I want a video game with realistic dick and balls physics not for any prurient reason, but... okay, so you know how in some games with boob physics, there's a palpable delay after a character model is instantiated before physics start to apply to the boobs, so it's like *pop* ... *FWOMP*? I want to see the cock version of that. Penis-having character spawns in, there's a beat, then the physics engine tries to play catch-up and applies a full second of gravitational acceleration to their junk all at once and they just randomly start helicoptering.
#wasnt that conan game basically this #idk i never played it (via @piedbirb)
Nah, Conan: Exiles saves on development costs there by applying the same physics simulation it uses for clothing to penises. It's basically treating the cock and balls as a bit of cloth hanging off your character's groin, which produces a totally different (albeit no less entertaining) set of failure modes.
(For those saying this is making them picture a character's penis flapping in the breeze like a flag on a pole or laundry on a line, that was actually, literally happening at launch. I'm not sure if they ever fixed it.)
Once, playing Conan Exiles with friends, we watched in wonder and horror as one guy's dong went zooming across the map. While still attached. The rest of the model remained in place at spawn while his camera followed the tip of an impossibly long weiner, racing across the desert.
As I understand it, there was a specific recurring bug where the tip of a character's penis (and only the tip) could become locked to world origin (i.e, coordinates 0,0,0) without affecting the rest of the model, and it took them a surprisingly long time to figure out why that was happening.
