Don't Hold Me
Summary: After Sweet Pea is cheated on, he doesn't believe he can be loved again. You try to convince him otherwise.
Word count: 1,787
Warnings: cheating, self-doubt
A/N: this is based off Don't Hold Me: by Dean Lewis (one of my fav songs) sorry if this is bad I just wanted to get something out because I haven't posted in a while
Posted: April 14, 2020 5:56 A.M. EDT
Have you ever wished you could rewind
Pick up all the pieces of the life you left behind
Have you ever lived on borrowing time
Knowing your mistakes are chasing you down from behind
When he first found out, Sweet Pea didn't want to believe she could do it. He didn't believe the girl he'd said he'd loved and returned the words could hurt him so deeply and painfully. He'd rounded the corner of the street on his way to the Whyte Wyrm and down the alley he saw her pressed against a wall with her lips kissing someone else's the way they kissed his own. The breath was taken from his lungs at the sight as he tried to tell himself it was a trick of the shadows all the way back to his trailer. He replayed the scene over and over in his head as he finally realized that exact moment was the end of his relationship with who he thought was the love of his life.
He looked back into the relationship and looked for mistakes he made, holes in the fabric that were unnoticed. He tried to see when these mistakes caught up to him and led to her going to someone else that night. He wanted to go back, rewind and fix what he was certain had to have been broken to cause this. He wanted to gather up the pieces that'd been chipped off and somehow put them back together to fix what was beyond repair.
When she got home that night, Sweet Pea couldn't even bring himself to look her in the eye; to touch her that night or pay attention to the kiss she pressed to his cheek. He couldn't stop himself from thinking about how her lips had been on someone else's less than an hour before and she could go on and lie with him like she wasn't destroying him.
He tried to keep the relationship going on its last leg, unable to bring himself to call it off with her because despite it all he loved her; he loved her even when her love was a lie. He wanted so badly to repair them, but eventually he realized he was living on borrowed time with her. One day he told her he saw them that night. The break up was messy and painful with screaming and regrets ending with her picking up and walking out the door. After that, Sweet Pea wasn't Sweet Pea much. He didn't have a shine in his eyes as he'd used to, a smile rarely making its way on to his face. His heart felt broken and lost, to pained to pick itself back up again and repair the damage she'd done.
And then one Summer, you came into town. You were bright and sweet and kind and everything Sweet Pea was missing. You joined the Serpents and he saw you everyday, your contagious smile from across the room or the sound of your laughter at someone telling a joke. He noticed you and something in him seemed to pull towards you but he was still to hurt to try to talk to you.
You saw him, too. When you were welcomed into Riverdale, you saw the serpent with a distant look in his eyes and who looked away every time you caught his gaze. You tried to learn more about him from Fangs and Toni, but they wouldn't tell you what had caused his distancing and coldness towards everyone else. They told you it wasn't their story to tell, this only making you want to know him more.
"Hi, Sweet Pea, right?" You greeted after the urge to know more about the mysterious serpent grew stronger.
"You are?" He asked with an indifference in his voice, his gaze harsh as he looked down at you.
"Y/n. I thought you'd like to talk." You explain.
"And why's that?" He asks.
"Because I've noticed your not-so-discreet staring."
He gives you a look you can't quite figure out as if he's judging the options in front of him before his stance seems to relax.
"So, what do you want to talk about?"
Over the course of that summer you grew closer and closer to Sweet Pea, your light seeming to fill some of the cracks in his heart. The two of you spent much of your free time together, the closest he'd been to anyone since her. He felt not just happier with you, but lighter as if a weight he'd been carrying around had been lifted off of him. He still couldn't bring himself to admit to the butterflies that flew through his stomach when he saw you, fearing if he did he'd make mistakes again and something would go wrong as it always seemed to.
"Hey Sweets?" You say. The two of you sit at the Quarry where the sun that is split by the branches dots your skin and the gentle water below.
"Yeah?" He wasn't quite paying attention, more of his focus on trying to skip rocks as they sink time after time.
"Have you ever thought of us being more than friends?"
He goes quiet and the rocks stop gliding across the surface of the Quarry, the only noise being that of moving leaves. You turn to look at him and find him seemingly lost in his own world, his eyes looking somewhere further than you could travel.
"Pea?" You ask, reaching out and placing your hand on his arm. He jumps up to his feet, something raw in his eyes as he seemed to remember where he was.
"I-I can't. Sorry."
Before you could say anything else he walked, almost ran away from you and your question. You didn't understand what had caused this bizarre reaction, trying to figure out which signs you read wrong and where. You thought he'd felt the same about you, the way he went out of his way to be near you or make plans with you.
"I just don't get it Toni," You sigh, sitting at the mostly empty bar with your pink-haired friend, "It just seems like everything was lined up but then he just left. He said he can't. What does that mean?"
"That sounds like something you should ask him." She says, raising her brow, "There's something holding him back from being in a relationship with anyone. He was hurt."
"This major event that you all keep talking about but won't tell me? You want me to ask him about that after I already screwed up?" You ask.
"Y/n, he'll tell you if he wants you to know." Toni explains. "You should go talk to him if you're really that set on knowing."
"I love you, but you're really frustrating sometimes." You sigh before walking out of the bar and heading towards Sunnyside Trailer park.
I know it's hard to replace
But the feelings that you had for me, will one day be erased
And you will learn to move on
Like footprints in the snow
Are lost when the winter's gone
"Pea?" You call out as you open the door to his trailer. You find him sitting on his couch with his head in his hands. He looked up and you could see tear tracks staining his cheeks, his eyes red and rubbed raw.
You sit down next to him and cautiously put your hand on his arm again, his body stiffening.
"You'll move on." He whispers. "You'll forget about ever having feelings for me at all. It'll be like a momentary emotion that fades. It always fades."
"What happened?" You ask softly, wanting to know what caused this much pain that still lasted a year later, that made him believe people couldn't love him. After a few more moments of silence he finally revealed to you the story of the girl he'd loved and lost to someone else. He told you how it shattered his view of the world and how he realized no matter what he made mistakes that would kill any relationship he'd be in.
"You are not unlovable, Sweets." You say, taking his hand in yours. "That wasn't your fault. She made the mistake of giving up the most amazing man anyone could have."
Oh you must let go of me
'Cause if you keep me you will lose it all
So darling don't please, please
Don't hold me 'cause I am falling back down
And I wouldn't wanna see you hit the ground
Well little darling you found my heart in the lost and found
But the scars they still follow me around
"You don't want to love me. Don't love me. If you do I'll just bring you down with me, and I don't want to see you fall. I'm broken and scarred. You're amazing and full of life and just everything I'm not." He says.
He speaks so harsh of himself you look to his face to find an expression that says he's joking but you find one of seriousness and self loathing. He truly believed he couldn't be loved because of this one girl who cheated on him.
"Listen to me," You say sternly, your hand coming up to hold his cheek and make him look at you. "I love you. I love every piece of you, even if some of those pieces might be broken or damaged. I know what she did was horrible and in no way did you deserve that, but none of it was your fault. She made those decisions and none of them were based off of what you did in your relationship."
"But I-"
"No buts. You are not unlovable and you are not just a person who only makes mistakes. You made me love you, Sweet Pea. I love all of this amazingly wonderful person in front of me."
It's quiet again, the two of you looking at each other and you trying to read his thoughts through his eyes. There's a million thoughts racing through his mind as he tries to believe what you said. Maybe it wasn't him, maybe he could be in a relationship with you.
Sweet Peas hand comes up and rests on top of yours on his cheek, his thumb running over the top of your hand. He moves to cup your cheek before pulling you closer and pressing a soft kiss to your lips that spread warmth through his chest and further strengthened his belief in your words. The two of you pull away, wrapped up in each other and lost in the still lasting feeling of the kiss.
"You can love me." He whispers.
"Oh yeah?" You reply, a smile dancing on your face.
"Yeah."
