[bbreakddancennothhearts]

You was my heaven, when did you become hell?

[bbreakddancennothhearts]

you could make a movie about my life and all you would do is cry.

[4am-reflections]

i’m sorry i’ve started writing about you again. i guess i never learnt how to stop loving you.

[blossomfully]

@blossomfully

[blossomfully]

S.m.zhao

[blossomfully]

“I knew we were temporary,“ she said. “Sometimes people come into your life and all you can do is appreciate them while they’re there, and try not to get attached to the way they bring light into your life; and try not to miss them when they leave.”

— Sue Zhao // Nothing but Strawberries #7

[blossomfully]

S.m.zhao

[blossomfully]

“One day - I will tell you about the dream I had, where you and I were together and you did not leave, where I was not terrified and you were not numb, where things were the way we wished they could be and not the way they are.”

— Sue Zhao

[blossomfully]

“I write about you,“ she said, "because when my words touch the paper I can pretend that you love me, and I can live in a parallel universe where things are different.”

— Sue Zhao // Nothing but Strawberries #10

[blossomfully]

Why does my heart hurt so fucking bad

Because you thought it was going to be okay and it wasn’t

[blossomfully]

“Perhaps the worst thing to realise,“ she said, “is that you didn’t mean as much to someone as you thought.”

— S.Z. // Excerpt from a book I’ll never write #288  (via blossomfully)

[blossomfully]

[book-caps]

S.Z. // Excerpt from a book I’ll never write #263

[blossomfully]

“In my mind it’s 5 am and we’re thinking about each other but neither of us know it. In my mind you’re missing me because we left too many things unsaid, because I never got to really wrap my arms around your neck and kiss your face and say I was thankful for everything I ever felt for you. In my mind we are walking alongside the pavement on opposite sides of the road and you are so close, but not close enough. And I’m yelling at you, I’m saying ‘hi, hey, remember me?’ but you have your arm around the waist of somebody else. In my mind you’re running, I can see the blur, the flash of your person running towards me. But, when you arrive, I am not the one whose face you are touching. I am not the one whose air you are breathing. I am not the one and the truth is you left me behind a long time ago. The truth is you are here; always, constantly, irrepressibly here. And the truth is, this - all of this, has to be worth something. Right? Tell me I’m not the only one with this on my mind.”

— S. Zhao // To you, from me (via blossomfully)

[blossomfully]

“He asks me, “Are you okay?” I say, “yes”. We both know I’m lying. He’s quiet, but then he holds me a little tighter, a little closer to his chest. ‘I’m sad that you’re leaving,’ I want to say. But I have no right to tell him that. I haven’t even the tiniest, most infinitesimal part in his life. ‘I wish we had more time,’ the words are on the tip of my tongue. And there they stay. ‘I know we were temporary but that doesn’t make this any easier.“ I am ready to burst with all of the words inside me. In our silence, I feel his arms relax around me, I feel him start to drift. 'Please, let’s still talk,’ I whisper into his chest, ’ please don’t let it be as if we never knew each other. He’s asleep. “I know we said no feelings,” I say, out loud this time. And then, after a pause, “but that has never been how feelings work.”

— Sue Zhao // ‘Summer’ 

[hanalushlife]

I loved him, but he loved her.

[blossomfully]

““I hope we last. I hope we do. But if we don’t, this is how I want you to remember me: I want you to remember me curled up, listening to the sound of your heartbeat and tracing maps across your skin. Remember me laughing at your jokes, even the stupid ones. Remember me in hysterics for absolutely no reason and in tears because one time you made me so sad neither of us thought I’d recover. Remember me brave, that time you held my hand and I thought I was going to die; remember me scared and gentle and delicate and breakable - only for you though, only for you. Remember me happy, and all the ridiculous ways I tried to get your attention. Remember the way I was too stubborn to talk to you and how absolutely insane it drove the both of us. Remember all the firsts and how they were so delightful we went back for seconds and thirds and fourths. Remember the songs you couldn’t stop listening to and the childish dreams you allowed yourself about the future. If it’s any consolation I allowed myself to have them too. If it comes to it I don’t want you to remember the ending. Remember the beginning. Remember the first time you knew.”

— S.Z. // Excerpt from a book I’ll never write #132 (via blossomfully)

[blossomfully]

“I want you to know that even though we don’t talk any more I still think about you and the way things ended, and some nights I still cry about it.”

— Sue Zhao   // The summer I left (via blossomfully)

[blossomfully]

“Of course I wanted him. Of course I did. But he was leaving and that was the only piece of truth which resulted from this whole mess. He was leaving and I felt as though someone had punched me in the stomach. He was leaving and I spent all of my time wishing he wasn’t.”

— Sue Zhao   (via blossomfully)