Clear Skin, Please?

My acne journey. Venting and relatable posts.

[frgtdumbacne]

I’ve been driving myself crazy, feeling like my anxiety and OCD is through the roof.. not knowing what to do.

Thanks to Tumblr and Google I found out about Dermatillomania. I truly think I suffer from this. Does anyone have tips on how to leave your skin alone and calm your nerves? How they cope with this? Should I seek professional help?

[umbrellawand-moved]

i hate picking my skin i wish i could stop

its like half stim half self harm

[hellshills]

I just spent 45 mins picking at my skin...

[alikarix]

The feeling after I realize what I have done is just DIY shame

[frgtdumbacne]

These are the results from the last pictures I posted.

I just want to start by saying, I have an amazing boyfriend I’ve been with for 4 years. He so desperately tries helping me leave my face alone. He will pull me away from the mirror when I’m literally stuck there in this.. this horrible trans. He’s currently in California on vacation and he’s going to come home to this tomorrow. I feel like I failed him and of course myself. I need help. I want to learn to love and accept myself. He tries to help me but I’m the one stopping any improvement from happening.

Does anyone have suggestions? Skin care recommendations? How to love yourself? Books? Anything. ):

[frgtdumbacne]

This was the other night.. I can’t look at these without crying.

I am out of control. Like I said previously, I obsess over every little bump and sit in the mirror for hours. I fucked up my face, bad. All of the hard work? GONE. I can’t express how bad my anxiety has been the last month and how low I feel. I’m ashamed for taking it out on my skin. It’s a horrible habit I’m desperately trying to break. I know I’m 100% responsible for my skin breaking out from this point on. I can’t seem to leave it alone.

If anyone has tips on how they stopped picking at their skin or any good skincare routines, please, send them my way. I will try anything at this point.

[frgtdumbacne]

Skin started healing.. still pretty smooth with obvious scarring.. still missing Doxy and Clindamycin ):

[frgtdumbacne]

Started feeling like a piece of shit again. My poor skin didn’t deserve that. ):

I just want my acne medication back.

[frgtdumbacne]

I stopped taking Doxycycline and Clindamycin and my anxiety went through the roof.. took it out on my skin. Why I did this? I have no fucking clue.

[frgtdumbacne]

THE CLEAREST MY SKIN HAS EVER BEEN. Looking at this pictures makes me want to cry. I was so happy and building confidence.

[frgtdumbacne]

This was the first time I’d ever taken a picture with direct sunlight on my skin without feeling disgusting. My bumps were almost all gone. It felt so liberating.

[frgtdumbacne]

Two months in, I noticed the decrease in mini bumps and stopped wearing foundation.

[frgtdumbacne]

This is about a month into taking Doxycycline and Clindamycin.

Why I thought people wouldn’t notice my acne with a pound of make up on is beyond me. I look like a cookies & cream Hershey bar.

[frgtdumbacne]

Hello,

I’m 21 years old and have been struggling with acne since I was very young. I’d say since I was about 12. It’s always something on my mind 24/7.. When I’m out in public, alone, with friends and family, etc., I feel like everyone notices it. I’m so self conscious and insecure. My self esteem is at an all time low.

I have tried just about everything to help control my breakouts, but I constantly feel defeated because nothing works. My whole purpose for posting my progress on here is to help myself notice it. And to hopefully make friends with people who suffer with acne as well, to feel less alone in this battle.

I completely obsess over my acne, to the point that I’m in the mirror for what feels like 5 minutes but it’s actually been an hour, picking at every little bump, leaving with nothing but a pizza face.. Not at all satisfied with myself, just filled with regret. As I’m do it I tell myself to stop but I’m completely out of control. I piss myself off everytime I do it.

I finally met with my PCP back in October with hopes she could recommend something or someone to help. I started taking Doxycycline orally twice a day and Clindamycin topically. FINALLY! I felt like all my hopes, prayers, whatever, were answered! My skin started to clear up! Well, kind of..

(The pictures posted are from the day I went and met with her).

All of my closed comedones formed heads, and me being me, I popped every last one of them. I was a pizza face again but once everything calmed down my skin was the smoothest it had ever been. That shit was my saving grace. I didn’t have any crazy side effects other than dryness and being sensitive to the sun, all in which was disclosed to me before being prescribed. I absolutely loved the Doxy and Clindamycin combo.

Sadly, after new year, I renewed the same insurance I had but it stopped covering both of them. My acne is now creeping back, making my self-control nonexistent. I asked to be put on birth control, with hopes that it will help regulate my hormones and possibly help with my acne. We’ll see.