My current project is a personal one, and it's going well. I believe I can finish it by the end of the year/start of 2026 without losing sleep! Let's see..
I've been thinking on and off about how to structure it since May or March? Idk. What I mean by this is, I've been getting ideas, and when I feel no passion for my other projects, I try to reason out how to make this specific project possible.
The problem I'm having with this one right now is a lack of passion. Yes, I love the ideas, I had amazing ones last week that people will surely love, it's just... I feel like I'm not in the mood to write certain scenes yet, that depict a different kind of intimacy, one I've never written before. I'm trying to figure that out philosophically, first.
But what I just said relates to my personal projects.
Now to my "commercial" ones...
(I say commercial like this because I'm not focusing on how they will sell/writing for them to sell, they are still hobby/personal projects, but I do mean to leave them as a legacy. By legacy I mean, giving it to my sister once they are translated to Portuguese. Not as a boring spiel, but as a way to give her some foundation if I'm not here anymore, and I can't hold her and hug her. She is, after all, much younger than me, and it's realitstic to think she might outlive me. I think a token of my thoughts on love and what it means to live and be here are the only things that might touch a heart in such grief.)
Many of my "commercial" projects changed face entirely. I've been posting here about S-S, SofS, MS series, etc. and I mean to go back and sort them out somewhat. I'll be giving each series new names to better aid anyone trying to research them in my blog in the future.
First, there are many books, around 100 ideas in fact, written by me (incomplete) since I was a kid. These ideas, I fear, might never get written. I just don't see myself living 500 years or so and having the time to write them to their fullest. If someone knows a benevolent vampire that might be willing to lend a fang, I'm neck-ready.
Which leads me to my second group of ideas: the fanfics/personal projects, and the love/personal projects. The last group is = "commercial" projects. The ideas for them started in 2020 and came to fruition in 2023. In fact, the book I'll be writing first in 2026, =C=, I started writing (but failed horribly) in 2023.
I failed because I was in too much pain to write it, I was too inexperienced on actually finishing my books (I never did, before), and I couldn't find the resources to research and make a good historical fiction book. Now: my pain meds are rocking it, I finished 3 books, and I found a rare book that has all the information I could ever need (I'll post it once I publish the book, because if I post the name/author now, I'll be revealing too much! hihihi).
So you can see that the game has reversed, as we say here... o jogo virou.
Right now, here's my writing landscape (my action plan for the next years, not counting my personal projects):
(1) C, the first book I finished, about Brazilian legends. It sucks, and I need to rewrite it. Will I?
= Personal Project #1: a very difficult job, I lost a ton of sleep, I overworked, I stopped socializing at all, I refused to focus on my university-everything. I gave up so much, and it showed. But I received so much love and good vibes from people who read it. People said I changed their lives with my words. This, alone, gave my whole life meaning. It made me look back at child me who looked at the sky and thought, "If I could change the life of someone, just one person, in just one small, good way. That would mean it's worth it, to remain."
(2) Saints Cosmas and Damian: Host of Love. I didn't think I'd make it, to be honest. I thought I didn't have it in me to actually publish an original book, to build something from scratch. Sure, I had the legends, but the legends couldn't carry a narrative alone. I had to build it, and build it I did. The greatest thing I learned by writing it was to create something new; in my epistolary chapter, I found a way to show other scientific opinions on the saints and their historicity, without deviating from my goal of making it a gay historical romance. And this innovation is opening my eyes and making me approach the creation of my =C= book in a brand new way!
= Personal Project #2: the one I commented on earlier. I worked on it all my spare time all days last week. I think it'll be my most complex project, because it involves time travel. Uuuuuh it pains my mind just thinking about it, and all the timelines I'm trying to chain together. It's fun, but today it felt like a chore I wanted to drown, so I just said nope and I worked on other stuff (the following books:)
(= Other Personal Projects: I have a ton of them. One of them, KTL, I wish to transform into a book, and not a fanfiction, because it's way way way too much worldbuilding, it doesn't even fit the original canon anymore. Will I do them all? I don't know. I'm thinking of writing them in the future only when I feel like it, as a break from my other books. After all, ALL OF this is a HOBBY/therapy, not really my job. If it WAS my job, would I go mad from it? Probably. I need social contact, all this time sitting down and writing makes me want to ruin my beautiful lion's mane, my hair. AND I learn so much by talking to other people! I wouldn't want to ruin that.)
(3) =C= project. It's... going well! Right now, I have compiled around 30 books I'll read throughout 2026 to make a good historical book. I also felt the urge to make an aesthetic, old tumblr style, about the whole book. I ended up "pinterest + slides", ending up with 14 slides of the whole book pacing. That makes me visualize and feel the book in ways nothing else can compare. I feel textures when seeing it, I feel them deep beneath my fingertips, and this is what will make my book good. I'll live the whole heartbreak of it in my bones.
(4, 5, 6) New project, =BA=. Hmmm what can I tell you about it? Hmmmmm. Oh you'll see. I am yet to fully grasp in my head how this series will go, but they are essential for my following books. The research and thematic explorations in them will make the others possible. After all, I am a questionably smart writer, by which I mean I beware on putting more on my mouth than I can chew. I'm carefully preparing each step because book (8), in my heart, needs to be done in such a perfect composition and symmetry...
(7) =BPJ= A very crazy idea! Again, this one is meant to make me research even deeper and more complex details about... hmmm.
(8) =CJ= What I intend to be my best book. It will probably not me it, but... Oh well. I've spent so many hours thinking about it, and I honestly think it'll have a good message.
(9) =COLW= A thought one to write. It's... conceptual. More than any other book previously. I'll need to put a good emphasis on touch and texture throughout the book. I'm not prepared to write it today, not by any chance.
(10) =WD= Another tough one. Polemic subject, so I need to approach carefully and with good taste. Very easy to go wrong here.
(11) =TSOSJ= A book that smells like honey to me. I think this one will be very, very fun to write. With all the info I'll have gathered by then (the historical research), this one will be... a special kind of book. In the sense that it'll be very crazy, and it'll feel like destroying the word only to build it all again with my own bare hands. Fun.
(12) =SOS= the series I was about to write instead of (3), but I realized that wouldn't be possible. At this moment, I'm deciding if I'm turning it from a 3-books series into a 1-book book. I think I'm making it a book, single, period. A thing I'm learning with Personal Project #2, CUT YOUR MANIAC GRANDIOSITY. (Which, by this list, I'm barely doing. But I'm trying! We all start somewhere.)
There are so many other books... so many... so many ideas...
I was perhaps 17 yo. Branches and people howled at my window, woke me up.
I heard them, and they said:
"Write me. Write me, or I'll disappear."
"Write me, or I'll never exist."
My mind was pulling some sort of manipulation-arc on me, surely. That dream was so weird.
So don't die, people I have no clue are somewhere-where. I'm picking up my metaphorical paper and ink, and your names are being drawn with my very own blood.
(Reposting because it just won't show under the correct button is my fredwendelin.tumblr.com site for some reason??? I thought I just had to wait, but I waited for nothing.)
