cornflakes soaked in coffee
lately i have been thinking about what makes me happy, as a person.
there are the obvious things, such as good food, good sleep, good health in general, music, rhythm, gardens, animals, fresh air, writing, and beautiful things.
what is also very important are friends, new people to meet, and discovering new things.
but i wonder what kind of work makes me happy.
i didn’t know that it was an option to find fulfilment and happiness in work. i thought that it is impossible to do.
“to work is to suffer,” my father used to say.
“if you don’t study hard and suffer right now, you will regret it and suffer later,” my mom used to say.
these are perhaps typical east-asian-parents statements, but to me, those were very disillusioning perspectives of the future ahead.
half-way through university, i came to the realization that this was not necessarily true.
there are people who like their work.
and perhaps the right work could be compared to a right partner: it isn’t always exhilarating, it isn’t always fun, but deep inside you know that you’re in love. and once you do the work or are with the partner, things can feel easy at least 50-60% of the time, you don’t have to struggle or suffer most of the time. and the best thing is, as i had witnessed in others, is that it can feel like magic, and it can give you a glow.
by the time i had become an adult, i had become numb to that inner voice that told me what i liked and didn’t. “you’re shitty at what you do” and “you must suffer” had become the overarching theme of my working life post university graduation. and that’s probably also why i never stayed at the same workplace for longer than a year. the suffering had become too heavy to bear.
sidenote: it is amazing and unbelievable how susceptible and easily influenced the human mind is. this is a topic that has fascinated me for the past decade.
that started my search. i was not sure what i was looking for, but i was sure what i did not want. my search took me across many countries. my search also enabled me to meet many people. and what i had found was that some people, in their 40s or even 60s still did not know what they were looking for, while some people seem to have been destined to pursue a certain path the day they were born (into a specific family, for example.) and perhaps for most people, quite like a little creek, or a growing vine, one does not know where one is headed but forward, and one’s path will be determined by circumstances and its environment. and it is the journey that is the destination at the same time.
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what is love?
and do you love what you do?
i once met two girls from cornell during my travels here in europe. one of them was having cornflakes in coffee.
“i really like the taste of both together,” she said as she poured the cornflakes into her coffee cup. she pushed the cornflakes more down into the cup, soaking them in the coffee.
they were undergrads in environmental engineering. they made me realize i really missed the warmth, friendliness, and openess of the people in the us. or china. or anywhere else. (being in vienna and having to interact with humans here for longer than a month wears down my heart.)
but perhaps all places have their pros and cons. they told me how stressful it can be to work in the us, and how everyone at cornell feels like they’re on a of a brink of a meltdown because of the heavy workload there.
but they lit up talking about what they could be doing in the future with that degree and the knowledge and skills aquired, which projects they could work on, and what that could mean to the world.
it felt so refreshing, the fresh, young energy of college students, the ambitious and passionate drive, bright-eyed and spirited.
and as we spoke they pulled out their calculators and homework folders.
these two girls were on a weekend city trip in europe, in a city close to the one they were staying for their study abroad semester. yet they had brought their homework, ipads, and calculators to do their homework. in the morning.
as i watched them work on their problem sets, i felt inspired.
yes, they loved what they did.
yes, love is not only a feeling, but a decision.
yes, to love something or someone, one will prioritize that which one loves.
yes, love is having the structure to prioritize that which you love.
yes, it is possible to love your work.
















