isn't she lovely?

25🌲 she/they🌲 queer as hell 🌲 INTP 🌲 aquarius

[fucking-why]

I probably didn’t mean to send you that post, I just hate tumblr mobile.

[kosmogrl]

[pregnanthudsonwilliams]

ilya sending shane $40 for plan b on venmo after they fuck raw

[ellisonwongparty]

like in the spy au of course ilya is the sexpot who is really good at seducing his targets and shane is the silent and lethal killer who like murders SO many people with like clinical precision. but shane's way too awkward to do any of the social aspects of spy stuff like you know. subterfuge. seduction. disguise.

and for ilya up until this point shane just seemed like this scary but also boring monotone asshole who has no emotions or weaknesses - like this total like prim and proper killer ice queen. except suddenly sex and seduction stuff comes up and suddenly shane's like blushing and stammering his big brown eyes are all like shiny and clueless and he confesses that like he's maybe had sex with like. two people. and both times it wasn't particularly great. it was like okay. so like he doesn't know why or how doing something that's only just okay gets them government secrets.

and now ilya's all smirking and bravado because now they are on his turf right. and he's like oh. well i can show you. and he like telling shane everything he does to seduce a target while he's getting really close to shane and touching him and stuff.

and let me stress again that ilya has seen shane pop a rando for just being in the wrong place at the wrong time or complete garrote someone's throat with like chicken wire and now this ice cold killer is just like backed against the wall and is all open and vulnerable pliant for him.

but of course right when things are going to get too heated ilya backs off. before you know. they cross a line.

except shane then is like. well. i think you should uh. help me practice. so i can get better at it. for the mission of course.

and ilya's like oh. okay. of course. and they have sex. again. and again. and again "for practice." except of course ilya never lets shane test his "training" out on the field. and the second shane tries to ilya just swoops in and just makes up an excuse like "it's just easier if i do it" or like "you're not ready" etc. etc. and ilya just keeps sleeping with targets just so he wouldn't have to watch shane do it, and it's complciated because ilya doesn't know why the idea of seeing shane sleep with other people makes up him so upset. meanwhile shane is watching ilya sleep with just like person after person and is also getting unreasonably upset, and doesn't know why.

and anyway they keep having sex for "practice" until one day they actually almost die because of some really fucked up mission and they are actually skidding down the road barely escaped by the skin of their teeth and the car ride is COMPLETELY silent the entire ride back until ilya kills the engine. and he turns to shane. and without saying a word they both like leap at each other and are actually tearing each other's clothes off and they have this like crazy "i can't believe we almost died" sex right in the car. and that's the first time they sleep together not under the pretense of "practice."

anyway also somewhere along the way they fall in love and also topple the american government.

[laterkiss]

happy pride to my favourite post on reddit

[groundivy]

scariest part of any sherlock holmes adaptation is not, as per common belief, the final problem, but is in fact the introduction of irene adler and the inevitable butchering of her character

[lonelyzarquon]

HACKS | 2.05 & 5.01

[mushroom-punk]

i love polyamory i love aromanticism i love QPRs i love communal child rearing let’s all get weirder forever

[stargoyle]

"This person has a secret onlyfans!" "This artist does NSFW commissions!" "This author writes porn on the side!" I cannot begin to tell you how swag and awesome that is.

[eixd-deactivated20150710]

The rest of the space is going to be pretty pissed when they see this. 

[thesassycat]

did you google how to take a screen shot

[escapedheart]

@hellsite-hall-of-fame

[rainbow-femme]

They move in together full time and Ilya notices that Anya acts differently with Shane than she does with him, more quiet and less playful, and he worries that means she doesn’t like Shane or is jealous, so he hires a dog trainer to come over and see if there’s anything they need to do to help

After a while of talking about how Anya acts the trainer says there’s nothing to worry about, Anya likes Shane just fine, it’s just that she sees him as the boss and is acting accordingly

And Ilya is like. But. I’m the one who adopted her? And raised her before Shane got here?? And the trainer is just like yeah well she sees you more like an equal. And Ilya is like WAIT she thinks Shane is in charge of both of us?? And the trainer is just like well do you interact in a way that would make her think that?

Ilya’s life flashes before his eyes as he thinks of all the times Shane has come over with a snack for Ilya and a treat for Anya, or all the times Shane has announced they’re all going for an after dinner walk, or pets Ilya’s hair and tells him he did a good job at practice, or the fact that he uses the same warning tone with Anya when she misbehaves as he does with Ilya when he’s causing problems on purpose

Shane comes home to Ilya with his face in his hands going oh god I’m not Anya’s dad I’m her brother and she thinks we’re both your pets. And Shane just goes. What.

[officialfoxsquadron]

audiences have no idea how to be uncomfortable anymore

[officialfoxsquadron]

watch movies that make you uncomfortable read books that make you uncomfortable go to plays that make you uncomfortable watch tv that makes you uncomfortable look at paintings and sculpture and artwork that makes you uncomfortable. it is spiritually and morally and ethically and artistically really really good for you. think about why you are uncomfortable. what biases do you bring to art? what biases does the art bring to you? how do you reconcile this? how does your worldview grow and expand and change? all this and more will be answered and available to you if you just engage with art that does not coddle you and treats you like an intelligent human being that can sit through discomfort

[zinesbycee]

(nods sagely) (nods basily) (nods rosemarily) (nods saltly) (nods star anisely)

[gaygoatshane]

he couldn't believe he was being asked if he liked girls

[sunnys1de-d0wn]

myshane is an ilya enabler, not an ilya apologist.

[bugslibraryy]

It actually is so important to me that Ilya and Shane have soft time together. Don’t get my wrong I love them being snarky and teasing each other and talking shit (with love) to each other, or fucking nasty with Ilya bullying (with love) Shane during sex but like. I could absolutely read a fic, 1mil words and counting of them just being quiet and soft with each other, speaking just in looks and touches and the knowledge of who your partner is as a person. Soft words and softer pet names and declarations of love and subtle acts that show love. I’m unwell. I need a doctor. Someone call an ambulance and yes it’s for me.

The thing is, yeah they bully the fuck out of each other, tease each other, play with each other, be stupid and snarky and silly. But !!! They are each other babies. Let’s be so real. They love each other so much, they are devotional to each other and there is nothing they wouldn’t do for each other.

Shane’s in bed with a migraine, a tension headache that had spiraled. Shane maybe got them once or twice a month- his physiotherapist tells him it’s because of how he holds his neck and shoulders so tight, how he grinds his teeth in his sleep. The pain of it is horrible, burns up from behind his eyes like barbed wire around his temples, back through his skull and down his aching neck. Everything sucks- light, sound, hard smells. Ilyas seen enough of them now to know the drill. Bedroom dark, aircon blasting, rain sounds because silence rings worse, a cold cloth for the back of his neck and head and an icey freezing cold can of ginger ale to sip at. Most importantly, Ilya sat with him. Shane’s head in his lap, fingers gently tracing his brow. Soft whispers of, “it’s okay baby” “just wait, the medications will set in so good it’s ok. I’ve go you” his voice soft sweet low and warm. “You’re okay here, it’ll settle baby, I’m gonna stay here just let yourself sleep” his voice low and warm and so full of love.

Ilya when he’s having a bad day, and Shane is just with him through it. He makes his breakfast, small picky parts that Ilya could slowly make his way through, whatever he felt like. Shane who holds his hand and asks Ilya to sit with him outside for a while if that okay? Because Shane knows, Shane knows it helps him, the fresh air, some sun. They sit on the couch outside, Ilya eventually curls himself down to lay his head on Shane’s lap, face hidden in his tummy. Shane’s hand on Ilya’s back, nails gently scratching up and down the length of his back.

“You wanna sleep honey?” He breaths, and Ilya nods and Shane says “okay” And Ilya fusses a little, getting comfortable and then asks “can you talk to me?” And Shane nods and he does, tell Ilya soft and low about his call with his dad last night, about what he’s thinking about making them for dinner. When Ilya goes sleepy and heavy, breaths evening out, Shane leans down and kiss kiss kisses all over Ilya’s handsome face.

They are tangled up on the couch together, half asleep, Ilya’s face shoved in Shane’s neck, nuzzling nuzzling at the warm skin. Shane is playing with his curls and smirking, whispers in his ear that’s he’s like a puppy and Ilya huffs, nips at Shane’s throat and growls a little. “My puppy” shane coos and pulls Ilya’s face back to kiss kiss kiss all over it.

[everyday-cutephoto]

[ailithnight]

This is a worm? Or perhaps some sort of slug?

[marlynnofmany]

And it's gonna getcha