you said in the memrise review not to use the word "당신" for "you". why? what are you supposed to use instead?
Great question. This is really really important so listen up, y’all.
To understand why you shouldn’t use this word, you need to understand why it exists in the first place. There 3 main reasons why the word 당신 is used in Korean, and a 4th reason that’s not used very much at all.
Basically, you should only use 당신 if:
1. You’re talking to your husband/wife. -당신 is a very blunt way of saying “you”. The only way you can use it in polite conversation without offending anyone is with someone you are extremely close/intimate with. Married-for-a-million-years close, and even then only if they say it’s okay. You cannot use 당신 with your boyfriend/girlfriend. You cannot use it with your best friend. You can’t use it with your parents. You can’t use it with your co-workers. You cannot use it with your dog. They will get offended. In addition, generally only older/middle aged couples will use 당신 with each other. It isn’t a word younger couples tend to use.
2. The listener/audience is not a specific person.-It’s okay to use 당신 in songs and advertisements. That’s because they are impersonal broadcasts or communications to a non-specific audience. Here’s a screencap from an advertisement using 당신:
This is fine, because the creators have no way of knowing that you personally are going to see their advertisement. The vocalist has no way of knowing that you personally are going to hear their song. Additionally, neither the advertisers or the singers of our hypothetical song are standing in front of you using the word 당신. They are physically somewhere else. And when they created the advertisement/lyrics? You physically were somewhere else. So using 당신 in the absence of an actual person/audience is fine. It’s not directed at someone specifically, so it’s not rude.
3. You want to start a fight.-This is pretty self explanatory. Using 당신 with someone else who isn’t your husband/wife (see #1) is belittling and extremely rude. If you use 당신 with someone, they are going to get upset and yell at you. If you use 당신 with someone you’re already actively fighting with, they’re probably going to hit you. Pay attention the next time you’re watching a Korean drama and the leads start arguing–chances are you’ll hear a 당신 or two being thrown around.
These are the three most common reasons for the uses of 당신. The fourth reason is when using 당신 as a 3rd person reflexive pronoun, but it is used so very infrequently this way in Korean that it’s not really even worth remembering at all.
As for what you can use instead: it depends on what the situation is/who you’re speaking with.
Most Korean learners are familiar with the word ‘너’. This is another informal way of saying “you”. You can use this with close friends/your kids/someone you speak to regularly with in 반말, etc.
In other situations it’s better to use someone’s name, title, or job title instead of directly addressing them as “you” combined with ‘-은/는요’ if you HAVE to imply ‘you’ for whatever reason. For example:
레오: 매일 커피를 마셔요?켄: 아니요, 커피를 보통 안 마셔요. 레오 씨는요?
Leo: Do you drink coffee everyday?Ken: No, I don’t usually drink it. What about [you]?
선생님: 요즘 바빠요?학생: 네, 매일 8시간동안 공부해요. 선생님은요?
Teacher: Are you busy lately?Student: Yes, I study for 8 hours everyday. And [you]?
You can also use -는 with 너 if you wanted (”너는?”) and again, that’s pretty informal.
If you don’t know someone’s name or title and absolutely have to say “you” when addressing a stranger then you can use something like 그쪽, but this more formal and implies the person is above you in social status. You might be able to get away with it if this stranger isn’t someone you ever expect to meet again and this will be the only time you talk to them. But if it’s someone you think you’ll end up interacting with regularly, you might as well just ask them their name and use that instead.
In general, spoken Korean tends to drop pronouns anyway. If you’re speaking naturally you wouldn’t really be using ‘you’ or other pronouns very often.
But please, whatever you do, just don’t use 당신!
