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Emergency cleaning: Unfuck your whole house in the shortest time possible

So, your landlord/parents/home inspector/favorite movie star is dropping by, and your place is a disaster. You don’t have much time to clean it up. You’re in emergency mode. Let’s get started.

Don’t panic. Panic leads to fear, fear leads to procrastination, procrastination leads to the dark side. You can do this, but you have to stay calm.

Unlike maintenance cleaning, we’re not looking to completely unfuck one space at a time. Instead, we want to decrease the overall mess in stages, spread evenly across the whole area that we’re concerned about. If you think your home is at Level 10 filth, we want to bring the whole thing down to a Level 9, and then down from there. One really clean spot in an otherwise messy home is not going to be helpful here.

Get prepared. You’ll want to shut the computer down (or turn the modem off if you need your computer to play music). Trust me. Get your music going. Gather up trash bags, your vacuum and mop, some rags or paper towel, sponges, and other cleaning supplies. Use what you have on hand. Don’t get distracted running to the store and spending an hour browsing cleaning supplies. A multi-purpose cleaning concentrate or a jug of vinegar will be just fine.

Breaks are very important. Depending on your time constraints, work in 20/10s (20 minutes working, 10-minute break) or 45/15s. But take breaks because otherwise you’re marathoning, and marathon cleaning is no one’s friend. Keep hydrated, don’t forget to eat, and check in with yourself frequently to make sure you’re physically doing OK.

Make your bed. This will be your home base if you get overwhelmed or need somewhere clear to take a break.

Start with the garbage. Going from room to room, throw out anything that is obvious trash. Once you fill a bag, take it out. Repeat as many times as necessary.

Move on to dishes. Gather the dishes from all over your house and bring them to the kitchen. If you can, start them soaking in a sink of hot, soapy water or start loading the dishwasher. After the dishes are all in one place, spend one 20/10 getting started getting them under control.

Now it’s time for your flat surfaces. Countertops, tables, dresser tops, etc. Clear them off and wipe them down. Don’t get distracted in too much sorting and organizing. We’re in crisis mode here. There will be time to get in-depth once this is all done. The same applies to cabinets and closets. Unless you have reason to believe people will be opening closed doors, leave these alone for now.

Attack the floordrobe and shoe pile. Get your clothes either put away or in the hamper. Start a load of laundry if you need to, but keep in mind that laundry and dishes have three steps: wash, dry, and put it away, goddammit!

Get random stuff up off the floors. If something is trash-worthy, throw it away now rather than just move it around a bunch of times. Otherwise, put stuff where it belongs.

Take another 20/10 or 45/15 to catch up on more dishes, if needed.

Head into the bathroom. Pour some cleaner in the toilet bowl, fill the sink with hot water and cleaner, and either spray the tub and shower with cleaner, or fill the tub up with some hot water and add cleaner and let it soak. Put everything away that’s out and shouldn’t be, clean the mirror, counters, and toilet seat. Sweep or dry mop the floor. Wipe down the sink and tub/shower, and give the toilet bowl a scrub. Mop the floor.

Sweep and mop the kitchen floor.

Vacuum everything you can, and sweep everything you can’t.

Walk outside of your house (don’t lock yourself out, please). Walk back in and see what catches your eye first. Go and deal with that.

If you’re being inspected or your landlord is coming in for repairs, spend time on whatever area they’ll be focusing on.

Give the whole place one more once-over and pay attention to anything you’ve missed so far.

It’s an old trick, but if your place is a little funky-smelling, put a pan of water on the stove on low heat and add some citrus or cinnamon or vanilla. Don’t leave it unattended or forget about it.

Take a shower, put on something clean, and eat something.

You can do this. It’s overwhelming, yes, but it is not impossible. You just need to do it. You have a list. You have directions. You have a whole bunch of Internet strangers who have been there before and who are cheering you on. You can do this, but you need to get started.

Why are you still here? GO. START. NOW.

river-b

the number of times in my past that I desperately wanted/needed someone to sit me down and tell me this stuff. I will never get back the hours and hours lost to headless-chicken mode, but it’s nice to know that in the last year I’ve learned so many coping mechanisms :D

elljayvee

this is also good if you’re NOT in crisis mode but you need to Do Something with your mess & can’t focus enough for an in-depth clean of one spot. wander through all rooms with a trash bag and get rid of obvious trash, and you’ve done a lot for your space without having to concentrate too much. if in a few days you have the energy for doing the next step, hooray! if not, at least all the trash is gone.

catgirlcaliphate

Can confirm, I use this exact post as a guide when I don’t enough focus for cleaning. It spares my brain, and following these steps makes enough visible difference that it feels like I’ve accomplished something.

stumupm

"disney losing the scarjo contract case would be a good thing bc disney should be liable to follow the contracts they make with their creators" and "we should be just as angry if not more so on behalf of the non-white and/or less famous creators who were also screwed over by disney" and "scarjo still fucking sucks and we shouldn't girlboss-ify her just cause she sued the mouse" are all takes that can and should coexist

justsomeantifas

i think a society failed its youth if they feel old (derogatory) at 20

sortablue

perhaps a society has failed if it’s people ever feel old (derogatory) rather than old (complimentary)

squeeful

YOU. YOU GET IT the issue of tying youth to desirability, whether sexually or culturally, doesn't go away when you expand what youth is youth worship isn't just beauty standards, it's saying that only the young have ideas or creations that have worth. that age means withering and decay. don't expand what youth is, dismantle the idea that aging degrades your value as a human being

spankerella

taco-soup

Hes a national treasure

curliestofcrowns

where are the pictures arnold

anneofgreengaybles

sometimes I tweet about the funny/cute/utterly bizarre shit my 3rd graders do and say

anneofgreengaybles

the latest dispatches from room 156

anneofgreengaybles

happy monday folks

anneofgreengaybles

room 156 is BACK bitches and better than ever!!!!!!!!

anneofgreengaybles

a special room 156 update in honor of election 2020

anneofgreengaybles

2020 continues to be A Time but at least my 3rd graders continue to be the funniest people on the goddamn planet

anneofgreengaybles

have not updated this post in a while so here, enjoy some room 156 content in these trying times

anneofgreengaybles

sorry if you find updates to this post annoying but this is my tumblr and I’ll be as annoying as I want baybeeeeeeeeeeee

anneofgreengaybles

there are only 7 school days left and I’m feeling Emo™️ about it so here are some room 156 tweets

bauliya

i'm never getting over the fact that romance as a genre, as the HIGHEST selling genre, exists largely because straight women fantasise about being loved and treated kindly by men and men constantly make fun of this because they think it's just that unrealistic that they could cherish women and that women are stupid in the first place for wanting such an impossible thing

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

if I wrote a dystopian novel where the corrupt evil megacorporation that controls society has a fucking smirk for a logo, my editor would tell me to use a less heavy-handed metaphor

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

and yet

twinkiefairy

I love this because if I were to write a literary novel in the Western cannon that described the image of an apple with a chunk bitten off, any high school English student would tell you it is a Bible reference meant to represent the source of all evil and downfall of humanity and YET

mamoru

I had a dream that unless the teacher told us class was over, we were forbidden from going out the door. Our teacher was very forgetful, and maybe even malicious. After being forced to stay past sunset many days, my class decided we were going to break out every night. Eventually our attempts led us to discovering rifts in space-time where we could warp. So we never used the door. Checkmate.

turbro

the window

mamoru

what? you going to critique my dreams? my subconscious creations, that I did by accident, while asleep? the chemicals in my brain? are you going to use your foul eyes and dissect all of the plotholes in my dreams? you going to critique the weather? harass the clouds? make fun of thunder for being off key? remind me to come to your house and shred your shoes

lovesjustachemical

That response is fucking Shakespearean.

inthefallofasparrow

marlynnofmany

Note to self: memorize those last two lines in case I ever need to deliver a sick burn in verse.

itsagifnotagif

bcdaily

Official (James/Lily, Drabble)

A/N: What’s this? A canon drabble? Is it 2014?

The important part is that I finished something tonight. Miracles of miracles, these rusty fingers still work! (I didn’t say well, they just work.)

Will upload this places tmrw maybe idk enjoy <3

“Shit,” says a cool, familiar voice, filtering in through the thick shelves of the Ancient Runes section. “This isn’t—I’ve got my bloody boyfriend’s textbook.”

In an instant, James’s feet sputter beneath him. Trip, topple, thump. It’s a clumsy dance, an off-kilter lurch, halting only in the nick of time as James’s arm flails out to grab hold of the adjacent shelf. An angry plume of dust mites fly up, flaking and floating before his nose. He stifles a cough, wildly conscious of his noise level. The keeling ship rights itself slowly, one hand still gripping the burnished wood of the library shelf.

The other clutches a thickly-bound textbook—Lily’s textbook—tightly to his side.

I’ve got my bloody boyfriend’s textbook.

Boyfriend.

Keep reading

anotherdayforchaosfay

Turns out some film producers may be keeping streaming movies on release day a thing. Why? Because of how much money they're making from those of us who can't go to the theater.

Deaf people can have subtitles and captions without having to argue with theater managers about it.

Wheelchair users can where they damn well please instead of in the spot next to the trashcan. Yes, that's usually the only spot for a wheelchair, and often there's only one.

Epileptics can have the lights on, which is a fuck no in theaters. The lights help diminish the strobe effects created by watching things in dark rooms.

Folks with sensory input issues (ADHD and autism are good examples) can control the volume, put subtitles up, adjust the lighting, etc.

Immunocompromised folks can watch a film with virtually zero worry about catching illnesses.

Folks with allergies don't need to worry about some random person exposing them to an allergy (some folks can't even be in the same room as peanuts).

Many of us require frequent bathroom breaks. Many of us are on medicated or specialized diets. Many of us need a break (or a few) to help ground ourselves in reality, process things, burn off built-up anxiety (I need to bounce after intense scenes so i can focus), and a multitude of other reasons.

If release day streaming remains a thing, there are gonna be millions of happy people. I cried the first time I watched a streaming release day film. Ten minutes of ugly crying because it was the first time in a decade that I could watch a film without waiting six to eight months to rent it.

This is what accessibility looks like. Keep this available forever, please.

studentlifeproblems

goodknightfriends

Young And Beautiful by Lana Del Rey gives me such wessa vibes (especially that scene in cog where tessas brushing her hair and talking to will at the beginning of the book)