* 𝑨̲𝐔𝐃𝐑𝐄𝐘 𝑯̲𝐎𝐏𝐄.

the life of a poet oscillates between ecstasy and agony

[julienxcalloway]

Ever since the incident that had happened with Riley, Julien had hardly wanted to leave her apartment or do anything. She was completely lost at the moment. Rubbing her eyes as she got out of bed, she walked into her closet to look for an outfit to wear. Maybe a cute look would help her face the day. Turning when she heard footsteps behind her, she said, “Dad if you’re trying to force me to talk, I don’t want…” She stopped when she saw that it wasn’t her dad and she gave them a smile. “Hi there.”

[fondaorausten]

“hi there — i’m most definitely sorry for the scare.” she wouldn’t usually bargain in like that but things were tense and the idea of leaving julien alone didn’t play out very well in her mind. there was was, lifesaver hope modeing again. “what do you feel like doing today?” was she willing to skip school just for her friend’s sake, toally, and not many could say that.

[fondaorausten]

maximusxwolfe​:

“I think you and I both know the answer to that question.” He knew it wasn’t a question that had to be answered, but he still had to respond in some sort of way. 

“don’t get me wrong-” she sighed, lips rolled into a thin line “sometimes i wonder if you’ll ever find your flavor and stick to it, hope you do - eventually - and i mean it in a good way.” sometimes hope wondered if wolfe’s aversion to stay in a relationship was to hide something deeper or was it simple and shallow preference.

[fondaorausten]

julienxcalloway​:

“Uh, Obie and I might have gotten back together….but in a physical way more than anything.” Julien admitted and looked at the blonde. “How’s your…relationship going?”

she wasn’t much surprised — she heard the rumors about it “o-kay so... how are we feeling about it? good? bad? i need to know how to maneuver.” despite so audrey wasn’t being judgmental towards her friend.  “it’s going, i think we’re actually starting to get better.”

[fondaorausten]

maximusxwolfe​:

“How about we play pool instead? We’ll still be in class but playing something better than scrabble.”

“you’re ought to teach me then, i’ve never played before.”

[fondaorausten]

theblairw​:

Blair smiled and grabbed glass of sparkling water and held it up to her own lips. “Cheers.” She said and took a sip. “Besides Kiki, how are things with school?”

after a long swig of her own glass the blonde looked around the place “you could say entertaining is a way to put it — may i ask a question? in regards to this gossip person”

[maximusxwolfe]

Text: St. Jude’s & Constance

Max: So, who feels like taking bets on what’ll happen at Christmas Max: I mean, obviously this gossip girl is triggering for the older people but it was VERY funny to see Mayor Archibald not only get punched in the face, but have a drink thrown in his face as well.

@akimenziesblog @julienxcalloway @auroraastor @bigobie @thekennedyvanderbilt @waverlyxbroder @cassandaxmaixdozier @fondaorausten​

[fondaorausten]

audrey: not me, i’m cringing 

audrey: but as long as she’s after the oldies i’ll be satisfied

[leneemusing]

some angst idk y’all i like crying

“  i don’t want you here.  just go.  ” 

“  you ‘didn’t mean to hurt me?’  yeah you did.  like it or not,  i know exactly who you are.  ” 

“  why won’t you even look at me?  ”

“  i’m not angry at you.  i’m angry with myself for trusting you.  ”

“  i wish you’d stop trying to destroy yourself in some misguided effort to feel worthy.  ”

“  i know it’s not fair to say this,  but i don’t have anything without you.  if i don’t have you i have nothing.  ”

“  you can’t love me.  not the way i need to be loved.  ”

“  i’m broken.  and i don’t need anyone to try to feed me white lies about it.  something inside me is broken and it isn’t just going to be put back like it was.  ” 

“  sometimes being broken isn’t about trying to put things back together like they were before.  it’s about picking up what pieces are left and building something new.  ”

“  okay,  so you’re a monster.  so am i.  lets be monsters together.  ” 

“  because of what they/you did i’m damaged.  ”  

“  what the hell is wrong with you?  ”

“  what the hell is wrong with me?  ”

“  i can’t fix you.  you can’t expect me to know how to fix you.  ” 

“  yeah,  i’ll be here.  i’ll be here when you’re ready to stop running.  ”

“  my world is just falling apart.  it’s like everything is just crumbling around me.  i don’t know what to do.  i just want it to stop ”  

“  you’re the only thing that makes sense right now.  everything else is just—  the world is so loud.  and the only time it feels quiet is when you’re here.  ”

“  i don’t know how to talk about shit okay?  it’s too hard.  but i do care.  i need you to trust me that i care.  ”

 “  stop punishing yourself.  you wanna make up for what you’ve done?  get off your ass and do something about it.  ”

“  whatever it is you think was going on between us,  you’re wrong.  ”

“  it didn’t mean anything to me.  ” 

“  you should move on.  i did.  ”  

“  i feel like i’m one bad day away from becoming everything i’ve fought against.  ” 

“  stop pushing me away.  i’m not going anywhere,  asshole.  and as soon as you get that through that thick skull of yours,  the better.  ”  

“  i don’t need you in my life.  i don’t want you in it.  ”  

“  i can’t trust myself.  if i let myself get comfortable enough,  when i try to be happy,  people get hurt.  ”  

“  people like me don’t get to have peace.  ”  

“  i’m not the person you want.  i know you think i am.  but it won’t take long for you to realize this is a mistake.  ”  

“  you want the truth?  the truth is when i love people it burns inside me like a poison.  it infects every part of me until it feels like they’re in my goddamn soul…and then i fuck it up.  and it’ll destroy us both.  ”  

“  i’ll always choose you.  that’s the worst part of it all.  i’d choose you over and over, even though i know you wouldn’t do the same.  ”  

“  you never had to be perfect.  you just had to stay.  ”

“  will you please just stay for once.  just.  don’t walk away.  ” 

“  if i loved you less,  i might be able to talk about it more.  ”   

“  just tell me something real.  tell me something i can remember no matter what happens to us.  ”

“  when you look at me,  i feel seen.  i feel like you see past everything i’ve always surrounded myself with to try and protect my heart.  no one has ever looked that deeply at me.  ”  

“  how can you uncover so much about someone,  make them let their guard down and lay themselves bare to you.  and then just throw it all away?  ”

“  if you walk out that door don’t bother coming back.  ”

“  why are you so afraid of trusting this—  trusting us.  what’s making you hold back?  ”

“  will you still be here?  will you stay even after you’ve seen all the ugly parts of my heart.  ”  

“  i don’t care how willing you are to die for me.  i want you to fucking live with me.  live for us.  ” 

HURT/COMFORT

[ DISCOVER ] for one muse to find the other crying alone. 

[ COMPANY ] for one muse to sit with the other so they don’t have to be alone while they’re upset. 

[ EMBRACE ] for one muse to suddenly hug the other one for their own comfort. 

[ OFFER ] for one muse to suddenly hug the other one to comfort them.

[ SETTLE ] for one muse to comfort the other and end up cuddling. 

[ SHOULDER ] for one muse to rest their head on the other’s shoulder while they comfort them. 

[ CARRY ]  for one muse to find the other injured and carry them to safety.

[ SECURE ] for one muse to carry the other to bed after they fell asleep. 

[ STRUGGLE ]  for one muse to resist being hugged but then break down and crumble against the other. 

[ CLEAR ] for one muse to wipe the other’s tears. 

[ BREAKDOWN ] for one muse to ask the other if they’re okay prompting them to finally stop bottling things up. 

[ BRUSH ] for one muse to run their fingers through the other’s hair while they open up or cry. 

[ NURSE ] for one muse to tend to the other while they’re recovering from injuries. 

[ TRUST ] for a scenario where sender’s muse is the only one receivers muse will let close. 

[ COAX ] for scenario where receiver’s muse knows they’re the only one sender’s muse will let close. 

[ CALM ] for one muse to subdue the other during an outburst. 

[ CLARITY ] for one muse to help ground the other back in the present  (i.e. after nightmare, breakdown, battle etc)

[ PREVENT ] for one muse to stop the other from going too far during a fight. 

[fondaorausten]

julienxcalloway​:

“Max and I are here and you know how legendary Mrs. Bass’s Thanksgivings are.” 

“speaking of max that did sound an awful lot like him — and speaking of men, any recent event you’d like to disclose with your best friend?”

[fondaorausten]

manhattanzdevil​:

Continued from here:

“That’s not entirely true.” The billionaire businessman murmured as he listened with interest, at the dilemma she was currently facing “Easy, Socrates. I may have a solution, that will keep your moral compass intact.” Knowing that beyond a shadow of a doubt, the younger blonde wouldn’t except a handout and he admired Audrey, for it. “You’ve got potential. I admire it. Why not work come for me?” The idea, had come to him after his wife Blair, had mentioned that the young woman would be staying with them, for awhile. Recognizing that he and Audrey, had quit a few similarities between them. “Killing two birds with one stone. It’s an impeccable plan.” 

the blonde's brown eves squinted ever so slightly with intrigue "doing what exactly?" she knew blair well enough and working for her wouldn't be strange considering how well acquainted she was with the fashion industry thanks to kiki but — what did the bass part of the family was even invested in besides hotels, which she didn't know much about except the names of her favorite ones. "i'm —listening."

[fondaorausten]

theblairw​:

“Depression carbs don’t count on the holidays.” Blair said. She grabbed a champagne flute from a waiter that walked by and handed it to the younger woman.

audrey didn’t even hesitate to take it, one is ought to never argue with the host of a party “so i’ve been told — cheers.”

[fondaorausten]

winterpetxls​:

“don’t worry, he’s not going around telling the world about it, it’s a best-friend pact we have to tell each other everything.” she explained “but i won’t say a word about it, i promise.” added the girl, sighing as she put on her sunglasses and looked at the sky. “i feel like i’m either about to break or become a diamond under all this shitty pressure, we’ll see..”

“ ‘course, best friends pact” shit— julien, she totally forgot to mention that teeny tiny detail to her own best friend. “well with winter break just around the corner it surely is a tough cookie but hey, only means christmas is getting closer, must be jolly... for somebody.”

[fondaorausten]

winterpetxls​:

“you said it, not me!” she winked jokingly at the blonde. “not yet, which is a bit unfortunate… after all, thanksgiving at the upper east side is infamous for serving drama — perhaps once carter gets here, things will start to get interesting.” mentioned the brunette, although her cousin had changed — a lot, she knew some bitter feelings were still dancing around the original targets of gossip girl.

“oop — he's coming?” hope wasn’t a fan of getting her nose involved in shit mostly because that kinda stuff usually backfires but one couldn’t blame her for gawking from the sidelines. “have you tried the eggnog yet though?”

[fondaorausten]

maximusxwolfe​:

Max smiled and looked at his drink and then at the blonde. “Didn’t bother to ask.” He admitted with a chuckle. “Saw a hot cater waiter walk by and grabbed the drink and flirted. They didn’t even seem to think I was underage.”

“of course you would” the blonde sighed, “is you plate ever full enough to your liking?” metaphorically speaking.

[fondaorausten]

maximusxwolfe​:

“Scrabble?” Max raised an eyebrow at the blonde. “Have I gotten that boring to hangout with?” He joked.

“got any better ideas? we’re not skipping again, wolfe.”

[xodettexolsonx]

“What do you think you’re doing? Those are my fries!” Cassandra protested as the person sitting across from her grabbed a few of her fries and put them in their mouth”I can’t believe you just did that, have you got no shame?”

[fondaorausten]

“fighting over fries, classy -- really.”

[maximusxwolfe]

“You know, with how much money this school has, you’d think they’d be able to pay for proper heating.” Max said with a chuckle as he walked out of the class he had just had and glanced at his watch. “We’ve got one class left, you want to go to it or ditch?”

[fondaorausten]

“i say we go and pay zero attention to it - “ the blonde was not much of a calc fan herself anyway “if you still got scrabble on your imessage it could be fun.”

[fondaorausten]

theblairw​:

“You’re here because I make amazing pumpkin pie and I wasn’t about to let you spend Thanksgiving worrying about Kiki.” Blair said to the younger woman.

“lucky me i’m having a depression-carbs-pass until at least the end of the month -- you totally nailed it, even though i’d never expect otherwise mrs. bass.”