XMARKSTHESCOTT·.
IT’S A FANTASY, this idea of paradise and hard fought dreams coming true. he’s not naive enough to think that in one fell swoop, all their dreams will come true. she’s holding back, regret maybe, doubt. and he’s holding in just the same, a shame for all the things he cannot share with her. his fears, his unease –he’ll tell her one day soon, that he’s sure of. he’s too pragmatic for fantasy, lost too much to believe in the unbelievable, but with her right here and now, he’s sure he could fool himself into believing.
there’s a moment she hesitates against him, leaving him to wonder if perhaps he’d been too forward (and when has that ever been an issue for him? a first, surely). but soon enough, she melts against him and he’s taken back to utopia –sunset beaches and promises made of a life together. it’s possible now, it’s within reach if he just takes it. he can finally take it.
back then, it had been her who eased his worries, staying up late with him as he overcame his nightmares. when his demons crept up in his mind to haunt him, it was her fingers that combed through his hair gently, whispering sweet snippets of affection to lay ease to his heart. doubt has consumed him for what seems like his whole life, and now, he’ll be there for her as she’s always been for him.
❛ self doubt is my thing, ms. frost. don’t tell me you picked up on that habit while i was gone. ❜ a light crack to ease the tension although a smile doesn’t quite reach his face. his finger smooths against the back of her hand, affectionate eyes peering over at her. if she could hear his thoughts right now, would she feel ease? if she knew the depths of his compassion for her and how far she’s come? ❛ i made a few mistakes when i was alive. but if i remember, i had you in my corner. and now, you have me in yours –i never left, emma. even when i was gone. ❜
he pauses, taking a moment to press a kiss to her hand. ❛ let me in. let me help and we’ll figure it out together like we always have. when it comes to going up against the odds, i don’t think there’s a better team than us. ❜
for the briefest moment, she fights off the MAD IMPULSE to laugh -- but it’s true enough, she supposes. self doubt is his thing ; self hatred hers. there’s a sweet sense of familiar teasing in the way he phrases his objection, but WHERE IT COUNTS, IT MISSES : doubt is the wrong word. there is no uncertainty in the CONDEMNATIONS she levies against herself. he has always been questions and false starts, faltering at the finish line, am i doing the right thing, DID I DO THE RIGHT THING, EMMA -- not that he ever needed worry, with that TRUE NORTH COMPASS in his chest, that unwavering sense of right. he made her job easy that way. he only ever needed reminding of what he ALREADY KNEW, but could not hold to with certainty until he heard it in her voice.
it could be that SHE COULD STAND TO LEARN from him that way. she is always so sure. ( sure that she had more to offer to her HELLIONS than xavier, sure that she would keep them safe. sure that she could keep a handle on ADRIENNE when she came calling. sure that lasting peace would find her in GENOSHA. sure that FORTY-TWO CHILDREN stripped of their gifts would be safer far from their walls. sure that she could hold PHOENIX FIRE between her hands and burn nothing she loved. sure that he would want this, made MARTYR in his death. sure that she ought to WREAK HER LOVING VENGEANCE upon the inhuman crown. sure that MOTHERVINE would be worth it. sure that HELLFIRE would be worth it. ) she is always so sure, always so wrong, always ALL TOO LATE.
GOD, but it doesn’t seem to matter when his thumb rubs gentle circles over the back of her hand. she looks up at him, and hopes her eyes find his. the thin strip of RADIANT RED that crosses his face has always recalled to her a SUN breaking over a horizon, a dawn, fresh and beautiful as cool air wet with dew. it’s easy, when his LIPS PRESS to her slight knuckles, to believe that there is always another day coming, all brimming with life and potential, where without him she might be SWALLOWED in the wreckage of the last night.
she plans to say something that WILL NOT BREAK HIS HEART, but the lie of it catches in her throat. “ you did leave. ” oh, there she goes. “ i’m sorry, scott -- i know you’re TRYING to say something SWEET -- and i’m not saying this so you’ll feel guilty, or to make you apologize for dying, but i can’t pretend you were ALWAYS HERE IN MY HEART or some other such ridiculous hallmark card platitude. you were gone. things would have been -- I WOULD HAVE BEEN very different had you not been absolutely, indisputably, and inconsolably gone. ”













