Wasn't Me.

[princessrhcenyra]

fun fact: Michael Cera asked Rihanna if he could slap her ass for real and she said “you can slap my ass for real if I can slap you in the face for real” and he was like alright. and they did the take like 3 times and Michael was like “you’re not hitting me hard enough do it for real” and then she slapped the fuck out of him and threw off his equilibrium so much he had to go lay down in his trailer for like half an hour lmao and that’s the take they used in the movie with no added sound effects 

[gluten-free-pussy]

When I was 16-19 I worked as a hostess/parking lot attendant at a funeral home and my boss told me (and I quote) “you get a friends and family discount but once you quit you won’t get it anymore so make sure you use it.” And to this day nothing has ever been funnier to me

[gluten-free-pussy]

A week after I got the job I accidentally spilled someone’s ashes on myself and my manager told me not to worry about it because they had spare ashes in the back room

[twitterlols]

[rontology]

today my gf said “when donkey asks shrek what his name is, shrek pauses before he says shrek, and i’m convinced he came up with it on the spot.” we weren’t even talking about shrek. i can’t stop thinking about it or about how lucky i am to be with her

[screencapit]

[reshipped]

when you’re first to shower and use up all the hot water

[paprika]

when you clearly ignore someone but they keep talking to you

[dogaesthetics]

[somewhereinthedetails217]

WAFER!!! ❤

[dicknurse]

Not For Sale

[brinkworth-design]

[swedern]

[kiwi]

not knowing the name of a meme and having to describe it in google like a fucking animal

[colourofoctober]

“Allow cookies to cool for 10-15 minutes”

[thedudeleftthebuilding-deactiva]

[okaymad]

*tries to watch 45 minutes episode in 20 minutes*

[healingisneeded]

[bricesander]

[drakefanclub]

BYE

[richwhiteboys-deactivated201604]

when you fake sick and everyones like “yeah you look really terrible”