[forgetthisforever]

me: *craves love*

also me : loving me is impossible, don't even try it, even if you tell me you do i won't believe it

[forgetthisforever]

i become the exact opposite of who im supposed to be with you

[forgetthisforever]

i relive it over and over, play back again what i could've said differently. but its over now. over a long time now.

[forgetthisforever]

i want to go home, just for a moment.

back in the safety of scarcity.

[forgetthisforever]

the worst and best thing to happen to me, all at once.

[forgetthisforever]

i will never allow someone to love my tears again

[forgetthisforever]

i just want a little more time, i promise it won't be forever, just a couple of hours. just a few minutes.

[forgetthisforever]

i dream of him every night and its hard to say whether i look forward to sleeping or not sometimes.

[forgetthisforever]

lord just give me one more day im begging i just need him to kiss my face and tell me its going to be okay

[forgetthisforever]

oh its not fair its not fair i know i didnt appreciate it enough when i had it

[forgetthisforever]

i want my family back. how could i allow that to be taken from me

[forgetthisforever]

how come you get a family and i am alone?

[forgetthisforever]

i really do not expect everyone to get my pronouns right every single time bc i present myself in an extremely feminine way and i look like a woman for the most part but goddamn you would think the ones closest to you could just put a little respect on the pronouns.

[forgetthisforever]

it is worse at night

[forgetthisforever]

i know it is better this way but how can it be better if it hurts so bad

[forgetthisforever]

because i miss him and i think i always will. but i do not miss the pain and guilt and shame.

[forgetthisforever]

those last few months were so agonizing i cannot tell anyone how much relief i felt when it was over but i still feel so sick about it i just cant seem to wrap my head around how things worked out