Next day at school she met Elsie who gave her a stern look. “Forget something?” she asked. Anna didn’t know what she was talking about. Elsie slapped her on the arm; “you were supposed to call me yesterday with dirt”. Anna rolled her eyes. “You and dirt!” she said, “it’s like an obsession.”
“Well then, be my enabler and feed this obsession like I feed your obsession with cookies,” Elsie demanded.
Anna duly told Elsie everything that had happened after they parted ways in town.
“So are you gonna start hanging out with him now?” Elsie asked.
“Maybe,” Anna said defensively, “why not?” even though she knew why not. Hanging around Will would rob her of her popular-ish status and make her a loser by association. But she found that that thought was not as frightening to her as it had been even the day before. Elsie simply gave her a look and did not respond.
Even though she kept a look-out for Will, she didn’t see him until just before lunch. He was headed for his usual lunch spot in the court yard. Acting on a sudden impulse Anna decided to join him. Just as she turned to head out the door Elsie grabbed her arm and stopped her.
“Where are you going?” she demanded.
“I thought I would eat lunch with Will,” Anna explained in a faux casual voice. Elsie gave her a look and said “You do know what that entails don’t you?” She cast a glance at the popular table where Matt and Jeff were holding court yet again.
Anna thought about it for a second, but quickly decided that she was tired of being constantly concerned about her place in the high school hierarchy. She decided to thrown caution to the wind and let the chips fall where they may.
“Yeah, I know” she answered Elsie.
“Alright, let’s go,” Elsie responded.
“You’re coming too? Do YOU know what this entails?” Anna asked, surprised. She knew Elsie gave off an air of not caring about her status at school, but Anna had always thought that Elsie secretly enjoyed being well-liked by everyone and having a hassle-free day to day life. All that could quickly change if the popular crowd changed their opinion of her.
“I’m not letting my best friend commit social suicide alone,“ Elsie responded, “and maybe it’s time we shook things up a bit around here.” She gave Anna a smile and headed out the door straight for the benches were Will was sat eating his sandwich.
He looked surprised and wary when they joined him on the bench and seemed to look around the school yard, as if he were searching for someone looking at them, ready to make fun, whenever Elsie and Anna invariably played a trick on him.
The girls acted like nothing was out of the ordinary though, and after Anna had briefly introduced the two, Elsie started up a conversation about the song they were practicing in band at the time. It was more a soliloquy than a conversation, as it only required someone to nod and smile at the right moments. Elsie carried on like this, until Will seemed to relax a little and then proceeded to ask him and Anna how their joint project was going. With a little help from Anna they were able to coax Will into talking about art again, and they continued chatting for the rest of the lunch break.
Once lunch was over and they went back inside Anna noticed that a group of popular kids were giving her dirty looks in the hallway. She sighed inwardly, she had hoped it would be a little while before anyone noticed her small-scale rebellion. But apparently word travelled fast, as Joelle sat down next to her in math class and in a superior voice said “So? You are hanging out with the loser these days?”
Anna looked at her, but didn’t deign to answer. Joelle was second in command to the queen bee of the school, Victoria. “Jeff says you have a project with him, but that is no reason to hang out with him at lunch. You are one of us, barely, so if I were you I would be careful, who I have lunch with”. With that Joelle got up and left in a huff, retreating to her usual seat in the back.
Anna spent most of math class thinking about Joelle’s comment and the ramifications of her choices when it came to who she decided to befriend. When class was finally over Anna was in the midst of an existential crisis, and she decided to skip the rest of her classes for the day. She couldn’t go home as her mom would know she skipped school, so she headed for the Green Beans cafe that was quickly becoming a favorite spot. There were only a few people in the cafe as it was only early afternoon. When Andy spotted her waiting at the counter, he greeted her with a big smile and said “Anna! you are just in time! These chocolate macadamia cookies are fresh out of the oven.” Anna nodded and ordered one cookie and a hot chocolate with extra whipped cream. “Go find a table and I’ll bring it over,“ Andy said. Anna retreated to the table in the corner which she now started to think of as “the usual” table. She sat down and was quickly lost in thoughts again. After a few minutes Andy interrupted her reverie with her order. He hovered a bit by the table, but then seemed to make a decision and he sat down across form her. “Not to pry,” he said, “but shouldn’t you be in school?”
Anna looked guiltily at him, but he quickly held up his hands and said “I won’t tell anyone, I was just wondering what made you want to ditch and come here in stead?”
“Remember that guy we talked about yesterday? The one that stood me up for our study-date?”
Andy nodded, “Yeah, what happened to him? Did you find out?”
“He is being bullied at school, and he had a bit of a run-in with the bullies yesterday.” Anna proceeded to explain about the sketchbook, the art project, how Will was actually nice and she felt bad for him and was trying to make up for it by becoming his friend, and how this decision might affect her own standing at school, which was rocky at best.
“So you are trying to decide what means more to you? Being a friend to Will or making sure you don’t lose your popularity?” Andy asked.
“When you put it like that I sound like a horrible person,” Anna mumbled and dejectedly took a sip of her drink.
“No,” Andy protested, “there is nothing wrong with wanting to be popular yourself. In this case it just seems like you have to make sure it’s worth it. It sounds like there are things you want to do, that you feel like you can’t because that might hurt your status. Like being friends with Will for example.”
“It’s not just that, “ Anna said, “I feel like I have to be on constant watch to make sure I don’t do anything wrong, and sometimes I don’t even know if something would be considered wrong, so I just don’t do anything. And I’m getting kind of sick of always worrying about what others might think of me.”
“Sounds like you need to sit down and figure out what kind of person you want to be,” Andy said and left the table as a new customer entered the cafe. “Easier said than done,” Anna mumbled looking gloomily out the window. After a short interval Andy returned to her table and sat down again. “You know, when I was having trouble finding out what things meant to me, something that really helped me was getting my thoughts out creatively.” Anna just stared blankly at him. “This art project of yours that you just told me about..maybe you could use that as a way of sorting through your thoughts and figuring out which ones are the important ones for you,” Andy suggested. Anna was just about to ask how she was meant to do that as she was so terrible at art, when yet another new customer entered the cafe and Andy had to leave her table to serve them. Anna finished her drink and cookie and waited around a bit, but as it was late afternoon by this time and people were starting to get off work and school, the cafe became busier and Andy didn’t have time to talk to her anymore. After a while she decided to get going to Will’s house. As she left the cafe Andy gave her a smile and wave from behind the counter where he was busy serving customers. Anna felt like it had helped to talk to him even though she wasn’t sure she had really gotten much actual help from it. His suggestion of doing art to help her figure things out was something of a lame duck due to her artistic abilities, and if she was being honest it wasn’t just the thing with Will either. Lately she had been thinking a lot about herself and her feelings or lack thereof when it came to soulmates. She was convinced something must be wrong with her since she had absolutely no interest in finding her soulmate. Well, that wasn’t entirely true either. She thought it would be nice to have a companion like that and she thought the idea of sex and the like was nice, but she had no interest in actually doing it. She thought that maybe it was just because she hadn’t tried it yet, and it would be different once she just got it over with, but at the back of her mind there was a nagging voice saying maybe she didn’t even want to try it. The idea of sex and companionship seemed nice, but actually doing it in practice with sweaty bodies and huffing and puffing just put Anna off. She spent the rest of the walk to Will’s house deep in thought.
When she finally got there Will opened the door on her first knock and let her inside. “So I thought we should get started on the project, so I found some stuff we can use,” he said as he led her into the living room where he showed her the coffee table overflowing with art supplies. “Great,” Anna said. From the brainstorming session the night before and with some inspiration from Will she had decided to make a collage. It seemed like the kind of thing that required the least artistic talent as such, even though Anna was sure it was still going to be hard. They sat down at the table and Anna started pulling cardboard and scissors and other pieces towards her. Once she had it all arranged neatly around her, she looked at the blank paper and then realized that she knew next to nothing about Will. Concerned she looked up at him. “I…” she started. This was kind of awkward. But in the spirit of not caring what people thought of her anymore she decided to just come out with it. “So I don’t really know you, and I guess you don’t know me either. How are we going to make portraits of each other without our faces in them?”
Will seemed just as stumped for ideas as she was.
“I guess we have to get to know each other fast,” Will said.
“How do you propose we do that?” Anna asked
After a heartbeat of silence Anna gave a snort-laugh. “That sounded really sexual,” she said, “I didn’t mean it like that, promise!” Will smiled too, and seemed to think of something. “Well, I don’t know about you but my room is pretty personal. So maybe we could show each other our rooms and work from that?” he suggested. Anna thought about it. Her room wasn’t really too personal. Of course she had decorated it with things she liked, but her mom was kind of a neat freak so there was a limit to the amount of knick knacks she could get away with. Come to think of it she didn’t really feel like her room represented her at all, mostly since she didn’t even know herself who she really was. She must have subconsciously made a face, because Will started backtracking pretty hard. “Or if you think that’s a stupid idea, we can just do something else.” He started picking at the craft supplies on the table, while avoiding looking her in the eyes. “No I think it’s a great idea,” Anna said. “But you might not, when you see my room,” she added in her mind. “Okay,” Will said and stood up. “I guess we will start with my room then.”
“Okay”. Anna stood up too and waited for him to show the way. He seemed to hesitate for a moment but then he shook it off and led her down the hall to the door that led into his bedroom. He seemed nervous as she entered and he hung back by the door. He had been right, his room was really personal. The walls were full of what Anna assumed were his own drawings, pictures of his family and pictures of other teens Anna assumed were his friends, but whom she didn’t recognize from school. The desk was littered with pencils and colored pens and paper of various sorts and the bookshelf was overflowing with books, cd’s, old vinyl records and even more pictures. The walls were partly filled by artsy posters, some from the Hunger Games universe and some she didn’t recognize. The color that could be seen behind the posters and the pictures was a deep skye blue. Anna took a slow tour of the entire room, every once in while glancing back at Will when she was about to look closer at something, as if seeking his permission. He seemed really tense about it, but he let her look at everything she wanted. When she was done she felt like she knew Will a little better. Some of the things in his book and music collection she knew of, like Green Day, Harry Potter, Charles Dickens, The Beatles and Ryan Adams. Others she had never heard of before, like Erich Maria Remarque, Langhorne Slim and The Dead Weather. She made a mental note to check out a few of the things when she got back home. She turned to Will and gave a small nod to indicate that she was done. “All ready to do my portrait now?” Will asked.
“I think so,” Anna replied, “at least one good enough to fool Mr. Franson.”
“Let’s get started then” Will said and led the way back to the living room. “But what are you going to do? Don’t you need to see my room too?” Anna asked. She was afraid showing him her room wouldn’t be much help, but she felt like she had to return the favor.
“I’ll just doodle today and then we can figure out a day to meet at your place,” Will said.
Anna felt bad for getting a head start, but to be honest she could probably use it, and from looking at Will’s work on his walls he was talented enough to turn something out that would satisfy Mr. Franson in no time.
Will settled down with his sketchbook and Anna started picking round in the pieces of paper available to her. She started collecting things she thought would fit, but she had to admit she didn’t really have a vision for the thing yet. Will observed her quietly, looking up from the sketchbook every now and again, but he made no comment on her progress. Or lack thereof. Anna was grateful for the silence. She felt like this was kind of her process when it came to art. Starting off in kind of a clueless way and just doing seemingly random things until she hit on something she could use. Soon they heard the pitter-patter of small feet and the two kids came into the room, clearly just awoken from their nap. They headed straight for Will and cuddled up in his lap as he sat on the floor, putting away his sketchbook to accommodate them.
“I don’t think I introduced you guys properly yesterday,” he said. “This is Emily and Eric, my younger siblings, and this is my friend Anna”. The kids gave Anna a sleepy-eyed look in return for her little wave. “I’m sorry, but I have to make dinner for these two,” Will said, “but you can just keep working”.
“Oh no, that’s okay” Anna said, “I have to be getting home anyway. Is it okay if I take this home with me?” Anna asked holding up the pretty barren collage. “Sure,” Will said, “but are you sure you don’t want to stay until my dad gets home and then I can drive you. It’s a pretty long walk”.
“No, it’s okay, I can manage. I probably need the fresh air anyway.” Anna replied rolling up the collage and carefully sticking it in her bag.
All the way home Anna thought some more about her situation. She felt like if she continued to behave in order to please others, she would never figure out who she really was, but at the same time she wasn’t sure if she was brave enough to stand up to all the stuff at school and not care if she became an outcast.
When she reached home she was still unresolved as to what to do and all that thinking about it was starting to give her a headache. When she opened the front door, she immediately heard her parents’ loud voices and sighed. They were at it again. Anna’s parents were soulmates, but somehow they just could not seem to get through a week without fighting. It sounded like it was the same old fight; her mom feeling like her dad didn’t do enough for the family, her dad shouting that all he ever did was for the family. Anna knew that her parents had met when they were quite young, and had gotten together, perhaps before they were ready to start such a serious relationship. But being soulmates of course they had to get together. Anna’s dad had had plans to travel the world before settling down, but he put that to the side when he met Anna’s mom who’s biggest dream was to settle down and begin to live the perfect life as soon as possible. Now, it seemed, he was beginning to regret not going and Anna’s mom was holding it against him. She couldn’t let go of the fact that he wasn’t happy with the perfect suburban life she had created for them. Anna was headed upstairs to her room as the shouting continued. Suddenly she heard her father’s exasperated voice shouting “Maybe we should just split up then?” There was a stunned silence in the kitchen, and even Anna had stopped dead on the stairs. She strained her ears to listen to the answer that came in her mother’s stunned voice. “But we’re soulmates”. That was always the closing argument from her mother, as there was clearly nothing to say against this. Anna listened intently for more, but she only heard her father’s footsteps and the slam of the kitchen door behind him. She retreated to her room, before her mom would find her lurking on the stairs.
That was yet another thing that was wrong with the soulmate system, Anna realized. Her parents had met when they were too young and had gotten together solely because “they were meant to be”, but now they seemed lost, like they didn’t even really know each other, because neither of them had had time to get to know themselves. Anna realized that she didn’t want to end up like them, stuck in a relationship with someone she maybe didn’t really care about, not having had time to live out her dreams. She didn’t even know what her dreams were exactly. But it was time to figure it out. When she reached her room she dumped the contents of her bag on the floor, getting out the collage she had started making for Will’s portrait. She cleared the poster paper of the few things she had stuck on there and started thinking about who she was and who she would like to be. She looked around her room. Will would definitely be disappointed, it was so generic. Any teen girl in the country could have been living here, there was nothing that hinted at it being specifically Anna’s room. The walls were a light yellow and all the furniture was white. There were a few carefully selected (by her mom) knick knacks on display on her shelves along with her school books, and even fewer picture frames. Even these were carefully curated by her mom, so they were mostly family snaps. Anna had only managed to sneak in a couple of her and Elsie. Any sort of mess (or potential for mess) was tucked away in closets, drawers and baskets to keep the room uncluttered. Now that Anna was taking such a close look at her room, she realized she didn’t really like it. Yellow was not her favorite color, but her mother had insisted that it would be bright, but not too bright. What did that even mean? All the furniture were very frilly and girly and while Anna might not know exactly what she wanted, she realized it wasn’t that. She looked back at the blank paper and thought she should start with the basics. “Favorite color” she mumbled to herself. She had a think and letting her gaze flit around the room it landed suddenly on the tree outside. “Green,” she decided. She had only brought a few supplies from Will’s house and nothing green. She got up and went to her closet. This was her stash for all things deemed unworthy of display. And that was a lot. In her closet she not only had her clothes, but also old favorite toys, scrapbooks, mementoes from her childhood and all sorts of old stuff that she had kept hidden from her mother, simply in order to feel like she had some sort of control of what was in her room, even if it was tucked away out of sight. Anna had gone to the closet in an attempt to try and find some basic art supplies she thought she might have put there when she realized she was not going to be the next Picasso at the very beginning of the school year. Before she found the art supplies, she came upon some old roller blades of hers from when she was a kid. She used to love roller blading, but when she became older her mom had lightly pushed her to give it up because it was too rowdy and dirty for a young lady. Anna put the roller blades on the floor next to the empty poster paper. She didn’t know where this was going, but she remembered how good she had felt flying down the sidewalk, leaving the pedestrians behind. She wanted some of that feeling back. She continued digging around in the closet and came up with not only the art supplies, but a number of items from her childhood that inspired the same sort of feeling as the roller blades. It seemed like Anna had known who she was going to be when she was younger, but that certainty had faded with the years. Come to think of it, she was almost sure, she had begun to loose it all when the tattoo finally appeared, and her mother began preparing her for life with her soulmate, which apparently entailed being a young lady with no interests other than being a wife.
With her limited art supplies Anna started working on her collage and on herself.
Favorite color - green
Favorite animal - wombat
Favorite music - right now, Ryan Adams, but she was definitely going to broaden her horizon by listening to a lot more
Favorite book - again she would broaden her horizons on this one, but for right now - The Golden Compass by Philip Pullman
Favorite movie - she thought that might be the Harry Potter movies, but she was open to suggestions.
Favorite food - mashed potatoes and a side of asparagus.
Favorite drink - hot chocolate or lemon soda for cold drinks
Going a bit deeper she started to think about which relationships were important to her. She thought about all the people in her life and who’s opinion would matter more to her. Elsie was top of the list, then her parents and then surprisingly Will and Andy. She found that these two rather new people in her life mattered to her in a way that Jeff and Matt and their cronies didn’t, even though she had known them longer. Of course she hardly knew Andy or even Will, despite the room tour that afternoon, but there was just something there that sparked an interest.
When she had gotten that far, there was a knock at the door and her mom showed up in the doorway. She seemed to baulk at the mess Anna had created on the floor, but uncharacteristically she did not comment. In stead she said “Your father and I are going out for dinner. I’ve left you some money for pizza on the kitchen counter. Try to make sure you get some vegetables on it. You have all our emergency numbers?” Anna only nodded. This was very weird. They hardly ever had pizza, and spontaneous dinner dates were unheard of. Anna’s mom was a planner to the highest degree. She had already started planning Anna’s graduation party which was over a year away. Her mom left the room again and soon after Anna heard the car leaving. She descended to the kitchen and true enough there was money on the counter. Anna immediately called Elsie and asked her to come over. When Elsie heard that Anna’s mom had left pizza money and left Anna alone as she went on a spur-of-the-moment date with her husband, she said she would be straight over. This was unheard of and needed gossiping about.
So Elsie came over and they ordered pizza and spent a good long while talking about what could have brought this on.
“They were fighting again today,” Anna said.
“‘bout what?” Elsie asked with her mouth full
“The usual,” Anna answered. Elsie knew of the many fights of Anna’s parents. Once or twice she had even overheard a few snippets, when Mrs. Fitswilliam didn’t know she was there. Mrs. Fitzwilliam would never fight in front of others, let alone in front of kids.
There was a slight pause as Elsie finished chewing her mouthful of pizza.
“What do you think about the soulmate system?” Elsie asked hesitantly. Anna, glancing over at the unfinished collage turned against the wall in the corner of her room, decided now was the time to be brave, and said “I think it sucks!”. She held her breath for a heartbeat while she waited for Elsie’s response.
“Me too!” she said
“Really?” Anna asked surprised. The two of them had never really discussed their feelings about the soulmate system, and Anna had always assumed she was one of the few who had any misgivings about it.
“Yeah,” Elsie answered, “it’s unfair that it can take over people’s lives like that. I mean, look at some of the kids at school, they are completely obsessed with it, and it’s ruining their lives. Or at least some of their lives. I think there a very few who don’t get shafted by the soulmate system in some way or other.”
“Me too,” was all Anna could say. She deliberated telling Elsie of her problem with her own soulmate. She felt like they were closer to the topic now than ever before, but Anna was still not quite sure how Elsie would react. Once again she looked to the collage for courage and decided to come clean.
“Elsie?”
“Yeah?” Elsie said, refraining from picking mushrooms off the pizza and looking at Anna instead. Anna wasn’t sure how to begin, so she just started blurting it all out.
“You know I have a soulmate tattoo right? I mean everyone does, duh, but I mean…I don’t know. You know how I’ve been dating guys, but not really feeling it?” Anna asked
“Yeah,” Elsie said again, but her interest seemed peeked.
“Well, I just don’t think I will ever really feel it. Even with my soulmate. I’m just not interested,” Anna stated. “I mean a relationship might be nice but the thought of sex actually turns me off. I just find it…gross…Do you think there is something wrong with me?” Anna looked to Elsie hoping for a sympathetic answer and not a brush off of the “One you find your soulmate it will be different-kind”.
“No,” Elsie said very seriously, “I don’t think there is anything wrong with you.” Anna was slightly stunned. She had hoped Elsie would say something like this, but she found that now it was said she hadn’t really expected it. She was relieved, but she also didn’t really know how to move on from there.
Elsie, meanwhile seemed to gather her courage and she said: “Anna, I have something to tell you too. You know that I also have a tattoo.” She began to unwind the bracelets covering her wrist. Anna looked on, perplexed, Elsie was normally so careful to hide her tattoo. “The thing is, the name on my arm…it’s a girl’s name,” Elsie finished unwrapping her wrist and showed it to Anna. It was indeed a girl’s name. “I’ve been hiding it because I saw how they treated Will when they found out about his tattoo. I mean I was hiding it before too, but I have been extra careful and tense about it since then.”
“I won’t tell anyone,” Anna blurted. She wanted to be supportive, but that was all she could think of saying.
Elsie laughed. “I know you won’t, but I felt bad hiding it from you. And besides, I think I can help you with your problem.”
“You can?” Anna asked doubtingly.
“Well sort of. This can become quite awkward, but I know for a fact that the sex education in school was sorely lacking and I assume your parents haven’t really talked to you about it?”
Anna cringed as she remembered the awkward class in school preaching abstinence until marriage and the even more awkward conversation her mother had insisted on having with her about saving herself for her soulmate and preferably not even kissing other boys.
Elsie continued: “I’ve known I was gay…well since the tattoo showed up pretty much, but I only really became reconciled with it when I found this great community of other gay people on this website called Tumblr. There is a whole bunch of cool people on there, and they really helped me out. Some of the people are gay, but some are bisexual or asexual.”
Anna knew of homosexuality and bisexuality, but she had never heard of the last one.
“What do you mean asexual?” Anna asked, slightly confused
“It’s basically people who never “feel it”, like people who are just not interested in the sexual aspect of a relationship. There are different degrees of it, like some people might like the romance and kissing and stuff and some don’t like that either. So if you don’t feel interested in the sex stuff even at the thought of your soulmate that might be it. It doesn’t mean something is wrong with you.There are a ton of people like that out there.”
Anna was amazed. All her life she had though that something was wrong with her. She had practically forced herself to be interested in boys and relationships and the sexy images abounding in advertising all around her. She had thought that maybe she was just immature and those feelings would come at some point, and she wouldn’t have to be embarrassed by the heavily edited sex scenes in TV shows that everyone at school gushed about. She had kissed boys and let them feel her up, even when she was supremely uninterested, because she thought she could force the feelings she thought she was supposed to be feeling. But if other people really felt the same, then maybe she wasn’t broken and she didn’t need fixing.
Elsie was looking carefully at Anna during this revelation. She was afraid that she had revealed too much too soon, and started wrapping her bracelets around her wrist again. Anna would probably need some time to digest all this. And when she had, she would come back around to the fact that Elsie was gay. Elsie knew Anna had been vaguely supportive, but that might just be the shock of the moment speaking. She might feel differently when she had had time to think about it.
Anna interrupted this reverie with the words “Show me!” She impatiently got up to get her computer and bring it to Elsie on the bed. “Show me the website.” Elsie slowly cracked a smile. This might be alright after all. Just as she had pulled up the starting page for Tumblr, they heard the door slam and Anna’s parents walk in. They were talking to each other in hushed, angry voices and Anna and Elsie looked warily at each other. They heard someone coming up the stairs and Anna had just closed the screen on her computer when her mother walked in the room. “Anna, we…oh, Elsie! I wasn’t expecting you,” she exclaimed when she saw the two girls in Anna’s room. “Anna told me she was home alone and my mom said I should come over and keep her company,” Elsie explained with a bright smile. She knew she wasn’t Mrs. Fitzwilliams’ favorite person, but she also knew Mrs. Fitzwilliam would never question the choices of another parent. In front of their kid, that is. She thought that all parents needed to present a united front to all kids, so she kept her criticisms private. Sort of. “But it’s getting late and I should be getting home now,” Elsie continued, as she got off the bed and started gathering her things. Anna quickly jumped up and said “I’ll walk you to the door”. The two girls walked downstairs and Anna gave Elsie a tight, quick hug and whispered a “Thank you” in her ear, before letting her go.
When she was closing the door her mom came down the stairs. “Did you want to talk to me?” Anna asked her, as she had never finished the sentence that was interrupted by Elsie’s unexpected presence. Her mom seemed to waiver a little but then said “No, I just wanted to let you know we were home again.” “Did you have fun?” Anna asked. A pained expression showed on her mom’s face and Anna wondered what that meant. “Yes, we did, thank you for asking, but you need to get to bed. It’s getting late,” Mrs. Fitzwilliam answered in a distracted manner.
Anna complied and giving her mom a goodnight kiss as they passed headed back up to her room. She got ready for bed, but when her mom had done the obligatory walk-by to check that she was in fact sleeping, Anna quickly got her computer out and pulled up the website Elsie had shown her. Once she had made a profile (with the already embarrassing username of Wombat Wallflower) she looked at the start screen at a loss for what to do. Timidly she typed in “asexual” in the search bar, afraid that it would come up empty, despite Elsie’s promise that there were tons of people like that out there. The search did not come up empty, but returned a multitude of blogs and posts all about asexuality and the people who identified as such. Anna was intrigued and eagerly started clicking around. It seemed to be like Elsie had said, but she need to see it for herself in order to really believe it. The website held plenty of evidence of people just like her existing out there in the real world and Anna spent hours just clicking and reading. Finally she could not keep her eyes open anymore and she decided to get some sleep. Just as she lay her head down on her pillow she realized something and quickly sat up reaching for her phone and typing out a text to Elsie.
Anna: Wait!! Is this why you always hang out with the girls volley ball team??!!1?
Getting that off her mind she settled in for sleep. For once, thoughts about her wrongness weren’t churning around in her head, as she tried to fall asleep. The many wonderful people of Tumblr had calmed her fears.
