the woman you’re becoming will cost you people, relationships, spaces, and material things. choose her over everything.

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@femailment
the woman you’re becoming will cost you people, relationships, spaces, and material things. choose her over everything.
The great thing about pride is that you can do your own event. And there's usually other women/people who want the type of event you're doing. One year I was invited to a privately organized lesbian pride event and it was great. About 50 women (and children and dogs) attended a BBQ on the beach. I really encourage y'all to rent a park bench and invite who you want. It's a great way to make new friends and meet new people. You can do pride however you want. Don't let the losers kill the good vibes.
when i was a kid i was so mad all the time bc i thought someday i'd have to be somebody's wife i didn't know it was optional. is everybody reminding the young girls in their lives that it's optional.
AND SO IS BEING SOMEBODY'S MOTHER‼️
it is about being a woman. hope that helps!
reading comprehension questions for the notes:
is wanting to be a wife and mother a requirement for being a woman?
why might OP be annoyed with replies assuming that this post is about being aroace or transmasc if a woman doesn’t want to be a wife or mother?
are there reasons unrelated to sexuality and romantic interest that might make a woman not want to be a wife or mother?
are there reasons unrelated to gender identity and expression that might make a woman not want to be a wife and mother?
core concept: what is gender essentialism?
is it gender essentialism to imply that all women inherently want to be wives and mothers? could this be what OP is critiquing?
look at the notes OP responds to. is it gender essentialism to imply that being a wife and mother is so affixed to womanhood that to not want to be those things means you’re incapable of sexual/romantic feelings, or not a woman?
what trait are you perpetuating when you assume that women who do not want to be wives and mothers must be aroace or trans? is it gender essentialism?
Let me describe to you what kind of world gender abolitionists actually dream about:
When a child would be born it’s biological sex, being an actual physical reality, would be noticed but not a single assumption regarding the child’s personality would be made based on it.
Growing up, children would be free to chose what toys and clothes they prefer. If they want to play with toy trucks or dolls, it would be fine either way. If they want to dress comfortably or in frilly colorful dresses, it would be fine.
Certain personality traits would not be encouraged in members of one sex and discouraged in the other. Females would be free to be strong, brave and assertive and males would not be shamed for being shy and soft spoken.
No female child would be called a tomboy and no male child would be called a sissy. No kid would ever be bullied for what we in our gendered world call “gender expression”.
When children would reach puberty they would still be free to dress how they want. Females would not be pressured to wear clothes that reveal their bodies and males would not be shamed if they chose to. Everybody would have a free choice of accessories, which would not be categorized as “men’s” or “women’s” but people could should whichever they liked. Or chose to not wear accessories at all if that’s what they are more comfortable with.
Females would not be pressured to keep their bodies slim, soft and hairless. Males would not be pressured to be athletic and muscular. Expectations of femininity and masculinity upon the body would not exist and affect negatively people’s relationship with their own body.
Everyone could choose a career without fearing stigmatization within that particular field because of their biological sex. The most important thing would be competence and not what someone has between their legs.
Domestic work would not be considered “women’s work” and would be shared equally between the sexes.
Biological sex would only be thought about when relevant. And everyone would be free to be themselves without ever having to worry about gender expectations. Nobody would feel the need to repress certain parts of their personality and exaggerate others in order to fit into some gender role that is being forced on them.
Gender abolitionism is not about restricting people’s choices but about giving them greater freedom.
- http://burningax.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/a-gender-free-world-boring/
Yes that’s it!
The notes on this post are pretty interesting, but here’s my input as a trans girl:
Some of this sounds great. Don’t force certain personality or behavior on kids. Don’t pressure people to maintain a specific physique.
Some of it sounds like absolute hell. I cope with my gender dysphoria by doing things that are generally considered feminine. I want to dress a certain way because that style of dress is feminine. I use GENDER EXPRESSION to EXPRESS my GENDER, because if I don’t - or in this supposedly perfect world - I CAN’T, then my dysphoria goes off the wall with no gender euphoria to offset it.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with having gender tied to certain elements of self-expression. The problem is not that male and female things exist - it’s that current social norms enforce those concepts too strictly. Men can enjoy feminine things; that certainly does not mean the PERSON is feminine, but the THING he enjoys can still be considered as such.
Gender “norms” allow people to identify ourselves and each other. My entire life revolves around this. My happiness revolves around identifying myself as woman, and part of that includes having others also identify me as a woman. In a world where gender and gender norms do not exist, my identity and sense of self also cease to exist.
Honestly, living in a world like that sounds even worse.
What you’re effectively saying is that you want your life and purpose to be dictated not by your own interests as a free person, but by some feminine ideal. An ideal which cannot exist independently of oppressive sex-based stereotypes and a hetero-patriarchal power structure. That’s insane. I know you’re a sissification/forced-feminization enthusiast, based on the content of your side blog. It’s obvious that your views on this matter and your perception of reality have been perverted by that fetish, so I’m going to suggest that you seek help for porn addiction.
Some people… use misogyny… to cope???
Just admit you hate women and go.
This is why we say certain trans activists perspectives and goals are anti feminist and incompatible with female liberation.
We are not stopping you from being who you want to be; you are stopping us from dismantling our sex-based oppression.
If the goal of trans and non binary people is to maintain gender and therefore female oppression and male supremacy, just so that their identities are validated, then they are choosing to stand directly in the way of feminist goals and female liberation from sex based oppression.
If MY chains must remain in place so that your self expression can be “validated,” then YOU are standing in the way of my liberation.
I will NOT sacrifice my safety and freedom for your validation.
Despite the nauseating response to this post by mra’s and transwomen, I know at least 3 women that were peaked by the astoundingly, thoughtlessly selfish, self serving, unempathetic response of someone born male at birth, who enjoyed all of the privileges therein, telling women, girls and transmen that it didn’t really matter that all of us suffer under sex based oppression from birth, because what really matters to him, is that the world sees him as a submissive, decorative object. It’s rare for them to actually come out and say it, but this post was responsible for at least 3 women peaking that I’m aware of personally. Listen to transwomen, and they will tell you exactly how sexist they really are.
Since this post has crossed my dash again, I would like to take the time to reiterate and clarify exactly what my response to the initial post means.
Gender, the idea that there are things that are masculine and things that are feminine, is just another way of saying sex stereotypes. Sex stereotypes exist to reinforce male supremacy and female subordination.
There is literally no reason other than reinforcing oppression to associate stereotypes with either sex. The concepts of masculinity and femininity were only invented to serve the purpose of reinforcing male supremacy and reinforcing female subordination. These stereotypes are harmful to those who fit decently within them and even more to those who don’t (which includes trans people, among others).
If there is a group of trans activists that is claiming that dismantling these sex stereotypes is harmful to them because then they won’t be able to use the markers of sex stereotypes to demonstrate their gender identity, then they are in fact reinforcing those stereotypes and therefore reinforcing male supremacy and female subordination. 
This is anti feminist and actively works against female liberation and the liberation of all people from oppressive sex stereotypes.
Supporting sex stereotypes is supporting male supremacy and female oppression.
This thread perfectly sums up how trans theories of gender EXPLICITLY DEPEND ON sex stereotypes and women’s oppression.
Everyone enjoying freedom and humanity would destroy sex stereotypes and therefore the entire structure of trans identities.
Trans theories of sex and gender are inherently patriarchy supporting and anti feminist. Which is why women fighting to be seen as human rather than as a set ideas or a role is considered offensive to them.
this is so fascinating to me. he admits his life revolves around gender stereotypes and that his happiness depends on other people playing along.
how is that any way to live?
awww the like button turns into a rainbow when you press it! that's so cute...hey staff what's with all the trans women you keep nuking?
i think we should be ridiculing them more for this. you don't get to try and go all "queer website" when your staff likes to go on nuking sprees targeting the trans fem users
Maybe the transfem users should stop being sex pests and violating the terms and conditions for this website, then maybe they'd stop getting banned
Because this is what your "transfem sisters" are posting before they get banned. These aren't some uwu innocent victims being kicked for no reason, they're getting reported to staff for their gross rape fetishes.
—The concept of gender identity, in my opinion, is one of the worst intellectual scams—
A teacher, Luisa Velázquez Herrera, dismantles the myth of self-determination of sex:
“For about 16 years, I’ve taught feminist courses and workshops, and I can assure you that no one manages to answer this exercise about these assumptions, no matter how much they defend men or how queer they are. I always concede the point before starting the example:
“Okay, let’s suppose that gender is a choice, that’s what you’ve said, right? That means we can stop being women.” “They answer ‘yes’ with conviction.
“Very well, then let’s launch massive campaigns to encourage all women and all girls not to ‘perceive’ or ‘identify’ as women.” If that puts an end to rape, femicide, the exploitation of girls and women in trafficking networks, in homes, and obstetric violence, we have the solution right under our noses… “—Doesn’t that put an end to violence?
What?! So, gender isn’t a voluntary choice? Don’t we ask women what their gender is before assaulting them?”
“I swear that not a single queer person, right there in front of me, said never a word.” “I wait a few seconds, the last minute arrives, nothing, the silence persists…..”
“Okay… I’ll end the tension… feminism highlights this: patriarchal oppression isn’t based on individually perceived identities, but on women’s sexed bodies, and listen, it’s not because my body contains an ‘essence’ of oppression, it’s because men chose violence and decided what women would be in the system they founded.”
Let's suppose, finally—I say this to conclude the example—that tomorrow everyone wakes up "non-binary," dresses androgynously, and shows creativity in their appearance; rest assured that in the kitchen, in the bathrooms, carrying babies, and suffering obstetric and sexual violence, we women will still be there. That is gender.
Luisa Velázquez Herrera — Menstruator at Tradfem
eye opener
many radfem leaning spaces like to claim to be friendly to detransitioners but then turn around and mock tifs with so much vitriol that it really doesn't feel that way
since i'm getting some misinterpretations of this post, let me clarify:
what i am tired of seeing is people mocking the effects of hormones (ie making fun of tif voices) or implying all tifs are stupid for buying into trans ideology (good for you that you avoided our fate, but many of us transitioned due to some combination of trauma and internalized misogyny. i would just hope for more empathy from fellow feminists)
these are things that are off-putting to me, as a detransitioned woman. i'm not saying you need to be nice and polite to any tif who is making misogynyistic or abusive statements
I LOVE BISEXUAL AND HOMOSEXUAL WOMEN!!! HAPPY PRIDE!!! MAY YOU EAT ONE BILLIONS PUSSIES THIS MONTH!!!
lowkey how it feels to be an actual homosexual during pride month
i feel like some people, even some kind of feminists, imagine misogyny as something almost hypothetical or purely emotional. like a system that just makes women sad or something.
misogyny is dangerous. misogyny kills women. medical misogyny, femicide, rape, sexual assault, FGM, domestic violence, prostitution, etc are so often overlooked in favour of conversations about shaving & makeup (which are obviously still very real misogynistic issues) and i feel like this is why misogyny is often seen as a social issue less important or less dangerous than others.
*video of woman lightly batting her bf's arm, either playful or mildly annoyed*
every fucking comment: equal rights equal lefts! i mean, she hit first so i don't have to hold back. ha women wanna play but this is the 21st century and feminism means i could hospitalize her for this. oh what, you don't like equality anymore?
some messy stickers clearly inspired by @bookofknives :-) dropped my paint brush 👍
Cool!!!!
Stevie on stage for the Mirage tour 1982~ she's wearing my fave outfit
© Duncan Blake
Stella Jean “L’Haitiana”
people who are completely removed from the reality of what chronic, severe mental illness looks like say some truly amazing things. that post going around thats a ss from 4chan & says smth like "i want to be the cool uncle who kills himself after a long battle with serious mental issues" or whatever got me thinking about how many young men romanticise depression, isolation, stoicism (aka emotional suppression, which is manly ig), nihilism, & of course suicide. not a gender thing either bc young women are aesthetisizing EDs, trauma, self harm, addiction, dying young, etc in their lizzie grant hell is a teenage girl coquette tags. both groups obsess over similar themes of self destruction just masculine methods vs feminine methods.
but my uncle who committed suicide was not cool at all actually. he was an agorophobic paranoid schizophrenic w religious delusions who thought his family members were govt operatives spying on him & spent all day alone rotting away in a hoarders den. he was hanging from the rope for almost a month before anyone noticed. awesome! oh and yes im sure youre really stoked for your next 3 day "grippy sock vacation" but I dont think the 70 yr old woman whose been trapped in the institution for 40 years bc her mind broke after her third stillbirth & her husband didnt wanna deal w a catatonic wife is having very much fun.
and like you can say its all jokes & coping or whatever but it gets to the point where I think many young ppl internalize it to a certain extent. they genuinely think its cool & interesting to struggle, & they don't want help. I really think they don't realize MI can progress without early intervention. they do not understand how bad shit can get. anyone can become the old woman rocking a baby that doesnt exist in the psych ward or the man hanging from a rope as his body decays for weeks bc the only difference the neighbors noticed between him as a living human & him as a corpse is the smell. thats the life you're idolizing.
it's just so common for young ppl w mild mental problems to obsessively bask in the percieved tragedy of their own existence, & dgmr I was like that as a teenager too, but if you're still doing this in your 20s you need to grow up & stop treating your mental issues as the cornerstone of your personality/identity. they aren't.
The men who romanticize suicide are the men who become family annihilators because only killing themselves just isn't extreme enough for them anymore.
They don't romanticize the actual suicide, they romanticize the reactions of their family and friends feeling guilty. But if they actually do kill themselves then they can't watch that guilt like they did in their fantasies because they're dead. So they have to kill their families first to see their suffering before they off themselves.
americans love doxxing their home states more than anything. we hear the name of our home state and everything goes black and we wake up 10 minutes later, having reblogged no fewer than 8 posts featuring the name of our home state
h/t to emilyscartoons