lovely bucktommy

[amongthecreatures]

Chattanooga Summer Sky

tags: stalking, delusional thinking, character death, possible murder, getting back together, they're both a little fucked up. explicit. 7.5k. I didn't really read over this, so take it for what it is pls and thank you 🙏

Summary: “How’d it happen?” “How’d what happen?” “I think you know what I mean. The stalking, the obsession. How’d it start?” “No, I- it wasn’t… I didn’t-” “You owe yourself the truth, if no one else.” “It wasn’t like that. It wasn’t supposed to be like that.” “But?” “But…”

read below or on ao3

“How’d it happen?”

“How’d what happen?”

“I think you know what I mean. The stalking, the obsession. How’d it start?”

“No, I- it wasn’t… I didn’t-”

“You owe yourself the truth, if no one else.”

“It wasn’t like that. It wasn’t supposed to be like that.”

“But?”

“But…”

“It’s a safe space here. Just you and I. I know trust is important, and it’s earned, but we’ve been talking for a while now. Do I have your trust?”

“Y- Yeah. You do.”

“So tell me, how did the infatuation begin?”

Buck settled back into his seat, eyes focused down at his hands. “It was after Bobby died,” he began. “A few months after, actually. I needed a break from everyone a- and everything, so I went out. Alone. I wasn’t looking to hookup with anyone. Actually, I- I was hoping to not have to talk to anyone at all, besides the bartended. Then… Then I looked up, and-”

“Evan?”

“Tommy!” Buck couldn’t help but smile, despite his somber mood, with Tommy standing there, grinning at him. “H- Hi.”

“Hey! You here with somebody?”

“What? Oh, no. No, I- I just needed to get out for a bit.”

Tommy pointed at the barstool next to him. “Mind if I sit?”

Buck shook his head. “Not at all.”

“So,” Tommy began, his shoulder brushing against Buck’s when he sat down. “How’ve you been?”

“I’m okay,” Buck answered quickly. Too quickly. He could tell by the look Tommy gave him that he wasn’t buying it.

“Should I ask again, or?”

“How about a different question?”

“Okay.” Tommy nodded. “Why haven’t you answered any of my text messages?”

“Or we could just sit in silence and stare at the TV?” Buck suggested.

Tommy laughed. “Gotcha.”

They stared at the TV for a bit, pretending to be focused on the recap of yesterday’s college football games as they sipped their beers.

After a couple of minutes, Tommy leaned in closer to Buck. “Can I try another question?”

Buck tapped his bottle against the counter. “Okay.”

“Why are you here alone on a Sunday night?”

Buck turned to him, ticking up an eyebrow. “I could ask you the same thing.”

Tommy smiled, and Buck tried not to get caught up on how cute his laughter lines were. “I’m here because I like to decompress alone after a shift. Your turn.”

“I’m here because no one was available to decompress with me after a shift.” It was a lie. He hadn’t even bothered to ask. Being alone sounded good anyway. Solitude was a welcomed gift after too many times of being told how he should be feeling, or what he should be thinking, or how much harder other people had it than him.

Alone was better.

“Ah. So, how was your shift?”

Buck shrugged. “It was fine. Normal. Nothing to write home about.” He grinned. “Speaking of home though, I, uh, I actually have a new place.”

Tommy looked over at him, eyes darkening. He knew that tone. Knew exactly where this was going. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. It, uh, it needs some work. The kitchen sink has low water pressure.”

“I could,” Tommy swallowed. Buck’s eyes watched his Adam’s apple bob with the movement. “I could check it for you, sometime, if you want.”

Buck glanced down at his watch. “How about now?”

“And then?”

Buck looked up, eyebrows raised. “You want every detail?”

“Details are important.”

“I, um, I have a pretty vivid memory.”

“You won’t be telling me anything I haven’t heard before.”

“O- Okay.” Buck fidgeted in his seat. “Well-”

“Shit, yeah, Tommy, ri- right there! God!” Buck reached back with one hand, nails gripping into Tommy’s ass as he felt the muscles contract with each thrust. “Faster, faster, faster.”

Tommy held onto Buck’s hips, using them for leverage to fuck into Buck at a ruthless pace. “Feel so good, Evan. Fuck, I’m close.”

“M- Me, uh uh uh, me too. Touch me.”

Tommy’s leaned forward, practically laying himself over Buck’s arched back, his hand never leaving Buck’s body as it made its way to his cock. He barely had his thick, calloused fingers on him before Buck was coming with a loud grunt.

Tommy tucked his head in Buck’s neck, mouth open, his tongue tasting Buck’s salty sweat. He got in three more thrusts before he was coming deep in Buck’s ass.

Buck let his body give out, dropping flat onto the mattress and bringing Tommy down on top of him.

They stayed like that, for a moment, before Tommy planted one more kiss to the back of Buck’s head and rolled off of him. “I’m assuming you have washcloths unpacked, right?” he asked, heading for the bathroom.

“I have everything unpacked,” Buck replied, turning onto his side just in time to watch Tommy bend over and grab a washcloth from under the sink.

“I see that.” Tommy put a little soap on the cloth and wet it with warm water, then made his way back to Buck. “It was nice to fuck on a bed that’s more than six inches off the ground.”

“You’re a dick,” Buck laughed, rolling his eyes.

“That’s the consensus.” He bent down, pressing a kiss to Buck’s lips. “Now turn over and let me clean you up.”

“We fell asleep after that,” Buck explained, “and when I woke up the next morning, I was alone.” He huffed out a laugh. “My sink worked though.”

“Is that what did it? That night?”

Buck shook his head. “Not just that night. There was more. We… we ran into each other a lot, over the next couple of months and it always led to the same thing.”

“Evan. Evan, please, I- more.”

Buck moved slowly, making sure Tommy felt every inch of him, until he was buried deep.

He stayed like that for a while, kissing Tommy leisurely, like they had all the time in the world. Their tongues tangled together, and Buck found himself carefully bringing Tommy’s arms up over his head, holding them in place as he started guiding himself in and out of him at a snail’s pace.

He smiled against Tommy’s lips when he heard the breathy little whines escape Tommy’s mouth; a noise he always denied making.

“More,” Tommy whimpered. “Evan, more.”

“Like this,” Buck replied, pressing his body against Tommy’s and whispering in his ear, “Gonna make it last, Tommy, til you come just like this.”

“The run ins. Were those on purpose, or on accident?”

“On accident,” Buck answered. “All of those, in the beginning, they were all a complete coincidence. It wasn’t until later when it wasn’t… wasn’t a coincidence anymore.”

“When did that start? The ones that weren’t a coincidence, I mean.”

Buck shifted nervously in his seat. “I don’t… I’m not sure-”

“You’re trying to be truthful, right?”

“Yeah.”

“I told you, there’s no judgement happening here. I’m here to listen and, if I’m not mistaken, you want to be heard. Am I wrong?”

Buck shook his head. “You’re not wrong.”

“Okay then. Let’s continue.”

Eight. That’s how many run ins they had with each other over the next three months.

“I mean, that’s gotta mean something, right?” Buck asked, following Ravi up the staircase at the station. “You don’t just run into your ex eight different times and it mean nothing.”

“Yeah, but you said three of those run ins happened at work, so that cuts it down a little.”

“I never worked with Tommy a single time for, what, seven years? Not directly anyway. Barely even heard the guy’s name. Now this.”

Ravi opened the fridge, unsure what he was even looking for. “But the recent budget cuts have made it so we work with Harbor fairly regularly now an-” he stopped mid-sentence when he looked up to see Buck glaring at him. “And, yes, you’re totally right, it’s definitely gotta mean something.”

“Thank you.”

Ravi grabbed a bowl of grapes, eating a total of two before Buck was taking the bowl from him.

“Buck?”

Buck sat on the couch, grapes secure in his arms. “Yeah?”

“You’ve spent the last, what, half hour talking about Tommy to me?”

“Somewhere around there.”

“Yeah. Well, have you actually talked to Tommy about all of these run ins and what they might mean?”

Buck didn’t have to think about it. “No, never. See, we just kinda give each other a look an- and then, if we’re at work, we just set up a time and place. Then, depending on where we are, one of us is gone before the sun’s up.”

“Wow. That sounds super healthy,” Ravi replied sarcastically.

Buck threw a grape at him, then another, but before a grape fight could break out, the alarm went off, and they were hurrying downstairs.

The fire was a big one. An Amazon warehouse with over two thousand employees to account for. There were four stations there total, and Buck couldn’t help but notice that Harbor was one of them.

He kept his focus on the job until everyone was safe and the fire had been put out. It wasn’t until they were cleaning up, nearly ready to go, that he looked up to see Tommy about twenty feet away. He reached over and tapped Ravi’s shoulder, pointing to Tommy. “Number nine,” he said with a grin.

Ravi rolled his eyes. “I’m not covering for you. Set up the rendezvous in five minutes or you’re walking to the station.”

Buck set down his equipment and walked over to Tommy, who was busy chugging down a bottle of water.

“Long time, no see,” he said, thinking about the two weeks since the last time they’d bumped into each other at a gas station.

“Oh, h- hey, Evan. I was wondering if you were working today.”

“Until seven,” he replied. “You?”

“Me?”

“I, um, when do you get off, I mean?”

“I’m also off at seven.”

“Isn’t that something.” He ran a hand across his forehead, the sun beating down on them relentlessly. “You got any plans tonight?”

“Uh,” Tommy huffed out a nervous laugh. “Yeah, actually, I do.”

“Me too,” Buck replied, cocking his head to the side. “Eight o’clock, my place?”

Tommy took a deep breath. “No, I- maybe another time, Evan. I actually do have plans.”

“Oh!” Buck straightened up, clearing his throat. “Oh, sorry. I just- I assumed you were-”

“No, it’s fine. I get it.” Tommy looked back towards his team. “Listen, I gotta go, but I’ll see you soon, okay?”

“Yeah, of course. B- Bye!” he yelled out to Tommy, who was already jogging away.

“Still sounds like you’re shifting blame.”

“No, I- I’m not!” Buck exclaimed, quickly quieting himself back down. “I’m just telling you how it happened. You said you wanted all the details, right?”

“Right.”

“Well, these are the details.”

“Okay. Continue.”

Buck took a deep breath. “It happened again, us running into each other.”

“Evan,” Tommy greeted, eyes crinkling up with a smile. “Hey.”

“Hey, Tommy. You have a craving for Chinese food too?”

“Yup. Best place in town for it.”

“You are the one who taught me that.” Buck stuck his hands in his jacket pockets, glancing all around the room so his focus wasn’t strictly on Tommy.

“You just get off shift?” Tommy asked, trying to ease the awkward silence.

“Uh, yeah. You?”

“Mhm. Not a bad day at Harbor. Only went up once.”

“Oh, that’s good. I guess? You like going up, so-”

“I like going up more when there’s not a disaster involved, so it was good.”

“Right. Yeah, good.”

Both Buck and Tommy’s names were called for pickup, so they headed to the counter together.

Well-”

“Tommy-”

Both of their mouths snapped shut, then they laughed.

“Go ahead,” Tommy said, nodding towards Buck.

Buck pursed his lips then, against his better judgement, he asked, “Would you wanna come to my place? We can share everything, maybe talk or… or something?”

The smile slowly left Tommy’s face. “Oh, I would, Evan, but this isn’t all for me. Sorry, I-”

“No, no, no,” Buck answered quickly, cutting him off. “It’s fine. Really. Just thought I’d ask.”

“I’m glad you did.” Tommy reached out, giving Buck a pat on the shoulder. It made his whole chest feel like he was on fire. “See ya later, Evan.”

“Yeah, uh, b- bye, Tommy.”

“I could barely eat anything that night.”

“Because you were denied a dinner date?”

“No, it’s-” Buck huffed out an annoyed sigh. “It was because I knew what it meant. There was someone else to eat dinner with, someone who mattered more than me. I know it’s stupid, I know it sounds insane, but that’s what I thought. It drove me crazy all night. That was all I had, and it was leaving me.”

“What was all you had?”

“Someone to talk to. Someone who understood me, who didn’t treat me like I was a petulant child.” He looked out the window, watching a group of friends laughing as they walked by. “After Bobby, it- it was like everyone splintered in different directions. I tried to talk about how I was feeling, but no one wanted to hear it. It was like I became the punching bag at work, ya know? If anything went wrong, even if I had nothing to do with it, somehow it was on me. But those run ins… going back to one of our places and laughing, stumbling over each other as we headed into the bedroom, it was freedom. I got to be me in that moment. All of the things that I hated about my life at the time, they disappeared. It was just the two of us in the world.”

“And then the Chinese food was being shared.”

Buck nodded. “The Chinese was being shared. I didn’t want to think about what it could mean, but I still knew what it meant. I started to fall apart after that.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean the run ins weren’t coincidences anymore.” Buck eyed the coffee cup on the table, the drink inside long cold. “I went to our favorite places, hoping to see… well, I don’t really know what I was hoping for. Maybe hoping I was wrong.”

“But?”

“But I wasn’t wrong.”

It was Friday night, and Buck was right in the middle of his forty-eight hours off.

He walked into Grady’s Pub and made a beeline for the booth in the back corner.

It was the worst seat in the house. While you could see the entire pub, which was nice, it was right next to the kitchen doors.

The constant swinging of the doors, making high-pitched squeaks that WD-40 could fix in seconds, made it a rarely-chosen spot for anyone to sit.

Most of the time, it was the booth employees would sit at for their ten minute breaks.

But tonight it was Buck’s spot, because he had a feeling that Tommy would be there, and he needed to see if he’d show up alone.

He ordered a beer, and sunk further into his seat each time the door opened.

He was two beers deep when Tommy walked in, promptly at eight o’clock.

Buck’s heart skipped a beat. He quickly picked the menu up, covering his face so he couldn’t be spotted.

Slowly, carefully, he lowered it just enough to watch as Tommy scanned the bar.

Then, his face lit up into a smile and he waved.

Buck followed his gaze across the room to a man who was now standing, patting the barstool next to him.

Tommy walked over to him, and the man opened his arms for a hug.

Buck’s face burned like fire as he watched the two embrace. Tommy always put his whole heart into his hugs, and this time was no different. He wrapped his arms around the mystery man, rubbing his hands up and down his back and hooking his chin over his shoulder.

It only lasted three, maybe four, seconds, but it felt like a lifetime to Buck.

An ache grew in the pit of his stomach. He wanted to leave. He wanted to get up and walk out of the pub. Wanted to forget Grady’s even existed. Wanted to burn every memory they shared there out of his mind.

But he sat. He stayed. He watched.

“How long did you stay?”

“A little over an hour. I couldn’t leave without being spotted, so I waited until a trip to the bathroom gave me a few seconds to get out.”

“And then?”

Buck took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “Then I waited in my car.”

Buck bit at the skin around his fingernail, anxiously waiting for Tommy and, well, whoever was with Tommy, to leave.

It was crazy.

He knew it was crazy.

He knew he should start up his car and go home. Maybe watch a little porn and jerk himself off before falling into a restless sleep.

But he couldn’t get himself to leave.

He looked at his watch over and over again, the seconds turning into minutes turning into an hour and half before he spotted Tommy walking out of the pub.

The man was right behind him, smiling brightly as Tommy held the door open for him.

They stood just to the side of the door, talking and laughing with one another for a few minutes.

Then the guy stepped closer, and Tommy stepped closer, and a stabbing pain pierced through Buck’s chest as Tommy leaned down slightly and pressed his lips against the other man’s.

It was chaste, really.

But to Buck, they might as well have been grinding on each other.

There was a few more seconds of talking, then a car pulled up. The guy gave Tommy a wave, having the audacity to smile at him shyly, before getting into the back of the car.

When the car drove off, Buck watched Tommy pull his own phone from his pocket.

Buck knew what he was doing. Checking to see where his own Uber was at.

It gave him a sense of relief, however small, knowing that they weren’t going home together.

Not for the first time that night, Buck wasn’t sure what came over him. He pulled out his own phone and sent Tommy a text before he had a chance to think about it.

Hey, Tommy! Just wondering if you wanted to hang out later.

He watched Tommy get the text. Saw the second he clicked on the message to read it. Then saw him shake his head, swipe the message away, and put the phone back into his pocket.

He huffed out an angry breath, tossed his phone on the passenger seat, and sped out of the parking lot.

“Safe to assume things continued to go downhill from there?”

“Oh,” Buck tapped his paper cup against the table, “you could say that.”

“Buck. Buckie. Buckaroo. Buckinator. Bu-”

“What do you want, Chimney?”

Chimney feigned sadness. “I was only halfway through my list of nicknames.”

Buck tossed down the towel he was using to clean the rig. “Then shorten the list next time. What do you want?”

“Whoa,” Chimney replied, hands going up in surrender. “Someone’s snappy today.”

“I’m not snappy,” Buck snapped. “I just think it’s a little ridiculous to drag out a conversation that could have already ended.”

“He’s been snappy all day,” Ravi said, head popping up from the top of the rig.

“I have not-” Buck paused, then shook his head. “Forget it.” He started for the locker room, needing a second alone. A second for last night’s antics to stop replaying in his head.

“I was gonna ask if you’d make that roast tonight!” Chimney yelled out to him.

“No,” Buck answered, walking backwards after spinning around to face Chimney. “See how easy that was? No need for all the build up.”

As he turned to enter the locker room, Chimney looked up at Ravi. “Is my head gone?” he asked. “Because I swear he just bit it off.”

He didn’t bother listening to Ravi’s reply.

“I kept doing it. Showing up in those familiar places. Making sure I couldn’t be seen.” Anxiously, he fiddled with a loose string on his sweater. “I knew it was ridiculous. I knew I was being obsessive. But it was like… it was like that was all I had. There was nothing- nothing else to break up the time.”

“What about your friends? Your family?”

“What about them?”

“Why didn’t you try and fill that time with them? Instead of putting yourself in this situation, why not occupy your mind with some positive things?”

“Because th- they’re busy,” Buck replied. “It hasn’t been the same since Bobby died. Eddie and I drifted, which is whatever. Hen and Chim have families to go home too. Ravi and I, we hang out sometimes, but I think I annoy him more than anything else. Still, even when I… when I was with them, my mind was somewhere else.”

“Like?”

Buck sighed. “I think you know where.”

“Admitting it is-”

“Tommy,” he interrupted. “Everything in my mind was Tommy. Every thought of every second of every day was a broken record of Tommy, Tommy, Tommy. I couldn’t think about anyone or anything else.” He blushed in embarrassment. “I- I get possessive sometimes.”

“And jealous?”

“And jealous,” Buck agreed. “And after seeing my Tommy with another guy, there was nothing anyone could do to help me.”

Tommy was a creature of habit, which made things a lot simpler. He had certain places he liked to frequent. While he was always down to try new places, it was much easier to assume that date night would take place in one of three restaurants in LA, one of two bars, or at the movie theater.

Narrowing down where he would be was simple.

Getting it right on the first try was a victory.

It wasn’t difficult to guess. Tommy always loved French food on Wednesdays. He hadn’t even noticed that he always craved French food on Wednesdays until Buck asked him about it. It had been a little inside joke after that.

A joke that he was probably now sharing with this guy in the same restaurant they went to week after week.

Buck rolled down his windows and turned off the car. He stared at the door of the restaurant, hands clenching into fists. He thought about the two of them together, probably in the back booth, the one with low lighting. There’s a tiny lamp on the table, making it so they would have to scoot close together to read the menu.

Not menus.

Just one.

There wouldn’t be room for both of the menus if they were sitting that close. It was better to share.

Their shoulders could bump together that way. Their legs would brush up against one another. But maybe, just maybe, he didn’t know Tommy quite as well as Buck did yet. Maybe he didn’t know that Tommy liked a hand placed on his upper thigh. Didn’t know he’d shiver when Buck would give him a little squeeze.

He’d learn soon enough though. And that made Buck’s stomach sick.

He wasn’t exactly sure how long he sat there, in a sort of trance, with his eyes glued to the entrance. The only thing that brought him back to the present was the sound of a car door shutting.

He jumped, head jerking towards the sound. There they were, getting back into Tommy’s truck.

Buck hadn’t even seen them leave the restaurant.

From the brief look he got of them, they looked… happy.

He could feel his blood pressure rising. His hands clenched the steering wheel.

“And then I followed behind the truck. I made sure to stay back as far as I could. It… I knew where to go anyway. I’d driven that way so many times.”

“Seems you would have been better off to stay away.”

Buck smirked, giving a nod in agreement. “That would have been the easier thing to do. It didn’t even feel like an option though. Not when the blinds weren’t fully closed. Not when I had a perfect view from my spot across the street.”

“What’d you see?”

Buck swallowed down the lump in his throat. “Everything.”

“Everything?”

“Seriously?” Buck asked, rolling his eyes. “You need every gory detail?”

“No, but-”

“Okay, okay. I don’t need another reminder of why it’s important to get everything out in the open.” He shifted awkwardly for what felt like the hundredth time in an hour. “I saw… I saw another man t- touching. Touching what was mine. What I thought… What I thought was mine.”

Something Buck always loved about Tommy’s place was the big window in his bedroom. Tommy had blackout curtains that were usually closed but, when Buck would stay, he would open them up in the morning while they laid in bed and drank coffee. He’d tease Tommy about still having newspapers delivered, then he’d scroll through his phone as Tommy read. He’d often find himself staring out the window, watching the birds that perched on the big tree out front.

But he wasn’t focusing on any of that right now. No, right now all he could see was Tommy being pushed back onto the bed. A dim light brightening the room just enough for a perfect view.

Buck could see him unbuttoning Tommy’s shirt, pushing it off. He could see them pressed together, grinding against one another.

He could see Tommy laughing as he helped the other man take off his pants.

Buck could see him going down on Tommy, only able to get half of his cock in his mouth before pulling back up. Tommy gently pulling on his hair, peering down at him. Buck could practically hear him asking Lucas if he was okay.

Buck squeezed at the bulge growing in his pants.

He never took his eyes off of them. He kept watching, focusing on Tommy’s face, remembering every expression. Buck wasn’t even sure when he’d unzipped his own pants, or when he’d spit into his hand, but he worked over his cock, timing it perfectly so he came with a grunt just as the man pulled back enough for Tommy to come on his face.

“Reality hit me pretty quickly after that,” Buck admitted, clearing his throat. “I cleaned myself up and drove away.”

“Did you think about getting help back then? That maybe things had gone too far?”

“After that night, actually. Wh- When I got home, I couldn’t believe what I’d done. Couldn’t believe I’d been so angry about what I’d seen, or that followed and I’d stayed a- and watched.”

“Then what?”

“Then I stayed away. For two weeks, I stayed as far away as possible. I didn’t text, I didn’t follow, I didn’t do anything. But I still thought about it, all the time. And every time I thought about it, the rage w- was still there.”

“What happened after two weeks?”

Buck tapped his coffee cup. “I needed caffeine.”

The past two weeks had been rough. Buck had spent most of his time at work off by himself. When he was around the others, he’d end up getting annoyed with them, or they’d get annoyed with him. When he was home, he didn’t do much of anything besides sit on the couch and think about Tommy.

He didn’t sleep.

He neglected all of his hobbies.

And his family.

So he decided one day that he’d get out a little bit. He hadn’t slept much, but he had felt better after a shower, so he got in the car and drove to a nearby cafe.

After putting in an order, he headed to the other end of the counter to wait. He was staring down at his phone when someone knocked into his back, causing him to lurch forward.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry!”

“It’s o-” All the color drained from Buck’s face as he turned to face the man who nearly caused him to fall over. “It’s… um, I-”

“Are you okay? I was texting and I wasn’t paying attention and I-”

Buck cleared his throat, forcing a smile. “I’m okay. It’s fine.”

“You sure?”

“I’m sure.”

“And that’s how you first met Lucas?”

Buck nodded. “That’s how I first met Lucas. I, um, we had to wait on our drinks for a bit, so we started talking. It was a Saturday and th- there was a farmer’s market across the street. He mentioned he liked walking around there, but always liked to come into the cafe for coffee first.”

“How’d you get his name?”

“I… I flirted. Tried to get his number too, but he told me he was seeing someone. Then they called my name, my drink was ready, and I left.”

“But that wasn’t the end, was it?”

“I don’t think we’d be where we are right now if it was.”

Buck showed up to the farmer’s market the next Saturday.

He ignored the fact he was supposed to be at work three hours ago for the start of his shift.

After missing five calls from Chimney, he sent a text that his car battery died and he’d be late, then silenced his phone so he didn’t have to read the, ‘I could have picked you up before work, idiot,’ texts he’d be getting back.

He wandered around, mostly staying in hidden corners behind tents and booths so he could look at the crowd without being seen himself.

He expected, or hoped, to see Lucas there. To watch what he was like when he was out on his own.

Maybe he’d see him with another man. Maybe he’d catch him cheating, and he could let Tommy know. Maybe this would help Tommy realize that they were meant to be together.

Buck and Tommy.

Not Tommy and Lucas.

But Lucas wasn’t alone today.

And he wasn’t with some random man either.

He had Tommy right beside him, holding a bag of vegetables.

Buck waited until they’d passed him to round a corner and walk behind them.

He was close enough to hear their conversation, but far enough away to duck out of sight before they’d spot him.

“I’m just saying, Chattanooga is a pretty nice city, even in the summer. The invitation is open, if you wanna join.”

“Do you think it’d be weird?” Tommy asked, nose scrunching up slightly. “I mean, meeting your family so soon?”

“Oh, no,” Lucas replied with a laugh. “My family left Tennessee a long time ago. That’s actually why I like to go there on vacations. I get the nostalgia without the familial guilt.”

“Ah,” Tommy smiled. “That’s something I understand.”

“Thought so.” Lucas wrapped his arm around Tommy’s, and Buck could feel his face flushing with heat. He kept a steady pace behind them as Lucas continued. “Besides,” he said, “that trip is like four months away. You might be sick of me by then.”

“I think it’s more likely to be the other way around,” Tommy quipped.

“Mhm. Well, if we haven’t killed each other by July, it’s something to think about.”

Tommy nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, I’ll think about it.”

Lucas and Tommy stopped at a booth to look around, and Buck slid between two of the tents so he could watch them but couldn’t be seen. Lucas leaned in closer, smiling as he whispered into Tommy’s ear, “Plus, hotel sex during a Tennessee thunderstorm is something everyone should experience at least once.”

Tommy’s eyebrows rose, practically resting his head over Lucas’ as he replied, “Now I’ll definitely think about it.”

“I left after that,” Buck said, clearing his throat. “I didn’t want to hear anymore.”

“Why not?”

Buck was silent for a moment, staring out the window at the people passing by. “Planning a trip together, after it… it had only been a few months. Three, maybe four. We never,” he sighed. “We never did that, and that bothered me.”

“Not going on a trip together bothered you?”

“The fact that Lucas seemed more forward than I was bothered me. The fact it seemed to be okay when Lucas did it bothered me. The fact everyone knew how to move on except for me bothered me.”

“Maybe it wasn’t about moving on. Maybe it was about trying to be different, or better, than before.”

“Well,” Buck leaned back in his seat, “that made one of us.”

“What happened after that? After the farmer’s market?”

“I started slacking off even more at work. Called out a lot. Followed… a lot. Sometimes I’d sit outside of the house and watch. Even if Lucas wasn’t there, I’d see what lights were going on and off, and I’d imagine I was in there. I’d imagine that we were together, and that Lucas had no place in the house.”

“No place?”

Buck sighed. “Yeah. That his cologne wasn’t somewhere on the bathroom counter like mine used to be. That he didn’t have work stuff on the dining room table. That he didn’t have a toothbrush, and an extra set of clothes, and a… a life there. I’d imagine it was me again, and everything was right… right where it was meant to be.”

“Mm… So, when did things start to go south?”

Buck’s eyebrow rose. “That not south enough for you?”

“You know what I mean.”

“It was the accidental run in… and the re-introduction to a man I’d already met.”

Being at the same karaoke bar as Tommy and Lucas wasn’t an accident.

Being shoved right into Tommy’s back by a drunken bystander was an accident.

“Oh, shi- Evan?!” Tommy exclaimed, eyes wide with surprise. “H- Hey,” he stumbled over with a smile. “You okay?”

“Oh, um, y- yeah, I- I’m fine,” Buck replied, trying to remember how to string words together. He looked back at the drunk man, already across the room. “I think someone had a bit too much to drink. Anyway, I was just leav-”

“Evan, meet Lucas,” Tommy said. He reached over to Lucas, who was eying Buck curiously, and placed a hand over his. “Lucas, this is Evan, my ex. Evan, this is Lucas, my boyfriend.”

Lucas smiled politely, reaching out his free hand for a shake, “We met,” he said, speaking up as a very drunk woman began to sing Hopelessly Devoted to You.

“Really?” Tommy asked.

Buck played dumb. “Have we?”

“Yeah,” Lucas confirmed. “At the cafe. Buck, right?”

“Oh, right!” Buck replied, feigning surprise. “Yes, I- my first name is Evan, but I go by Buck.”

“You wanna join us, Evan?” Tommy asked. “Watching drunk people try to read words off a tiny screen is pretty fun entertainment.”

Buck felt the anger beginning to bubble up.

He remembered that fun.

They used to have that fun together.

Then they’d go home and fuck each other’s brains out.

“No, I’m actually just leaving. I’ve got work tomorrow. Good to see you though, Tommy,” he said, looking him up and down.

He knew Lucas saw it.

He wanted him to see it.

Buck then turned to Lucas and flashed him a smile. “Good to meet you again too. You’ve got a good one here. Don’t let him go.”

“Don’t worry,” Lucas responded, wrapping an arm around Tommy’s waist. “I don’t plan on it.”

“I left the bar right after that,” Buck explained. “Went to the gay bar across the street and found a guy who was ready and willing to blow me in the bathroom. Closed my eyes, told him not to talk, and pretended there was a different man down there.”

“How’d you feel afterward?”

“Like I drew the short straw. Lucas was going home with the man I wanted to be with m- more than anything. He was getting the life I wanted and I was getting… I was getting some drunk guy who used too much teeth and couldn’t handle me fucking his throat.”

“I have a question.”

Buck snickered. “You’ve had many.”

“Well, I have another one.”

“Okay. Fine. What?”

“How did you think this would all end? Was there ever really a chance for a… a happy ending?”

“I don’t know,” Buck admitted. “There wasn’t some clear path. It was just this- this urge. This desire. This desperation. I couldn’t stop it. I couldn’t… I couldn’t handle Lucas having what I wanted. I didn’t know if I could get it back, but I knew that if I kept watching at least… at least I’d be a part of it. I wouldn’t be alone.”

“Something changed after that night though, didn’t it?”

“Yeah. I- I got worried. And I got in trouble at work. I tried working on myself. I kept myself busy, I took extra shifts. I knew-” Buck paused. “I knew by the look Lucas gave me that he knew. He knew something was wrong with me and I didn’t want him to say anything. I didn’t want to give him a reason to tell anyone. A month went by, nearly two, and everything was fine.”

“And then you went on a run in a park?”

“No.” Buck’s head hung low. “No, I- I messed up. I- It was like I was an addict or something. I had forty-eight off and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I don’t know what came over me, but I ended up at Lucas’ job, and he caught me, and he was mad.”

“So, you’re saying this is all coincidental? Really?”

“Listen, Man, I don’t know-”

“No, don’t man me, Buck. First, I run into you at a coffee shop where you blatantly tried to get me to go out with you-”

“I didn’t-”

“Then, I run into you again, with Tommy that time, who just so happens to be your ex.”

“Lucas-”

“And now I run into you here, right outside my office?” Lucas shook his head. “I don’t know what your deal is, but you need to get some help.”

“Seems like you’re a bit paranoid,” Buck replied, his hands unconsciously curling into fists. “I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.”

Lucas scoffed. “Don’t play dumb. LA is far too big for this many random run ins.”

“You know, if you’re so worried about seeing me in public, then maybe you should talk to your boyfriend about whatever trust issues you’re having.”

Lucas laughed then. Head thrown back, eyes squeezed shut, laughing out loud at Buck. It made him furious.

“I trust Tommy,” Lucas explained once the laughter had died down. “It’s you I don’t trust.”

Buck raised his hands. “I’m not here for a fight, Lucas. I was just passing by.” He went to walk by Lucas and continue on his way, but was stopped when Lucas reached out and planted a hand on his chest.

“Tommy’s a nice guy,” Lucas said, “and he obviously liked you at some point. But he’s moved on now, and so should you.”

“I have.”

“You haven’t. And if you don’t back the fuck off, I’ll talk to Tommy about it.”

“He wouldn’t believe you.”

“I can be very persuasive.”

Buck could feel his heartbeat start to pick up speed. He gripped onto Lucas’ wrist and jerked his hand away. “Don’t ever touch me again.”

“Don’t ever give me a reason to.”

“I didn’t know that happened.”

“Well, that’s what today’s for. Going over all of it, right?”

“Right. Okay, so what’s next?”

Buck’s head started to pound. “Then I went on a run in a park.”

He chose this place because it was quiet. Not many people went on runs here. Not many people knew about this place. It was outside of the city. A rugged, dirt path that was easy to get lost on. It led out to an old bridge that hadn’t been updated since the seventies, then looped back around to a small, unpaved parking lot.

Buck had his earbuds in, focusing on the path in front of him, and didn’t see who he was about to run into until it was too late.

“-ucking kidding me!” Buck heard, pulling an earbud from his ear. His chest was heaving from more than the run as Lucas stared him down.

“I- I wasn’t following you,” Buck stuttered, holding a hand out to keep distance between them. “I just came for a run.”

“You really expect me to believe that?” Lucas blinked a few times, wiping sweat from his eyes. “You’re a fucking stalker, Man! What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“You’ve got it wrong, Lucas. I- I- I-”

“I- I- I-,” Lucas mocked. “You can’t even think of an excuse! Listen, okay, after we met for the second time, Tommy told me about all the shit you’ve been through. Losing your boss who was like a dad to you, and all the other drama that seems to follow you like a plague, so I kept my thoughts to myself. But this is too much. You need help.”

“It’s a coincidence,” Buck responded weakly.

Lucas let out a loud, humorless laugh. “Coincidence? Your car being parked outside of his house most nights is a coincidence? Showing up where I work? Where Tommy and I are having dates? Where I go for runs? That’s all coincidence?”

“Y… Ye-”

“No,” Lucas stopped him, “it’s not. You can keep telling yourself it is, but it’s not.” He moved closer to Buck, who took a step back. “You’ve gotta let him go, Man. He’s not yours anymore.”

“Stop it,” Buck warned as Lucas stepped closer.

“We’ve been together for months now, and I’m not going anywhere.”

“Lucas, stop-”

"Do you even realize what you're doing? Are you so out of your mind that you really think I haven't seen you follow me here before?"

"I don't... I haven't."

“You have," Lucas informed him. "You know, we’re going on a trip this summer,” he taunted. “You probably already knew that though, didn’t you? Should I buy you a ticket too? Huh?” He reached out, giving Buck a shove on the shoulder. “Or maybe I’ll just tell Tommy about all of our little run ins?” Another shove. “Get him to notice that you’re always around. Honestly, kinda crazy that he hasn’t noticed yet.” Lucas smiled slyly. “Guess he’s just been too busy looking at me.”

“I’m warning you,” Buck replied, backed up to the side of the bridge now, “back off.”

“So, it was his fault?”

“God, no!” Buck exclaimed. “It- It wasn’t his fault, but it wasn’t all mine either. He w- wouldn’t back off. He just kept pushing and shoving and I had enough, so I swung at him. Then he swung back. Neither of us got in a hit in, but I was able to push him against the other side of the bridge and it- it gave way. He fell into the water a- and his head hit a rock. There was so much blood and I knew… I knew he was dead, so I ran.”

A heavy silence lingered between the two of them for what felt like an eternity.

Finally, “The cops wrote it up as accidental. Said he was leaning on the bridge, it was old, and it gave out.”

“Yeah, I…” Buck stared out the window. “I looked up the report.”

“Was it?”

“Was it what?”

“An accident.”

Buck’s mouth hung open. He felt himself going through every emotion in a split second, landing on sorrow. “Of course it was.”

“Was it though? Or is that just how you chose to remember it?”

Buck paused, then shook his head. “I wouldn’t… I didn’t… You know me, Tommy, I wouldn’t.”

Tommy nodded. “Yeah,” he agreed, voice soft. “Yeah, I know you, Evan.”

Buck swallowed nervously. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“Did you ever… did you know?”

Tommy stared at him, eyes dark and searching. Eventually, he responded. “Why do you think I left the curtains open?”

Buck sucked in a breath. “You… All that time?”

Tommy shrugged. “It was nice, having you around. Nice knowing that you cared.” His eyebrows furrowed. “Does that make me messed up?”

Buck scoffed. "I think you’re asking the wrong person.”

It was late, and the coffee shop was getting ready to close.

Buck couldn’t leave though.

Not yet.

“What now?”

Tommy took the last sip of his coffee, now ice cold. “Hm. I think we should plan a trip.”

“A- A trip?”

“Mhm. It’s been a long year. We could use some time away. Really reconnect. I think it’s important, if we’re gonna try again.”

“Oh… Um, okay.”

“Unless you don’t want to,” Tommy added quickly.

“No! No, I want to. I- I definitely want to.”

“Okay then. It’s a plan.” Tommy laid his hand out over the table for Buck to take. “You pick the place. Anywhere you wanna go.”

Buck thought for a moment, a smile playing on his lips. “I hear Chattanooga is nice this time of year.”

“Yeah.” Tommy returned the smile, giving Buck’s hand a squeeze. “I’ve heard that too.”

[sad-girl-hours23]

this is a silly thought but I was looking over the prompts again for makeitsexyforbucktommymarch and saw the one for nipple play and now I'm thinking about Buck and Tommy being friends and seeing each other pretty regularly again and Buck just not being able to stop staring at Tommy's nipples.

Like...it's not his fault! There's just always there--hard and poking through Tommy's clothes no matter how many layers he wears!

Buck wants Tommy to add more layers and at the same time he wants Tommy to just take them all off. He wants to get his hands under Tommy's shirts and squeeze (god he's missed those tits) and he wants to run his hands over the fabric and pinch and roll Tommy's nipples between his fingers (Tommy always loved the extra friction when Buck played with them over his clothes).

He wants to put Tommy in the collar with the nipple clamps--the one with the rose-gold chain and pearl chains that bounce against his chest when Tommy rides him, the ones he can tug and tug until Tommy comes untouched.

They're sitting at Tommy's kitchen table eating the breakfast Tommy made them and Tommy's telling Buck a story that Buck keeps losing the plot on and he's pretty sure he's been sucking on the same piece of fruit as he just stares and fantasizes about crawling into Tommy's lap and begging him to let Buck have a taste.

Tommy kicks his foot and says his name, probably not for the first time.

Buck shakes his head and says, "what? I'm listening."

Tommy just smirks and says, "something on your mind?"

[fndnfjev]

This is so fucking ridiculous! Don‘t you think it’s ridiculous that some people take Ravi‘s phrase “tommy choice” as proof that everything is Tommy’s fault, as if Buck is just an innocent, pitiful giant baby in this relationship?

From the eyes of outsiders (118 and everyone around buck), they only know that Tommy and buck broke up in such a simple situation, but the real situation is who took the initiative to propose to get back together, who reached out for help time and time again, who said that “and for you”; who said “I don‘t feel anything for you”, and who didn’t apologize and thank him. These real situations are known only to buck and Tommy. Of course, anyway, Tommy won‘t take the initiative to tell others that buck hurt his heart, and buck won’t explain that he‘s also at fault.

Of course, as usual, everything is Tommy‘s fault. Our innocent buck is really too pitiful, haha🙄🙄🙄!当然，像往常一样，一切都是汤米的错。我们这只无辜的小鹿真是太可怜了，哈哈！

The most ironic thing is that as some viewers from God‘s perspective, they really think this relationship is all Tommy‘s fault. You can never wake up someone who‘s pretending to sleep这太他妈荒谬了！你不觉得有些人把拉维的 “汤米的选择” 这句话当作证据，证明一切都是汤米的错，好像巴克在这段关系中只是个无辜的、可怜的巨婴，这很荒谬吗？在外人 (118 和巴克周围的所有人) 看来，他们只知道汤米和巴克在这么简单的情况下分手了，但真实的情况是谁主动提出复合，谁一次又一次地伸出援手，谁说了 “也是为了你”;谁说了 “我对你没有任何感觉”，谁没有道歉和感谢。这些真实的情况只有巴克和汤米知道。当然，无论如何，汤米不会主动告诉别人巴克伤了他的心，巴克也不会解释自己也有错。当然，一如既往，一切都是汤米的错。我们无辜的巴克真的太可怜了，哈哈！最讽刺的是，作为一些从上帝视角看待这段关系的观众，他们真的认为这一切都是汤米的错。你永远无法唤醒一个假装睡觉的人。

[louferrignojrofficial]

getting into the holiday spirit with this image alone

[frogsinflannel]

ficlet: “and I fell heavy into your arms” | bucktommy | T | written with the “prompt” of Tommy being manhandled

~

HELLO THIS A BIRTHDAY GIFT FOR @nzchance i hope I managed to make it in time 💚💚💚

You are a lovely person and I’m so glad that we get to chat and share this fandom, you make it brighter! Please enjoy this ficlet, it got away from me a little, too close to the line of more sexy than sweet, but I hope it’s a nice little treat anyway.

~

Tommy leans back against the countertop, arms crossed over his chest. There's a smile—teasing, quixotic—that Buck can't quite read.

He stops mid-reach. "What?" He asks. "What is it?" When Tommy doesn't answer immediately he grabs the cup he wanted and then shuts the cabinet. He huffs, but he can't keep the smile off his face completely. "Tommy," he says. "Come on."

Tommy just shakes his head. "It's nothing," he says. "Just… looking."

"Yeah?" Buck steps closer, and the corner of his mouth curls into a broad grin. He knows this dance. He knows what's coming next. "What are you looking at?"

Their eyes lock, and Buck sets the empty cup down on the counter. He can get a drink later. Tommy presses his lips together, rolls them in, tries to keep his face neutral. But his eyes are sparkling and there's a warm flush of pink across his cheeks, and Buck can see the twitch of muscle in his cheek as he fights back a smile. He sees the moment Tommy gives in, too, and his handsome face widens as his lips part in a smile and his nose crinkles, and his eyes go dark with fondness and desire.

"Not much," Tommy says. He cocks his head and Buck is drawn closer. Tommy puts a hand on his arm and says, in a voice steeped in that low, rumbly burr of arousal, "Just you. Just… you. Just thinking about how strong you are, stretching to get that glass, the way your arms flex, the way your shirt rides up."

"Oh yeah?" Buck hums, ducking his head and looking up at Tommy through the fan of his lashes. "You liked that?"

"Yeah, you were giving me a show." Tommy cups his elbow and draws him closer.

Buck puts a hand on Tommy's waist. "And y-you like that? When I'm reaching? When I'm… when I'm strong?"

One eyebrow wings up, and Tommy's mouth curls up at the corner. It's sexy, and teasing, and Buck feels warmth puddle in his stomach. God, he loves him. "You know I do."

"So I could… I could show off more?"

Tommy's eyebrows move again—a little oh?—an invitation for Buck to put his money where his mouth is. There are a lot of things Buck wants to put where his mouth is. He takes a half-step back and then grabs Tommy and hefts him up. Tommy grunts in surprise and there's a moment where he's held, suspended by nothing but the strength of Buck's arms, his legs tight against his waist. And then Buck lifts him up and sets him on the counter.

Buck stares, his fingers restless on the denim casing Tommy's thighs. He laughs lightly and grins, tongue between his teeth. "Like that?" he asks.

With a warmer expression, his smirk now crooked and tempting, Tommy puts his hands on Buck's waist and draws him up against the counter, between his legs. Buck puts his arms around Tommy's neck and leans in, expecting a kiss.

"Yeah, Firefighter Buckley," Tommy says, his voice so close and breathy that Buck can feel it against his skin. "Just like that."

Buck exhales and his lips part. Tommy doesn't keep him waiting for long.

[nzchance]

Thinking about Tommy's dog tags today.

Thinking about Buck asking Tommy to wear them while they have sex. Thinking of Buck fucking Tommy's tits, relishing the sensation of the ball chain as it slides past the head and the shaft of his cock. Thinking of Buck's copious cum coating every inch of Tommy's chest and the dog tags dripping with it.

Thinking about Tommy riding Buck and his dog tags swaying with his movements—hitting his sternum with a matching rhythm, the warming metal a small shock every time against his skin.

Thinking about how all of this would make Tommy feel.

Thinking about Buck asking if he can wear Tommy's dog tags. Thinking about disaster striking and the confusion and devastation a misidentification in the middle of an emergency would cause.

[citrus-lou]

This is for the person who wants to remain anon who won one of @katherinehepbcrn #givinglousday charity raffle prizes.

They requested Lou smiling 🩶

[wannabanauthor]

Fun idea for Buck and Tommy for how they get back in contact:

Warning: This is meant to be consensual since it’s fiction and people kiss each other and ask questions later

1) Buck tries cannabis off-duty (he’s legally able to do it in California) or gets slightly tipsy. (And since Buck is neurodivergent coded, alcohol and weed works differently for him. For me, AuDHDer both make my brain quiet, it’s like a mental relaxation for me and others I know like me.

2) He takes an Uber to Tommy’s house one night.

3) Tommy answers the door.

4) Buck pulls Tommy to him and kisses him.

5) Tommy kisses him back

6) Buck pulls back for a second asks if there’s anyone else

7) Tommy says no

8) Buck pulls him in for another kiss

9) They makeout as they move towards the bedroom

10) They end up on Tommy’s bed with Buck on top of him. They’re both still fully clothed

11) Buck lifts his head up to look at Tommy

12) Pre-nut clarity hits Tommy

13) Tommy says they should talk considering the last time they hooked up

14) Buck says he doesn’t want to talk, he just wants to feel Tommy’s body against his and the pleasure that comes with it

15) Tommy says that he does want Buck, but he doesn’t want to get hurt again like last time

16) Buck leans in close to Tommy and says that Tommy is the one, the only one

17) Then Buck says that he can’t let Tommy walk away again because it would destroy him

18) Tommy says he feels the same way

19) They start kissing again and spend hours fucking.

20) The next morning they make breakfast together, settling back into their previous routine. But there’s argument this time. They just enjoy each others’ company

[sad-girl-hours23]

Thinking about Tommy—naked except for a collar with nipple clamps—on his knees in front of Buck on the bed or couch, hands not tied but crossed at the wrists behind his back, as he sucks Buck’s cock.

And Buck, tugging on the chains and making Tommy come untouched.

[station18908]

24 days of Christmas (Part 1 of 5)

Buck doesn’t think about the calendar date when Tommy hands him a small poinsettia. He’s far too excited to see Tommy, and a little too distracted by how good his boyfriend looks with windswept hair.

“The window sills in your living room are pretty empty,” Tommy explains with a slightly sheepish grin.

Buck looks at the plant in its red and golden pot and wonders when Tommy even noticed that. They haven’t really spent a lot of time in Buck’s house since they started dating again, and each time they were very… busy.

“Thank you.” Buck leans in for a short and tender kiss. “Help me pick a spot?”

Tommy follows him into the living room. “The florist said it needs a lot of light but to keep it out of the sun.”

“What does that even mean?” Buck looks around his living room that gets plenty of sunlight in the afternoons. Is sunscreen for plants a thing? He’s going to do some research tomorrow.

“Here?” Tommy points to the left window sill that might get a little less sun because of the trees outside. 

“Sure.” Buck really has no better idea to offer unless he wants to put the poinsettia somewhere completely different. “Maybe I’ll buy a little parasol.”

Tommy chuckles and gives him that smile, the one he uses when he thinks Buck is utterly adorable. Buck beams at him, puts the plant on the window sill and kisses Tommy again. And again, this time slow and hungry. He needs to thank his amazing boyfriend for the thoughtful gift after all.

~

On December 2nd Buck finds a small package in his mailbox. There’s no address, no postage, just a handwritten 2 on the brown packing paper. Somebody delivered this in person, and Buck has a pretty good idea who his personal Christmas elf might be.

Buck brings the package inside and opens it at the kitchen table. It contains a toy fire engine with snow on its roof, and when Buck carefully turns it in his hand to marvel at the details, he finds a button that switches on a warm glow behind the windows.

With a grin he takes the little fire engine to the living room, places it right next to the poinsettia and takes a picture. He sends it to Tommy and adds: ‘Thank you! You didn’t have to do that. I love it!’ 

Tommy was right, his window sills do look empty, because most of Buck’s decorations are still in boxes. In boxes that are hidden away in the attic, where they don’t keep reminding him that he hasn’t really settled in yet.

After moving twice this year, and after losing Bobby, everything in his life has an air of uncertainty and impermanence. Of course Buck picked this house because he liked it and could see himself living here, but part of him still feels like somebody is going to take it away from him as soon as he allows it to feel like home.

His phone screen lights up with a new message from Tommy. ‘Already less empty,’ with a grinning emoji. He wonders if Tommy somehow understands why he’s so reluctant to unpack his decorations, even though they haven't spoken about it.

And if he got a plant on December 1st, and a little fire engine on the 2nd, does that mean there’ll be another present tomorrow?

~

The third gift arrives at the station while Buck is out on a call. 

“Got a delivery for you, Buckley,” Brandon announces when Buck walks up the stairs to the kitchen. “I made sure nobody touched it.”

At first Buck wonders why his delivery needed to be guarded, until he notices the logo of the expensive pastry shop on the box. “Thanks Brandon.”

“Oh.” Hen draws out the sound long and slow before she asks: “From Tommy?”

“Yeah.” The little card tucked beneath the lid simply says: ‘3 - Enjoy!’

“How’s that going?” She sounds genuinely curious instead of judgemental, which is probably a good sign.

When Buck told the rest of the 118 that he’s dating Tommy again, Eddie opened his mouth to comment on it, Chim immediately stepped on his foot in a really unsubtle way, and everybody has been quiet about the topic ever since. Buck is okay with that. This is for him and Tommy to figure out, whatever anybody else might think.

“Good. Really good.” 

Buck fills a mug with coffee and looks for a quiet spot before he opens the box. Whatever Tommy sent him, Buck doesn’t want to share it, and he refuses to feel guilty about it. The box contains six delicious pistachio and white chocolate cookies just for him, and he eats two of them, savoring each bite, before he hides the box in his locker. 

~

When Buck comes home from his 48 late in the evening, he finds another parcel in his mailbox. Just as last time, there’s no address or postage on it, just the number 4, so Tommy once again delivered this in person.

Buck switches on a small lamp in the living room and sits down on the couch before he unpacks today’s present. It’s a dark red candle, with a smell that reminds him of baked apples and Christmas candy. Buck grins and puts it next to the poinsettia and the toy fire engine. There’s definitely a color scheme going on here.

‘Are you still awake?’ he sends to Tommy.

His phone rings less than a minute later. “Hey, how was your shift?” Tommy asks.

Buck smiles, because just hearing Tommy’s voice makes his day a little bit better. “Long. But I just got home and found another present waiting for me. You wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?”

“Nothing at all,” Tommy replies smoothly, and he sounds like he’s smiling as well. 

“You know you don’t have to woo me, right?” 

Buck is dating a romantic, and he loves the effort Tommy is putting into these little gifts, but he also wants to make sure Tommy knows he doesn’t need to buy him anything. 

Tommy hums softly before he responds. “I know I don’t have to, but I still want to. You had a tough year.”

“Yeah,” Buck agrees with a little sigh, because there’s really no denying that part. 

“Last Christmas was…” Tommy hesitates before he finishes the sentence. “Depressing. I thought it would be nice to get into the Christmas spirit a little bit.”

Buck grins and sinks deeper into the sofa cushions. “I love that, thank you.”

It’s easier than saying ‘I love you’, less scary, but the feeling is so clear and present, it’s only a matter of time before the words are going to spill out.

At the end of the phone call, Buck eats his last cookie before he gets ready for bed. He needs to find a way to show his appreciation for Tommy’s gifts. There’s love in that too. 

~

December 5th is the first day of Buck’s 96 hours off, and he decides to make a batch of peppermint bark for Tommy. Even if Tommy enjoys giving him presents and expects nothing in return, Buck still wants to do something nice for him. 

He uses dark and white chocolate, peppermint extract and tiny candy canes for his peppermint bark, packs the pieces in a cellophane bag and closes it with a neatly tied bow. The final result looks amazing, and Buck is pretty proud of himself. Tommy has a massive sweet tooth and loves peppermint chocolate, so he’s definitely going to like this.

They already agreed to meet at the restaurant so they don’t get distracted and miss their dinner reservations again, and Buck texts Tommy to wait for him in the parking lot. There’s really no point in bringing a large bag of candy into the restaurant.

Tommy’s eyes light up when he sees the peppermint bark, and he turns the bag in his hands to inspect the contents from all sides. “I can’t wait to taste it. Thank you, Evan.”

Buck beams at him, ridiculously happy to see how much Tommy appreciates the little gesture. “I can make more if you like it.”

“Are you trying to fatten me up before Christmas?” Tommy asks in mock offense.

“You got me those huge cookies! We’ll both have to hit the gym a little harder,” Buck plays along.

He doesn’t say that he wants to bake cookies until Tommy is too fat and happy to ever leave him again. It wouldn’t be fair to Tommy. They both want to be in this relationship, and Tommy already promised not to run without talking again. But apparently Buck’s fear that anything good might be taken away from him at any time isn’t just about his house.

“Worth it,” Tommy announces with a fond grin before he pops open the trunk of his car. “I have something for you too. This is for today and tomorrow.”

‘This’ is a colorful tote bag with a reindeer print, and when Buck takes a peek inside, he sees another parcel wrapped in brown packing paper and an envelope. “Thank you. Can I open one right now?” 

“Sure.” Tommy smiles at him like he can imagine nothing better than watching Buck open a present.

The parcel labeled 5 contains a Santa figurine that will look perfect next to the fire engine on his window sill. “Am I going to have a fully decorated living room by Christmas?”

“Of course not, I can’t fit a tree into one of those,” Tommy deadpans. 

Buck grins at him and kisses Tommy tenderly.

~

They end up spending the night at Tommy’s place, and when Buck finally makes his way home on Saturday afternoon, he focuses on laundry and cleaning for a while.

But later in the evening, when he adds the Santa figurine to the growing collection on his window sill, he discovers the envelope that’s still in the tote bag. Inside are two tickets to a special showing of ‘Love Actually’ - including food and drinks - for a date next week.

Buck still hasn’t seen it. The last time they were dating, Tommy insisted it was a Christmas movie, and after they broke up, Buck wasn’t really interested in watching it on his own. It just would’ve been a painful reminder of Tommy at a time when Buck tried to think about his ex as little as possible.

Now that they’re back together the idea of sitting in an old movie theatre to watch one of Tommy’s favorite films seems romantic. It would’ve been a great present for Tommy if Buck had thought of that.

He switches on the lights of the small fire engine, lights the candle and settles on the couch with his phone. Buck still has no idea what to get Tommy for Christmas. Something personal, something to show how invested he is in this second chance.

Buck would love to give Tommy a key to this house, but it’s too soon for that. Of course Buck still wants him to move in someday, or maybe he’ll move into Tommy’s place eventually, but it’s going to take a while before they can have that conversation. Giving Tommy a key for Christmas will feel too much like a grand gesture of commitment. Buck doesn’t want to push, and he’s pretty sure Tommy doesn’t want to be pushed either. They’ll get there when they get there. 

So instead he looks at cashmere sweaters, leather gloves, a retro style radio for Tommy’s garage… Tommy would probably like all of it, but none of it seems quite right. Each closed tab on his phone fills Buck with more anxiety, until he reminds himself that he has plenty of time. Christmas is 2 ½ weeks away, and they’re both working this year, so they won’t see each other before the 26th. That’s almost three weeks. Buck is going to find the perfect gift for Tommy until then.

tbc on December 12th

[wannabanauthor]

Does anyone else think of how scared Tommy was that Buck was going to break his heart?

Then Buck proceeded to do just that the morning after they hooked up?

Amazing angst, honestly.

Tommy knew he made a mistake and tried to rekindle things, but he let his insecurities out and got rejected.

He had been pining over Buck for months, and as soon as he got the chance he tried to get back together with him. And then Buck broke his heart.

I’m surprised he even gave Buck reassurance in the helicopter scene, while Buck still did nothing to fix things between them.

I’m irritated at both of them for fucking things up, but only one of them has tried to fix things, and it’s not Buck.

I hope we get an answer soon about them either getting back together or not. Buck honestly got on my fucking nerves talking about how he wanted to reach out yet did nothing and expected things to change.

Tommy has no reason to reach out again, and Buck has done nothing about it.

They are both so stupid and infuriating. They are grown ass adults who refuse to communicate with each other, and it’s getting annoying.

I just want an answer, and I don’t care which one it is. I love them and will always ship them, but I’m starting to lose interest in them as a couple on the show.

I’ll write all the fanfics I want, but this “will they, won’t they” trope never works long term. The audience usually becomes frustrated and loses interest just for the show to make all the important things happen off camera while expecting people to be happy about it.

I don’t care much what is canon anymore, but I just need an answer. I have so many doomed OTPs that this shit isn’t cute anymore. I’m tired. Real life sucks enough, and I don’t need fiction to suck too.

End rant.

[homeofbrina-deactivated20260601]

Welcome to "Tommy Our Love"

Now that the server is a week old, I thought I'd make another post for it. A couple of fellow Tommy fans have already joined. So what's it about?

It's a place for fellow Tommy lovers. All Tommy ships are allowed, as long as he's the focus of attention. No sidelining for other characters. This is his place.

What can you expect? We have a bunch of channels for Tommy's ships, to share your fanworks, to discuss, to meet more likeminded people, and our weekly prompts where you can get creative.

There are a few simple rules: be 18+, accept that we agree to disagree sometimes and that's okay, and don't turn the server's theme into a place to stan someone/something else.

Wanna join? Link is here.

[nzchance]

WIP Whenever

I don't have anything thirsty to post for this Thursday but will happily read anything like that that people have cooking!

Here's the beginning bits of an idea I talked a bit about before. Buck discovers Tommy's heavily pregnant—as a result of the 8x11 hook-up—not long after Tommy does because of a bodyswap.

Buck wakes up in a hospital room—in the bed, not a chair. It's First Pres. He recognizes what little he can see of the view out the window. He thinks of Tommy telling him that the 118 should have its own dedicated wing. It isn't that unusual for him to be here, except he doesn't remember why he would be.

He thinks he should be off from work, getting a workout in before going over to Maddie's to see the kids. Today was supposed to be a Jee day, not a Harry day. Buck had expected Harry to drop off the map for the 14 weeks getting through the Recruit Academy would take, but he still asked for Buck's shift schedule and they've seen each once or twice a week since Harry started.

His last memories are of drifting off to sleep on his couch not even halfway through a Dr. Seuss movie that isn't even an hour long. When he watches new things with Jee these days he can't really watch because she asks so many questions. Not a bad thing. He likes having the answers instead of scrambling, so he started doing uncle homework the nights before he comes over to babysit her to give Maddie a break from all the extra work that comes with a baby. He looks up kid-friendly shows and movies on streaming just so he doesn't have to watch the same things with her again or listen to the same songs—so Jee doesn't have a reason to gets on his case for not having the singing talent she and Mama have.

He doesn't know how much longer he can take her asking if the two of them are really related. It's one thing for his friends to point out the differences between them, joke about one of him or Maddie being adopted. It stings a little extra for his not yet 5-year old niece to be in on the joke so soon, but kids say the darndest things after all. That's what Maddie and Chim tell him.

Thank you for the tags I got the last little while from @angels-all-sin, @trombonechurchill, and @sassytommykinard 🩷 No pressure tagging you all back, as well as @beanarie, @politenotice, @kinardnatural, @harmless-variety-of-garden-snake, @mushysquashythingamajig, and @frogsinflannel. (Apologies if I missed anyone who tagged me! I got the list from the notoriously reliable Tumblr notifs.)

[station18908]

Headcanon: One of the things about dating Tommy that Buck absolutely didn't expect is how good he smells, but he quickly becomes a connoisseur.

Tommy fresh out of the shower? Delicious.

Tommy after a workout? Amazing, does something primal to Buck's brain.

Tommy in the morning in Buck's bed? If 'comfortable' had a smell...

Tommy at the end of a long day? Kind of musky in a very nice way.

Tommy after sex? All sweat, all man, makes Buck want to lick him like he's a small animal with a salt deficit.

Tommy right after a long nap? Buck's secret favourite, because he smells like home.

[sad-girl-hours23]

Candles, Bucktommy 🫶🔥

thanks for the ask! Have…whatever this is 😄

Evan tugs at the red silk binding Tommy's wrists to the headboard. In the dim light of Evan's bedroom, the flicker of a dozen candle flames reflects in his eyes. "Okay?"

Tommy nods. "Yeah, it's good." He watches as Evan moves to the end of the bed. "You'd tell me if you were—uh—planning to sacrifice to me to some god or demon, right?"

Evan hums. He meets Tommy's eye, one hand settled on his ankle. Tilts his head. "You're not scared of me are you, Tommy?"

"Should I be?"

Evan smiles. "Not unless you plan on running again."

Send me a December prompt

[angels-all-sin]

what about a classic flower shop / tattoo shop AU? 🥰

I forgot that flower shop/tattoo shop AUs are also pretty popular. I guess they’re just overshadowed by coffee shop AUs 🤷🏻‍♀️. Anyway, I love this idea! I am not much of a writer, so bear with me as I fumble my way through this lol.

(All of this takes place in a small town, because of course it does).

Buck is the one with the tattoo shop because ya know. (In this universe, Buck has all of Oliver’s tattoos and he wears slutty little tank tops, more often, so he can show off his ink as much as possible. Because I say so 😊. But don’t worry, his wardrobe is still 90% hoodies and jackets 😉). Buck and Maddie work together at the shop; they bought/opened it together. Tommy is the one with the flower shop. He’s just moved to this small town, because he’s been wanting to get rid of the aimlessness that’s been following him around for so long. The opportunity to open up a shop, of his own choosing, presented itself and he picked flowers because it’s easier than baking (and because he will always be a romantic at heart).

Buck’s aware that there has been construction going on across the street from him—for the past few months—which obviously means that a new business is coming to town, and with it a new person, but he never bothered to look further into it. (Maybe he’s too focused on creating the art his clients have requested of him, maybe he’s a tiny bit annoyed at this intrusion into the place he’s called home for so long). It isn’t until Chimney decides to take a peek inside the flower shop, before opening day, that he sees his old pal Tommy from LA! “Hey! What are you doing in this neck of the woods?” “I think it was finally time for a change of scenery.” “I know this may be stupid to say since we haven’t seen each other in years, but... you seem different. In a good way!” “I’m trying to be different. In a good way.” They talk for a few hours before Tommy has to close up and get home. Chimney gives Tommy his new number and makes him promise to call. He’s ready to be a thorn in Tommy’s side (affectionate) for as long as he’s living close by. Anyway, Chim walks the short distance to the tattoo shop, because that’s where he was headed before he got sidetracked. He’s very happy to report that the owner of the new flower shop is an old friend of his and that Maddie and Buck have to meet him. Maddie’s happy that Chim’s happy. Buck’s a little apprehensive, at first, but ultimately thinks that if this guy was once friends with Chimney, it won’t be so bad having him in town. Buck decides he’s going to show up to this guy’s shop tomorrow, with some coffee—maybe a bagel—to show that he’s friendly and neighborly.

And he does. Bright and early. Two takeout containers of coffee in a cardboard holder and two bagels in a paper bag. He walks across the street, pushes the door to the new store open... and almost trips over his own feet. Almost drops everything he’s holding. Because there’s this big man—standing on a small ladder behind the counter, fiddling with a bunch of pride flags, trying to get them to stay on the wall—and Buck doesn’t know why his throat suddenly feels so dry. Tommy hasn’t turned around and noticed Buck yet, and Buck hasn’t figured out where his voice went, but he knows where his eyes are going (straight to Tommy’s ass) and where all the blood in his body is going (straight to his face). Ultimately, it’s the squeak of Buck’s shoes against the linoleum floor that alerts Tommy to someone, other than him, is in his shop. Tommy’s so surprised by the noise interrupting the quiet that he whips around so fast and almost falls off the ladder. Buck finally remembers that he’s a person that can do things and rushes forward to help (yes, the coffees and bagels are still in Buck’s hands, no, Buck doesn’t realize that because he’s too worried the incredibly jacked man will fall on his face), but Tommy rights himself just as quickly as he turned around. (Total face plant avoided; yay!)

Since they’re both embarrassed and still a little caught of guard, introductions go a little like: “I’m so sorry.” “It’s fine. Not your fault that I tripped.” “Y-yeah, but, I’m the one who surprised you, causing you to trip. I’m sorry.” “Kid. I said it’s fine. No harm, no foul.” That “kid” short circuits Buck’s brain, because what he says next is: “Buckley.” Tommy is not following. “Fuck.” Tommy looks a little affronted. “No! I-I mean Buck—Evan. ... Evan? ... MY. NAME. IS. EVAN. BUCKLEY. ... And I own the tattoo shop across the street.” Tommy stares at him for a beat—watches Buck turn redder by the second—and bursts out laughing. “Nice to meet you Evan Buckley. My name is Tommy Kinard.” Hearing Tommy laugh somehow puts Buck at ease and makes him even more nervous. And his brain still isn’t back online, because instead of getting the hell out of here, he says: “Sooo... the flags? Are you, are you—” “Gay? Yes.” “Oh! Great! That’s cool! ...... I’m an ally!” “Oh... that’s... good.” “No. I totally am! My ex-girlfriend was—is, still is—bisexual and now she runs the record shop, a few blocks down, with her girlfriend. ... Not that those two things are connected.” “Are you just here to brag about how much of an ally you are orrr?” “Yes! Wait! No. No. I’m not here to brag about anything.” Buck takes a deep breath, shoves the coffees and bagels into Tommy’s hands and lets out in one rush: “Theseareforyou.You’rewelcome.Ilookforwardtobeingneighbors.Bye.” He does not wait to hear Tommy’s response, because he needs to go pound his head against a wall to forget everything that just happened. Once he’s back in his shop, Maddie asks him how meeting Tommy went and that’s when Buck realizes that he gave Tommy both coffees and both bagels. “He liked the stuff from [insert cute and unique café name here] so much that I gave him my order too.”

Later down the line, once the embarrassment and awkwardness has faded, they get to becoming friends. In the early stages, when Buck desperately wanted to impress Tommy, he learned all about the language of flowers and told him a new meaning every day. “Did you know Hyacinths mean sincerity?” “No.” “Did you know that adonis’ are for sorrowful remembrances?” “No, I did not.” “Did you know dahlias represent insatiability?” “Nope.” Tommy tells Buck, as soon as the infodumping starts, that he’s not exactly knowledgeable on the meanings of flowers, despite being a flower shop owner, but he’s glad to hear about everything Buck learned. Because it could help with his flower arrangement skills. (In actuality, Tommy just wants to listen to Buck talk because he’s incredibly charmed by him. To an alarming extent. He could listen to him talk all day and never grow tired of it). And Buck is all too happy to talk and talk and talk because Tommy listens.

+ bonus: Throughout their entire friendship, and when they eventually start dating, Buck has been trying to convince Tommy to get a tattoo. But Tommy will not budge on the matter. But Buck will always bring up the topic whenever it crosses his mind. “Come on. Just a little one. In a place where no one will be able to see it. Except me.” “I thought you said the only tattoos my body needed were all the teeth marks you leave behind.” Buck blushes and stutters and tries not to conjure up the image of Tommy writhing under him every time his teeth sunk into his skin a little too hard. “Well, yeah. But, but, don’t you want something more permanent?” “The hickeys tend to last for pretty long too.” “Tommy.” Eventually, Tommy ends up caving and getting a singular tattoo. It’s a tramp stamp. I’m imagining something incredibly horny (like “Daddy” or “Baby Boy” written in elegant cursive) or incredibly romantic (like two little foget-me-nots, right next to each other, because they symbolize true love, and of course Buck knows that and fucks Tommy’s so good about it as soon as the tattoo is healed).

send me a potential au and i’ll tell you five fun facts that would happen in a story!

[citrus-lou]

I wrote a little thanksgiving thing. It’s only had a cursory edit so apologies if I’ve missed any mistakes.

🩶

Cake And Conversation

Rating: T

Words: 3,780

Bucks leans against the counter watching everyone. Denny, Mara, Jee and Christopher are loudly playing a board game at the coffee table while Karen is smiling taking photographs of them. Chim, Hen and Eddie are laughing on the sofa about something and Maddie was off to the side with baby Robbie bouncing in her arms.

It wasn’t the worst thanksgiving. He was surrounded by family—not everybody has that, right? He looks at the mess left in Maddie and Chim’s kitchen from the dinner he’d cooked, and at the dining table covered in dirty plates and trays of leftover food that everybody had just left. He can’t remember if any of them said thank you to him.

They each gave thanks before they ate—Hen was thankful for her wife and kids, Eddie was thankful to have Christopher back, Chim was thankful to be alive and Maddie was thankful for Chim being alive and for her kids. When he’s about to say what he’s thankful for Robbie cries from his nursery and Maddie goes to check on him and everybody just starts digging into the food.

It’s fine.

He begins cleaning up. Doesn’t ask for help. They’re all enjoying themselves and he doesn’t want to disturb them. He can hear everybody laughing in the living room while he’s washing the plates by hand. Maddie insisted they use their fancy dish-ware for the occasion which are hand wash only. He’s halfway through the dishes when Eddie walks into the kitchen to grab another beer.

“Why are you doing in here? Christopher wants you to play UNO with him.”

“Tell him I’ll be there in a minute—just want to finish clearing up.” He turns back to the task at hand.

“C’mon, you can clear up later.”

“Some of the pans need to be cleaned now before the food gets stuck. It won’t take long.”

Eddie rolls his eyes. “What happened to you, Buck? You used to be fun.”

Buck turns his head to reply but Eddie is already walking away.

It’s fine.

He finishes cleaning most of the dishes except for a couple of pans that need some extra soaking, and he’s boxing up all of the leftovers when Maddie walks into the kitchen.

“Did you clean up?” She looks around the almost spotless kitchen.

“Uh, yeah.”

“You should have asked us to help.” She says.

Buck shrugs. “Didn’t want to disturb your guys’s fun.” He gives a smile but it doesn’t reach his eyes.

“Are you okay?” She asks softly.

“Yeah, why?”

“You seem.. quieter than usual.” She’s looks genuinely concerned.

“It’s.. it’s the first thanksgiving without Bobby.” Maddie nods sympathetically. “And every time I start to feel like I’m okay, I-“

“Mommy.” Jee walks into the kitchen with a look that Buck recognises as the one where she’s about 30 seconds from crying. “Mara won’t give me my doll back.”

Maddie softly rolls her eyes. “Okay, come on.” She leads her daughter back to the living room leaving Buck alone in the kitchen again.

It’s fine.

It’s getting late and everyone is finding their shoes and coats to leave. Buck gestures to all the leftovers boxed up on the table.

“There’s leftovers for everyone.” He reminds them.

Hen waves her hand. “None for us, but thanks.”

“Eddie?”

“Us either. It’ll probably all just go bad in the fridge.” He tells Buck.

Buck turns to his sister “Hey, least you don’t have to cook dinner for the next few days.”

“Actually, could you take them?” She says.

“All of them?” There’s so much leftover than Buck wouldn’t be able to go through it all before it all would need to be thrown out. He wouldn’t mind so much usually, but all of the effort he’d put into cooking for everybody, he hated seeing all that effort wasted.

“You cooked, right? If anyone deserves the leftovers it’s you.” She leaned up and kissed him on the cheek. She meant well, Buck knew that. And at least it was some acknowledgment that he’d cooked for everyone. He lets its go.

He thinks about the evening as he’s driving home. It was nice to see everybody together—that doesn’t happen much these days. But it’s not like it used to be, not even close. At least not for him—everybody else seemed to be acting like business as usual and he can’t for the life of him understand how they find it so easy. He knows they all miss Bobby but they don’t seem to be affected by it like he is.

He notices Bobbys absence every time he walks into the station and he’s not there cooking breakfast. He notices when he does something a little impulsive and Bobby isn’t there to reel him back in. And when they’re all sitting around the thanksgiving dinner table, to eat a meal that Bobby didn’t cook, he notices his absence at the table.

If he’d have had the chance to speak at dinner he’d have said how thankful he was to have had Bobby in his life. How thankful he was that Bobby taught him more about how to be a man than his own father. And he would definitely have spoken of his thanks that Bobby took the time to teach him how to cook. But he never got the chance to.

He felt.. invisible. They saw him and spoke to him over the course of the evening but about nothing more than surface level stuff. Every conversation he’d been involved in was instigated by him. Nobody asked how he was doing, nobody offered help to cook, and nobody thanked him for his efforts. He wonders if he’d have left at any point how long it would have taken them to notice.

He pulls into his driveway and looks down at the ridiculous amount of Tupperware containers on his passenger seat.

It’s not fine.

He puts the car into reverse and pulls back out onto the street and drives away.

****

His adrenaline was pumping hard as he drove to his destination, but by the time he’s standing at the door, a plethora of Tupperware boxes in his arms, he’s starting to question his decision.

He sees the blurry form of the man through the frosted glass of the window and his heart rate shoots up.

Please dear god let this be the right decision.

Forget his heart rate shooting up—it damn near stopped the second Tommy opened the door. He’s just as handsome as when Buck last saw him at Bobbys funeral and his stomach twisted and filled with butterflies just as it always did. Tommy’s hair was mussed up and his skin was a little darker under his eyes—a sure fire tell that he’d just gotten off shift.

He’s clearly surprised to see his ex boyfriend at his doorstep. “Evan? What are- is everything okay?”

“No. I-I mean yes, I mean its..” He knows he’s babbling; a mixture of nerves and his natural response to being in the presence of Tommy. He stops himself and takes a centring breath. “You told me once that you always work holidays, and I didn’t know if you had eaten a proper thanksgiving meal and I made dinner for everyone and there’s a tonne of leftovers and thought maybe you might like some.”

It all came out in one fast-talking continuous sentence and Tommy takes a second for it to sink in. Of course the longer he takes the more nervous Buck gets that he’s over stepped.

“I’m-I’m sorry. I should have called or texted you first.”

“You’re right.” Tommy finally says and Bucks stomach drops in disappointment.

“Right. I’m-I’m sorry, I’ll, uh.. I’ll go.” He turns away but Tommy reaches out and lightly palms his arm.

“No. I meant that you’re right I didn’t have a proper thanksgiving dinner.”

“Oh.” Buck tries to ignore the rising hope in his chest. “Do you..” he lifts up the boxes in his hands.

Tommy gives him a soft smile and steps back, opening the door wider to allow Buck inside. He’d wondered on the driver over if Tommy’s house would feel different but it doesn’t. It’s just as warm and welcoming as it was the last time he’d been here. A vague thought of it feeling like home crossed his mind.

Half an hour and a heated up dinner later Buck is sat with Tommy at his breakfast table drinking a mug of tea while Tommy tucks into his dinner.

“Is it inappropriate to say that I missed your cooking?” Tommy’s asks.

Buck chuckles. “I’ll allow it.” Tommy smiles with a mouth full of stuffing and he still looks beautiful as ever.

“You, uh we’re on shift today?”

Tommy nods and swallows his mouthful. “4 separate rescues of hikers deciding a hike after a full turkey dinner was a good idea.“

“It’s like going swimming after eating.”

“Exactly.” Tommy finishes his last bite and wipes his mouth, sitting back in his seat. “So.. how are you?”

Buck wants to tell him he’s fine. He doesn’t want to admit how things at the 118 have been since Bobby died because Tommy will probably be all sweet and supportive and Buck desperately wants that but he doesn’t know if can handle that coming from his friend Tommy.

However, Tommy always had an uncanny ability to read Buck like a book. It freaked him out a bit when they first started dating but over time he grew to be comforted by it. Really did he ever have to tell Tommy that something was bothering him—Tommy always knew.

“I.. things are.. it’s been hard.”

Tommy looks at him sympathetically. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I don’t want to bother you. I’m probably just making things about me again.” He wasn’t the one who died or lost a husband. What right does have to expect anybody to drop everything and comfort him?

A perplexing look crossed Tommy’s face. “Again?”

“I do have a habit of making situations about me. You remember how I acted out when we first met and you were hanging out with Eddie.”

“Yeah. I also remember the reason why.” Tommy reminds him and Buck can’t help the blush from sneaking its way across his cheeks.

“That’s.. that was different. Everybody is grieving Bobby—I’m not special. I don’t deserve support over everybody else.”

“Evan, are you.. are you not getting any support from anyone?”

“It’s not their faults.” Buck replied defensively. “They-they all have their families to help them, they don’t need me.”

“Okay. But what support are you getting?”

Buck can’t help but look away embarrassed. He shrugs in response. “One of the last things Bobby said to me was that they were going to need me, but they don’t.”

“I’m sure that’s not true.”

“But it is, Tommy. I’ve tried so hard to be there for everyone and-and make sure they’re okay but they just push me away. I even tried cooking like Bobby used to—I thought making family dinners might be a nice way to keep a piece of Bobby around, but they’d just order something in for themselves instead. It’s like.. like I’m invisible.” He quickly wipes a tear from the corner of his eye.

“Oh, Evan.” Tommy put his hand on Buck’s shoulder. “You could have called me.”

“I wanted to, but I didn’t think I had the right to after that night we had and what I said you—it would have been selfish to call for your help again.”

“It’s not selfish to need support. And as for that day.. you were honest about how you felt and I can’t ask for more than that.”

“No!” Buck loudly protested. “It wasn’t how I felt. I.. I was just angry that-that you thought Eddie was your competition and I lashed out. It wasn’t how I felt. Not at all.”

“Oh.” Is all Tommy replies with.

“But you are right—I should’ve called. Not for me, but to see how you are.” With everything that has happened the last few months, Buck kept forgetting the Tommy cared for Bobby, too.

“Me? Oh I’m fine.” He waves away Bucks words.

“Bobby was your captain, too, Tommy, and I should have been there for you. I’m sorry that I wasn’t.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“Yes, it is. I was so focused on trying to live out Bobby’s last words to me that I didn’t stop think about you and how you felt about everything.”

As the words leave his mouth he realises that it’s an exact repeat of what happened in their relationship—he ran with the pace Tommy allowed him to move at but never checked in with him.

“That’s the second time I’ve done that to you.” He admits.

“Evan, it wasn’t-“

“Tommy, if you’re about to say that it wasn’t my fault that we broke up, please don’t. I ran ahead at a thousand miles per hour and never bothered to talk to you about it; ask you if you were comfortable or-or if you needed to slow down. I don’t blame you for leaving when I asked you to move in—it was too soon. But..”

“But what?”

“But you didn’t have to leave. You-you could’ve told me that you weren’t ready to move in.”

Tommy shakes his head. “I was ready, that was the problem.”

“I don’t understand.”

“It doesn’t matter, now.” Tommy says standing up to bring his plate to the sink. Buck can’t help the frustration that rises inside of him.

“It does matter, Tommy.” He argues.

“We don’t need to talk about it, now.” Tommy volleys back.

“Okay, no.” Buck gets up and stands a few feet away from Tommy. “No, see this is the main issue we had before—we never talked. We-we never asked and we never talked. So I’m asking you to explain what you meant.”

Tommy, still facing the sink, looks up at the ceiling and sighs. Buck watches his Adam’s apple bob as he swallows before turning to face Buck.

“You scare the shit out of me.”

That is definitely not what Buck was expecting to hear.

“I do? How?”

“By being you.” Buck’s brows knit tightly together in abject confusion. “Evan, you are the kindest and sweetest and most loving person I have ever met. You’re thoughtful, generous, loyal to a fault and have a heart the size of Alaska. There is not a single malicious bone in your body and in the 6 months we were together you showed me more kindness and grace and care than I’d ever experienced.”

“I don’t.. I’m sorry, but I still don’t understand.”

“The deeper feelings I grew for you the more I got used to how good you made me feel. How wanted, how.. cherished. And the thought of that stopping?” He shook his head. “I loved the way you always looked at me; made me feel like.. like I was a hero. Your hero. So, I tried to be that; tried to be the big, strong man you needed but the whole time I was terrified the mask would slip and you’d see the man underneath who never felt worthy of you.”

Buck is, quite honestly, stunned into silence. Not least because Tommy was right. Mostly.

He did put him on some sort of pedestal. Tommy is by far the coolest guy he’d ever met. Firefighter pilot who saves lives everyday, physically strong, gorgeous and charming to boot? He was like every action hero rolled into one!

But despite what some of the others think, Buck isn’t naïve—he knows that Tommy isn’t perfect. As solid as Tommy thinks his mask was when they were together, Buck still noticed when he’d change the subject when his past came up or the subtle changes in his expression when he wanted to disagree with something Buck said but didn’t.

“Did I ever give you any indication that I would leave you if I found out that you weren’t perfect?”

“No, but-“

“But what? Tommy, you are my hero.” He raises his hand to stop Tommy from arguing. “And I don’t mean in a perfect, superhero kind of way. I mean it because you have fought to be where you are today. I’m not dumb—I know there are things in your past you don’t like to talk about. I can see it in your eyes sometimes or-or when you change the topic of conversation. But you’re still here. You’re still you and despite the things you’ve been through, whatever they are, you’re still one of the best people I know.

Tommy turns away and shakes his head. He was never any good at hearing positive affirmations about himself.

“I wish I could see myself the way that you do.” He admits quietly. “Me leaving wasn’t about you making me think you’d end things at some point, it was because everything in my life I’ve lo- cared for has been taken away from me. It’s so difficult to trust that good things stay.”

Buck raises an eyebrow. “Did you just say it’s not you it’s me?” There’s a sliver of a smirk decorating his mouth and Tommy playfully rolls his eyes.

“Technically yes, but it’s true. It’s why before, when you stopped me from speaking, I was going to say that you are not entirely to blame for our break up. Yes, you were right—you did run 1000 steps ahead without letting me know where you were going and that wasn’t okay. But, I had a mouth—a voice, that I could’ve used to tell you to slow down.”

Silence engulfs them for a little while as they stand side by side leaning against the counter. Buck feels oddly better. He still feels like his life is upside down and still has no clue how to make things better. But finally having a real conversation with Tommy, even one where they’re confessing their mistakes and pointing out others, has lifted some of that unbearable weight off of his shoulders.

“I’m sorry, Tommy.” He says softly. “For my part in what happened.”

Tommy looks at him sincerely. “I’m sorry, too.”

Buck is unsure whether the next thing he wants to say is appropriate. Or least if it’s the right time. But in the spirit of honesty, and more than a little desperation, he decides to just go for it.

“I love you.” He confesses. “You know that, right? I have since before we broke up. I-I kick myself every day I didn’t just tell you that instead of asking you to move in.”

Tommy, still with a look of surprise plastered across his face, replies. “Why didn’t you?”

“We’ve already established that I have a tendency to get ahead of myself.” He chuckled and Tommy, mercifully, reciprocates. “Sometimes I get so far ahead that I just assume everybody else knows what page I’m on. Typically I only realise that’s not been the case when it blows up in my face.”

Tommy, looking decidedly contemplative, doesn’t say anything for a minute.

“It’s okay if you don’t feel the same about me.” It’s not okay at all but the last thing Buck wants it’s Tommy to feel more shitty than he already does.

“Thats the thing..” Here it comes, Buck thinks. “I do feel the same.”

Oh.

For a moment his lungs forget how to breathe. His heart is hammering against his ribcage. But he’s still trying to keep his hopes at a reasonable level.

“You.. you do?”

“It was never about not loving you, Evan. Never. It’s was about.. I’m not a brave man.”

Buck snorts at that. “Says the firefighter.”

“That’s different. Work is.. There are rules and regulations—guidelines to keep up safe. Love is.. I know what I’m doing in a fire. Yes, it can be unpredictable but for the most part I know what will happen if I make a mistake. Giving my heart, my whole heart, to somebody.. that’s infinitely scarier.”

This should not be as enamouring as it is, yet Buck is so endeared by Tommy’s candour he stiffens as a means to stop himself from jumping him. He takes a second then steps into Tommy’s space, taking each of his hands as his. Tommy sucks in a nervous breath at the action.

“I’m scared, too, ya know?” Buck admits. “You.. I’ve never..” He takes a deep breath. They’ve been honest with each other so far but now is the time to put all of his cards in the table and hope to god he has a winning hand. “I am more in love you than I know what to do with. As far as I’m concerned you are my last. I believe it, I feel it, I know it. Even if you don’t want me anymore, even we both move on and meet someone else and get married and have babies and the whole white picket fence.. even then you’ll still be my last, and-“

Tommy’s mouth stops his babbling, lips pressing hot and hard into his. It’s messy, uncoordinated, all teeth and tongue and heavy breaths. Buck feels like every one of his bones have melted into syrup and doesn’t resist when Tommy pushes him backwards to the wall opposite. He wants to cry. He wants Tommy to take him in front of everyone he knows to show them that Hey look somebody actually loves me! It’s childish and ridiculous but he doesn’t care because Tommy is kissing along his jaw.

Annoyingly, the few remaining brain cells Tommy has yet to rid him of, do their job and he remembers that part of the reason their relationship imploded the first time was because they were so wrapped up in each other they didn’t talk.

Reluctantly, he speaks up, taking Tommys head gently in his hands and pulling him away. A flash of fear crosses Tommy’s eyes. He places a few extra chaste kisses to his lips.

“I can’t believe that I’m the one saying this but.. we should, uh.. we should slow down.”

Tommy rests his head against Bucks. “I can’t believe I’m going to say this but, do we have to?” His tone was deliberately childish and he stuck out his bottom lip in an exaggerated pout.

“I think..” He kisses Tommys cheek. “That it’s for the best.”

Tommy reciprocates the cheek kiss and steps back. He points his thumb behind him towards the counter. “Did I spot some cake in one of those boxes.”

Buck grins proudly. “Chocolate.” Tommy makes a happy sound and Buck feels it in his soul. He takes Bucks hand and leads him to the counter, taking out two forks from the drawer and handing one to Buck.

“How does cake and conversation sound?”

“Perfect.”