the shot is tossed back with a practiced smoothness, lips twisting into a slight
grimace as the burn of the alcohol races down his throat. but the grimace remains,
pulling down into a frown, and suddenly he’d like to drown in whiskey. because
that question is the one he didn’t want her to ask. avoidance is easy; emotion is not.
sam makes that emotion well up in his chest until it feels like he might be
c r u s h e d by it, like his ribs are breaking into familiar shards and piercing the
thrumming muscle of his heart, puncturing his lungs and filling them with blood.
' uh — well. i guess y’could say i do have a h e l l of
an excuse. well, sam does, anyway. remember the whole
apocalypse thing? we stopped it. ’
he tries so hard to smile, to act like he wouldn’t cause a thousand different
armaggedon days if it meant having sam back — if it meant seeing those puppy dog
eyes again, hearing the way sam’s voice got so wet dream-esque over research,
tossing around ‘jerks’ and ‘bitches’ while stitching each others’ wounds. but the look
sours in an instant. he has to look away, swallow down the tears, let his fist clench
until his nails bite into the leather of his palm.
' can’t believe bobby hasn’t called you guys yet. i, uh —
sorta skipped town, after. couldn’t — well. anyway. sam,
he was stronger than the goddamn devil, y’know that? he
let lucifer wear him as a meat suit, and in the end he still
beat him. my brother’s a tough son of a bitch. but, uh, he
— he jumped. into the pit. he’s trapped down there, jo,
and i let him go. he’s trapped inside the universe’s tightest
asshole with two angels who hate each other and hate
humanity even more. i know what they did to me in hell, and
i just had run-of-the-mill demons with me. and whatever they’re
doing to sammy, it’s my fault. so i, uh, i couldn’t go back to
bobby’s. not with all his stuff everywhere.
————— your mom told me once that you
had a guest room open. that still
an option? ’
she seems to forget how to form complete sentences.
and as he continues to speak, her heart sinks into
her stomach. her posture immediately stiffens, and
she f u c k i n' wishes she could find the right words.
she shakes her head in disbelief. hands raising
to move the strands of hair out of her face.
anything to distract herself from the situation at hand.
❞ no, bobby didn't call. dean, y'know you're always
welcomed here. that invitation is a l w a y s open, but y'gotta
know this wasn't your fault. you can't beat yourself up.
——— we'll find a way to get him back. ❝
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