Searching For Peace In A Tormented Mind

Idk who or what I am anymore I just want to be a tree ~Giulia~25~Australia~

[fragmentingsanity]

Dear friend,

I have no real opportunities to make new friends and right now I don't really have any. It begs the question, am I just bad at having and maintaining relatio ships? Where do I go so wrong that no one reciprpcates. Am I just boring? Am I too opinionated? Am I just not cool enough? Am I actually scary like some have said? The more time I spend alone the more time I spiral. The girls are in darwin on the trip I wasn't invited to which stings. Do people just forget about me when I'm not there? I just don't understand why everyone else seems to find it so easy and I just feel so isolated now. I've looked at if there's a local book club or something and nothing exists. I want a community so badly that likes the things I like but the tjings I like are so inherently solo no in person things exist unless I pay a cost and do an art class or slmething like that. Everyone from highschool I can rhink of reaching out to like that no longer lives here and the ones that do I've tried reconnecting with and it's not really working. Maybe it is just me that people don't want around.

I haven't felt thiz depressive in a long time. The pain in my chest is immense. In worse news I think I have fibroneuraliga like dad. With the stress and the cryiing I'm getting this zapping in my face. I haven't really told anyone. It's not too bad lile a light shock

I hope things are better for you

Love always,

Giulia

[dajo42]

need a polite way to say "im not engaging in a discussion on this topic with you because the conclusions you have reached are based on so many interwoven layers of misconceptions it would be easier to just like, hard reset your whole brain, just start over as a baby and try again"

[state-of-nature-blog]

me to me: you stress me out

[shamebats]

"it's just stress" oh thank god, it's just the silent killer that slowly kills you, perfectly harmless, no need to worry

[fragmentingsanity]

Dear friend,

Today was Stanislav's funeral. It was horrible. I felt this pit of dispair for mum and aunty lidia. And nothing but scorn for the man. To hear these people say those things about him knowing how he had treated his own blood. I wish it could have been better closure for them. I realised it was the closest me and my brothers ever got to meeting him. Terribly sad for all the wrong reasons. I'm glad our dealings with those people can be over. They've been nothing but disrespectfuk to mum and lidia, let alone leading to and after his death. He will be here with us like he was here in life. Not at all. I think mum is so sad becuase she always hoped he would make an effort again, and now he can't because he's gone. From what I've heard of him it is probably for the best he never did return really. He was a liar and a coward, and could only face him on his literal death bed. "Jebi ga". That's all he had to say after 30 years. Well in the words of a member of your own congregation, a community you built on lies to replace the life you created "brate mili gde je taj otišao u rajj ili u pakao".

I hope mum and aunty lidia can find peace

Love always,

Giulia

[life-spire]

[honeydewdrops333]

what doesn’t kill you makes your nervous system more sensitive for the rest of your life

[possessable]

it's fine i don't even need to be part of social groups or friend groups anyway (giant hole appears in my chest spontaneously) ? what's that

[wholeheartedsuggestions]

just because you stopped being an overachieving gifted child, that doesn’t mean you don’t have loads of potential still

[amouthfulloflove]

“To survive, I had to stay unfamiliar to myself, neutralized, at arm’s length. Sometimes, I think, all these years later, I’m still hunting the part of myself I exiled.”

Places I’ve Taken My Body; ‘The Broken Country: On Disability and Desire’ by Molly McCully Brown

[thoughtkick]

“It’s amazing how someone can break your heart, but you still love them with all the little pieces.”

— Unknown

[gnocchioli]

Imagine all the things I could do if I just did them.

[tordenvejr]

ur not evil babe ur experiencing a human emotion

[cheshmenoor]

[cozyvu]

via cozyvu

[darjunaearth]

Needed this today, fr

[thoughtkick]

“I demolish my bridges behind me- then there is no choice but to move forward.”

— Fridtjof Nansen

[fragmentingsanity]

Dear friend,

I feel so alone it hurts.

I hope you're doing well

Love always,

Giulia