Flying Spaghetti Dragons @flyingspaghettidragons - Tumblr Blog

i know im my own worst sabateur bc today i had to recover a password and when it came time for me to answer my security question, apparently i had just set it to the words “new phone” so i stared at that a while trying to figure out how the fuck that was a question and wondering why i’d Do something like that. then i had an idea and very cautiously typed in “who dis” and that was the right fuckin answer

leepacey

Why is Romeo and Juliet misunderstood?

the tragedy of it isn’t that it’s a romance and they’re starcrossed lovers or whatever, it’s that children kill themselves because they hate the world they live in that much. plays and movies and stuff usually have much older actors play them (that’s how you automatically know the people making it don’t understand the play), but romeo and juliet are only like 13-15 years old

when the play opens, verona’s in the middle of a blood feud between these two families that’s been going on so long they don’t even know why they’re fighting anymore, they just blindly hate each other and are willing to kill just because their parents are like “yeah, those people? we hate them.” people are always like “romeo and juliet are so stupid, they got all these people killed” but like. no, the feud between the families started way before either of them were even born. people were already dying all the time because of this nonsense feud, nothing changed when these two kids started sneaking around together

when romeo is introduced he’s completely in love with some other girl, rosaline. he’s talking about her the way he later talks about juliet. that’s the whole point: he’s a dumb innocent kid in love with every girl he sees, not at all concerned about the blood feud and hatred his parents and older friends are so preoccupied with. part of the importance of romeo and juliet being so young is that ~the world hasn’t corrupted them yet~

in the end, they both kill themselves because 1) they are literal children making rash decisions, but also 2) they see each other as the only good thing in the world, a world where people kill each other in the streets and don’t even know why. that is why the play’s classified as a tragedy, not a romance

after they’re dead, the two families come together and are like “ok wow holy shit why are we like this” and the deaths of these two children are what end the feud. for generations, a whole lot of people died because of this ignorant hatred and it all only fueled the conflict. like “we don’t know why they hate us or we hate them, but they killed x person so let’s go kill y person” back and forth forever. then, two children die for love (not necessarily what we define as romantic love, though romeo and juliet saw themselves as that) and that is what ends all the bloodshed. the deaths of innocents made the adults look at themselves in horror and wonder why and how they let this happen and realize they were the reason

if shakespeare intended for it to be about an actual romance (the way it is commonly interpreted), then the main characters would’ve been adults like in all his other stuff. the feud wouldn’t be as important or even mentioned after setting up the story. the tragedy is, as stated above, that children kill themselves because their world is so hateful and they saw no other options

i would say that i’m surprised society fetishizes pre-teens killing themselves and takes a story about the damage blind hatred has on young people and turns into a mindless romance, but.

randomingoftherandomness

Louder for the people in the back

cacen

so at the bar in which I work, there’s an unofficial rule that all of our door staff must have names that start with D or rhyme with ‘doorman’, which has led to me befriending a trio of six foot four men with beards called Doorman Logan, Doorman Drew, and Doorman Dan.

now, let me tell you now that Doorman Dan is the absolute love of my life. I don’t care that he’s a decade older than me and has a fiance. you know when someone is so extraordinary or impossible to define that they’re simply referred to as ‘a character’? that’s Doorman Dan. now, before I get into his personality, let’s describe his appearance. imagine the most stereotypical Scandinavian person ever: tall, white-blond, strong-jawed. now, add a heavy South Walian accent and an orange jumper.

that’s Doorman Dan.

since meeting him last year, I’ve discovered:

he once had a dream that he had a tattoo that said ‘shit happens’ on his left arsecheek, so when he woke up he decided he had to fulfil the prophecy and got it tattooed on his arse by a bloke called Junkie Jeff at 9AM

he forgot to call his girlfriend for three months while he was in the army, and was completely unaware they had broken up until he wished her a happy Christmas and she responded with ‘what the fuck Dan’

accidentally married his army buddy in Vegas for thirty-six hours

he saw someone beating up a guy for being gay, and instead of jumping in and fighting back he decided to get absolutely bollock-naked and stand in front of the homophobe until he got freaked out and ran off

he has a millionare buddy who rings him up once a month for ‘mystery adventures’, one of which has resulted in Doorman Dan no longer being allowed inside any John Lewis shops

he is convinced the love of his life is not his fiancee, but a man named Ned. upon being asked who Ned is, he shrugged and responded with: “I’ll know when I meet him.”

he runs an Instagram account dedicated to his pet rabbits and refuses to let people into the bar unless they follow him

his fiancee booked a wedding venue before he even proposed. “I don’t even know if I’m invited, truth be told.”

when he caught a couple having sex in our loos, he didn’t want to intrude so he just gently knocked on the door and asked if they’d like a snack

he has created his own non-alcoholic cocktail called Doorman’s Sunrise because he feels left out being the only person on the dance floor without a drink when he’s patrolling the bar

I could honestly write a ten-season sitcom about him

intrnetvibes-deactivated2014102

jay gatsby’s car was a real hit with the ladies

wizardshark

i know literally nothing about great gatsby but i know tumblr and with that knowledge i am 500% sure that jay gatsby hits some motherfucker with his car

kyrafic

Tumblr: gateway to great literature.

nomorelonelydays

Literally heard a convo at the library where a guy was telling a girl that he’s an omega and the girl telling him that she’s a beta, and my mind just did not automatically connect the context to fraternity pledge classes at all and I just whispered to myself “what the fuck?? What the fuck??”

amoisthobo

dying-dog

cynological

That’s a weird dragon.

roachpatrol

shut up i love her

opalescentmist-deactivated20170

Me 2

aheapofgarbage

simonwang

my friend showed me this video of his pet donkey greeting him when he returned home from college after a few months and you just have to watch it RIGHT NOW

otterologist-blog

Oh my god I thought this was going to be cute and heart warming and yeah it is but holy shit please turn the sound on I’m fucking dying

styro-sometimes

Donkeys have ZERO CHILL.

the-itchy-bitchy-spider

*distant screaming* *excited screeching, coming closer* *deep breath in* *SCREAM*

drunp-archive-deactivated201711

thestirge

So I heard this story second-hand, many years ago, but the gist was that a friend of a friend lived in what was generally considered a bad neighborhood, because he was a super poor college student and it was what he could afford. He didn’t have any furniture, he just slept on a blanket on the floor and had a milk crate for a chair and like an old wire spool as a table. No TV, nothing in the fridge, no microwave, basically just bare walls and a roof to keep the weather off. So one day he comes home, and there’s a man in his apartment, just standing there, with this look of utter amazement and horror on his face, and he turns to the guy who’s just entered and says, “This your place? ‘cause I broke in to rob you, but shit, man, you ain’t got nothin’. Wait here, I’m’a be right back.” And the burglar left, leaving a puzzled college student alone in his empty apartment. But sure enough, the burglar came back a while later, and brought some friends, and they delivered a table, a couple of chairs, and a small TV. “I think I got you a bed, too, but that might take a couple days.”

So, the poor college student made some friends. And he didn’t ask where they got the stuff.

benjaminbadpennywho

Broglar.

rocket-thee-stallion

@mylifeisamusicalreference

weloveshortvideos

jazzcochina-deactivated20180807

OMFG THIS IS ME TALKING TO BABIES

benepla-deactivated20180521

im obsessed w this video

peopleareaproblem

Adult human: “Somehow like, literally like, a piece of software melded together – fused – and then like it started to turn itself into like, a living, breating – you know it’s like, a steak with a brain! Like you’re meat that grew up inside your mother. You’re like a wetware android. And now you’re like grasping all this amazing information as you map and model the world, you’re growing, you’re learning, you’re expanding, you’re slowly emerging as a thinking being and it’s like, oh my god, this is what it’s like to be a mind! I mean you- you’re transcendent. You’re trans-“

@captioned-miscellaneous-videos