being neurodivergent. Theyâre a roughly 60/40 split between being autistic and having adhd with heavy overlap. They take the form of a parent in denial saying âMy child is neurotypicalâ and the response of âYour child is Xâ where X is a common neurodivergent experience phrased as if coming from a teacher.
(Iâll be updating these as I make more)
Classroom
Your child was a pleasure to have in class
Your child canât focus unless theyâre playing with something
Your child has awful handwriting
Your child is tapping their foot through class
Your child just needs to apply themselves. They can clearly do the work but keep making silly mistakes
Your child had a breakdown over not getting all their homework done
Your child is quiet and struggling to stay on task
Your child thinks school was indistinguishable from torture but struggles without the structure
Your child needs outside structure or they canât figure out what to do first
Sensory - Sound
Your child hears the CRT TV noise (double this if they hate it)
Your child needs to cover their ears any time you use a blender
Your child wants to know where that buzzing is coming from
Your child can tell if the fridge has been opened recently from the other room
Sensory - Touch
Your child canât wear rough or slippery fabrics
Your child hates any texture beyond flannel (any other distinctive texture works too)
Your child hates tags on clothing
Your child overheats in thick socks
Your child wears sportswear but hates sports (@checkerfired1 on twitter)
Your child thinks water has a strange texture
Your child finds showering exhausting but also doesnât want to get out at the end
Your child canât stand the feeling of oil on their skin
Sensory - Light
Your child sat in the dark from noon til sunset before starting their day
Your child thinks sunlight is âtoo muchâ
Memory
Your child forgot they were hungry halfway through making dinner
Your child has had midnight new years pass by because they forgot to wait for it
Your child canât keep a grasp on time
Your child is confused about how itâs already evening
Your child has over 50 tabs open in chrome
Your child can only âwing itâ because they always forget what they planned to say
Your child made a list of what they needed to do and forgot to check it
Your child came up with a âmy child is neurotypicalâ post but forgot
Stimulation
Your child canât focus without background music
Your child thinks everybody is exhausted after conversations
Your child drinking caffeine is like a roulette wheel in its effects
Your child struggles thinking while seated
Your child likes to constantly be chewing on something
Your child finds crowds overwhelming
Your child finds existing at night less exhausting
Sleep
Your child is reading this in the middle of the night
All of your childâs friends live on the opposite side of the world because they canât maintain a traditional sleep schedule
Your child had midnight new years pass by because theyâre normally awake well past then even as an adult
Your child has trouble quieting their brain to sleep
Dyspraxia
Your child is extremely klutzy
Your childâs phone typing is riddled with typos
Empathy
Your child felt guilty for bumping into the table
Your child is painfully uncomfortable watching shows with awkward situations
Your child cries even thinking about somebody being in pain
Your child is extremely trusting with new people they just met
Emotions
Your child has lots of mood swings
Your child hates compliments because theyâre sure theyâll disappoint and alienate anyone who thinks anything good about them (from @MaebyIsSweet on twitter)
Sharing
Your child shares extremely personal experiences with people they just met
Your child can talk for hours about the same subject without getting tired
Communication
Your child learned nonverbal communication from the family dog/cat
Your child gets frustrated because people canât understand them
Your child has been discussing the same topic for 30 minutes without taking a break to breath
Your child tends to speak repetitively - they may feel somewhat scripted
Your child feels like an alien sent to observe humans
Your child cries when instructions arenât clear enough
Your child communes with animals because they make more sense than people
Your child doesnât see the point of small talk
Your child finds comfort in the scriptedness of small talk
Your child is anxious about misreading peopleâs intentions
Your child is anxious about contacting somebody because they think itâs too last second
Your child gets frustrated when instruction manuals skip steps
Your child is constantly anxious about misunderstanding
Your child needs subtitles to hear anything
Your child has times they struggle to make words
Consistency (Anxiety)
Your child asks for the same meal every time they come home
Your child watched a single movie more than 3 times in one day
Your child feels anxious watching new movies or tv shows
Your child nearly has a stress breakdown if plans change last second
Your childâs anxiety spikes every time you ask them a question
Your child has a favourite song theyâve listened to for a week straight
Your child finds split second decision making stressful
Your child gets anxious if they donât exactly follow their daily routine
Masking
Your child can pick up accents easily
Your child grew up wishing they could just go live in the forest away from people
Your child gets anxious when you ask aabout their day
Your child emotionally relates to fictional characters more than real people
Your child has said âI just donât have the energy to act human right nowâ
Your child has described people as âjust too muchâ
Your child was so ashamed of being different they tried to reshape their personality so people would like them
Misc ones I havenât really sorted yet
Your child is protective and doesnât like anybody new coming into their room
Your child wishes it was easier to get up and do what they need to
Your child is confused by how other people relate to their gender
Your child thinks their functioning is an inconvenience to people
Your child is either âonâ or âoffâ and there is no in between
Your child gets stuck in excitement feedback loops with their friends
Your child is convinced they just arenât working hard enough
Your child is on their third hobby this week
Your child spaces out randomly during the day
Your child considers every step of getting dressed an individual task they have to do (from @sisi7304 on twitter)
Your child differentiates between food they like and food they think is good (@sweetmoonpigeon on twitter)
Your child has severe imposter syndrome about whether theyâre neurodivergent âenoughâ
Your child isnât sure what theyâre supposed to do to be a man or a woman
Your childâs fingers and toes change colour in the cold
imagine trying to learn english and hear this
the worst part is that this makes perfect sense to me
There is no one in earth stronger than people who learn English as a second language. I bow to you
@apocrypals this is real
EXTREME TEEN BIBLE⊠REAL
Y'all are NOT READY for their shirt merch
Iâd buy the âyeet pray loveâ shirt if it came in black tbh
âPick up your sword bruhâ
There are two possible explanations for this. Either no one involved in this project has spoken firsthand to a teenager in over twelve years and their only sources are op-eds written by other baby boomers. Or they did consult actual teenagers, who succeeded in trolling the living hell out of them.
six of one, half dozen of the other
so, I looked into this, because as an ex-church-kid, this delights me to no end. and, my friends? we have only just begun to pull the thread on this sweater!
this book was originally published on August 14th 2020. as you can see above, Matt Walshâs tweets were from August 21st - but he wasnât the only one to notice this garbage, and he wasnât even the first.
by August 20th, multiple Christian news websites had already taken issue with the book, as you can tell by these hilarious headlines:
and by the end of the 20th (at 5:35pm to be exact) Lifeway issued an apology:
lol, guess they realized they fucked up baaad.
(a day later, Sunday Cool also jumped on board the apology train, with this cringe-worthy nonsense.)
so, both companies apologized, assured people that they werenât trying to translate the whole bible into this âGen-Z lingoâ (gross), and said that people could still buy the book if they wanted to.
but hereâs the deal. the book theyâre selling? itâs not the original book.
Exhibit A:
^ thatâs the original cover of the book. âThe Word According to Gen Z - A 30-Day Devo Challenge.â
but the book theyâre selling now? well, see for yourself. Exhibit B:
âThe Word According to Gen Z - A 30-Day Devo Challenge Using a Made-Up Language for a Real Generation.â
âUsing a Made-Up Language for a Real Generationâ
these nerds donât want to admit that they actually thought Gen Z talked like that! what a lack of commitment. they disappoint me.
and the free sample pdf on their website is edited as well! no longer does it say âCap Gâ (short for Capital G, by the way - like how Christians spell âGodâ with a capital G) and âBig Jâ - now, it just says âGodâ and âJesus.â
âŠgood thing Iâm a veritable internet detective, because I found the original sample pdf, which is just as cringey as it looked! I recommend skimming it if you want, because itâs a disaster.
but, now that we know that they edited the book, how will we find out what the rest of the verses were? how ever can we know just how bad it truly was before Christian news sites yelled âblasphemy!â and Lifeway had a collective panic attack?
well, guess what! this devo book came with video lesson tie-ins, and they left their whole website up, for anyone to stumble across!
itâs right here, and itâsâŠjesus fuck. itâs painful.
here are a few of the other âtranslations,â next to the original verses, so that you can compare:
Isaiah 40:8, NIV Bible:
âThe grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God endures forever.â
The âGen-Zâ version:
âMoo moo food goes bye bye, and pedal pads take an L, but Cap Gâs scripts are perm.â
what the fuck? what the actual fuck? here, have another:
Matthew 4:4, NIV Bible:
âJesus answered, âIt is written: âMan shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.ââ
The âGen-Zâ version:
âDudes canât make it on sammie blanks alone, gotta feast on that real talk from Cap G.â
âsammie blanksâ?? sammie blanks?
Ephesians 6:17, NIV Bible:
âTake the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.â
The âGen-Zâ version:
âTake that noggin guard of savies and that big olâ knife of Cap Gâs wordz.â
ah, of course. that big olâ knife.
one last one, and then Iâm done with this.
Galatians 6:2, NIV Bible:
âCarry each otherâs burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.â
The âGen-Zâ version:
âForklift your famâs saddies so Cap Gâs sched is maxed out and relaxing all cool.â
IâŠIâve got nothing. this broke me. I give up!
final notes:
1. donât go following Matt Walsh on twitter. like, Iâm glad he brought this to our attention, but heâs marked red on shinigami eyes, and from his tweets, he looks like a shitty person.
2. all of these translations are actually blasphemy, and Iâm pretty sure a few of them count as straight-up heresy. so, thereâs a fun thought!
3. Iâm pretty sure this is also racist? like, some of these verses seem like mangled AAVE, and thatâs not okay! thatâs fucking terrible!
4. when you click on any of the video tie-ins, youâll find out that the guy in the devo videos looks like this:
yes, heâs wearing sunglasses in a dimly-lit room. and yes, heâs wearing a shirt with a picture of praying hands and the word âYeetâ on it. and on that noteâŠ
5. what the fuck do they think âyeetâ means? I mean, that âyeet pray loveâ shirt is a work of art, but this begs the questionâŠwhat do they actually think it means?
what are we supposed to be yeeting?
anyway, thanks for coming to my ted talk.
This whole thing is hilarious.
Look closer at that last quote. They didnât just get trolled, they got Bel-Aired.
Whoever the kids involved with this were, theyâre going places.
When this applies to multiple areas of your life at once đ
I wish allistic people understood that infodumping about a special interest is a lot closer to baring your soul than sharing fun facts
Like the information itself isnt the point, its the conduit through which im trying to communicate with you. Its a love language.
What neurotypicals think it is:Â âIâm gonna ramble about this one specific thing that youâre not even interested in.â
What it actually is: âthis is a thing that makes me happy, and I want to share my happiness with you because I feel comfy around you and I love youâ