One Step at a Time

18 year old equestrian recovering from anorexia

[free-the-horses]

Is it possible to be weight restored and still underweight? Because this is what I looked like before ED. Both of my parents were underweight until they turned like 40😆and they always ate a lot especially my dad. I've always had a bmi of 17ish maybe a bit lower but I ate whatever I wanted like lots of ice cream and fast food but never really gained. I know my bmi is under 12 now but I wonder when I get better if I have to gain to bmi of 18.5 even though I was underweight and healthy before. #question #edrecovery #anarecovery #anawho #strongnotskinny #anorexiarecovery

[free-the-horses]

Dinner? I guess I don't know I graze all day long on chocolate and jellied sweets because my small stomach haha is a bowl of egg whites(because I hate yolks 😂) been having a bad day today. Tired a new tea for my constipation issue and was terribly allergic to it and now have hives and my throat swelled 😱 #edwarrior #edrecovery #dinner#eggwhites#highprotien#crohnsdisease #ibs#ibd#anarecovery #anawho #edrecovery

[free-the-horses]

Basically been having one of these everyday eating it throughout the day. It's a big step for me because of my stomach I haven't been able to eat much at once but I'm able to have more now so I'm super happy! Also Greek yoghurt has like 15g of protein and my doctor said I need atleast 25 because my ascites is caused by lack of protein. I've also been having egg whites for more protein. I've lost 1 pound of fluid from my belly and I actually feel so much better and not in pain. My ascites should be gone in 2 weeks! I'm still on liquids atleast until Thursday then I can start adding more solids. #anawho#beatana#edwarrior#beated#strongnotskinny#yoghurt#intake#protein#anorexia#anorexiarecovery#anarecovery

[free-the-horses]

Okay so I have a doctors appointment tomorrow and I'm really fucking nervous because I lost 2 pounds this week and I don't know what they're gonna do with me. My hyperthyroid is causing a lot of problems but i don't want to have to do radiation therapy because that sucks 😭 but it's screwing with my heart. I need to have a echo done and my EKGs show that I have arrhythmias and episodes of tachycardia and I might have congestive heart failure 😖😱 also I can't take ADHD meds because my heart and my concentration is all over the place like omfg everything bores me 😒

[free-the-horses]

Shitty photo of me in the hospital. That's where I've been basically all week. My doctor admitted me after being too low in weight(it still really hasn't gone up)because she was concerned about my heart and stuff. My blood work is ok but I had heart arrhythmias whilst I was there and my heart dropped to 30bpm overnight. They also did a CT scan on my stomach and found out I have ascides and now they want to do a tap test on it though they said it'll get better if I eat more and is probably caused by malnutrition. Also my thyroid was tested and I have hyperthyroidism which kinda explains why I've lost so much weight so fast and have a hard time putting it on.. #hospital #ana #ed #edwarrior #anorexia #beated #anorexiarecovery #edrecovery #strongnotskinny

[free-the-horses]

Probably will delete this soon but I don't think I can eat solid food anymore because i keep feeling like vomiting like to the point where I'm basically swallowing my own vomit(I'm deathly afraid of throwing up so I don't let it happen)but my body can't seem to handle it. I feel so sick right now and full of anxiety because i feel sick. I just want to cry. Should I stick to liquids? They don't tend make me sick like solids do. Ugh wtf is wrong with me 😫 #ed #anorexia #crohnsdisease #ibs #stomachproblems #

[free-the-horses]

#throwback to when I was basically a healthy weight. Well my normal weight. I've basically been slightly underweight all my life. I think I was around (TW #) 110 pounds now I'm under 80 (end TW) so I need to gain atleast 30 pounds to get back to my bodies healthy weight. THAT'S A LOT OF WEIGHT TO GAIN 😱 I just hope I didn't screw up my metabolism and ill end up gaining a lot more though I've always had problems gaining so I don't know. I think I look so much better here than I do now. Sometimes I feel like such a joke like I don't even have a ED? Do any of you ever feel like that? I feel like I eat so much more than most people with anorexia and I don't really count cals and I hate vegetables. I don't know I just feel like a fake 😔 #edfamily #ana #edwarrior #tb #throwback #eatingdisorder #anorexia #fuckana #fuckED

[free-the-horses]

Winter sure is pretty but I honestly can't wait till it's over 😐 anyways I haven't been doing so well and I don't know what to do anymore. Everything I try for my stomach doesn't work. It's still incredibly hard to eat. Is it because my weight is so low I can't handle solid food anymore? I really don't know who to ask for help anymore because my doctor doesn't know what to do either. I don't know how to put on weight if I can't eat and also eating solids because me to bleed :c what should I do? (at worried)

[free-the-horses]

I'm probably gonna delete this later but I had a lot more calories than I usually do and now I feel dizzy and sick. I'm not bloated or anything but I just feel weak. Should i be worried? 😰 #anorexia #edwarrior #anorexiarecovery #anarecovery #edrecovery

[free-the-horses]

Sorry for the shitty quality photo but I'm shocked and scared by how much I weigh. I never thought I'd be 68 pounds and still alive 🙊😁 I want to cry because it's so scary yet I want to maintain. Wtf is wrong with my brain? I don't want to go back to the weight I was before but my weight now terrifies me. I don't know what to do. I'm scared and hopeless. I've been eating I really have but I've just lost more. I'm frustrated and happy at the same time. I just want to cry and talk to someone but no one in my family understands 😪 I also feel so bad for my mom and what I put her through. I'm such a bad kid. (at ❗TW Numbers ❗)

[free-the-horses]

I miss Florida and summer. It's so cold here and I'm sick of wearing layers. Summer seems so far away 😩😖#summer #Florida #Orlando #vacation

[free-the-horses]

Omg found this beauty today 😍 I love jones but never found it where I live 😭

[free-the-horses]

I baked a white chocolate peppermint bark cheesecake 🙊 and it didn't crack! It's for Christmas dessert tomorrow and I still have to add the topping but it looks so good! I'm gonna try my best to eat a whole slice tomorrow because every Christmas has been ruined because of ED. I'm not 🙅 gonna let that happen this year! #anarecovery #edwarrior #cheesecake #beateatingdisorders #fuckana

[free-the-horses]

Feeling very dizzy and tired tonight. Im scared because I lost a bit more weight but I'm eating so much more. My heart has been not feeling so well and I'm very tired. I'm scared of what this illness is doing to me and that im getting to a point where my body won't get better. I don't know what to do 😭#beateatingdisorders #fuckana #edwarrior #anarecovery #edrecovery #anorexiarecovery

[free-the-horses]

Im so worried about my health Since last month I lost (TW 6 pounds 😭 I'm so worried my bmi is under 13 now end TW)and I'm scared I didn't purposely lose this weight and I have been eating much more than I was before. I was at the doctor yesterday and she said its because of my #crohnsdisease and I'm not absorbing nutrients. I feel absolutely drained its hard for me to even walk up the stairs. I'm constantly dizzy and out of breath and my heart has been palpitating. My heart rate is way low and my blood pressure too. My doctor didnt admit me to the hospital(I'm surprised she didn't but they don't deal with EDs in this stupid town). Should I see another doctor? Or go to a hospital in the city? I'm just really worried. #anorexia#anorexiarecovery #worried#help#edwarrior #beateatingdisorders #fuckana #strongnotskinny

[free-the-horses]

Sorry I haven't posted anything in a long time but I haven't been doing well at all. My #crohnsdisease is really bad and I've been going to the bathroom sometimes 20 times a day and I'm so increasingly nauseated that all I've been having is ginger ale to hopefully help. I would really like to eat more and get better but this stomach disease is making it so hard 😓 sorry for the negativity 😪 #chrohnsdisease#beateatingdisorders #anarecovery #edwarrior

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