why'd it feel so good?

[foreversmerritt]

IMSG 📱 SAVVY

SAV: fun, like it always is.

SAV: yeah.

SAV: remember when we used to tell each other everything?

MERRITT: didn’t realize the two do you were even friends, really.

MERRITT: i still do tell you everything... do you not?

MERRITT: you got something to say? i’m not holding anything back.

[foreversmerritt]

CALL 📱 D.

DANTE: okay, ( smile too ) great. i'll be there pretty soon. just gonna run home to /get my sleeping bag./

DANTE: sorry, what was that? you want hotdogs and trail mix? ( teasingly ) i got you, bud, no problem.

MERRITT: i can set you up a tent so you're not bear bait... you know, if that's what you're worried about you big baby.

MERRITT: ( soft chuckle ) bring it on. ( a pause ) see you soon, d.

[foreversmerritt]

CALL 📱 D.

( beaming, dante puts the phone down, speaker )

DANTE: i said don't laugh!!!!!

( a breath, shy )

DANTE: thanks. for /dealing./

( pause, warm with an idea )

DANTE: hey, man. do you want some company? i'm finishing up here. i could bring a sleeping bag to the woods. i'm not sleeping in your stupid hammock with you.

MERRITT: i was gonna laugh either way. ( smile evident in his words )

MERRITT: oh! ( surprised ) yeah... yeah, that would be cool with me. but we could totally both fit in my hammock. ( a chuckle ) can you... bring fast food? i'm kind of tired of eating hot dogs and trail mix.

[foreversmerritt]

CALL 📱 D.

DANTE: means.

( resumes work as he smiles, brightly )

DANTE: i can't stop– don't laugh– i can't stop /thinking/ about him. all day. all the time. it's like... it's like i'm fifteen again. he's just the best person. his smile and his... ah! i don't even know, but... you know?

( unavoidable grin - never head dante like this before )

MERRITT: ah, shit, you're fucking smitten, nerd. ( a chuckle, wistful gaze and a beat ) oh, i /know/ and i'm glad, even if he's not my favorite person... you deserve whatever makes you happy. and if that's miles. ( a grunt ) i'll deal.

[foreversmerritt]

CALL 📱 D.

DANTE: ( a tsk with his tongue ) she meant a lot to you, bro. you don’t ever have to feel... embarrassed about that. or whatever.

DANTE: thank you.

( quiet. he stops working. throat a bit tight. )

DANTE: i want that for you, too. to be happy.

MERRITT: means. ( slightly strained ) she means a lot to me.

MERRITT: we're talking about you. ( soft laughter ) so miles makes you happy... tell me more.

[foreversmerritt]

CALL 📱 D.

DANTE: you weren't weak. don't say that.

( pause, uncertain )

DANTE: it's just that i'm really... happy, mer... [don't take that from me.]

MERRITT: i was. i shouldn't have let that get to me the way it did.

( tiptoes, then settled flat )

MERRITT: happy? ( brief pause ) i'm glad you're happy, d. i really am. you deserve that more than anyone.

[foreversmerritt]

CHARLIE.

he doesn’t mean to present as anxiously as he is. something about being face to face with merritt alone (especially after the previous night) made charlie shaky - he wasn’t sure how to approach the other man. their relationship had been real and deep when they were writing to each other. charlie had hoped that maybe that relationship with merrritt would be helpful when it came to reintegrating into lake wisteria. maybe it was wishful thinking or maybe it was simply charlie’s own dumb fault. maybe he should’ve walked in apologizing… telling everyone he’d never meant to hurt them. but… instead, he walked in with his shields up. sighing softly, charlie plants his hands back onto his hips, “sorry. just wasn’t expecting you to joke with me.” he keeps his hands on his hips, despite the pain shooting through his injured one as he spoke, “oatmeal is fine. but… last night shouldn’t have happened. i’m…” he knows he needs to say sorry but it’s like the word is forming a lump in his throat. quietly, he speaks, “sorry. for starting it. i guess.” what a shit apology. but it was a start.

“i wasn’t exactly expecting you to shoulder check me for no reason last night either, but pretty sure you did,” the blonde mutters to himself, continuing his work at the oats. it helps his anger stay low, having something mindless to work on. falling back into a camping and outdoorsman role is something that mer had been craving while in prison. “you guess?” his tone lilts, giving away his disdain with the tacked on two words. unnecessary words that flag only a lack of genuine apology. “you really gotta learn the art of an apology, bro,” he mutters. the two of them had forged a friendship that allows for merritt to hold back a lot of the physicality he’d enacted the night before. but if charlie toed the line a bit too far? mer was ready to shred every single letter they’d ever exchanged. as much as he now understood the brunette, his loyalties lie deeper with his brother. “how was your night otherwise? before and after punching that damn tree like an idiot?” 

[foreversmerritt]

IMSG 📱 SAVVY

SAV: i was hanging out with rose.

SAV: i wanted to look for you but i didn't think you'd want to see me.

MERRITT: ah, how was that?

MERRITT: cool, it's cool. i'm good, sav.

[foreversmerritt]

CALL 📱 D.

DANTE: she hurt you. i remember. you know i'm just looking out.

DANTE: ( scoff, light ) that's me.

( pause )

( a steadying breath, voice harsher and distanced )

DANTE: forget i brought it up.

MERRITT: ah, i was weak back then. things change.

( a sharp breath )

MERRITT: d... don't be like that. ( a beat ) talk to me about it, i'll be a good brother, promise.

[foreversmerritt]

LENNON

the strapping blonde insults her, and lennon conducts one of her signature little bounces, a childish groan escaping thin, rosy lips. she glares at him. “compliments only, or i’m gonna leave,” she threatens, knowing she is in no position to leave the one person who may know just how to save her life. lennon inhales inhales slightly, thrown when merritt takes hold of her arms, triaging the damage. there’s a tenderness that takes hold of her breath for some sweetened moments. she studies him intently, as he studies her, a few swings at teasing him, at jokes, gracing her frantic mind, but she surprises herself by burying them. her sparkling voice stays silent, and yet she still doesn’t anticipate his next motion. her heart somersaults, and she joins him easily on the suspended bed, one sneaker leaving the ground, then the other. she straightens bitten leg on the fabric of the hammock, and then settles easily against him, leaning her back against his chest once he’s secured the bottle from his bag. “what the fuck is that?” she explodes, spooked, at his acquisition, disturbing the serenity she had helped to temporarily craft. merritt pokes at her again, and lennon frowns, loosening a hand clung to his shoulder to slap the back of his head. she retreats just brief enough to strategize her next move, lifting glittering greens to merritt’s gaze, smirk all consuming. a shrug. “it’s not my fault i taste so good.” 

“you called yourself a monster first, princess, don’t be picky,” the blonde grins, meeting her glare with a soft laugh. he’s almost positive not a single person in the world is as dramatic and theatrical as lennon is. a wild girl that somehow nestled herself directly into the proper role as playwright extraordinaire. it’s the silence, though, her refrain that shows him he should be worried. see, merritt is used to the platinum blonde throwing him a joke, telling him a million deprecating things and moving along with pride. but this time? she’s settled in his sights with no words – and it’s almost more terrifying than anything else. however, he keeps himself in check, waving it off as early morning weirdness or perhaps she’s genuinely afraid of the bumps all over her skin. “it’s your one way ticket to stop itching, so shut the fuck up and let me do my thing,” teasing, he opens the bottle, squirting the bright pink into his hands before slowly swiping it onto her legs. the smack to his head releases a chuckle from his belly. there she is, he wants to say. but it’s too much, half of the time he feels like he’s too much with her. too much of everything all of the time. it’s something he rarely feels around anyone else, but he’s sure she knows the feeling well, too. as he continues covering the bites, he looks to her – matching smirk slapped onto his own lips. “who told you that?” a beat. “i think they just know your true colors, lem. sweet as pie,” he winks, looking down to legs that look like lennon was dipped into pepto bismol. “and pink.”

[foreversmerritt]

TINY.

eradicating all of the bad luck completely, absolution. above all, that was what august wanted. not only from merritt, but dante, her family, the universe itself. her little rules of karmic balance were nothing but bargaining with the universe for forgiveness. it usually never ended well. but she took the little taste of absolution merritt was offering her and she sat next to him on the hammock, allowing herself to be relieved for just a moment. she still had time to make things right, to go back to that pure happiness the two had shared the day he met her by the lake. she just had to keep working, keep following her rules. placing the cake on his lap, august pulled out two forks wrapped in a cloth napkin and handed him one before finally lighting the cigarette that had been dangling from her lips. her lips curved up in a smile to match his. “next time, place a mcdonald’s order,” she teased lightly, trying not to let his words get to her. you could’ve, you could’ve, you could’ve. instead she took a drag of her cigarette and pointed at the book with her chin. “first time reading, or re-reading?” she asked. surely books were a safe topic, right? 

as tobacco scents the air, merritt shifts his position in the hammock, unwrapping the chocolate cake he’s seen his sister make many times. the visual sends him back into his feelings, heart clenching a bit in his chest. the night before… she’d tried so hard to reach him and he and dante both… let her hang out to dry. and half of him is mad she didn’t try harder, but the other half knows that their recent history weighs heavier than the 18 years in which they were closer than ever. lashes flutter as he sinks the tines of his fork into the dark cake, mind swirling around things he could say and things he shouldn’t say. usually, in most cases, august makes merritt feel better. but lately? it feels like they fight more than anything else. like the next words that leave his mouth could spin them right back into an argument about something that isn’t actually the main problem. “chocolate cake it is,” he chirps back, savoring the bite, eyes closing. when they reopen, he follows august’s line of sight to the orange covered book. “ah, third or fourth? you know i rarely read new shit. haven’t had something catch my eye that’s worth breaking new ground with recently,” a sigh. “I’m sorry I was reckless last night. I just…” don’t care if I go back. “he started it.”

[foreversmerritt]

CHARLIE.

“i never said you didn’t… i just meant… nevermind,” charlie mumbles, hands moving to rest on his hips. he feels merritt’s eyes on him, a soft blush creeping on his cheeks and his fingers squeezing at his hips. he isn’t sure exactly what to say to merritt - should he tell him everything on his mind or should he just wish him a good morning and escape back to his tent? delia’s words about ‘taking the high road’ are echoing through his mind because he knows this is the opportunity for him to make the first step. “i don’t expect you to make me breakfast. i was just going to make breakfast for myself and you happened to be out here,” he explains, a haphazard hand running through his hair. a dry laugh, “i wouldn’t expect anything less. but i’m not going to drive to mcdonald’s. i would rather starve than go to all of that effort.” he looks down at his torso, shrugging, “it is more my speed but… merritt, i think…” he takes a deep breath, “i think we should talk. about… a lot of things.” he wants to ask a million questions: about the previous night, about their letters… but other man could refuse and he’d have to respect that.

there’s an anxiety in charlie that is more than evident to merritt. these two… know each other deeply. in ways that merritt hasn’t known someone in a long time. of all of the people he sent letters to, ambrose and charlie are the ones he feels know the most. the ones he told secrets to. about feelings he never wanted to talk about in his life. and that’s not something that he shares commonly with anyone anymore. old mer, pre-jail mer, he was an open book to his siblings, told them everything. post-jail mer? was a locked vault filled with shame, guilt, and more secrets than he’ll ever tell. the anxiety he feels from charlie builds his walls a few bricks higher than before. it’s an unexpected side effect. “…dude,” he chuckles, shaking his head a little. “can you calm the fuck down? i literally was joking about the mcdonald’s,” and he was. “i’m making oatmeal regardless,” a shrug, he shifts forward onto his knees, hands going to work on filling a pot with water and oats. when charlie makes the comment that maybe they need to talk, mer just shakes his head. “last night was shit, what more is there to say?”

[foreversmerritt]

THEO.

in all of the panic of the previous night, theo had completely abandoned the bookbag that he’d brought with the intent of staying at the campsite. it wasn’t until the next morning, when he went searching for one of his drafts and couldn’t find it anywhere, that he realized he’d left the bag inside one of the tents at the campsite. so he dragged himself out of the house, into the car, and on his way to the site. when he pulls into the parking lot, he sits in the car for a few moments, memories of the night before flashing through his mind – the anger on his friends’ faces and the worry he was sure was plastered on his when he went to check on miles after the dust settled. he quickly shook the images from his mind and made his way towards the tent he had dropped his back by the night before. once the bag is found and on his back, he starts to leave, but stops when he smells coffee. curious, he heads towards the fire, surprised to see merritt sitting by himself. “ early bird gets the best coffee? “

if it were up to merritt, not a single person in his life would see him in his current state. disheveled, visage unable to remain stoic in his mind’s current state. as he sits gently on the ground, back pressed to wooden seat, his eyes flutter shut and he realizes that deep parts of him miss dante in ways he’ll never get him back. emotions well in his chest, rising a bit and threatening to spill over – until he hears those footsteps, then the voice. “ah, lake wisteria’s most prestigious poet couldn’t come up with something better than that?” words are strained, weaker than his usual jabs and he internally curses himself. there’s not many people in this town that he wants to break in front of and theo? is nowhere near the list. eyes dive into his coffee, blinking away ( he hopes ) any semblance of tears that remain before he gazes back to theo. “you look like you’re headed out, but if you… want a cup… pour over is the best way to enjoy good coffee,” his laugh is soft, trying to mask the deep pain he’s currently sorting through. brotherly pain that theo, of all people, must know more than anyone else.

[foreversmerritt]

CALL 📱 D.

DANTE: right, right. well, i know you can hold your own.

DANTE: ( a low laugh ) what are you going on about? that's how i always talk about the world.

DANTE: um...

DANTE: it was okay. hard.

( dante presses the phone against his shoulder 'night, man' he says to a coworker before continuing to tidy things )

DANTE: to be honest, miles and i got into a fight. it was awful.

DANTE: but mer, it was me. he didn't do anything.

MERRITT: the last person i need protecting from is lennon.

MERRITT: sorry, you're right, man of so... so many words.

( leaves rustle as he lays back, eyes on the sky above )

MERRITT: i'm sure he made you feel like it was his fault. that's what addicts do, d. come on. you know better than that.

[foreversmerritt]

CALL 📱 D.

DANTE: lennon, huh? she being nice to you?

DANTE: what did she say?

MERRITT: as nice as lennon is.

MERRITT: something about moonbeams and 3D stars. weird shit you don't say unless the world is like more vibrant than usual or whatever.

( a sigh )

MERRITT: d, what's going on with you? how did your night end?

[foreversmerritt]

IMSG 📱 LEMON. 🍋

LENNON: well, good cause you're not getting it.

LENNON: [typing...]

LENNON: alright, i'll be there soon. don't go anywhere xx

MERRITT: see you soon, princess.

[foreversmerritt]

CALL 📱 D.

DANTE: oh?

MERRITT: lennon... i think she took something with delia, based on what she said. ( a genuine, breathy laugh ) but yeah, i eventually wasn't alone.