Cayde-6: Breaking news, everything is bad. It's just as terrible as you imagined and probably worse. With more we go to Failsafe. Failsafe.
Failsafe: We are all in danger, Cayde unit!
Cayde-6: Jesus Christ. What can we do?
Failsafe: Absolutely nothing!
Cayde-6: It was good knowing you, Failsafe.
Failsafe: (depressed) Can't say the same.
Cayde-6: That was unnecessary. We're just now getting reports that Sparrow Racing is returning, what a pleasant surprise. Let's check in with Suraya Hawthorne. Suraya, where are you?
Suraya: That's none of your business. Do you hear that? Cut the music. Do you hear that?
Cayde-6: What do you hear?
Suraya: That's the sound of us slowly dying, can you hear it?
Cayde-6: I can hear it, it's louder in my left ear.
Suraya: Suraya Hawthorne, reporting from where I am.
Cayde-6: I actually have some more questions for y- well, okay. We're gonna go to Commander Zavala who has more with politics.
Zavala: No I don't.
Cayde-6: Let's send it over to our senior correspondent, Ikora Rey.
Ikora: Look at TWID. Let's bring it up.
Cayde-6: W- What am I looking at here?
Ikora: I don't know, but it doesn't look good.
Cayde-6: That looks bad.
Ikora: Yeah, it's probably bad.
Cayde-6: Let's go to our eye in the extradimensional sky, Lodi. Lodi.
Lodi: **** man, I don't know where I am right now.
Cayde-6: What do you see out there?
Lodi: Everything. It's too much. We were never supposed to see this. I need to come back.
Cayde-6: You stay right there, we're gonna go to commercial.
Marcus Ren: Did you hear about SRL coming back? 'Cause that's crazy! How are we all not talking about this? I feel like that really got glossed over real quick, that's a huge thing!! Call Marcus, 555-CALL-MARCUS, I want to talk about this. Call Marcus now!
Cayde-6: And we're back. Let's check in with Prak'kesh with sports. Prak'kesh.
Prak'kesh: I just want to take this sports time to say that whatever you hear about me in the next 24 hours is completely false. People are gonna say things and have documents and recordings to back up what they say, and it's just not real. You should believe me, and not their solid evidence. Prak'kesh, take it by two.
Cayde-6: This is when champions are born. We're goin now to Eris Morn with the weather. Eris.
Eris: It's everywhere.
Cayde-6: We won't be hearing from her anymore. Coming up, a blueberry learns how to wellskate, and then dies.