That what I was searching right now, it's not just a moment or a period it's been my whole life. I even know some ways to do it, I know how to do it and I always thought I'm gonna die like that, killing myself but I've never felt so close to that moment than right now. And I'm sure 100% I'm gonna do it maybe not today, but I will I've never had a point in my life, a dream I left school because my parents made me to and lately my last year of school I've even abandoned myself and my grades just went down because no one cared, why should have I cared. I had a discussion with my father, some minutes ago about the dumbest thing ever and that's even why I didn't wanted to come back in Italy, not with my parents at least not for this long because I know how it ends. He wants me to be someone I'm not, he says he gave me freedom and he can take it and I don't care. Because it's not real, we as an human being never have freedom for real and also for me there's my father. I've never new who I am, who I want to be and since I was I kid I wanted to die. I fucking wanted to die at 6 years, I wanted to kill myself at that age but never knew how. Then I got older, I knew about ways how to do that and I was 10 or so when I started to write letters where I want to die and left them around the house hoping someone would read those letters, I don't know why... maybe hope? And for what? I'm so close to that thought now, not the hope but the dead and lately it was so hard not to think about it, like right now I can get up and stab myself to dead not as I've always planned a less painful dead but just quick, stab myself even if I feel some pain I will die, won't feel anything or hear anyone any more and that's it. I've begged the universe to make me disappear so many times, isn't working and I can't live like this. Isn't my life, isn't me, I don't care anymore even about the others now. They're gonna cry? Fuck off, you could have cared before I feel like it can happen any time, I feel like now I can just do it and end it right here
origamiaround
andulkaphoto
areudirty
stormborns
annaxmalina
kianamaiart
