Hey pal. Bud. Champ. You hot piece of- @frenchy-wino-jerkface - Tumblr Blog

Used to be Italian but now I’m just ian because she took it al in the divorce

the new ai “Friend” is truly just glamorized spyware preying on lonely people, but I do find it somewhat impressive that we’ve managed to invent a real life evil cursed amulet that you can buy for 99 dollars. you can just own a cursed amulet now. that’s a thing you can do

supmaww

like tell me this isn’t just a modern day cursed amulet. look at it.

innerchildabortionclinic

charlesoberonn

Updated version

chaotic-neutral-knitter

very disappointing when someone says "the bird app" and for one lovely moment I think they are talking about Merlin Bird ID by Cornell Lab, the free app that allows you to identify birds by appearance or sound, make a list of birds you have seen, and explore all the birds native to your region.... and then I realize they are talking about twitter.

rosedavid

i hate it when you're heating something up in the microwave and it starts to go snap crackle pop so you take it out but it's still completely cold. shut up then??

busket

sometimes I think about how rattlesnakes are starting to adapt to bite immediately instead of using their rattle as a warning, because this defense mechanism that says "im here! im frightened! don't come close or ill bite you" has instead ilicited a reaction of "oh fuck a rattlesnake, i should kill it"

so of course every snake that has the instinct to warn humans of its presence gets killed, and only the snakes that bite first and dont make themselves known get to survive. a human who's been bitten is too worried about his swelling ankle to decapitate a snake with a shovel.

it's a good example of how humans make the world more dangerous for ourselves by believing that we have mastery and ownership of it. we think we have the power and importance to control the life around us down to the snakes and insects, but every animal fights for life. and no animal thinks that any human is more important than it's own life.

beaft

just had an extremely funny memory of being 9 years old and wondering if i was gay and then deciding i couldn't be because gay people were so rare that it was statistically improbable for me to be one

beaft

a while later i came to terms with it and instead of having a breakdown i just became insufferably smug about my perceived uniqueness. walking around like wow.... i must be the only gay person in this entire school, nay, this entire town

beaft

was trying to isolate the point at which i actually, verbally came out to my mother (not that i needed to, since she apparently had me pinned as a dyke from the age of 3), and i'm pretty certain it was at a Glee Live concert when i was 12, because i have a dim recollection of turning to her and asking "what would you say if i told you i was a lesbian?" and her replying "i'd tell you to shut up because the concert is about to start"

hatchan

#my dad on the other hand i literally forgot to come out to#i came home in tears after getting broken up with and he said 'what's the matter?' and i was like (snottily) My Girlfriend Dumped Me#there was a pause while he processed a lot of things very fast#and the part of my mind that wasn’t howling in adolescent grief was like ah shit. we didn't tell him did we#and to give him grace he didn't make a big thing out of it and was just like (very awkwardly) 'ah well.. plenty of fish in the sea'

please these tags are so funny