oil me up, daddy

Rad dad. slxppybxtch

[frankenstein-boyfriend]

How did it take me six years to realize that asking my youngest kid “do you want cereal or waffles?” works better than asking “what do you want for breakfast?”

[cutethingscore]

[sassymccoy]

i mean pineapple on pizza is already so delicious all by itself but then you add in how many people get so angry about something as arbitrary as the taste preferences of people who are not them and it's like You Mean I Get To Eat Great Food AND In Doing So Passive Aggressively Tell Someone To Die Mad About It and that's really what elevates pineapple on pizza to the chef's kiss level

[frankenstein-boyfriend]

Anyone else ever forget they exist?

[frankenstein-boyfriend]

Perfect.

[frankenstein-boyfriend]

I need to do the lookalike thingy, give me ten minutes.

[frankenstein-boyfriend]

If you’re all the main character does that mean it’s a crossover when you meet?

[frankenstein-boyfriend]

I could sleep for like seventeen hours.

[frankenstein-boyfriend]

Of course Joe Keery knows what he’s doing with his hair.

[frankenstein-boyfriend]

Can someone who knows what they’re doing tell me why there’s one part of my hair in the back that gets really tangly? The rest doesn’t. It’s just this one spot.

[dynastymag]

I need to get laid with someone who isn’t annoying....cross fingers

not ashamed to say that this made me snort - if you consider yourself to not be annoying, give this a like so anon can come forward and slide into your dms, i guess! 

[frankenstein-boyfriend]

Damn, I’m disqualified. :(

[frankenstein-boyfriend]

Sometimes I forget Tom Lehrer exists.

[swarnpert]

avril lavigne was right. what the hell

[frankenstein-boyfriend]

I’m going to be at the opposite end of the mall from the easter bunny. I’m gonna be dressed as Zombie Jesus.

[frankenstein-boyfriend]

I just listened to one of my friends — for at least ten minutes — try to explain to another friend that, “Tomorrow, today will be yesterday. And tomorrow will be today,” and I couldn’t remember a time that I wasn’t listening to this exchange.

[frankenstein-boyfriend]

Does anyone else remember that video of that guy putting bubbles all over his face then putting an electric toothbrush in the bubbles and turning it on and he’s like OOOOoooOoOoOoiiihhhhhkskskadkkjd

[stimman3000]